The internet is a cunt.
The internet ruined my life last night. Someone put out a press release about one of my projects without my knowledge or permission and it was wrong and will massively upset our collaborative partners and, probably, fuck the whole thing up.

In the time it took me to spot the article and have it changed (about 6 hours) the original, wrong article has now been reproduced word-for-word by, at the last count, 12 other news sources across the world.

I'm fucked. Information spread, innit great?

So, /OT, when did the internet last ruin your life?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 9:27, 153 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

Every day.
Every. Single. Day.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 9:31, Reply)

When I left my wedding ring on and people were able to identify me, despite my face not being shown in the picture.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 9:31, Reply)

It's always my tattoos that get me.
Damn you, Gwen Stefani's face on my right arse cheek. Damn you.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 9:38, Reply)

But what about the tattoo?

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 9:38, Reply)

*drops monocle*
I say.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 9:40, Reply)

Let the records show that everyone is Coventry is intimately acquainted with Yurters' ring.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 9:42, Reply)

Given that it was intended to be a reference to the popular internet meme 'goatse', the records should perhaps show that it is more widespread* than just Coventry
I accept that having to explain it means it was a terribly shit joke, but I'm not sorry.


*LOL!
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 9:48, Reply)

Fucking hell, never mind Nakers, you're worse ethan Dozer.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 9:49, Reply)

That hurts, man

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 9:49, Reply)

GOOD.
I'm having to do college stuff today and it's fucking shit.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 9:50, Reply)

Its ok AB
You keep sticking those little bits of paper and before you know it a beautiful picture will appear
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 9:54, Reply)

unlucky
All I have to do is try not to get unmanageably pissed before going for a curry later
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 9:57, Reply)

I have already booked in getting unmanageably pissed for this evening

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 9:59, Reply)

Have you got a back up plan for when you, inevitably, get unmanageably pissed?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 9:59, Reply)

I'd imagine it involves collapsing into a puddle of his own piss whilst being sucked off by a dusky skinned toothless gentleman.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:01, Reply)

yes.
It's 'go for a curry whilst unmanageably pissed'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:07, Reply)

I too, am going for a curry tonight.
Am also going to Norwich tomorrow, fact fans.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:00, Reply)

me too!
the curry. not the shit norwich thing.

norwich is shit.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:06, Reply)

there's a good market there.
Well there was in 1987 anyway
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:12, Reply)

I was 4 then. #MakeYouFeelOld

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:14, Reply)

I would urge you to get unimaginably pissed before attempting that
It's the only way to cope with the horror
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:07, Reply)

It could be worse. It could be Colchester or Ipswich.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:09, Reply)

or Cov.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:10, Reply)

Trudat.
I'm going off to buy archery kit.

I'm hoping to buy a good firm riser.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:13, Reply)

This is a post which could be interpreted as 'I am going to handle another man's erect penis'^^^^

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:14, Reply)

haha you're right it does!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:17, Reply)

At least he'd get a decent curry.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:22, Reply)

It would have to be quite recently
I put out a press release in good faith to try and help someone promote there new discovery. I could only go on the information I was provided with but it seems there were a few very minor errors, I admit the bit about the research team using a primary school as dildo holders may have been a bit too far but that couldn't be helped.

Now I seem to be the bad guy in all this even though my original release has been republished gaining great exposure.
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 9:34, Reply)

Textbook.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 9:37, Reply)

raises top hat
"Sir"
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 9:39, Reply)

9/10

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 9:48, Reply)

Ah man... I might as well quit now.
It can only go downhill from here
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 9:50, Reply)

double tens are within your reach

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 9:51, Reply)

*sniffs
Fanks mate... I will soldier on
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 9:53, Reply)

Actually there was this time when I wrote a JOKE about noncing up my 10-year-old cousin and then punching a policeman
and it didn't go down to well.

But I was just trolling the trolls so it was well lol.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 9:37, Reply)

I FUCKING TOLD YOU THAT ENGADGET WAS RIGHT AND THEY'LL BE ABLE TO POWER THINGS WIRELESSLESSLY SOON.
is it gonna effect your funding? Could you take the "Freeze Dry" machine home if they shut you down? I think they would be quite usefull, that and a few Bunson Burners and you could work from home instead.

But Fo'reals, that sounds like it totally sucks, this is the trouble with journelists, especially ones who don't report on stuff they're at least vaguely interested in. It's just column inches and GA Stats to them.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 9:42, Reply)

I am also imagining your
Collaborative partners are a bit like the Vichy which please me.
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 9:42, Reply)

Not even in my top ten soups

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 9:44, Reply)

Typical cow! MISO HORNY

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 9:50, Reply)

hahahaha!
First laugh of today so thank you
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 9:54, Reply)

:)

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 9:54, Reply)

Alright TMB
Could be worse. You could be that Doris what discovered radiation and then had all her hair fall out and cancer in her tits and that.
( Kroney, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 9:59, Reply)

Jade Goody?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:04, Reply)

That stupid fat bitch fucking got on my tits
Not just her fucking puerile existence but the whole "oh woe is me I got a treatable cancer because I wilfully missed the appointment that would have saved my life, now I am selling my misery (as bravely soldiering on) to all the fucking shitbrains to exploit it for (The sake of ma Children)" honestly while other people try to raise funds for others etc. she just managed to fucking milk it one last time
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:13, Reply)

...unlike her tits, which fell off

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:14, Reply)

Plus she looked like a blonde toad.

( Kroney, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:16, Reply)

Unfortunately for her there was no Curie

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:06, Reply)

Alright who's nicked Bonzo's login?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:08, Reply)

That post positively reeks of panchetta. I'm going for Lokers here.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:09, Reply)

yeah thats who it was that fucking Lokers
Its ok I am back now
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:16, Reply)

Not guilty!
I could never Sievert the point of such excruciating punnery.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:16, Reply)

Alright, Jeff?

