OK shall we try again? What a shit thread.
Can you believe Tango and his alkie Polish missus killed their kid in Cov and now they've just fucked off to a festival, all lah-di-dah, without a care in the world? Disgusting.

Were you smacked as a child? Good or bad thing? I mark incredibly easily so my mother learnt to grab me by the ear as it left no bruises. Good thinking, mater. I have to say that there's no way I could lay a finger on my kid, even though she's really fucking disobedient sometimes.

Alt: Are you a creature of habit or a seat-of-your-pants kind of guy?

Altalt: NO CRICKET CHAT
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 9:26, 146 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

alt: I'm very much a creature of routine almost to the point it verges on OCD

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 9:31, Reply)

I think OCD/Ass burgers etc is 'cool' nowadays.
Programmes like 'Sherlock' have made socially inadequate weirdoes seem attractive. That Jon Richardson makes a living going on about it and I saw Jim Rosenthal's boy in the paper this morning doing the same thing.

Fucking freaks. Gas them like badgers, that's what I say.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 9:33, Reply)

35/8.....YESSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 9:32, Reply)

I will punch you if you keep this up.

Just sayin
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 9:33, Reply)

Terrible internet bullying. I'm telling.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 9:38, Reply)

You can't say I haven't warned you.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 9:49, Reply)

Ok, point take..............35/8 YESSS!!!!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 9:50, Reply)

Alt:alt: But we can do pictures instead right?

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 9:34, Reply)

My dad beat the shit out of all of us. I'd never lay a finger on my kids in anger, though they do get there hand smacked if they put it near hot things etc.
Alt, bit of both. I used to be seat of my pant but the wife put a stop to that. This morning I nearly joined a racing boat crew but remembered that I have a wife and kids and giving up Saturdays to race boats might be awesome but I may get in to trouble for it.
( Peej, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 9:38, Reply)

In fairness to your dad, you *are* really fucking annoying

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 9:39, Reply)

There's a line and you crossed it. Online bullying is taken very seriously these days, I have your address and your REAL NAME
I'd expect a visit from the police soon. Mocking someone for their race, religion or skin colour is fine but mocking me for years of abuse and pain and suffering is uncalled for.

*flounces*
( Peej, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 9:44, Reply)

I'd be scared of beating my kid now in case they grow up to like fixed wheel bicycles.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 9:46, Reply)

Its singlespeed not fixed so ner. At least I get some exercise and am not 35 stone of fat bald mess!

( Peej, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 9:47, Reply)

Oh man, that's an ultra zing right there.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 9:51, Reply)

I got some new tools for my bike yesterday
and some new riding shoes.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 9:51, Reply)

And new wheels because you sat on it.
I had to dismantle my rear wheel yesterday because it was moving side to side. I discovered that the lockring on the cassette had undone and everything had come loose. I'm lucky I noticed really, it could have been messy.
( Peej, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 9:56, Reply)

Very.
Shame you spotted it when you did.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 9:58, Reply)

Cunt

( Peej, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 10:19, Reply)

GET FUCKED, PRICK

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 9:51, Reply)

NO!
YOU GET FUCKED! /comebackoftheyear
( Peej, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 9:57, Reply)

I LIKE THIS!!!!

(Bazongaloid, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 10:09, Reply)

x

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 9:38, Reply)

How are you feeling today sweet?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 1 Aug 2013, 9:40, Reply)

Alright love, alright
I had one of those sleeps where you're asleep for hours but you wake up tired. Maybe I have a split personality, like Bradley Pitts in that punching film.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 9:42, Reply)

Maybe, although more likely life's worries are impeding you're full brain sleep shut down.
I recommend Valium
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 1 Aug 2013, 9:45, Reply)

Pills upon pills
If I take any more medication, I'll rattle when I walk, Windus.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 9:56, Reply)

Oh, well, cannabis then.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 1 Aug 2013, 9:58, Reply)

Cor!

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 10:05, Reply)

I can't stop eating pâté, TH.
What do think that means?????
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 9:43, Reply)

You spend too much time in Lidl?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 9:45, Reply)

It means you'll meet a tall, handsome stranger and come into some money
Or your body is craving vitamin B12. It's more likely to be this, if I'm honest.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 9:45, Reply)

Do you think he's pregnant?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 9:46, Reply)

I don't NOT think he's pregnant

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 9:55, Reply)

Pretty much,
It's about a half hour walk, but the bus goes straight from the station to pretty much outside the door of the pub and takes all of 5 mins
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 1 Aug 2013, 9:39, Reply)

ok

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 9:44, Reply)

That story wasn't the nicest thing to hear as I was waking up this morning.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 9:41, Reply)

shouldnt have been asleep in court then

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 9:52, Reply)

but it's BOOOOOOORING!!!

