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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Right you horrible bunch of cunts
who's up for a trip to the juicer?
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 15:45, 175 replies, latest was 12 years ago)
Bit early yet.

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 15:47, Reply)
lightweight

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 15:47, Reply)
Nah, got homebrew and meat aint I?

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 15:48, Reply)
Have you buit that new BBQ yet?

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 15:49, Reply)
He's too afraid to stick a few bricks on top of each other.
Proper gaylord. The barbecue's probably just an excuse to get all his boyfriends around for a bumming.
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 15:54, Reply)
red hot poker games
and ring of fire playing in the background


Ifyouknowhatimean
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 15:55, Reply)
Nah still at work, I'll go get some bricks after work and then crack open the CAD programs

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 15:54, Reply)
You'll need to hire a JCB for your firepit
otherwise you're some kind of fucking idiot.
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 15:56, Reply)
I'm going to dig it with a teaspoon.
Don't want to take no shortcuts.
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:00, Reply)
Are you going to measure the area out in 30m cables

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:01, Reply)
I still think you ought to ask your landlord if he minds you building one
sometime in the future, have the plans prepared to show him
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 15:57, Reply)
Yeah go on then

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 15:48, Reply)
It's your round

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 15:49, Reply)
Ah.

About that round...
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 15:50, Reply)
NO YOUN ROUND

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 15:51, Reply)
Will there be a ruck?
I'll come if there's going to be a ruck
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 15:50, Reply)
*piles on*

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 15:50, Reply)
*gets involved*

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 15:52, Reply)
CALM DOWN, EH!

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 15:55, Reply)
*looks at curly perm and shell suit*

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 15:58, Reply)
THOUND!

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:01, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1986609

r TH
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:06, Reply)
*dons sovereigns*

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 15:51, Reply)
*dons johnson*

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 15:52, Reply)
*dons henley*

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 15:56, Reply)
*dons cry for me
MARRgentina
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 15:57, Reply)
alright, Nakers?

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 15:58, Reply)
My thoughts exactly

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 15:59, Reply)
Sorry guys
Got distracted by A COMPLETE FUCKING IDIOT and had to go and shout at them
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:14, Reply)
It was a mirror big lad
Just sit down
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:16, Reply)
ah the budgie effect

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:26, Reply)
Where is Bollocks Parrot when you need him?

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:28, Reply)
hopefully roasted
and sitting on Ray Mears dinner plate
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:32, Reply)
If not we will let you start one
as long as it ent in Windy Pigs pub
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 15:51, Reply)
Its all fun and games until someone gets killed

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 15:51, Reply)
Then it's just games

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 15:52, Reply)

games fun
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 15:56, Reply)

gets killed dies in mysterious circumstances
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:11, Reply)
*hastily retracts accusation*

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:12, Reply)
6:58 - minute too late

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 15:51, Reply)
Haha
Nice
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 15:51, Reply)
yeah
you shall have to treat me though......
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 15:51, Reply)
OI GARCON!
Half a shandy for the lady
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 15:51, Reply)
in a ladies glass

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 15:55, Reply)
sod that
After today I think i need a couple of pints of some turbo nutter bastard drink.Not in a ladies glass either!
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 15:57, Reply)
Looking at the size of the glasses in your picture
it would take two bottles to fill one glass
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 15:59, Reply)
unless she is battered size and its all an optical illusion

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:02, Reply)
Pintolele

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:02, Reply)
haha

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:04, Reply)
Remember Father Ted?
When he is trying to explain the difference between things that are close up and things that are far away? That explains why the glasses look so big.....
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:21, Reply)
We never let facts get in the way

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:25, Reply)
Yeah you tell the tiny bird double H
She is probably one of them dwarf lot you see in the zoo
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:27, Reply)
oi
I am 5'10" I will have you know.
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:32, Reply)
You need to send tit gazzes to B-dog to prove this

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:34, Reply)
*nice work agent Double H*
I haven't seen any midget porn for ages
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:36, Reply)
You are most welcome
*doffs hat*
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:37, Reply)
checks inbox

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:44, Reply)
Battered will be there you know he has the hots for you right
I think he's booked a travel lodge and everything
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 15:52, Reply)
well really
If he buys me a pint first I might entertain the idea. never been anywhere near a shorter man though.
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 15:58, Reply)
You might not have noticed

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 15:59, Reply)
Somewhere to rest your glass innit
silver lining and all
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 15:59, Reply)
and....
if his head is about waist height and he can breathe through his ears then we might be onto a winner.......
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:18, Reply)
Breathing through the back of the head would be better, surely?

