Fine! I will do it then.
So xmas etc etc, er, so, yeah, we have done all the usual ballsack, however have you bought anything good for other people that you are particularly pleased with?
Alt: I made a cake yesterday with my littlest niece and nephew, they couldn't decide if they wanted jam or lemon curd in it so we did half and half, so, I dunno, talk about cakes or weird combinations or something.
Altalt: I've got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one, tell us you woes, moans, problems and maybe we can help. Or not. Whatever.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 14:48, 148 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

Alt. Made some "adult" rocky road for a chrismas drinks-over yesterday.
Other than that, I've been experimenting heavily with macaroons and madeleines recently. French patisserieing, check 'em.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 14:52, Reply)

More pudding type stuff should be laced with drugs. I think that should be 'a thing' for 2014.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 14:55, Reply)

Space custard.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 14:56, Reply)

haha.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:01, Reply)

Who ya gonna call?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 16:16, Reply)

Piss easy recipe fpr hash cakes.
Melt some crumbled hash or bud in butter, mix with honey, crunchy peanut butter and crumbled digestives. Pressinto a cake tin and stick in the fridge to set. Piss easy.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 14:58, Reply)

I don't really like hash. Got any recipes for skag and/or crack?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:00, Reply)

It wasn't laced with drugs.
Soz. It just had grown-up flavours in it.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:01, Reply)

I gathered that really, just sounded well druggie innit

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:03, Reply)

"I've been experimenting heavily with macaroons and madeleines recently"
what a creative way to tell us that you're bi.

like we didn't already know.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:03, Reply)

Right. Like you don't realise that being able to home-make wonderful confectionery
is a sure-fire knicker remover.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:07, Reply)

Cunt buys some almond essence and thinks he's Raymond Blanc

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:08, Reply)

fuck off and wash your mouth out.
essence, indeed. The very cheek of it.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:10, Reply)

Sometimes I know where to stick the knife

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:16, Reply)

just as long as it the correct knife for the job.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:18, Reply)

Salted caramel or pistachio macaroons please

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:08, Reply)

Chocolate macaroons with salted caramel is the current winner.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:09, Reply)

i don't like macaroons
they always taste of disappointment
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:24, Reply)

that's because you are buying shite ones from overpriced wank London "cupcake" shops
HTH xxx
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:31, Reply)

I got my parents a nice hamper, which will tide them over, should they be snowed in.
alt. Baking is not my forte but something which needs looked into.
I did make a gorgeous coconut beef curry over the weekend. Slow cooked. Served with smashed potato. It was proper nom.

altalt. I'm quite happy really, thanks though.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 14:56, Reply)

Coconut beef sounds well rank.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 14:58, Reply)

Nope. was nice. Never had a Malaysian curry?

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 14:59, Reply)

Not with beef

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:04, Reply)

Beef rendang is practically a national dish

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:16, Reply)

and a delicious one at that

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:18, Reply)

it's the basis of a fair bit of Thai and Malay cuisine.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:02, Reply)

you served Thai beef curry with mashed potato?
You're giving the North a bad name.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:02, Reply)

Don't knock it. Honestly. It was near perfection.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:03, Reply)

To be fair I love to eat bolognese off digestive biscuits

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:17, Reply)

Bon Jovi's Geordie roots really showed

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:41, Reply)

I've got a co-worker a well LOL secret santa present
I'll not get the credit though, cos secret santa innit. Everyone else'll probably own up though cos they're a bunch of selfish cunts that can't just bask in the joy of giving and have to stand there looking all smug and expecting thanks because they bought a fucking smelly set in a 3 for 2 at Boots. Fucking people.
(Xav loves PhillieJoe, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:02, Reply)

Everyone knows it was you who got the Jeff Stryker cock and balls.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:04, Reply)

I just googled "Jeff Stryker" at work you utter cockstain
I really should have known better
(Xav loves PhillieJoe, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:06, Reply)

It had cock and balls right next to it?
You were expecting My Little Donkey?
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:08, Reply)

*grabs mirror for a little self-belming time*

(Xav loves PhillieJoe, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:09, Reply)

Give him a minute, he's googling "my little donkey cock and balls" right now

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:10, Reply)

