First
Is anyone else about yet this morning?

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 7:30, 186 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Morning becks
I'm here quickly before I head into town to do things.

I saw you were asking where I was last night. Any reason?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 8:04, Reply)

Morning Becky, PoD
Just got in to work. I'm going to catch up on last night's chat for a minute just in case I missed anything of note (which I doubt!).
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 8:12, Reply)

Right
I'm off to the bike shop. Should reappear later, as it's raining muchly outside, which shall make cycling fun.

Don't think you missed anything of note at the end of last night.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 8:20, Reply)

No, I didn't
Other than now having visions of b3tards sleeping in the buff and Al on rachelswipe's balcony, curled up in his basket!

See you later, PoD.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 8:24, Reply)

morning chaps
how are you doing?

I'm knackered as usual.

k2k6, while you are about, do you have any thoughts on delay pedals?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 8:39, Reply)

Morning vipros
Sorry for the delay. Pfft.

Actually, I don't know much about guitar effects. A mate of mine has a Line 6 Pod and it's pretty good, but it's a multi effects box/amp simulator, and not a stomp box. I'd guess that if it's just a delay pedal you're after, you can't go far wrong with Boss gear. It's made by Roland and is pretty reliable and hard wearing.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 8:50, Reply)

Hello!
Just popping in to say congratulations to Becky. I've got some work to do and then will pop back later.

Toodlepip!
( girlinthehole, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 8:50, Reply)

that's ok
I don't know much about effects either, other than that generally Boss = good.

I will continue my research
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 8:56, Reply)

Morning folks
@BGB

Congratulations?
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 8:57, Reply)

Morning BK
Becky's been accepted to a good vet nursing course, and her company's going to pay, which is a double bonus. Hence BGB's congrats.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 9:00, Reply)

@K
Oh, excellent!

Won't be on here much today, lots of work on and then straight to Sheffield to see Converge! Should be good, but may get slightly injured.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 9:05, Reply)

Converge?
Fantastic!

I found out that there might be a fuck-up with my Johnny Truant tickets, so may not be able to go.
*shakes fist*

I'll have to throw myself down some stairs instead for that "morning-after" feeling.
( Cawl, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 9:12, Reply)

@Kaol
That's a bugger about Johnny Truant.
My stomach muscles are all bollixed from too much drunk Wii last night so won't be chucking myself about too much.
I may have no option though at a Converge gig!
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 9:18, Reply)

Ningtimes, everybody!
I woke up this morning with 'God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen' in my head.

I sort of wish it was Christmas.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 9:48, Reply)

Morning DiT
What a random thing to have in your head in July.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 9:50, Reply)

it's never a strange time
to sing/think songs that honour our lord and saviour....


almost managed that with a straight face

I woke up after a long detailed dream about shopping for pot in Amsterdam...
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 9:55, Reply)

What can I say?
It's the next time I'll be given stuff, for free.

As long as I'm a good boy. And I'm mostly good.

Mostly.


How's the no-smoking going, boss?
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 9:55, Reply)

@DiT
I was naughty last night cos I was drinking and had a few, so I'm finding it difficult today, but none so far:)
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 9:59, Reply)

morning all
congrats becky!
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 9:59, Reply)

I feel hungover today
Which is a fucking con, as I wasn't drinking last night.
*frowns*
( Cawl, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 10:01, Reply)

Ning Empress!
*bows*

@Kaol - I get that sometimes. It is the most soul destroying feeling in the world. Get yourself a bacon sarnie, that'll sort you right out!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 10:05, Reply)

There's nowhere to get one *frowns*
I work on an industrial estate :(

On the plus side I have some oranges, and a knife with which to menacingly peel them.
( Cawl, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 10:07, Reply)

You work on an industrial estate and there's not a man with a van
serving out bacon butties and other cholesterol laden goodies?


It's political correctness gone mad, I tells ya!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 10:13, Reply)

There was...
But it got fire-bombed by "someone".
(Not me)
( Cawl, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 10:14, Reply)

Morning.
New question day. I wonder what it'll be. And when it will change? This one seems to have run out of steam.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 17 Jul 2008, 10:14, Reply)

Morning DG
I think it'll be 'How did you stop worrying and learn to love the Bomb'.

