For FUCKS SAKE!
Hello? Where is everyone?

Tell me, oh offtopic, tales of your teenage awkwardness
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 13:33, 183 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

I wrote my mum's car off at 18, that was awkward

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 13:35, Reply)

This needs more

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 13:38, Reply)

more details?
turns out minis have shit brakes and roll really easily if you clip a kerb while desperately trying not to spin.
They are pretty strong for their size, though.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 13:41, Reply)

oh dear
I got sideswiped in my Dad's Clio one Sunday morning and nearly tipped
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 13:42, Reply)

Bizarrely I didn't have a scratch
neither did any of the records on the back seat I'd just bought.
Car was proper fucked though, no glass left in it and one side of the roof a foot or more lower than it should have been.
One way to learn not to drive like a dickhead, I guess.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 13:46, Reply)

What records were they?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 13:49, Reply)

Something late 80s iirc
think Roxette was one of them
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 13:50, Reply)

*gives The Look*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 13:52, Reply)

Something something Joyride something

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 13:52, Reply)

yup, that one.
Think it might even still be in the attic with all the other LPs
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 13:53, Reply)

It must have been Glove(box)

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 13:53, Reply)

Well the car was certainly "over now".

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 13:57, Reply)

It must have been fast
when I lost it somehow
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 13:58, Reply)

very good

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:02, Reply)

*mumbles*
*looks at floor*
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 13:36, Reply)

tggi^

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 13:39, Reply)

First time I got 'fingers and tops' I was so nervous my hands got so sweaty and shaky she probably thought I had Parkinson's.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 13:36, Reply)

smooth

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 13:39, Reply)

In my defence I was 37.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 13:39, Reply)

genuine officelol
I was expecting "No, a few hairs"
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 13:40, Reply)

And when I opened my eyes there was a cup of tea on my bedside table.

( Peej, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 13:36, Reply)

textbook

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 13:38, Reply)

I was a sk8er,with all the fashion sense and attitude that went with it.
I was pretty good, but lost interest pretty young.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 17 Oct 2013, 13:38, Reply)

Dozer is 33 and still thinks this is cool

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 13:39, Reply)

He is an insufferable prick.
I still watch X games and find it all quite impressive, but it's a child's game.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 17 Oct 2013, 13:41, Reply)

I walked two miles with a girl I fancied before I'd plucked up the courage to ask her out
Then I had two miles to walk back home after

TIT
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 13:41, Reply)

I walked a girl home about 3 miles in the wrong direction once. Then got lost and slept in a bus shelter.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 17 Oct 2013, 13:43, Reply)

*shy-fives*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 13:43, Reply)

Hush hush

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:00, Reply)

You do, do you?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:10, Reply)

I still haven't plucked up to courage to ask her.
Probably wouldn't work out now I'm married to someone else anyway.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 13:50, Reply)

This is a sad story.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 17 Oct 2013, 13:51, Reply)

Just don't go down the HH route of contacting women from your past.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:01, Reply)

I have always been cool.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 13:41, Reply)

POW!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 13:42, Reply)

YEAH BOIIIIII

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 13:43, Reply)

*arrives with decibels*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 13:45, Reply)

deci cow
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 13:49, Reply)

lol

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 13:52, Reply)

I am ashamed of some of the clothing I wore, like a bright peach shirt, with metal collar ends and a bootlace tie. Combined with a curly mullet and cowboy boots.
Hello 1985. It's not nice to think of you again.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 13:43, Reply)

ho ho ho
Oh dear
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 13:44, Reply)

CURTAINS

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 13:46, Reply)

Did you?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 13:46, Reply)

I DID
*shames*

Once I'd finished school I kind of forgot to get a haircut for two years as well
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 13:51, Reply)

I am able to offer you sympathy at this difficult time of recalling traumatic events xx

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 13:53, Reply)

There are mercifully few photos during this time
although there is one of my FB somewhere
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 13:54, Reply)

*stalks*

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:10, Reply)

I really wouldn't bother...

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:27, Reply)

I think this was the norm for a lot of boys in the early 90s
cf. badger, Monty, me, etc.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 13:54, Reply)

I had curtains AND and undercut.
As I said, always been cool.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 13:55, Reply)

Captain Clopper

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 13:56, Reply)

The word you are looking for is 'sexay'

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 13:57, Reply)

I'm too fucking wet to think

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 13:57, Reply)

TAKE ME NOW!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 13:57, Reply)

Pizza first?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:00, Reply)

Go on then
MEATZA!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:00, Reply)

DONE

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:01, Reply)

*braces for impact*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:01, Reply)

*prepares for launch*
a
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:02, Reply)

I had blonde curtains and day glo shirts too.
What the fuck were the 90's even about?
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:05, Reply)

Mancs and/or techno, iirc.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:12, Reply)

I was pretty unhappy about being told what sort of trousers to wear to a family event.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 13:46, Reply)

Shorts?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 13:57, Reply)

social retard doesn't even begin to cover it
i had such a crushing inability to talk to anyone, over analysing everything I said to the point I said fuck all and came across like a weirdo. I was a walking-not-so-much-talking-sisters-of-mercy-on-the-walkman-in-the-rain-cupping-a-three-strand-rollie-long-black-coated-chubby-pale-cliche

still...at least I quit smoking
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 13:46, Reply)

i was ok as a teenager
usual stuff, lots of friends, snogged boys etc, generally one of the cool ones.

but OMG at 11, my friend and i rocked up to senior school having taken the words of the nuns at our junior school a bit too seriously. we had our knee high socks PULLED UP, we had BRIEFCASES instead of cool bags, and it would be many years before i learned the value of hair straighteners...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 13:47, Reply)

Theres probably a reason you point this out so often but i ent sigmund sputnik
b3ta.com/search/posts/22005?q=%22lots+of+friends%22
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 13:54, Reply)

Ha ha ha

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:00, Reply)

ONCE A YEAR
much like you venturing outside!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:05, Reply)

You're a fucking tragedy.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 17 Oct 2013, 13:55, Reply)

shush and post more dog pics
they're your best feature
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:06, Reply)

On my first day at Secondary School one of the bully kids took me aside
sorted my tie for me so it wasn't in a big fuck off knot and told me never to wear a cardboard collar.

