According to wikipedia...
Gideon Osbourne's 2013 has consisted of just the following two events:

1) In February 2013 the UK lost its AAA credit rating for the first time since 1978.
2) In April 2013 his government vehicle was incorrectly parked in a disabled parking bay

What two things sum up your 2013 so far?

Alt: When were you last caught red-handed, bang to rights, guilty as charged with your metaphorical pants down?

Altalt: I heard tell you could get frozen bags of precooked spicy chicken wings that you heated up in the microwave. I put it to you that piping-hot slimy chicken skin does not appeal. What's the best use of a microwave?
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 14:55, 104 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

alt:alt: re-heating food

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 14:57, Reply)

I can't picture you leaving much of your 'grits' or 'po-boys' that'd need reheating HH

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 14:59, Reply)

and I believe watermelon is meant to be served cold

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:00, Reply)

yeah or you burn your cock
EH LADS?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:01, Reply)

I get this
Not burnt cock of course
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:02, Reply)

because you have a vagina

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:08, Reply)

+ like a smashed watermelon
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:14, Reply)

Do you still believe that line your creepy uncle Tobias told you?

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:14, Reply)

Altalt: Quickly charging your iPhone battery

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 14:59, Reply)

what?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:01, Reply)

Just stick your phone in the microwave on full power for 30 seconds.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:17, Reply)

hahaha
That was a good one
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:01, Reply)

alt:alt: Drying socks*
*and oven gloves
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:03, Reply)

2013
The year I couldn't see my kid and then I could after all.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:04, Reply)

Afternoon Stevie Wonder
The wonders of modern medical science eh?
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:04, Reply)

Mience strikes again!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:05, Reply)

worst of all mice

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:06, Reply)

I can't believe I did a Jim Brown strike-through then he ups and dies the next day :(
I must wield this awesome power wisely
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:09, Reply)

Brown Kelly
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:10, Reply)

Fuck, soz Jim Brown

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:11, Reply)

WHAT YOU GONNA DO?

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:12, Reply)

ym

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:13, Reply)

WHAT YOU GONNA DO?

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:14, Reply)

Nah, not that mofo
Jefferson, R.T...Death by hanging
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:14, Reply)

yeah don't do that again please

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 16:01, Reply)

1) work
Alt + 2) getting caught parked in your mum
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:05, Reply)

I haven't had the use of a microwave for about five years.
I do not miss them.
( Kroney, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:09, Reply)

Have you and Battered made a pact never to say goodbye?

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:12, Reply)

We should talk more about Red Dwarf.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:12, Reply)

YES!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:12, Reply)

Who's your favorite character?

(PsychoChomp, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:15, Reply)

Kanchelskis
The cute Scotch bird and quality winger
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:18, Reply)

I've never really watched it; it looked "fucking shit"

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:19, Reply)

it is just about the only "comedy" on tv that is not even accidentally funny
apart from maybe "bottom". which was also shit.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:22, Reply)

alt: speeding. i cried, they let me off.
altalt: that's not food. why the fuck would anyone eat that. microwaves are good for heating up soup and steaming vegetables or fish.

that is about it.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:13, Reply)

There's a reddit thread atm about what food you can't get in america and vice versa
Doner kebabs get about 200 posts from Americans who've been abroad weeping because they can't get them there.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:20, Reply)

i wouldn't have one given
nasty elephant's leg things. urgh.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:21, Reply)

Not true, the call them rotaries or some such, I saw this on Man Vs Food TRUSTORY

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:22, Reply)

i heard that's what they call you mum when they impale her on a massive cock then spin her around

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:25, Reply)

or a "monday night special" as his daddy calls it

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:27, Reply)

you my
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:27, Reply)

Ah, helicoptering.
Achievable by any 6 foot man with a 5'4" or less girlfriend.
( Kroney, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:31, Reply)

or vice versa
sexist
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:32, Reply)

Nah
That's achievable by any 6 foot man with a 5'4" or less Fred Savage.
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:34, Reply)

Angles are all wrong.
A man on top would spin at a roughly 45 degree angle.

No good.
( Kroney, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:34, Reply)

what if the girl was standing up and the shortarse was effectively doing cartwheels?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:40, Reply)

Nah, they got mentioned
but everyone insisted it wasn't the same.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:30, Reply)

It looked the same, some greek family did them.
I can imagine that there aren't that many of them knocking around though
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:32, Reply)

Apparently Seattle has some and one or two other places
the gyros and rotaries you generally get aren't spiced the same and don't have the same sauces.