Actually, that's silly.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 10:19, Reply)

morning everyone
it's a hap-hap-happeeee day!

toodleoodleoodleoodleoodleaaaaayyyy!

I brought sunshine!

*beams*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 10:20, Reply)

Afternoon!
Room for a small one?
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 10:21, Reply)

*spies HLT*
*photographs with zoom lens*

*profits*

Mawnin!

*makes room for Edmund*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 10:22, Reply)

Morning HLT
*hugs*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 10:23, Reply)

*waves his crutch in the air*
Thanks D_I_T!

(Note: crUtch, not crotch)
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 10:23, Reply)

profits?
*waves at Edmund*

*emhuggens BK*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 10:24, Reply)

^{by selling the pictures to the papers}

:)
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 10:28, Reply)

oh
i see

well, tea and pies are on you then!
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 10:30, Reply)

DiT
Yes, that is silly. Stop it.

:-)
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 17 Jul 2008, 10:30, Reply)

*feeling moody*
and has been hobbling around the office today trying to convince the world that instead of being called Dr Ed should be called Dr House (cf, the crutch).

Sodding potholes.

Grrr.
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 10:34, Reply)

BK?
You still around?
( thealternativefact, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 10:34, Reply)

Morning everyone
Congratulations Becky, good news... Not RVC by any chance is it? I ask because I used to date someone who's there - who may/may not have been the subject of one or two of amusing QOTW posts *shudders*

Anyway, I'm still sat at my desk in my biking gear waiting for the background radiation in the karzy to drop so that I can get cleaned up and changed. Bah.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 17 Jul 2008, 10:36, Reply)

PJM
Perhaps you ought to leave an anonymous note in the loos gently suggesting that the mystery shitter might like to (a) shit at home, (b) spray some air-freshener, or (c) change their diet...
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 10:39, Reply)

Hi folks
Finished my work.

HLT - God, I'd sell my soul for a cheese and onion pie right now.
( girlinthehole, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 10:41, Reply)

A cheese and onion pie, you say?
I have one right here...

I'll sell it for your soul, and one square foot of your skin.
( Cawl, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 10:43, Reply)

Hello those who have recently arrived
I had to work for a bit there. Damn those real people who want my time and attention.

Was that a Mr Kipling advert song I heard a while back?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 10:43, Reply)

@Kaol
You can have one square foot of skin if you take some fat off me to go with it.
( girlinthehole, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 10:45, Reply)

Ok...
As much fat as can be packaged into a square foot of skin.

*grabs broken bottle*

Let's do this.
( Cawl, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 10:46, Reply)

@PJM
We used to have an unknown guy here who ate his lunch in the toilet cubicle. Every day we'd find empty sandwich wrappers, juice bottles and a copy of the Sun.

After a while I put up a notice on the back of the door reading "To whom it may concern: Please do not eat your lunch in this cubicle, as other people have to shit here"

He never came back.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 10:47, Reply)

@K2K6
That made me giggle.



@Kaol - Just cut around my midriff, nowhere else though. Oh! a slice off my bingo wings would be ok also.
( girlinthehole, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 10:49, Reply)

^Genius!
What I hate, what I really hate, is when you're in the loo, and there is someone in there having a conversation on their mobile.

It's grim.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 10:50, Reply)

^^DIT
Not to mention echoey
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 10:52, Reply)

According to my calculations
1 square foot of skin, if cut carefully so it can be folded into a sphere, would be able to contain 0.094 cu ft of fat. That's about 2.66 litres, in metric measurements.

Weight wise, you'd lose 2.4kg, or 5.3lbs.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 10:53, Reply)

morrrrrrning :o)
i was miserable, but HLT's rendition of that funny song has cheered me up.

how is everyone?
(baby_kitten was loving your work on, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 10:57, Reply)

@ BGB a cheese an onion pie?
you can have one for free my dear. I require neither soul nor skin from you. it's far too much responsibility.

i like to sing happyhappyhappycakey songs!

