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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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I see that Charles Saatchi is claiming that famously waifish Nigella Lawson has a gak habit. A claim that's up there with 'B3th has a strong work ethic'.
What's your favourite unlikely claim?
(I helped save b3ta! Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 17:41, 136 replies, latest was 12 years ago)
Some people have claimed that Al isn't a cunt IRL.
Having met him, I can confirm he IS a cunt.
(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 17:47, Reply)
Clickin dis

(I helped save b3ta! Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 17:51, Reply)
That I'm a bent spastic despite all evidence to the contary

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 17:50, Reply)
That I'm miserable and depressed.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 17:50, Reply)
u ok hun? xx

(I helped save b3ta! GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 18:02, Reply)
ALWAYS :))))

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 18:03, Reply)
Actually Bob Crow's claim that he has "no moral duty" to move out of his council house
Despite earning £145k a year
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 17:51, Reply)
that I am a sexy man-magnet

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 17:51, Reply)
You're more like a man post-it, sticks once or twice but soon gets cast off again.

(I helped save b3ta! Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 17:53, Reply)
i am going to use this description

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 17:54, Reply)
I reckon that's totally sig-worthy.

(I helped save b3ta! Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 17:56, Reply)
done
only marginally more poetic
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 17:59, Reply)
That people on the internet are actually quite nice.

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 26 Nov 2013, 17:52, Reply)
I'm lovely.

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 26 Nov 2013, 18:57, Reply)
alright

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 17:58, Reply)
I'm not.
I'm being victimised.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 26 Nov 2013, 17:59, Reply)
wield the stephammer

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 18:06, Reply)
Oh, if only I could.
Some of you bastards would be sorry.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 26 Nov 2013, 18:07, Reply)
Not me I've never been anything but lovely to you

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 18:13, Reply)
Headline of the day:
Slippery Salmond takes pounding from darling
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 17:59, Reply)
That man is too stupid to be slippery.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 18:01, Reply)
one of my uncles knows him
Don't think he likes him.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 18:06, Reply)
I think he's fairly universally unpopular.

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 26 Nov 2013, 18:07, Reply)
The Dozer of politics.

(I helped save b3ta! Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 18:08, Reply)
chicks dig him

(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 18:09, Reply)
Alex Salmond gets loads of fanny innit

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 18:11, Reply)
He *is* a massive fanny, you mean.

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 26 Nov 2013, 18:12, Reply)
Actual uncle or a paedophile one?

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 18:08, Reply)
actual

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 18:09, Reply)
one of the fit currymunchers at work
Got summarily dismissed and escorted from the building today.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 18:09, Reply)
Sounds like swipe's dream man.

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 26 Nov 2013, 18:09, Reply)
bird
Not a pierced paki millinery victim.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 18:10, Reply)
Sig this!
Oh.
(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 18:11, Reply)
What had she done?

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 26 Nov 2013, 18:11, Reply)
Stunk the place out most likely

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 18:12, Reply)
Down with this type of thing.

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 26 Nov 2013, 18:14, Reply)
Edgy.

(I helped save b3ta! Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 21:27, Reply)
lied about everything on her cv.
Qualifications, employment history, the lot.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 18:17, Reply)
*tuts*

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 26 Nov 2013, 18:25, Reply)

u i
(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 18:25, Reply)
Wahey!
(o)(o)
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 26 Nov 2013, 18:27, Reply)
Cor!

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 18:27, Reply)
Are those chompies moobs and burger nips?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 19:05, Reply)
How long did they take to find out?

(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 18:44, Reply)
can't see her being a Charlie hound no.
Discuss.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 18:14, Reply)
Dr Fox told me she was addicted to "cake"

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 18:15, Reply)
Dependency is a very different thing. Check out rational recovery online.
And the cake thing was that silly pseudo docudrama as I can recall.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 18:19, Reply)
Keep going, you've nearly kicked the life out of any bit of amusement to be had from that reply.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 18:21, Reply)
Amusement happens here still?
Sorry.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 18:31, Reply)
About once a day as a rule.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 18:31, Reply)
haha

(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 19:40, Reply)
cake is a made up drug

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 18:23, Reply)
Does c3p0 have a brass eye rather than a brown one?

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 18:24, Reply)
no

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 18:45, Reply)
Check em.

(I helped save b3ta! GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 18:25, Reply)
You're an idiot

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 19:04, Reply)
Saatchi (who is in advertising*) claims someone has a Gak habit?
Pot/Kettle/Black I feel.