( Kroney, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:10, Reply)

I might have a bottle of wine

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:08, Reply)

Give over, at least wait for lunch time, scarpe.

( Kroney, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:08, Reply)

if I drink one now I can have a nap before dinner.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:09, Reply)

I'm guessing you're off work at the moment, then?
My boss was a functioning alcoholic for a while, I could see if he has any procedural pointers for you, if you like?
( Kroney, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:13, Reply)

I have the week off to 'celebrate' turning 40

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:15, Reply)

Well, if you wouldn't mind not drinking yourself into a coma
before I can buy you a pint, I'd appreciate it.
( Kroney, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:17, Reply)

ok

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:19, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/pythonshame/post385927
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:10, Reply)

the shame would drive anyone to drink

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:14, Reply)

holy shit that sucks
pink socks of sympathy for you

the internet hasn't managed it yet, but there were a few rumours at school that did the rounds faster than the internet has ever managed it that made life tricky from a teenage girl perspective.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:15, Reply)

I have never heard the one from your school about you being a chubby gingester who puts it out to any man in a pleather jacket or well-known-patry-franchise-headgear.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:17, Reply)

THAT WASN'T THE RUMOUR
so there
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:19, Reply)

No, the rumour is that you've got so many pizza crust and steak bake crumbs in your knickers that people call you Hovis.
I'd also heard that actual scientists are trialing advanced yeast infection therapies on you for much the same reason.
( Kroney, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:20, Reply)

I have clicked 'I like this'.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:21, Reply)

YOU WOULD

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:24, Reply)

Pants wi' nowt tekken owt

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:24, Reply)

And TMB's press release still wont go away

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:24, Reply)

I'd also heard that she's single-handedly responsible for the introduction of anchovies as a pizza topping

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:24, Reply)

It's early for POTD, however this is definitely it.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:28, Reply)

I heard that Paul Hollywood appreciates the flavours,
likes the crumb, but noticed a soggy bottom.
( Kroney, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:28, Reply)

hahaha!
*enclickens*
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:33, Reply)

STOP VALIDATING HIM

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:34, Reply)

IT'S ALL DOUGHY IN THE CENTRE BAD BAKE

( Kroney, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:34, Reply)

JUST LIKE YOUR COCK THEN

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:38, Reply)

What can I say? I prefer a fresher loaf.

( Kroney, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:40, Reply)

French pastry has nothing in the middle anywhere

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:42, Reply)

THE
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:21, Reply)

ZING

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:25, Reply)

was it that you had a vestigial tail
and you could use it to pick up apples and shove them up your arse?
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:18, Reply)

almost
it's like you were there
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:19, Reply)

hahahaha!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:24, Reply)

How come a load.of that last thread got deleted?

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:25, Reply)

maybe someone.deleted it

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:26, Reply)

Just wondering why, frog face

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:27, Reply)

face cock
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:28, Reply)

I was only being sarcastic and amusing myself at your erroneous full stop
There's no need for insults :'(
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:29, Reply)

I didn't notice your full stop.
Cock face.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:31, Reply)

Well! How rude.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:33, Reply)

C.o.c.k. . f.a.c.e.

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:34, Reply)

M.O.D.S.!.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:35, Reply)

What got deleted and why should I care?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:35, Reply)

something about your family, according to the harbinger of truth and justice up there

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:37, Reply)

That was yesterday, he's on about the last thread.
Or is he just a day behind the rest of us?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:50, Reply)

he plays by his own rules, man

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:56, Reply)

Never.
The Internet is my only true friend.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 3 Oct 2013, 10:50, Reply)

true friend Employer
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 11:02, Reply)

Got a possible job installing low voltage light circuits and fire alarms for eco-housing.
Might do them all wrong so the hippies houses burn down.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 3 Oct 2013, 11:04, Reply)

Insist it is a special low volt heating system

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 11:07, Reply)

I have been thinking about getting solar panels fitted to the roof

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 11:08, Reply)

Do it

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 3 Oct 2013, 11:17, Reply)

if you were going to a baysh what would you wear to ensure no-one laughed and pointed and make teh ladies get with the swooning and knowing glances
but also looks good with a baloon hat?
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 11:01, Reply)

with your face, it's hardly likely to make a difference

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 11:01, Reply)

you ent seen my face but i appreciate the vote of confidence
you're alright you are
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 11:03, Reply)

So you are saying a Joseph Merrick mask then?

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 11:03, Reply)

yeah! im like that Sy Clops off'f xmen with the glasses keeping his awesome power in check

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 11:05, Reply)

My bestest woolly cardigan

( Kroney, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 11:06, Reply)

Alright "Paul Michael Glazier"

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 11:08, Reply)

Fedora.
Hilarious but obscure Internet comic Tshirt. Baggy jeans. Doctor Martins/converse and find the cologne that smells most like desperately sweaty.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 3 Oct 2013, 11:06, Reply)

i cant help but feel WP that you're leading me up the primrose path here
but im the kind of cunt that gives a cunt the benefit of the doubt, so ill take this shit suggestion under advisement
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 11:10, Reply)

If I were you, I'd not listen.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 3 Oct 2013, 11:18, Reply)

i duuno, ive still a got a fucken pep-le-pew tshirt kicking about somewhere, would that do?

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 11:20, Reply)

balloon trousers and a balloon shirt obviously

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 11:13, Reply)

To match your balloon knot of a face, right?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 11:17, Reply)

cheers mince, knew i could rely on you for some sensible suggestions

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 11:18, Reply)

A t-shirt with a QR code on it
and then when people scan it, it takes them to a photo of me in the nip, legs akimbo.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 3 Oct 2013, 11:29, Reply)