*sings*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 11:00, Reply)

@K2K6
That's freaky because that's about the right amount I need to lose.
( girlinthehole, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 11:01, Reply)

BGB
You need to lose 5lbs? That's not a lot... I'd say forget about it an eat cake instead.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 17 Jul 2008, 11:05, Reply)

@BGB
5lbs off your midriff is actually quite a lot. And you'd be left with an odd-shaped scar too!

@HLT - are you high on paint fumes, or just naturally in a good mood this morning?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 11:08, Reply)

@PJM
Well I actually need to lose half a stone and then I'll be fine. It's all about having jeans that fit comfortably and not some daft idea that men will fall at my feet if I'm thinner.
( girlinthehole, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 11:08, Reply)

Fair play
It's worth it for comfier jeans.

Remember that all men will fall at your feet if you knee them hard enough in the groin.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 17 Jul 2008, 11:12, Reply)

@PJM
*giggles* Yup! I'm aware of that technique.
( girlinthehole, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 11:15, Reply)

@Kaol
Why would you want to remove BGB's skin with a broken bottle? I would have thought that such a connoisseur of knives as yourself would insist on such procedures being carried out properly.
( thealternativefact, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 11:21, Reply)

Knickers!
I've just been asked if I can do a site visit in Berwick this afternoon. That's a 120-mile round trip.

Fucksocks. Still, nearly £50 in expenses I suppose. But I really can't be arsed with it.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 17 Jul 2008, 11:27, Reply)

a well placed smile
and a flick of the eyes is all it takes sometimes...

@k2k6 - I'm not high on paint fumes, I'm high on life - can't you tell?

*happies*

quite surprising really. went for an early bed as was cream crackered after painting. then was wide awake, so decided to take full advantage, then just as everything was getting interesting the *&^!£ing pipe band started up in the town centre (10 seconds from my flat, so no escape), which almost put us off, but it was alright, except then there were fireworks until midnight. stupid civic week.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 11:29, Reply)

@ DG
Berwick, in the rain?

blurgh!!!!
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 11:32, Reply)

does anyone know...
how i would go about fixing my toilet? it flushed this morning but then wouldn't fill up in the tank wotsit. i'm told it's something to do with my ballcock...however i am a woman and this is not the type of cock (or ball) i am familiar with.
(baby_kitten was loving your work on, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 11:34, Reply)

Haha!
It sounds like a problem with your ballcock float, yeah.
( Cawl, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 11:36, Reply)

Have you tried
Making sure that the doodad is adjusted so that the glimbart doesn't stop the oojamaflip for working?
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 17 Jul 2008, 11:40, Reply)

@HLT
Ah, that explains it. You are happy because of getting teh cock to hear the pipe band play last night. Should have realised.

@baby_k - It's probably not the ballcock. Almost certainly it's the flap that initiates the siphon which is knackered. Is it a modern cistern, or an old one? If it's an old one, it's a case of replacing the flap (it has a proper name, but I don't know what it is). If it's a newer one, you tend to have to replace the whole innards of the cistern, as it comes as one plastic piece.

Edit - I'm talking ballcocks. Sorry. Didn't read your post properly. If it's not filling up, then it's either a leaky ballcock or a stuck/blocked valve
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 11:40, Reply)

@kitten
I always find that if you wiggle something or poke around like you know what your doing then it fixes itself.
( girlinthehole, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 11:41, Reply)

Kitten
When you flushed the toilet, did the ball valve (the big float-operated valve with the ball on the end) go down? If it didn't, it may be stuck, and that will mean the cistern won't refill. Try wiggling it about a bit.
( thealternativefact, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 11:42, Reply)

no no no.
pipe bands bad.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 11:43, Reply)

Yeah...
The ballcock is probably fine. Take the top off the cistern, and the ballcock should be connected to some sort of cam which controls the flow of water back in to the cistern. My toilet used to not fill up because the arm of the ballcock had come out of the cam, making it think it was full all the time.

That probably won't help. But I hope it does!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 11:45, Reply)

cock and balls
it is in the right place....as in the floaty bit is down so the water can come out of the tube thingy. it seems like it wants to be filling up with water but its just making little sqeaking noises like there is some air in it.




and before you start, i'm not planning on sucking the ballcock to get the air (or anything else) out of it.
(baby_kitten was loving your work on, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 11:47, Reply)

Speaking of pipe bands
reminds me of a story I heard (allegedly true).