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 9:56, Reply)

Unless you get one of those sexy
double murder suicide cases
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 9:57, Reply)

or one where a sexy bird takes photos of herself and posts them around the town
then they have to show the pictures in court as evidence and that. Does that ever happen? I'd like it if that happened.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 9:59, Reply)

I actually felt a bit ill
when I read that news report. What I'm gobsmacked by, is that the school teachers noticed that this kid was looking incredibly thin, stealing other kids food and by the end actually rooting through bins to get apple cores, and nobody flagged this is a potentially very serious problem.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 9:43, Reply)

I still feel guilty about the time my kid fell off the bouncer when she was two months old because I hadn't strapped her in properly.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 9:44, Reply)

You should be banged up
My kids are always firmly strapped in when they play. Look. img120.imageshack.us/img120/4666/cockpit7joty1.jpg
( Peej, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 9:46, Reply)

Oh shit, no a seatbelt in sight

( Peej, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 9:47, Reply)

People like you make me sick.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 9:47, Reply)

By which I mean 'bald people'.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 9:47, Reply)

Fat too

( Peej, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 9:47, Reply)

Don't forget cunts too.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 9:50, Reply)

I have never once called you a cunt

( Peej, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 9:53, Reply)

You'd be the only one PJ.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 9:58, Reply)

:(

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 10:00, Reply)

:D

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 10:05, Reply)

(-")

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 10:09, Reply)

From what little I know, there were concerned raised, social services knew but they repeatedly fell for the bullshit from the parent.s

(PsychoChomp, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 9:47, Reply)

Those wily Slavs.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 9:47, Reply)

They probably spoke to a totally different person every time.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 9:48, Reply)

What story is this then?
It's not on my bbc news app.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 1 Aug 2013, 9:52, Reply)

www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/starved-beaten-poisoned-the-tragic-death-of-fouryearold-daniel-pelka-at-hands-of-mother-and-partner-8740371.html
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 9:53, Reply)

Hmm

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 9:57, Reply)

Not exactly light reading, but it's here.
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-coventry-warwickshire-23224826
(PsychoChomp, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 9:54, Reply)

Did they have older kids?
When we had little UltraMagnus the social were always coming over to check we weren't beating her with the Sword of Omens but by the time little Hermione came along they couldn't care less.
( Peej, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 9:52, Reply)

Yep...

(PsychoChomp, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 9:55, Reply)

I expect they were all lazy public sector workers taking the piss on hardworking taxpayers' money.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 9:54, Reply)

no offence

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 9:54, Reply)

My dad was the walloper, but he hated doing it.
If I'd been so badly behaved that he'd have to hand out physical punishment, he'd feel so bad that he'd come up after an hour or two with a jam sandwich.

My mum used a slipper and didn't have any fucks to give.

Alt: I'm a seat of my pants kind of guy. My boss, flatmate and girlfriend are all bordering on OCD in their habits. Keeps me organised, I guess.
( Kroney, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 9:54, Reply)

I am going to assume that the phrase "jam sandwich"
Is your little in family term for "a little bit of Savilling" and offer you my condolences for the abuse
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 9:59, Reply)

Oh you couldn't be more wrong about your mum.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 10:09, Reply)

My mum's awesome.

( Kroney, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 10:11, Reply)

wesome n alcoholic prostitute
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 10:20, Reply)

sometimes you deserve a damn good slippering now
i'm just saying
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 10:12, Reply)

Kinky bitch

( Kroney, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 10:13, Reply)

oh christ not in a more than zero fucks kind of away
there are few things that are more dull than spanking.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 10:14, Reply)

Couldn't care less, really
I was smacked when I deserved it, made sure I didn't do it again in a hurry. My friend's new missus has a son, and she's utterly shit with disciplining him (e.g. He's just been told off at school for punching someone in the chest, she brought him home, chided him gently, then asked whether he'd like her to buy him a scooter.)

Mentalist.

Alt: Habit, definintely.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 10:07, Reply)

I really have no idea why being bought things when they misbehave just makes a child misbehave further.
If only there was a simple psychological explanation!
( Kroney, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 10:09, Reply)

Alt. My dad used to smack everyone else's kids.
I smacked my daughter's bottom once for running out into the road. Never needed after that.
Alt alt. I generally pause the cricket while I'm busy then skip through the time between overs to catch up. This means I can't be on here because it really really spoils it for me.
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Thu 1 Aug 2013, 10:10, Reply)

have you read "the slap"?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 10:18, Reply)

You ignore that nasty graffiti.
It's only Battered trying to get your attention.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 10:19, Reply)

i thought something was frolicking around my kneecaps

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 10:20, Reply)

Billy Squier's follow up was les.... ....ZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 10:21, Reply)

we got smacked if we misbehaved. i think it happened to me twice in my whole life.
but my younger brother was so fucking naughty, it was the only thing that worked. i once got called into the headmistress' office, where she asked me nervously if mummy and daddy ever smacked him. turned out his teacher had lost the plot with him and belted him across the legs. that's how naughty he was. she must have shat herself afterwards.

apparently i frowned thoughtfully and said.... "hmm, not every day" ....

so i'm not sure i could ever smack a child, but then i remember what my brother was like, and yeah. i wouldn't judge anyone who did, so long as it was a single smack on the bottom that embarrassed far more than it hurt.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 10:11, Reply)