According to reddit.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:37, Reply)

I bet they aren't produced in Halal butchers using all the worst cuts of meat
With only the cheapest selling to the money hungry cunts trying to excerpt as money as possible from the piss heads.........
With this in mind I bet there may be a slight taste difference
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:52, Reply)

they have shwarma not doner

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:59, Reply)

^this^
www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1he0k8/what_products_are_americans_missing_out_on_what/cati40x
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 16:04, Reply)

The lead singer of James looks like Luther from The Warriors

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:24, Reply)

TOO OBSCURE

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:26, Reply)

only for people who know nothing of true culture.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:30, Reply)

Laura Robson has let the whole country down.
Bitch
(PsychoChomp, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:28, Reply)

To this I shrug disinterestedly.

( Kroney, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:31, Reply)

Williams is out as well now.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:33, Reply)

That's an F1 team, you prick.

( Kroney, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:34, Reply)

Do they need help?

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:37, Reply)

French fuck

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:59, Reply)

Lil Louiszzzzz

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 16:01, Reply)

That song 'You Raise Me Up' by Westlife sounds like such a blatant ripoff of something..
but I can't quite place my finger on it and no fucker will believe me. I keep thinking it's Wind Beneath My Wings or Danny Boy or something else.
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:29, Reply)

Danny Boy, definitely.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:33, Reply)

What's your favourite Westlife song, Lokesy?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:34, Reply)

Can't stand them
And they didn't write You Raise Me Up, Josh Groban did.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:54, Reply)

You'll be telling us Madonna didn't write American Pie next

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:58, Reply)

Actually that's bollocks, he just had a big hit with it, Secret Garden wrote it.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:58, Reply)

What's your favourite Secret Garden song?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 16:02, Reply)

Since that's the only one I know, it would be that one?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 16:04, Reply)

I thought that was by the Charlatans?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 16:05, Reply)

I started with that earworm half way through writing the post...

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 16:10, Reply)

basic research fail.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/You_Raise_Me_Up#Background
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:34, Reply)

\o/
You had me at 'basic'
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:36, Reply)

no idea who you are, but fairly sure you're not actually Nakers.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:37, Reply)

Fuck knows
I'm not even sure if I'm being insulted here
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:39, Reply)

depends who you are
and what you consider an insult.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:44, Reply)

I'm not Al that's for sure

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:55, Reply)

He's a cowardly deleter that hasn't got the stones to admit it

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:55, Reply)

see, the more you say stuff like this
the more we smell beardy vegetable growing al
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 16:06, Reply)

ALRIGHT! I AM THE MESSIAH!

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 16:08, Reply)

How shall we fuck off, O Lord?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 16:18, Reply)

al
alalalalalala
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:40, Reply)

lalalalala lalalalalalalaaa lalaalala
doopen-doo-doo-doo-dooo aIghhiiIIIGGGGhhhhooooaoaoahhhhh
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:47, Reply)

He's not

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:58, Reply)

They're great for heating food by bombarding it with electromagnetic radiation in the microwave spectrum causing polarized molecules in the food to rotate and build up thermal energy in a process known as dielectric heating.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:31, Reply)

*bookmarks*

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:56, Reply)

God people are so fucking stupid.
It's people like this, who get confused when you ask them to put a password in, that put us in shitty, people-hating moods for when you call up with a more reasonable issue.

/justshutupandfixit
( Kroney, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:51, Reply)

you just need to work on your Customer Communication Skills.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:56, Reply)

"Put your password in the password field"
There is only one field called "password" on the screen. What do you think you should do?
( Kroney, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:57, Reply)

Look on google maps for a field called "Password"

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:58, Reply)

Haha

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 16:02, Reply)

What's a field?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:59, Reply)

A bunch of scousers mourning their missing 'n'?

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 16:04, Reply)

Is your entire job spec to reset passwords?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 15:57, Reply)

Hey it's an important role in any organisation

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 16:00, Reply)

No, it really isn't.
It's just we have 2000-odd users, roughly 40% of which can't find their arse with both hands.
( Kroney, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 16:00, Reply)

Do you help them with that as well then?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 16:02, Reply)

Mostly I spend my time rage-grinding my teeth down the phone at them.

( Kroney, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 16:02, Reply)

This person has spent twenty minutes
just trying to log off and back onto her laptop properly.
( Kroney, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 16:04, Reply)

thank god they're not trying to find jobs for people or bank accounts or houses or anything important

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 16:06, Reply)

How does an organisation so shit, get so big?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 16:11, Reply)

By employing more and more middle managers to sort things out, usually.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 16:13, Reply)

bigger doesn't always mean better
(at least that's what girls tell you)
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 16:14, Reply)