Every time the pipe major announced a tune they were going to play, the bass drummer would ask, "How does that one go?"

The pipe major would 'diddle' the tune to him, and he'd be OK, and off they'd go.

Well, this happened a few times and the pipe major was getting a bit fed up. "Listen", he said to the bass drummer, "As far as you're concerned, it's just Boom, Boom, fucking Boom!"
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 11:48, Reply)

@ k2k6
yup, that sounds about right.

why do people like them? they're too loud, they sound like a heap of cats on fire, and all the tunes sound the same!
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 11:52, Reply)

mornin'
"they sound like a heap of cats on fire"

That's the best description of bagpipes I've heard so far. I recon they're the worst instrument you want your next-door neighbour to be practicing.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 12:00, Reply)

Spakka...
That depends.
If you're lucky enough to have thick walls, bagpipes aren't too bad.
Loud bass guitar, however, will penetrate the thickest of walls, and repetitively annoy you.
( Cawl, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 12:01, Reply)

The Great Highland Bagpipe
is not a musical instrument. It's a weapon of war, which was used to scare the living shit out of the enemy (most often the English). The fact that it is possible to play tunes on it seems almost incidental.

That said, to be fair, a good pipe band isn't bad. At a suitable distance. And the tunes do sound indivudual you know them. It's like any genre of music - if you're not into it, it all sounds the same.

I wouldn't fancy having them outside my window at 10.30 though. Especially if I was shagging at the time.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 12:03, Reply)

@HLT
tell me about it. And I'm wearing a fucking cream linen suit as well.

But the location is just round the corner from my sister, so if I get time I'll call in for coffee!
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 17 Jul 2008, 12:04, Reply)

Cream Linen?
You, sir, are a sartorial GOD.

Re: Bagpipes - for my step-grandparents 50th wedding anniversary they hired out the village hall and invited the whole family. We thought we were going to a disco.

What we got was two guys on bagpipes. For four. Fucking. Hours.

I have seen hell.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 12:09, Reply)

Hey Kitten
still looking for ball valve advice? If you're feeling brave, you could turn the water off (v imp!) and dismantle the valve; it has a very small hole at the top and sometimes this can get blocked. Unfold a paper clip and have a poke around.
( thealternativefact, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 12:14, Reply)

One thing I noticed about bagpipe music
is that when written down in musical notation, it has some extremely short notes.

@Kaol
Bass guitars may be louder, but at least they don't sound like live feline combustion.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 12:15, Reply)

hmmm
poking and a ballcock. this is definately a man's job.
(baby_kitten was loving your work on, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 12:17, Reply)

Plumbers were told
they weren't allowed to say 'ballcock' anymore - it had to be 'float-operated valve'.
FFS.
Anyway, yes, get someone manly around and see what you think but you could save some money if you can fix it yourself!
( thealternativefact, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 12:19, Reply)

true....
however i fear that me 'fixing' it would flood the house with pissy water. ah well.
(baby_kitten was loving your work on, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 12:22, Reply)

Very important
to turn the water off before commencing any pokery!
( thealternativefact, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 12:24, Reply)

Empty the tank before fumbling around.
*nods*
( Cawl, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 12:27, Reply)

I understood
that the tank is already empty. If not, might be a good idea to empty it out!
( thealternativefact, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 12:28, Reply)

oh dear....
with all this encouragement i may just do something about it. this is what is bothering me. i have bad experience with DIY. and most things house related. i used to use my hamster to dust down the side of the stairs for Christ sake (QOTW answer on my profile wotsit). This is NOT going to end well.
(baby_kitten was loving your work on, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 12:29, Reply)

Er...
Yeah, exactly.
I wasn't dropping a terrible innuendo, honest...
( Cawl, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 12:30, Reply)

Bagpipes
(Slightly) alternative version:

Linky

You may well hve seen before
( Fireflier La la la la, not listening on, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 12:33, Reply)

@spakka
Bagpipe music does contain some very short notes indeed. Part of the reason for this is that the pipes emit one long continuous note, and going from one note to the next is achieved by means of grace notes stuck in between.