I'll get to that in a minute
I'm just checking the dictionary, apparently some words have been removed.
(Xav loves PhillieJoe, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:11, Reply)

i think my christmas present from someone was the 3rd in a 3 for 2
I got sent photographic evidence :(
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:04, Reply)

It's what they paid for it that counts.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:05, Reply)

IT WAS JUST A FUCKING BAG

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:05, Reply)

Whoa. Normal condoms not enough for you eh?
Must be a gusher.
(Xav loves PhillieJoe, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:12, Reply)

No I require extra small.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:17, Reply)

i just get an empty bag?
I must have been a very bad girl this year :(
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:25, Reply)

You have presents. Plural.
I'd like an empty bag please.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:26, Reply)

that almost sounds rude

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:27, Reply)

O RLY?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:27, Reply)

i don't think your purple jumper likes my washing machine :(

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:30, Reply)

I knew you'd fuck it up >:(

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:31, Reply)

i'm only kidding
it's still in the machine
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:32, Reply)

I bet you have fucked it up nonetheless.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:33, Reply)

DO YOUR OWN SODDING WASHING THEN
YEAH I WENT THERE
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:45, Reply)

THAT WAS MY SUGGESTION

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:46, Reply)

I can't believe you're actually discussing your washing on here
I'd say it was a new low but .. this is b3ta.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:34, Reply)

It's not washing as such, it's her inability to read a fucking label

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:35, Reply)

to quote the great homer simpson
"just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand"
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:37, Reply)

To quote the great me, "Shut up Gillian"

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:38, Reply)

to quote the great ting tings, "that's not my name"

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:45, Reply)

yer i know

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:47, Reply)

it's just a low grade wind-up

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:37, Reply)

WHAT IS IT THEN?!?!?!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:04, Reply)

I've lost interest already

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:05, Reply)

I can't tell
You might be him for all I know
(Xav loves PhillieJoe, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:07, Reply)

No, I'm me, not him.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:23, Reply)

I've never bought anyone a good present
I'm shit at present buying and leave all that business to someone else.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:04, Reply)

Yes, thanks, we already know you aren't a nice person.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:05, Reply)

It's not that I'm not a nice person
It's just I don't really care about whatever it is other people are into
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:07, Reply)

Yes, but also you aren't a nice person. We know, you don't need to keep going on about it.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:08, Reply)

"film"

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:08, Reply)

Is it?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:14, Reply)

I got called a Scrooge because the wife deals with all the Christmas cards
I'm happy to not receive them if it means I don't have to send them
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:10, Reply)

sending Christmas cards is the mark of a pederast.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:11, Reply)

And the desperately needy

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:14, Reply)

Cards are a load of old shit.
[MY NAME]

HAPPY XMAS!

[YOUR NAME]

Straight in the fucking bin.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:12, Reply)

your face is 'a load of old shit'

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:14, Reply)

Your hamster's fur is covered in 'a load of old shit'

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:16, Reply)

silver and brown is a good combination

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:19, Reply)

You shouldn't be allowed to keep animals.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:23, Reply)

I'm not

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:24, Reply)

Oh, fair enough, no offence.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:25, Reply)

Is that why you wear a brown shirt and silver tie?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:24, Reply)

clear

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:26, Reply)

I keep telling my hair this

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:43, Reply)

Lies - there's no brown in there.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:43, Reply)

Untruth
I count 4
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:45, Reply)

Yeah, cards are for pricks.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:14, Reply)

Nothing says 'Happy Xmas' like a folded piece of paper with hastily scrawled names written in it.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:17, Reply)

I'll probably just cook my parents dinner, but they have to buy the food and do the washing up, I'm not their fucking slave.

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:09, Reply)

hi chimpy!
The gift of family is the greatest of all xx
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:11, Reply)

They're not even his real family

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:15, Reply)

adopted = hated at birth

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:18, Reply)

that's not fair
it just means the parents hated each other.

but then for each there would be a real risk and crippling fear that the crotchfruit took after the other one...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:26, Reply)

+for

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:43, Reply)

I got Mrs Cow a phone cover with a cool pic of the kids on it
I made slooooooooow cooked brisket yesterday. It was OK.

