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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Evening
It's only Tuesday. How did that happen - it feels like it should be at least Wednesday.

Wotcha doin'?
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 18:47, 212 replies, latest was 12 years ago)
i know what you mean

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 18:48, Reply)
I know what you mean, WILLIS.

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 18:50, Reply)
like an octopus, hands all over

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 19:02, Reply)
I agree, it should be Thursday by now
I'll decide it's Friday tomorrow, have a liquid lunch and snooze the afternoon away.
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 18:50, Reply)
Well, it isn't Friday tomorrow.
If it was, I'd be having fish for lunch tomorrow, and I'm not. I'll probably have a sandwich.
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 18:52, Reply)
Have a fish sandwich!
That'd cover all the bases :)
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 18:54, Reply)
No no no.
I can't imagine a fish sandwich ever being good.
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 18:56, Reply)
It'd work!
As long as the fish was dead.
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 18:57, Reply)
YM.

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 18:52, Reply)
Seems reasonable.
Just as well it isn't Thursday, otherwise you'd have to share her with Captain Placid.
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 18:53, Reply)
He's just hoping she gets raped and kills herself.

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 18:57, Reply)
Why would I shag YM on a Thursday?
Granny shagging's purely weekend occupation!
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 19:05, Reply)
Luckily for me

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 19:09, Reply)
Nuthin.
Just chillin. Havin a Bud.
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 18:57, Reply)
Hahahahahaha shit beer.

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 18:58, Reply)
Isn't most American beer generally accepted as being bad?
I can't remember the last time I drank beer, tee bee aitch.
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 18:59, Reply)
not really, no
They do some good ones, just that mass market stuff tends to be shit.
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 19:02, Reply)
The last beer I drank regularly was Michelob
and that was nearly twenty years ago.
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 19:04, Reply)
that's one of the shit ones.

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 19:05, Reply)
The ones I like are easy to drink.
Mostly because they're essentially flavoured water.

I am partial to a pint of -/80 though.
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 19:06, Reply)
I can't stand Bud..
It's a horrible beer.
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 19:16, Reply)
Budvar is nice.
American Bud is shit. I haven't drunk it since I was a teenager.
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 19:18, Reply)
American bud tastes soapy.

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 20:22, Reply)
just got home
Cooking dinner soon then watching more Breaking Bad.
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 19:01, Reply)
What are you cooking?

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 19:17, Reply)
tomato and basil pasta

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 19:18, Reply)
What type of pasta?

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 19:21, Reply)
wholemeal penne
I always make my pasta sauces from scratch.
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 19:24, Reply)
What kind of foodwrong doesn't?

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 19:28, Reply)
Gonz. He also adds kitekat, a melted mars bar and some mackerel pâté.

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 20:12, Reply)
Eh
Airborne pussy or kikecat?
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 20:23, Reply)
About to go and get a curry
And it ain't even the weekend. Imagine that!
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 19:18, Reply)
that's totes weirded me the fuck out
Did you listen to that ALFOS mix?
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 19:19, Reply)
Er, I dunno
Did I? Was I supposed to?
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 19:20, Reply)
you were supposed to.

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 19:23, Reply)
ah shit
When's it got to be in by?
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 19:25, Reply)
COB tomorrow.

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 19:25, Reply)
Clive's Original Band?

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 19:27, Reply)
Close of Business
What are you, a workshy public sector internet jockey?
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 19:34, Reply)
No just a fan of psych folk

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 20:13, Reply)
Wow.
A veggie curry.

I'll bet your kids are the most popular in their class.
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 19:20, Reply)
I'm not sure my dinner has much influence on their popularity.
Could be wrong...
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 19:22, Reply)
I don't know what else could influence their popularity.

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 19:23, Reply)
their dad not being a laughing stock?
Poor tuib :'(
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 19:25, Reply)
I thought they were laughing with me :'(

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 19:27, Reply)
Trainers or summat?

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 19:25, Reply)
I bet you save a fortune in heating bills.

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 19:29, Reply)
Feel more like monday to me..
I'm eating Pasta a La Quixote for dinner. and watching Moonraker.
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 19:41, Reply)
Positive days of the week only thread!

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 19:41, Reply)
huh?
/ac
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 19:45, Reply)
What channel is Moonraker on?

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 20:09, Reply)
Freeview channel
007
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 20:20, Reply)
Die.

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 20:21, Reply)
No Mr Battered, I expect YOU to die.

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 20:22, Reply)
Ha ha. You cunt.

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 20:22, Reply)
Good work here.

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 20:26, Reply)
My hard drive.

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 20:22, Reply)
Well that's no good to me is it? IS IT?

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 20:23, Reply)

drive cock
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 20:24, Reply)
Nah, YM's on that

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 20:48, Reply)
Recovering. Slowly.
Last night not only involved about 14 pints and no supper, but also some strange reason raw pheasant eggs in a minicab office and some escargot.
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 20:09, Reply)

+ Polish argo or
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 20:15, Reply)
I've finished working out there now. Keep up.