It's especially noticeable with repeated notes - the only way to articulate this is to have some sort of 'blip' between them. That's what gives bagpipe music its characteristic sound.

Well, that and the 120 decibel spl.

Edit @ Fireflier - the Chilli Pipers are pretty good. There's only so much you can do with only 9 notes, and these guys make the most of it.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 12:37, Reply)

I didn't smirk.
Poor.
Not up to usual standard.
( thealternativefact, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 12:38, Reply)

@baby kitten
threaten your toilet with 4 hours of bagpipe music unless it behaves itself.

that'll sort it.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 12:44, Reply)

Wiggling and poking around
This method works suprisingly well. Not only have I fixed a broken toilet this way, but also a broken laptop.

Once when I moved into a new flat, I looked at the toilet and assumed that it was one of those toilets with a flap at the bottom that opens when flushing (a bit like the ones they have on trains in parts of continental Europe). It was only once the estate-agent had gone that I realised the flusher was broken and the dark thing at the bottom was not a flap but the result of an unclean toilet.

I had to go back to the office so decided to leave it until later. Things weren't helped by the fact that that night, I went out for beers and a curry with my workmates. The following morning (a Saturday), It still hadn't been fixed and I had woken up with last night's curry wanting to escape. Fortunately, the office was nearby so I quickly dressed and popped in there to use the loos.

When I got back, a bit of juggery-pokery sorted things out (I was able to flush the toilet by messing around with the insides and somehow managed to make it flushable from the outside).
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 12:44, Reply)

perhaps...
i should just get some bagpipes and fix one bit to the tap on the sink and use it as an oddly shaped funnel for tank refilling purposes. i could put little filter wotsits on the end of the pipes and have nice pure bagpipe flushy bum bum water.
(baby_kitten was loving your work on, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 12:49, Reply)

I had some trouble once
The duct I needed to access was closed, and I couldn't get my tool inside it.
In the end I'd tried lubrication, brute force and gentle pressure.

Nothing seemed to work.
I gave up, dejectedly, putting my tool away.

That was the first and only time I tried necrophillia.
( Cawl, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 12:55, Reply)

@Kaol
Nice!

I went to fuck a corpse once, but the rotten cunt split on me.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 12:57, Reply)

^AHA!
Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha...

*notes down*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 13:00, Reply)

@BabyK
...or even better, automate is so that you've got hot and cold water rinses, a drying off tube, and still have something to play you a tune. We've got some engineers in here, I'm sure they'll lend a hand.

Something like them fancy Japanese electric toilets!
( Fireflier La la la la, not listening on, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 13:05, Reply)

Kaol,
much better.

BK, superb. How are you today?
( thealternativefact, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 13:08, Reply)

Okay thanks, clendrix
Not 100% and a bit hungover, but definitely more up for the gig than I was yesterday.
I may even be up to a *flex*
There we go!
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 13:10, Reply)

that...
is the best idea i've heard all week. If anyone could come up with a clever drawing of this i would like it very much and show it to a plumber to see what could be rigged up. excellent work.
(baby_kitten was loving your work on, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 13:11, Reply)

A flex!
Yay!
Looking good.
( thealternativefact, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 13:12, Reply)

@clendrix
That took all my energy.
I think I need a lie down now.

*fans self*
*wants cigarette*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 13:14, Reply)

The bagpipe toilet
might actually go down well with those Americans who (claim to) have Scottish ancestry!

Sounds like a fun idea.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 13:15, Reply)

*fanfares*
*does a procession*
*wears robes*

*formally approaches k2k6*

I have decided to return your hat, sir.

*prompts cushion-bearing kittens on which hat is placed*

Receive this thy hat and wear it well!

*more fanfares*

The End.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 13:21, Reply)

Courtesy of Dylan Moran...
From an American:

"My Grandmother was Irish, did you know her?"

"Yes... But then everybody did..."
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 13:22, Reply)

K2K6 has his hat back and all is well with the world.
*relieved sigh*
( girlinthehole, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 13:27, Reply)

@hlt
From the conversation, surely K's should have been piped in by burly Scotsmen.