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:20, Reply)
No
A well timed squeeze of the thighs could suffocate him!
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:22, Reply)
His 6 brothers would be really Grumpy then

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:23, Reply)
Hahahaha
That's not the type of image you want to promote round here

especially when Chompy's around
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:22, Reply)
This gives men throat cancer
FOR SHAME WOMAN
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:28, Reply)
only from infected people
and I am clean....
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:43, Reply)
er you are a girl
and girls a dirty and smelly

Sporters told me this
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:58, Reply)
he is telling you porkies
it is boys who are dirty and smelly which is why I throw rocks at them.
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 17:04, Reply)
I'm in!

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 15:52, Reply)
out

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 15:52, Reply)
shakes it all about

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 15:52, Reply)
ohhhhhh man
I did a well LOL link in Battered TV post last night but no one saw it
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:03, Reply)
^ needy

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:15, Reply)
Shut up and get that ROUND in

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:22, Reply)
Oh, god, yes.

/needs alcohol blog
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:02, Reply)
b3th!

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:03, Reply)
Sportscow!
Get us a drink, will ya?
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:05, Reply)
I'm buying for everyone today!
What'll it be?
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:06, Reply)
I tell you what
I'd probably drink meths at the moment. If Monty hadn't already drunk it all, that is.
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:08, Reply)
I'm doing at least a bottle of red in tonight
Had what can only be described as a FUCKING SHIT day
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:09, Reply)
You have my utmost sympathies.
I am in what can only be described as FUCKING PAIN.
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:11, Reply)
Endometriosis again?
Or kidney woes?
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:11, Reply)
This is carpal.
Either RSI or tendonitis or something. I've proper fucked my wrist / thumb.

You don't appreciate opposable thumbs until you can't use one.

I swear to god, I'm falling apart bit by bit. This time next year I'm going to be a brain in a jar.
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:14, Reply)
Thanks Miss Uumellmahaye

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:16, Reply)
Man with two brains?

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:17, Reply)
Correct

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:18, Reply)
Not seen that in years.

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:18, Reply)
Much like my feet.

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:19, Reply)
Neither have I
It was just the first thing that came to mind involving brains in jars (that isn't my garage)
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:19, Reply)
I watched "the Fool" a few weeks ago
one of th e few Steve Martin films I like
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:27, Reply)
I hate all of them.
He's shit.
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:28, Reply)
^this
With the exception of 'dead men don't wear plaid'.
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:29, Reply)
actually yeah I'll give you that

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:36, Reply)
Er I thinkyou are forgetting
Cheaper by the Dozen...


Sits back and lights pipe
Job done
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:37, Reply)

pipe fart
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:38, Reply)
I cant believe I chuckled at that

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:42, Reply)
Only if you sing dirty sea shanties

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:03, Reply)
There was a young lady called b3th
Her norks were at least double F
At home she did jiggle
Mr b3th did giggle
As she waited for his final breath
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:05, Reply)
hahahahah!
I wish I was only an F.
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:06, Reply)
They may one in your size
metro.co.uk/2013/06/07/poundland-bra-for-1-sells-100000-in-a-single-day-3832072/
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:09, Reply)
7

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:10, Reply)
Why isn't a Bra called a pair?

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:11, Reply)
'cos there's only one?

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:12, Reply)
Like a trouser?

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:15, Reply)
yes

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:15, Reply)
What about a pair of glasses?

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:33, Reply)
I can see, thanks

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:35, Reply)
+ clearly now the rain has gone

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:38, Reply)
worst punchline EVAH

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:23, Reply)
It rhymed, OK?

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:09, Reply)
Her knockers were 66G's
They hung right down to her knees
She could stand with a wrench
Flop them down on a bench
Underneath them was Parmesan cheese
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:17, Reply)
SEXAY!