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 20:17, Reply)
Are there no Polish escorts in London then?

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 20:19, Reply)
Not to my knowledge.

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 20:21, Reply)
Fair enough, you know the scene better than I do.

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 20:22, Reply)
I've made him a birthday booking with Mr Sheen.

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 20:21, Reply)
LTI.

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 20:22, Reply)
Woo!
I've not had an LTI in ages.
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 20:24, Reply)
I find this difficult to believe

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 20:29, Reply)

Raises pint of Cherryblossum Padawax.
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 20:33, Reply)
No, don't Jeff
There's hardly any fucker left on it these days.
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 20:25, Reply)
If it wasn't for your curry this evening, we'd be snookered for conversation.

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 20:25, Reply)
My exciting life has been keeping this place going for ages.

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 20:27, Reply)
Imagine how good it would be if you ate meat!

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 20:41, Reply)
I'm not sure the internet could take that much excitement.

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 20:43, Reply)

You asked for second helpings of lentils. On this very forum.
Is it any wonder your effluvial utterances drove others away?
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 20:30, Reply)
aight niggaz

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 20:37, Reply)

Nine whities

Partridges, pear trees and jumpers for goalposts.
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 20:49, Reply)
Your every post is an indictment of the scotch educational system.

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 21:01, Reply)

Scotch?
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 21:04, Reply)
Yes, he's a porridge wog.

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 21:06, Reply)
so is Phudz

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 21:26, Reply)
He must be very ashamed
of you, I mean, the rest of the country is lovely.
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 22:15, Reply)
NO WHISKEY CHAT

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 21:11, Reply)
Colin Prick is filmed in front of a live TV audience.

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 21:21, Reply)
i don't get this reference

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 21:24, Reply)
AB reckons I am Colin Prick

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 21:24, Reply)
And he'd be right.
Bar the 'Colin' bit of course.
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 21:25, Reply)
who is colin prick?

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 21:48, Reply)
every post of yours is a damning indictment of the dual failure of mental health care on the NHS and the neglected products of the state school system.

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 21:23, Reply)
Ha
I had to scroll up to see who this was in reply to, it could have been any of the posters from here.
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 21:50, Reply)
which is the saddest thing of all, apart from CQ's life.

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 21:58, Reply)
in your own time......

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 22:15, Reply)
One for Battered
www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2339396/Lets-boatshed-Competition-Britains-best-huts-takes-decidedly-nautical-theme.html
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 20:58, Reply)
I just split my hollandaise sauce AND those were my last two duck eggs
fuck sake
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 21:23, Reply)
That must have driven you quackers.

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 21:26, Reply)
Ok, now you can LTI.

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 21:27, Reply)
I hope you run out of beer and weed.

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 21:27, Reply)
:'(

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 21:28, Reply)
haha!

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 21:30, Reply)
Get over it, hippy.

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 21:35, Reply)
lols
a second away to drain the asparagus and boom, sauce ruined
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 21:28, Reply)
Use HP sauce instead.

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 21:29, Reply)
I just bit into a peppercorn
My eyes are watering
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 21:30, Reply)
haha!

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 21:30, Reply)
At least I don't shove them down my bell end and force the hamster to suck them back out

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 21:33, Reply)
1 - 0 Swipe.

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 21:34, Reply)
she just tinkled on me :'(

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 21:34, Reply)
your diets are getting more and more ridiculous

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 21:40, Reply)
is it irony if a fat chick is constantly dieting but never loses any of her pendulous bulk?

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 21:43, Reply)
Haha
I am on a mental month this month. 500 cals a day and at least an hour's exercise every day. Work and a few other things have made me really unhappy/stressed and the control helps. Or something...
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 21:44, Reply)
yeah work sucks, plus it leaves me no time to excercise

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 21:44, Reply)
It's hard to fit it in
I walked home tonight, but that means I left for work at about 7.30 and got home at 9.30. Shattering. And I guess you want to get home to see the crotchfruit
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 21:49, Reply)
yeah she complicates everything

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 21:56, Reply)
How terribly normal for you.

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 21:58, Reply)
er yeah...

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 21:59, Reply)
I'm saying that Swipe doesn't even have a cat she can go home and project onto.

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 22:05, Reply)
haha
Comfort-eating fat chick.
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 21:45, Reply)
Shush little boy

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 21:48, Reply)
haha spare tyre

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 21:50, Reply)
Yeah, going on holiday is really stressful.

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 21:46, Reply)
the thought of being seen in her swimming cossie was giving her anxiety attacks

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 21:46, Reply)
alright battered

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 21:49, Reply)
alright Hartley Hare

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 21:50, Reply)
FUCK

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 21:51, Reply)
YOU

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 21:51, Reply)
haha!
Upset and online!
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 21:52, Reply)
It is when it's only a week
You end up working til midnight every night the week before and then being totally overworked when you get back. Humph.
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 21:48, Reply)

worked weight
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 21:49, Reply)
I know what you mean.
I've been on about taking the Doris away for months, but there is never a good time to take time off.
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 21:49, Reply)
I've only had one two week holiday in the last few years
But it was totally worth it - after the end of the first week, you truly relax and stop giving a fuck!
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 21:50, Reply)
not done it in years, aside from a Christmas but that involves relatives so is not relaxing

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 21:52, Reply)
Xmas
Means you can start drinking Glenfarclas at 10am.
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 21:53, Reply)
i don't have an alcohol problem thanks
are you sure you're not battered?
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 21:59, Reply)
Pretty certain.