@DiT - awesome. I do like Dylan Moran.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 13:29, Reply)

Ah, thank you, HLT
*approaches kitten-borne hat carriage*

*dons hat*

*is no longer naked as bald spot is now covered*

That's better. I feel like striking up the band now. How does that Mr Kipling song go again?

*tunes up band*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 13:29, Reply)

The hat is returned.
Somehow, everything seems better.
( thealternativefact, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 13:30, Reply)

yay, i set the world to rights
but i've nothing to fiddle about with now.

*laments*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 13:32, Reply)

^
Doesn't it just? *peaces out*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 13:32, Reply)

Did something just happen?
I have confetti in my hair.
I'm not even getting married!
( thealternativefact, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 13:34, Reply)

ooh it's ancrenne!
yay ancrenne!

oh, confetti!

did someone just get married?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 13:35, Reply)

What's this?
Confetti?
No, get it off, get it off!

*wedding flashbacks*
*melts*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 13:35, Reply)

Ooh, just remembered.
I need to go to the shops later to buy humungous amounts of sugar. I picked 3kg of blackcurrents in the garden last night (off one bush!), and I are going to make jam!

I've never made jam before, I'm sure it's all going to end up in a big sticky mess...
( Fireflier La la la la, not listening on, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 13:37, Reply)

Just you wait
in a few months, it'll be sparkly pants-shaped confetti, to celebrate ancrenne's business success.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 13:39, Reply)

Making jam
is great fun. The trick is to boil it for just long enough to get it to set.

Blackcurrants make good jam usually, and don't require extra pectin to induce setting. Unlike strawberries, which sometimes make a runny concoction.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 13:40, Reply)

couldn't we just throw our pants instead?
where's that song, k2k6? i thought you were tuning the band?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 13:41, Reply)

Mmm... Jam!
Throw our pants, HLT?

But... But then what will the boys wear under our trousers? What about zip-related incidents?

This sounds dangerous.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 13:43, Reply)

WTF! It's a woolly hat.
I was imagining a fedora.
( girlinthehole, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 13:44, Reply)

@ devil. Oh yes! I see your point!
You can borrow some of mine. I've got spare ones.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 13:44, Reply)

Greetings ancrenne
Pants shaped confetti? How about pants made out of confetti.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 13:45, Reply)

OR
PANTS made out of JAM!

*wins*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 13:45, Reply)

^ The trousers that turned into jam, Q,
what was all that about?

/Izzard
( Maladicta, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 13:54, Reply)

@HLT
Seeing as you want to be one of my groupies, you are more than welcome to throw your pants at me.

Now where was I? Yes, tuning the band when someone came to see me in my office.

*taps conductor's baton*

*band plays*

It's a hap-hap-happy day...

*10 minute improvised sax solo*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 13:56, Reply)

Pants made out of jam
These are the sort you could keep licking until they disappear and then continue with the licking.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 14:05, Reply)

Exactly, spakka. Exactly.
*steals everyones pants*

*throws pants at k2k6*

*runs about giggling*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 14:08, Reply)

Lovely idea, Spak
but where does one keep one's toast?
( thealternativefact, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 14:08, Reply)

@spakka
Heh heh! Although the flavour would change a bit, once you'd licked all the jam off.

A bit like those boiled sweets which start off nice and sweet but then you get a nippy bit in the next layer.

Not that fannies taste of citric acid, of course. I'm just using that as an analogy!

Edit *looks out from under pile of pants*

Ooh - pantless people!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 14:09, Reply)

@HLT
Why, have my trousers fallen down?

No, they're up. I can see they're up.

OH, I see your point.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 14:11, Reply)

@DiT
Why, have my trousers fallen down?

No, they're up. I can see they're up.

OH, I see your point.

*ad infinitum*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 14:12, Reply)

@ clendrix
In the toast rack!
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 14:17, Reply)

@hlt
Brilliant!

*applauds*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 14:21, Reply)

@BK
are - are you being sarcastic?

*cries*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 14:22, Reply)

* Immagines pantless b3tans chasing after HLT Benny Hill stylee *
@clendrix:
The toast would be kept in the oven.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 14:24, Reply)

*indulges in toasty fantasies*
Right! Enough of all this! I have sooooooooooooooooooo much work to do that I am going to leave my office for a while and go shopping on Oxford Street.