Your teacher assaulted your brother?
Poor guy.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 10:13, Reply)

believe me, that child was a demon
he and his 3 best mates had a "ring of terror". in a terribly middle-class 6 year old kind of way, they were horrific. my sympathy is with the teacher. his kid is now 5 months old, and i'm praying she is just like him, so he can SEE WHAT IT'S LIKE!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 10:15, Reply)

Yeah imagine having to touch Swipe's brother

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 10:17, Reply)

Oh.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 10:17, Reply)

probably worse now
he's an accountant
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 10:17, Reply)

Those family gatherings must be like Christmas at the Weasleys'

( Kroney, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 10:18, Reply)

lol

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 10:19, Reply)

fuck off, he's bald
and my dad is silver and my other brother is blue-black. like me.

did you see in the paper last night that gingers will be extinct in the next 100 years? my friend who's married to a ginger dude wrote: "i feel like i married a unicorn"
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 10:20, Reply)

So are some of the weasleys in the book
so I hear, I haven't read them honest.
( Peej, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 10:21, Reply)

I didn't see that. That's actually a real shame. I quite like redheads.

( Kroney, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 10:22, Reply)

science.howstuffworks.com/life/genetic/redhead-extinction.htm
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 10:27, Reply)

YEAH FIREBOXES YOU CANNOT EXTINGUISH THE FLAME

( Kroney, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 10:29, Reply)

Also
All these stories about gingers/blondes becoming extinct are bollocks. you carry the GInger gene and even if you found someone desperate enough to dust off the cobwebs and if by some miracle your ancient barren womb could carry a child to full term if would still carry the ginger gene even if it had a full head of blue black hair. and could randomly pop out again somewhere along the line. The only way gingers are going extinct is if we heard them and any carriers up and gas them. My sister is blonde and her husband dark but the kid is ginger, her fault for marrying a jock really, those fuckers are riddled with ranga genes
( Peej, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 10:24, Reply)

I'd rather my kid come out chinese than ginger
Fuck that noise.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 10:26, Reply)

at least it won't have 6 fingers and an insatiable desire to fuck its own siblings like his offspring

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 10:28, Reply)

I was trying to work out how green eyes get passed on, because they're always recessive.
There was this huge chart that showed the various combinations that proved that 7 times out of ten you'd get brown eyes, three times out of ten you'd get blue eyes and that green eyes basically shouldn't exist.

Then there was a note at the bottom that essentially said "and sometimes brown, blue and green eyes will spontaneously occur with no reason that we can currently find lol"
( Kroney, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 10:28, Reply)

i think they have changed their minds about how eye colour is passed on quite recently
i used to hate having green eyes, as i really wanted blue eyes, but i'm vain enough that the number of comments i get on them has changed my mind. of course they're not a patch on your legs/arse.

also what about grey eyes and violet eyes? how do they exist? it makes my head hurt.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 10:33, Reply)

They're just shades of blue.
Green eyes are rare. As are hazel, though hazel eyes just look like the bottom of a duck pond.
( Kroney, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 10:34, Reply)

Chinese girls do not come with green eyes!

( Peej, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 10:38, Reply)

I knew an Indian girl with green eyes, once.
It can happen, if there's a European somewhere in her genetic history.
( Kroney, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 10:39, Reply)

( Peej, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 10:42, Reply)

I'd get right up in her genetic history, if you knowe what I mean

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 10:42, Reply)

i think that quite a few iranians and people from that part of the middle east have green eyes
there's that really famous photo of the afghan girl, for example
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 10:48, Reply)

less than 2% of the planet has green eyes apparently
i would say "woo! yay!" but as it's due to the irish heritage that also comes with stupid pasty transparent skin and sliiiiiiiightly auburn dark hair, NO. brown eyes and lots of healthy melanin are the way to go.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 10:50, Reply)

eh...I have green eyes but neither pasty skin or ginger hair
Ginger sliiiiiiiightly auburn dark hair
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 10:53, Reply)

I also have green eyes, non pasty skin and dark hair

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 11:03, Reply)

you two are doing it wrong
i bet your eyes are hazel really
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 11:06, Reply)

You've got to win a little, lose a little...even get the blues a little
That's the story of...that's the glory of love.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 10:24, Reply)

And yet when I follow women down the street late at night, singing that in a weird, high voice, people tell me to stop or they'll call the police!!
I don't know what this world is coming to, I really don't.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 10:29, Reply)

bitches be crazy, yo

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 10:40, Reply)

Are all crows black?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 1 Aug 2013, 10:36, Reply)

Hmm...good point
Better ask B*ldmonkey
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 10:40, Reply)

I've done a new thread, shut up.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 10:39, Reply)

Yeah, but it'll only be a bbc news link and you asking our opinions on it
Who cares, right?
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 10:41, Reply)

Same as most kids, I suppose
Locked in a small room with only a piss-soaked mattress to sleep on, force-fed salt, starved and of course, regular beatings.
Pretty standard stuff really.

Alt: I habitually live by the seat of my pants.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 1 Aug 2013, 10:58, Reply)