*A notoriously drug** fuelled 'Industry'

**Has to be. On the rare occasions I see adverts I wonder 'What the shuddering fuck were these people ON to produce this shite'
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 18:40, Reply)
Nah.
They're just fucking morons. Like marketing and sales people.
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 26 Nov 2013, 18:58, Reply)
We are well paid morons though and a vast majority of the public fall for our wares. So who's the moron now?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 19:04, Reply)
That's correct it's dozer

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 19:05, Reply)
Alright nakers,
I didn't mean you obviously. My current bug bear is with the planning people in the office.
Theyve booked me 3 jobs on Friday, with a combined driving time of 5 hours. Giving me 3.5 hours to do 7 man hours of work. I guarantee they'll get shitty with me when I point it out tomorrow.
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 26 Nov 2013, 19:09, Reply)
Get Esther Rantzen onto them...
Actually, don't. She did fuck all about Saville.

Yeah, it's unlikely they will own up to their own fuck up, but stranger things have happened!
(I helped save b3ta! GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 19:15, Reply)
Nah, they'll say
"oh, that third was only a hold in case 1 or 2 fell through, wasn't supposed to be on your sheet. But, I'll ring my supervisor first, so it goes on the list.
I imagine planning to be quite stressful thought, as you'll have sales and engineering on your back almost constantly.
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 26 Nov 2013, 19:28, Reply)
Support staff are bellends
At least you're working though, you'll look back on this yer and say "yeah it was tough, but I made the change I wanted to"
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 19:15, Reply)
I tell you what,
Just these 2 weeks of a bit of structure, free time, and work that's not a fucking nightmare of drunks has cheered me no end. It's been totally worth it.
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 26 Nov 2013, 19:21, Reply)
This is pleasing to hear.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 19:21, Reply)
It'll be even more pleasing when I get paid.

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 26 Nov 2013, 19:23, Reply)
This is exactly how I felt after a decade.
I have definitely done my time in that trade now :)
(I helped save b3ta! GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 19:23, Reply)
Yup.
It's blissful to spend evenings at home and just walk away at the end of a day with no cares or worries about the job, just pick it up again the next day where I stopped.
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 26 Nov 2013, 19:26, Reply)
Bank Holidays, New Years and Christmas off. Amazing!

(I helped save b3ta! GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 19:27, Reply)
it's a hard slog in the pub trade, more than people realise!

(I helped save b3ta! GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 19:27, Reply)
The company I'm in shuts down around the 20th and doesn't pick up till after new year.
That's like 2 weeks.
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 26 Nov 2013, 19:29, Reply)
It's such a great feeling. Enjoy!

(I helped save b3ta! GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 19:30, Reply)
I still think you are a moron xx

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 19:11, Reply)
That means a lot thx

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 19:17, Reply)
Only for the purposes of the internet. Not in real life.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 19:18, Reply)
This is such an old man comment

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 19:15, Reply)
Amorous Badger lives a full and satisfying life,
With no desire to belittle Internet strangers for their lies and idiocy.

Alright badge, how's tricks?
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 26 Nov 2013, 18:55, Reply)
Wait, so fat birds can't do coke?
I'm sure that ain't right.
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 19:27, Reply)
I used to serve fat birds diet coke, whether they wanted it or not.

(I helped save b3ta! GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 19:30, Reply)
Bit reckless, what if they were phenylketonuric?

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 19:42, Reply)
Why not?
Coke is for pretty successful people in white collar jobs that drive audi tt and live in an apartment because they're too ashamed to call it a flat.
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 26 Nov 2013, 19:31, Reply)
I'm sure fat celebrities can enjoy it too
cf. Brian Wilson
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 19:33, Reply)
Coke is mainly for pricks

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 19:48, Reply)
I like coke
Prefer bumbles though.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 19:49, Reply)
Point proven ^

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 19:52, Reply)
HI

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 19:53, Reply)
See above

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 19:56, Reply)
There's about 100 replies above, I haven't got time for these games.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 19:57, Reply)
Your a prick

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 19:57, Reply)
You're

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 19:58, Reply)
With you on this.

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 19:59, Reply)
since when is she fat?

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 19:32, Reply)
I'd say she weighs more than me and AB combined

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 19:34, Reply)
Oh, here we go.

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 26 Nov 2013, 19:34, Reply)
^^ blobbing
;)
(I helped save b3ta! GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 19:35, Reply)
she lost a fair bit of weight
And is still fat.

An ass so fat you can see it from the front.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 19:36, Reply)
Why do you think she is only ever filmed from the waist up?
Cos corsets don't work on your arse
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 19:40, Reply)
i thought it was so it could focus on her tits
I don't watch her on telly, so I've not seen her lately.
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 19:41, Reply)
That's just arse fat that's been squeezed up like yogurt In a tube

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 19:44, Reply)
still would though

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 19:43, Reply)
Only in the face and tits

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 19:46, Reply)
on, not in

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 19:47, Reply)
Your doing it wrong

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 19:47, Reply)
cocaine doesn't necessarily make the weight fall off
Look at Swipe: major beak habit; built like a walrus.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 19:35, Reply)
Nu fred

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 19:59, Reply)

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