DANGER!
( thealternativefact, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 14:26, Reply)

@clendrix
My condolences.

See you later.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 14:32, Reply)

@HLT
No, honestly!
I thought it was really funny.
Don't cry!

*hugs*
*rocks til stops crying*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 14:32, Reply)

I have been madly pressing F5
And then realised I'm not bothered about getting first post.

I'd rather wait until I've thought of a good reply or two...and then decide which persona to use today.....
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 14:44, Reply)

Al...
They're *all* sexy!
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 14:47, Reply)

Arse.
Just seen the new QOTW.

I think I'll probably be giving it a miss unless I can think of an interesting anecdote relating to a film. I suspect it's going to be a week of LOTR FTW! And similar.

Even if I did study film for a bit...I can't think of a recommendation that will be anything more than just that...a recommendation.

Handy if your name is Halliwell I suppose.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 14:52, Reply)

I................................................ Win again!
Worship me.
( Cawl, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 14:52, Reply)

Al, how do you know?
I believe you only know me as Chickenlady and not as my other 'incarnations' - yes I'm big in flowers too ;)
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 14:53, Reply)

Okay...so I can be a bit mercurial at times...
but by and large Chickenlady is fairly consistent.

I think.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 14:59, Reply)

Hahahaha!
Clearly you've never milked a moistened goat.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 15:03, Reply)

*stops crying*
*enjoys hug from BK*

*pretends to cry a bit more to prolong hug*

I thought it was really lame!

was in middle of writing this then colleague with baby arrived. so it probably doesn't make sense now.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 15:03, Reply)

I milked a moistened goat once
I had to hold it against the wall with my head.
( Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 15:09, Reply)

@MM
That sounds about right, if it's a big goat your shoulder has to go just behind their front leg to keep them against the wall.

I miss my goats. :(
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 15:11, Reply)

This goat
was the grumpiest thing I've have ever encountered. And I think I was doing something along those lines. It also knew just when I'd finished, and would place a well timed kick at the bucket.
( Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 15:14, Reply)

My Grandad had a Goat..
Called, imaginatively, Goat.

It was evil incarnate, but cool. So I suspect it was Satan.



Bum. This QOTW isn't going to be very interesting, I don't think. *wracks brains for an interesting story*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 15:23, Reply)

@HLT
Can we have our pants back now please?
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 15:26, Reply)

This week's QOTW
is the last one before I set off on my tour of b3tans. I was hoping it would encourage us to reveal more about ourselves.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 15:28, Reply)

all right
here you are.

well done for putting your name in them.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 15:32, Reply)

Well, this week's question is crap
and not just because it's crap generally, it's also personally crap for me as I rarely watch films.

Might dredge up some sort of story, but I'll have to think hard.

Why's everyone putting their pants on again? It was better before.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 15:36, Reply)

I still have my pants around my ankles.
So I've got the best of both worlds.

That's science.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 15:40, Reply)

I will soon have my pants round my ankles too
because I need to visit a room other than the lab.

But that's not science. It's probably too much information.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 15:44, Reply)

Thanks HLT
@DiT: That's a very innovative solution. However, it's Naked Thursday today and pants round the ankles does not count as true nakedness.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 15:49, Reply)

OK then.
*flings pants off*

*stands here, resplendent in my own nakidity*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 15:59, Reply)

I'm going to be
Shooting a film that I've written in two weeks time.
So I like this QOTW.
( Cawl, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 15:59, Reply)

well, I just stuffed my pants back into my pocket
you know, as you do.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 16:00, Reply)

Yesterday evening
I went to the loo, but upon pulling down my fly and fumbling about for a bit, was having trouble extracting my willy from its pant-y confines.

Turns out that when I was getting dressed after swimming at lunchtime I had put my boxers on back to front.

I am worrily approaching the stereotype of the absent minded academic.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 16:04, Reply)

Need any actors, Kaol?
^{Unless it's a snuff film, in which case I'm booked.}

Good luck with it!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 16:10, Reply)

and didn't you notice?
didn't they feel a bit wrong every time you sat down?