Sage advice.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:03, Reply)

it's probably good advice for life, that

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:10, Reply)

hi swiper
Doctor Frog and I are meeting up in Knightsbridge for a maccy ds, are you in?
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:11, Reply)

nah, i've got the gym tonight, sorry chaps

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:14, Reply)

s'alright, it ent till the 26th, clear your diary kiddo
clear your diary fill the void
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:15, Reply)

got a baby shower on 26th
sorry mate.

well, sorry to frog, really. as something suggests he'll be in mcd's on his own.

and there isn't a mcd's in knightsbridge...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:21, Reply)

there is one on high st ken
I know this because I am banned from it.

hth xx
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:23, Reply)

Why were you banned?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:25, Reply)

fucked if I know
it was on my 21st so I have limited memory. I believe it had something to do with a shopping trolley.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:26, Reply)

I ate an entire KFC family bucket (including apple pie) on my 21st
I think I still have indigestion now
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:33, Reply)

How the heck do you get banned from mcds?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:26, Reply)

being a drunken cunt
I imagine
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:27, Reply)

surely that's 80% of their clientele past 7pm

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:28, Reply)

yeah, but apparently you have to be
the right class of drunk in Kensington McDonalds.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:37, Reply)

Ah, so you're banned for drinking prosecco then.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:39, Reply)

I'd been drinking something called flaming lamborghinis
that probably explains why I have no memory.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:44, Reply)

there is indeed
i haven't been in once since i moved there, mind
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:30, Reply)

no probs, get the shower to de-camp to shoreditch for some happy fun times with me and Mince and 'Bill Clay' and not frog cos he's rory

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:23, Reply)

c'mon, now! Mince needs some cheering up dammit!

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:24, Reply)

How dare you! Rory indeed. I ent him cos our real names are pretty different.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:28, Reply)

word on the street and impirical evidence bud, soz

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:29, Reply)

Ask mince.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:30, Reply)

why?

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:31, Reply)

He knows man, HE KNOWS.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:32, Reply)

he thought he knew me once too

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:32, Reply)

I've already said too much.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:34, Reply)

There is I have been there, it has downstairs seating covered in pleather. You'd love it.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:25, Reply)

Baby Ruth?
Baby Ninja
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:26, Reply)

Sorry reg.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:29, Reply)

Haven't they got one in Harrods Foodhall?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:26, Reply)

that's a krispy kreme stand
with a £5 harrods quadruple chocolate donut
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:30, Reply)

Harrods is much better for food than Fortnums.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:32, Reply)

Hello sportscow.
In answer to your question, have this:

www.b3ta.com/questions/iffycrushes/post1382883
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 13:51, Reply)

I like these ones

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 13:55, Reply)

My teens were a right mismatch
I drifted from group to group at school, went through an emo phase, a chav phase, hung round with the geeks, the bullies, the lot.

I didn't really get bullied or owt. A few tried but I just hit back. Discovered weed and alcohol way too early on. Still managed to push through with good GCSE's and that.

Came out in the 6th form and that was that rally, discovered clubs, drugs, class A's and the rest is history.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:02, Reply)

Sorry, just popped out for a nice pub lunch with the old fella.
I'm back now.

Hmmm, where to start? Let's see: I was overweight, flat chested, bad skin, weird hair, wore glasses, bookworm, swot...

Yeah, I had a great time as a teenager. Thanks for reminding me.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:12, Reply)

Still, least you don't have the flat chest problem any more, eh?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:14, Reply)

: (

Started growing when I was 16, and the bastards never stopped.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:15, Reply)

No wonder you had to settle for a geriatric, nobody else would have you.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:25, Reply)

Pretty much : (

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:27, Reply)

I was never cool in school
I'm sure you don't remember me
And now it's been 20 years
I'm still wondering who to be.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:12, Reply)

*piano solos*

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:15, Reply)

I've always neen suave and debonair sorry
You clumsy hamfisted cunt. Still doing the homebrew?
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:15, Reply)

I've got a brew barrel with all the cleaning shizz
I think the beer stuff is out of date though.

B3TA!!

Help me decide what to do with it. What's easy to make?
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:26, Reply)

Cider.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:27, Reply)

Yeah that's what I was thinking
Im going to do some online investigation.

apples and water? Haha!
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:29, Reply)

The Moss Cider Project are having free cider making workshops tomorrow and Sunday I'll gaz you details if you want?

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:33, Reply)

Ah cheers for that but I'm not one for all that workshop jazz.
Google is my friend!
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:43, Reply)

I've not had a chance to start as yet
but I will do some
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:31, Reply)

Eny1 no ware da nu QOTFW is?

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:32, Reply)

No idea
Maybe it's finally been laid to rest?
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:35, Reply)

They've shut it down 4EVA

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:35, Reply)

I was ugly, rail thin and socially awkward.
It was after my first year of university, when I fell hopelessly head over heels with a girl in my class who returned the attraction then subsequently failed to do absolutely anything about it, that I decided enough was enough and I needed to man up.

Seven years later I asked a girl out for the first time.
( Kroney, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:33, Reply)

It always pays to take your time and think very carefully
before actually manning up, eh?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:39, Reply)

No point rushing into it, badge.

( Kroney, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 14:40, Reply)