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:17, Reply)
Ew.

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:17, Reply)
She had to wear parachute bras
And struggled to get into cars
That internet mess
With the titanic ches'
And nips just like stogie cigars
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:21, Reply)
I'm genuinely sorry.

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:21, Reply)
seems unlikely

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:23, Reply)
I didn't say what I was sorry about

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:24, Reply)
Your countries conduct during the war?

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:29, Reply)
How many countries are we talking about here?

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:30, Reply)
Yup sorry guys
we tried our best but the parsimonious buggers kept breeding and we simply ran out of gas.
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:31, Reply)
You can go off people, you know.

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:24, Reply)
I'll make it up to you somehow.
Is there anyone you want bullied?
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:25, Reply)
That Monty Boyce.
He's a right cunt.
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:28, Reply)
INORITE

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:29, Reply)
Leave it with me

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:29, Reply)
Make sure you stab him in eyes. Repeatedly.

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:30, Reply)
I'm on it

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:30, Reply)
^ this is the sort of go-getting action we need more of around here ^

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:31, Reply)
There's no 'no' in 'yes' - that's what I say.

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:32, Reply)
However, there is a 'u' in 'cunt'.

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:33, Reply)
And a 'we' in 'Monty smells of wee'.

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:34, Reply)
And a 'tragic saggy titted wreck' in Weston super Mare.

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:36, Reply)
There's bloody hundreds of them.

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:38, Reply)
Zululolz

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:48, Reply)
And delete his account and kill him.

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:30, Reply)
No problem

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:31, Reply)
Her nips were the size of a plate
Breasts put her back in a state
She bore them with grace
With a strain on her face
But we all though they were great
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:23, Reply)
But all of us thought they were great

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:24, Reply)
Bollocks
I dropped this "t"
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:24, Reply)
much better
I've just sampled the chicken jalfrezi currently bubbling away in the slow cooker, and now my lips have gone numb.

Think I might nip to the off-licence and get in some cans, it could be a burner.
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:25, Reply)
Very wise.

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:27, Reply)
Boll roll in the fridge.

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:30, Reply)
Boll roll I take it thats some Polish invention
* hahahaha mocking typos since 74*
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:35, Reply)
Fucksticks.

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:35, Reply)
I read this in the style of Boney M

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:37, Reply)
Tra laa laa laa la

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:39, Reply)
*looks like a sugar in a plum*

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:40, Reply)
FFS
Had the washing machine repairman back today as he failed to fix it on Monday. It now stops coming up with an error on the display but the dryer isn't heating so it's still sodding broken. *sigh*
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:45, Reply)
did he use his big wrench

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:46, Reply)
*German accent*

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:49, Reply)
Nope
replaced the drier heater first time and the doorlock the second time. Looks like the drier heater he fitted was duff.
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:49, Reply)
That's nothing.
Our house locked us in today. Neither of our keys, nor the spare, could open the door from the inside. Got a locksmith coming out to look at it in a few minutes.
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:49, Reply)
shutin lolz

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:55, Reply)
weak old bones innit
not like us spritely youths
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:57, Reply)
Would you believe I'm already there?
Pity you're still at work really.
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:46, Reply)
Thanks for that 'Michael Stipe'

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:47, Reply)
Oh, you utter cunt.

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:49, Reply)
*cough* had day off *cough*

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:49, Reply)
I hope you choke on a salted mung bean

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:49, Reply)
SHIT
The washer drier program is set using one of those "turn the dial until the bar across the middle points to the program you want" style controls, yeah?

Can you guess what I've just realised I did?
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:54, Reply)
I guess you spent most of your time belming
and talking to your friends Ernie Roberts and Tom
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:57, Reply)
Oh nice

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 17:04, Reply)
I've heard it said that Midlanders are not really considered sentient.
They're really more like barely cogniscent chimps.
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:59, Reply)
Is it
'pointed the wrong end of the bar at the programme you wanted'?

flid.
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:59, Reply)
*nose/point*

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 17:01, Reply)
An eggy guff?

(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 17:05, Reply)
That'll be later
after the curry.
(, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 17:19, Reply)

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