I have that problem with my jimjams. you know, putting them back on in the dark, when you're all sweaty and dizzy.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 16:11, Reply)

Hahaha!
It's not a snuff film, but we're cool for actors thanks, strictly amateur stuff.
It's got me in it, haha!
( Cawl, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 16:12, Reply)

@HLT
Actually, no. They just felt normal. I suppose the opening bit coincided with my bum crack, so extra seamage there wouldn't be noticed.

And why do you bother putting your jammies on again? Surely it's easier just to fart*, turn over and fall asleep in the buff.

*optional for girls
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 16:17, Reply)

fair enough I guess
but am sure the label would tickle your front bits!

I like being toasty warm in my jammies! I don't like sleeping in the buff. I also don't like wind tunnels, or leaky duvets.

edit: I'll skip the farting if it's all the same to you, thanks...
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 16:20, Reply)

*strictly amateur*
Oh, I see...

*knowing wink*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 16:25, Reply)

@Kaol
Sounds good, that. Hope it goes well.

Right folks, I am gigwise. Laters folks
*hugs and shit*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 16:29, Reply)

@BK
Isn't it!

Rather!

have a smashing gig
*hugs*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 16:32, Reply)

See ya, BK
Have a good one.

@HLT - Methinks you need to go to the tropics. There you pretty much need to sleep in the buff with no covering at all because it's so toasty warm.

And there's less risk of pipebandus interruptus too.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 16:40, Reply)

I like your thinking k2k6
*questions own decision to live in Scotland*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 16:43, Reply)

^ the only problem I can see is that
your daily commute to the theatre would be that wee bit longer!

Edit - that's all folks! I'm off home. See you tonight.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 16:45, Reply)

Ah yes...
back from the shops and remembering it's time for the Quiet Shift.

Anyone here?

How dull the QOTW will be, while everyone raves pretentiously about films they think most other people won't have heard of, and slate others simply because they're popular.

*slopes off to spot film snobbery*
( thealternativefact, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 17:06, Reply)

still here
and will be until around 8pmish.

*does a little dance*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 17:13, Reply)

.Bye leavers, hello comers.
I think it's gone quiet because everyone's having a rant about this week's QOTW.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 17:14, Reply)

Ah yes Tulip
you are in the theatre, right?

In which region of the country/continent/world is this theatre? And what sort of productions does it show?

Edit: @Spak - it's not that I hate it, or anything, but I just prefer ones that let people tell stories. These lists are like dreams - everyone likes telling their own but not hearing others.
( thealternativefact, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 17:15, Reply)

^ ^
I agree. Perhaps if the QOTW title had been changed to "This film changed my life", it would encourage more stories.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 17:19, Reply)

@ clendrix
aye, in the theatre, in the Borders! and it shows, ooh, all sorts of things.

I have just agreed to drive into Edinburgh after I finish work at 10.30 tomorrow night to pick up milordtulip from a night on the toon. I'll be tired and hungry and we probably won't get home till beyond midnight. How stupid am i?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 17:29, Reply)

That's it from me, folks!
It's been all go at work today... I'm off for a pint!

See you later on, maybe!

DiT!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 17:32, Reply)

Not stupid - very lovely.
However, his sanity has to be questioned - electing to be collected by a tired, hungry Tulip. Let's hope his drunken good humour is kept in check whilst you drive him home!

Edit: Bye, O Tighted One!
( thealternativefact, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 17:32, Reply)

*waves at Devil*
byeee!

well, he has promised to make it worth my while. I don't mind really.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 17:43, Reply)

How lovely, Al.
So nice.

*only has gay flatmate and cat waiting at home - both refuse to provide assistance from station*
( thealternativefact, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 18:03, Reply)

@ al
aww, you nice boy you.

@ clendrix. sack your flatmate and get new pets!

i have no problem at all with milordtulip going out on the pish. i just wish it wasn't so damn far!
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 18:06, Reply)

I should, shouldn't I?
Except that flatmate has a tendency to be outrageous and therefore entertaining, and cat is beautiful. They're both nice to look at, but not much use to a drunken lass on her way home.

Talking of home, off there now!
G'night!
( thealternativefact, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 18:09, Reply)

Evenings all
How abouts we go here now?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 18:42, Reply)