Christmas cake + cheese seems odd but really is rather nom
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:44, Reply)

I saw one of those bank cards you can get with a photo of your choice on earlier, and this chap had a naked baby. Bit weird innit?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:48, Reply)

I'm surprised you even let bartkeyby buy you a pint

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:52, Reply)

he was looking for tips

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:52, Reply)

p t
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:55, Reply)

(o) (o)

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:57, Reply)

\o/

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:57, Reply)

I dunno who 'bartkeyby' is, soz.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:55, Reply)

Igot some Crimbo cheese last year.
Cinnamon and stuff in it. I' m off getting cheese and nuts this week and looking for chestnuts, the market had none last week.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:52, Reply)

ima buy me a 1kg brie wheel from Asda for £5

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:57, Reply)

I saw that advertised the Cornish one.
I find brie a bit bland really.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 16:02, Reply)

Good for toasties and bacon sarnies

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 16:08, Reply)

Seconding Christmas cake with cheese, but insisting on a glass of port to go with it.
Is this a north eastern thing?
I'm sure I was introduced to it by that side of the family.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:52, Reply)

we always had an un-iced cake with wensleydale cheese
that's Yorkshire, that is.

not that I ate it. I don't like cake much, but I fucking loathe fruit cake.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:52, Reply)

I normally have a mature cheddar

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:53, Reply)

as I dont wash

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:54, Reply)

I dont know but it just works really well
I'll demand port
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:53, Reply)

Port and brandy, king of drinks.

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 15:58, Reply)

o rly?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 16:00, Reply)

Hohoho yus Mr Cow. Rather a pleasant way of getting tipsy.

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 16:06, Reply)

*makes notes*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 16:08, Reply)

Well, frankly this thread has not yielded the answers for which it was designed.
I'm going down the pub to have a rethink about my strategy.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 16:04, Reply)

^winning strategy^

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 16:16, Reply)

by a christmas miracle I've done my christmas shopping
and wrapping BEFORE christmas

i got my parents vouchers for afternoon tea in a posh place.
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 16:06, Reply)

and I made a crochet dog
for my coworker's secret santa present
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 16:06, Reply)

They sound like shit presents, no offence

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 16:08, Reply)

you are wrong
especially since the work secret santa is a 'make things yourself' one, since we're all arty crafty people
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 16:10, Reply)

I need a cheap fake Lego car for mine as my co-worker always goes on about "the back wheels falling off" on nights out

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 16:13, Reply)

or a broken transformer

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 16:15, Reply)

I was going to glue it all together apart from the wheels

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 16:16, Reply)

Why not get him an A3 sheet of card
With "fuck off you boring old cunt" written on it 10,000 times
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 16:38, Reply)

Secret santa sounds like a shit idea, no offence

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 16:20, Reply)

It normally is, yes
But thats kind of the point
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 16:21, Reply)

you sound like a shit idea
anyway, it saves the awkwardness and politics of getting everyone at work presents, and accidentally missing someone out
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 16:22, Reply)

Oh I am
Just don't get anyone anything. Simple.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 16:23, Reply)

Why would you even get work people presents?
It's weird if you ask me
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 16:33, Reply)

i work with some excellent people
also some less than excellent people
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 16:34, Reply)

So?
Fuck em colleagues are cunts
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 16:36, Reply)

get a more fun job

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 16:36, Reply)

Yeah I would but it's all about the "green" innit?
I gotta make dat paper bruv
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 16:41, Reply)

There's only so many sack cloth bags you can give.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 16:23, Reply)

I'm going to give love to all this Crimbo.
Cos I'm cheap.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 16:26, Reply)

and horny

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 16:26, Reply)

*rapey eyes*

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 16:31, Reply)

I just vomited up my entire digestinal tract

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 16:31, Reply)

that will save time

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 16:34, Reply)

At least now you have an excuse for talking out of your arse.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 16:49, Reply)

I talk into your mums arse just before jam my cock up it

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 16:50, Reply)

Yawns.

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 16:52, Reply)

Did you just have a read of your "best posts"

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 16:53, Reply)

U OK BBZ?
You seem rather at war with the world today.
xx
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 16:54, Reply)

Mondays are mega hectic and people are being shit

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 16:57, Reply)

he just need big christmas hugs

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 16:57, Reply)

Needs to let out the inner gay.

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 17:07, Reply)

yeah, the penalty for slavery and trafficing is going up soon
so he best get a move on
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 17:20, Reply)

Let's go OT let's go *clap clap*

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 17:33, Reply)