Good morning shitcunts.
Think of your own question, I can't be bothered.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 7:54, 184 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Well this is good.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 8:10, Reply)

Great thread Battered!

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 8:27, Reply)

It's shaping up to be a winner!

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 8:33, Reply)

Still has potential to be better than Harters' weird needy AMA thread from last night.
"I won't answer any questions, then I'll get upset because no one asked the question I wanted asked about what I look like"
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 8:46, Reply)

How odd.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:05, Reply)

Harters is a very strange man.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:26, Reply)

and you'd know!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:28, Reply)

bullying already?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:29, Reply)

Make some bloody effort man.

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 8:36, Reply)

fuck off, wanker.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 8:37, Reply)

Morning dwarfy.

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 8:40, Reply)

Good morning all
I managed to sleep properly again last night. This is worrying

In other news, I need a new laptop as calf 1 stood on ours and broke the screen
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:04, Reply)

Get a lenovo. Been really happy with mine. T510 - 32gb RAM, 500gb ssd.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:05, Reply)

Lenovo?
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
( Peej, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:14, Reply)

Why is that amusing?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:14, Reply)

We bought a load here once
They're badly made Chinese versions of IBM's they look good but are cheaply made and everything breaks on them. Everyone who had one hated it. I'm sure yours will be fine though, it better be for that price.
( Peej, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:19, Reply)

I've had it for more than two years. Been fine.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:19, Reply)

Exception that proves the rule innit.

( Peej, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:23, Reply)

I reckon it'll do me for another three years at least.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:26, Reply)

Depends if you hit it or not

( Peej, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:27, Reply)

what do we think he uses it for?
it only has to do one job.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:27, Reply)

Those touchpads are susceptible to spunk damage.

( Peej, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:28, Reply)

Got an old Toshiba for porn. Known as the 'lap grot'

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:30, Reply)

yes
because what we all wanted this morning was the image of an angry dwarf firing up the porn and firing up...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:32, Reply)

With drain holes at the sides of the keyboard

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:32, Reply)

And a windscreen wiper on the screen.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:34, Reply)

Best test of laptop build quality is the screen support/back
Open the screen up, get hold of both top corners and try and wobble them, if it's too easy then it'll be easy to break.
I have an old Dell laptop where the screen back is alloy, much more sturdy than most of the modern ones which are mostly thin plastic.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:23, Reply)

mine's a sony vaio
I chose it because it was pink. the selection process went no further.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:28, Reply)

You know what, this doesn't surprise me in the slightest
I have 7 Laptops and 3 Desktop PC's I find my computer selection processes more worrying than yours to be honest.
( Peej, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:30, Reply)

Shit I didn't count right! I forgot the Chromebook and the linux tester so thats 9 laptops
and 3 tablets too
( Peej, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:30, Reply)

How much of that kit is yours versus work?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:32, Reply)

1 Tablet and 1 Laptop belong to work.
I leave the work laptop at work though so it doesn't count. The rest are mine, all mine mwahahahaha.
( Peej, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:33, Reply)

You are a fucking idiot.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:30, Reply)

why?
sony vaio is a good laptop. what's wrong with it also being pretty?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:31, Reply)

The fact you didn't consider the spec.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:33, Reply)

you know i'm being tongue in cheek
don't pretend to take me literally
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:34, Reply)

but way overpriced for the spec, and, Sony

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:34, Reply)

No they're fucking not.
They're shit. For lots of reasons. I'd choose a Lenovo over a Viao.
( Peej, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:35, Reply)

What make would you recommend?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:37, Reply)

I think you made the right choice, rach
These nerds can argue about the fine details in the specs of one over another, but it ultimately will make no difference to the glorified typewriter you use for your sit-com and facebook updates, etc.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:40, Reply)

i use my ipad for fb
fucking terrifyingly on the shitcom, we've scored a meeting in new York on 5 feb with a tv channel who liked the bits they saw. we have to have 2 full scripts ready by then.

I am SO LOOKING FORWARD TO THEM BEING REJECTED. URGH.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:43, Reply)

My laptop's screen got bust, I picked a broken one, with an intact screen, from eBay for very little.
Bit fiddly fitting it however.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:09, Reply)

Ours was a shitty one to start with
I dont need a powerful laptop, just one that runs Office/browsing
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:15, Reply)

Screens are probably the easiest thing to fix on a laptop
Undo a few screws pop out the old LCD, pop in a new one. 2 or three connectors and thats it. Get a replacement off Ebay.
( Peej, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:24, Reply)

^^^^this
just bear in mind that the screws are pretty small, and the screen surround often takes a surprising amount of force to unclip...
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:28, Reply)

I've swapped screens before
The keyboard is also fucked and its ancient. I'm using this as an excuse to get a new one
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:32, Reply)

Aha the real reason rears its ugly head

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:58, Reply)

tggi^

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:59, Reply)