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 21:59, Reply)
Some of the best holidays I ever had lasted 3 weeks.
One week to get into it, second week thinking "Normally we'd be thinking about going home shortly, but we don't have to; get in!", and being about ready to go home late into the third week.
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 21:54, Reply)
CSB

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 21:54, Reply)
Cunty Scrotum Bollocks?

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 21:55, Reply)
Cool. Story. Bro.

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 21:57, Reply)
I'm so out of touch.
That said, 3 weeks touring the west coast of America, followed by 3 weeks touring the far east was a chore; I'm glad i can't do it now.
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 21:59, Reply)
Alright DG
When it looked like my contract was going to come to an end, I started looking at renting a Spanish villa for a couple of months, as long as it had an internet connection, there was no reason why I couldn't find work from there.
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 21:56, Reply)
jelly bags

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 21:58, Reply)
That's Jeff, not Swipe.

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 21:59, Reply)
?

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 21:59, Reply)
Bent. Spastic.
That's all you need to know.
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 22:03, Reply)
'ow biss, Jethro?
I've just received a very flattering character reference from an extremely high-ranking nun. I expect great things from now on.
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 22:00, Reply)
Not bad thanks.
You get any feedback on those applications you made?
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 22:01, Reply)
Not yet, but the closing dates aren't until the end of this week
and the end of next.
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 22:02, Reply)
It's alright, 'The Internet'
I'm back now.

EDIT: I know you're there, I can hear you breathing. Come out from behind those sofas.
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 21:59, Reply)
I can't get to my feet because of my asthma, miss.

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 22:03, Reply)
Alright b3th?

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 22:04, Reply)
Yer.
Interview thing on Thursday, so... you know.

Nothing major, just a 'it'll do' kind of thing. Needs must etc.
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 22:06, Reply)
Tell me more!

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 22:07, Reply)
Well-a well-a well-a oomph!

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 22:08, Reply)
hahahaha

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 22:08, Reply)
Gazzed, innit.

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 22:10, Reply)
Good luck.

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 22:07, Reply)
And you, with all the applications you've got out there.
Soul destroying, ain't it?
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 22:10, Reply)
It really fucking is.

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 22:11, Reply)
You know what helps?
Alcomahol.
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 22:12, Reply)
I has some right now.

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 22:14, Reply)
Me too!

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 22:15, Reply)
OMG!!!

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 22:21, Reply)
I have a beer!
(I didn't want to be left out).
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 22:23, Reply)
I bet you're not as drunk as I am though.
I didn't even realise I was drunk until I had to get up and look for something.
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 22:34, Reply)
haha!
Shit 'mod'!
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 22:06, Reply)
At least I can see the top shelf at the newsagent.
I heard you have to ask fourteen year olds to buy your Razzle for you.
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 22:07, Reply)
I haven't bought grumble for ten years.

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 22:08, Reply)

And you're only forty three.
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 22:13, Reply)
Jackanory
Tell a story
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 22:13, Reply)
I once found a bag of around 30 grumble mags stuffed in a carrier bag inside a hedge.
I suspect that whoever 'hid' them there was mightily upset a few days later.
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 22:14, Reply)
Grumble in its natural habitat.

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 22:15, Reply)
Absolutely.
This was in the days when grumble models looked like real women and not like pre-pubescent teenagers. So I'm told.
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 22:19, Reply)
You never see that on Springwatch.

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 22:23, Reply)
There's a TV programme idea for Dave if ever there was one.
Grumblewatch!
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 22:26, Reply)

Pig Breeder's Weekly and Skelp Ma Pullet do not count.
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 22:16, Reply)
Neither does 'Deep Fried Mars Bar Cum Festival', so fuck off.

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 22:21, Reply)

Niiice.
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 22:22, Reply)
Yer ma besht pal really, hic!

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 22:24, Reply)

You bleezin', min?
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 22:26, Reply)
Now you're just talking a load of keech.
Excuse me, I'm going to fuck off now.
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 22:27, Reply)

Don't drink on school days.

Bye though.
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 22:31, Reply)
On a promise?

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 22:36, Reply)
Nah, just knackered.

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 22:37, Reply)
Well, give her tits a squeeze on the way past for me, anyway.

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 22:38, Reply)
Evenin' all

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 22:25, Reply)
Alright CP.

(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 22:26, Reply)
Yup, fed, watered and having a nice cuppa...
How's you?
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 22:29, Reply)
Good thanks.
For the first time in months I can record work today as 'quiet good'.

So I'm having a beer.
(, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 22:32, Reply)

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