I'm continuing a trend of getting to bed before midnight on a work night
and waking up at 7 bloody knackered. It's annoying, frankly.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:31, Reply)

Morning peeps!
I'm full of the joys of spring! OH BOY!
(Xav loves PhillieJoe, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:12, Reply)

*Nods*
Alright other bear.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:20, Reply)

Hey what happened to your other post?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:33, Reply)

Fucking cunts used my card to buy a load of phone top ups
Bet it was Eastern Europeans! /dailymail!
( Peej, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:14, Reply)

my mum's bag got stolen in spain
my uncle was ranting about how it would be one of the influx of algerians. I was bollocking him for being racist.

then we got the phone bill. they'd instantly called algeria, and stayed on for the full 26 minutes it had taken me to cancel the phone.

he was still being a racist old twat though.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:30, Reply)

Guy at work went, "Bet it was the eastern europeans!"
I wanted to say how do you know but the shop I was last in when I use it was jam packed full of them. It was probably the blacks or indians though.
( Peej, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:32, Reply)

IHAVENOTSTOLENYOURCARDSIR

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:33, Reply)

i thought everyone in cornwall was white and inbred
god, stereotypes
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:33, Reply)

We are
However all the actual work is done by Eastern Europeans, they're white too you know.
( Peej, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:36, Reply)

Did they call from her old school?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:49, Reply)

Morning all
Today has started well, I fully expect it to crash down into a shitstorm of 'massive issues'* with inept twats finger pointing at anyone but their fuckwitted selves. But, for now, all is good.
Breakfast was awesome too.
* The 'Massive issues' will not be massive nor will they be real issues - however, when filtered through nine layers of Chinese whispers, they'll be earth-shatteringly urgent.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:16, Reply)

Mugs in the cupboard - open end up or down?
I'm a "down" man - don't want dust collecting in them - but my cleaner is an "up" woman, presumably so that the rim isn't touching the potentially dirty shelf?

Where do you stand on this vital question? Is it different for glasses?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:29, Reply)

i put everything facing down
you can usually spot people who've worked in pubs because they do it that way. god, the number of fucking pint pots I've stacked.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:31, Reply)

I do in fact have several years of barwork in the distant past

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:34, Reply)

Down. Always.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:31, Reply)

this^

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:32, Reply)

I feel validated

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:34, Reply)

Down.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:32, Reply)

Downs, all the way

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:32, Reply)

alright Sportington-Forbes

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:33, Reply)

Good morning sir
How goes the new job sorting?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:34, Reply)

it starts at the end of Feb.
Need to renew my passport first though. Pain in the rump, eh.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:35, Reply)

I need to find the calf's passport

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:41, Reply)

Renewing a passport is fucking expensive too!

(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:46, Reply)

also...
+ S
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:33, Reply)

Up
How dusty are your kitchen cupboards?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:34, Reply)

You appear to be bucking the trend
or "wrong" as it's more formally known.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:35, Reply)

Yes, the majority are usually right about most things.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:37, Reply)

This is why democracy works so well.... oh, wait.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:44, Reply)

like everything else in life
the principle of democracy is perfect.

it's the fucking morons putting it into practice that are not.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:47, Reply)

That's the jok..
oh, never mind.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:48, Reply)

that's because they suckle straight from the teats of the goat

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:39, Reply)

Hi breakfast!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:45, Reply)

Down
Very down, clean shelves. Glasses down too.
( Peej, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:37, Reply)

Down
This causes some friction with my G/F as she is staunchly in the up camp.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:43, Reply)

Your GF is retarded. Although the evidence was already there...

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 22 Jan 2014, 10:05, Reply)

up.
there are some glasses and mugs that don't get used for months. if you leave them down there is no air circulation
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:43, Reply)

Are your glasses made out of cheese?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:45, Reply)

er, no
static air is a lovely breeding ground for all sorts of interesting bugs, particularly spore-forming bacteria. Particulary static moist air. Much as might be formed by taking a hot glass out of the dishwasher at putting it downwards on a shelf.

Just sayin.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:47, Reply)

solve the problem by being too lazy to empty the dishwasher until everything has gone cold

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:48, Reply)

just as bad, then, because the glasses will be slightly wet again.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:49, Reply)

so long as the bug makes me lose a bit of weight
i'm fine with that.

also I never drink tea or coffee and tend to swig evian from the bottle or sip diet coke with a straw. so frankly, it's my visitors' problem more than mine...........

do come round for tea??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 10:05, Reply)

^^^Invitation to pizza

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 22 Jan 2014, 10:06, Reply)

Who's paying?
You'll get frogcock jealous.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 10:09, Reply)

he's disappeared this morning

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 10:10, Reply)

Have you sat on him?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 10:16, Reply)

Like YM?

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 22 Jan 2014, 10:06, Reply)

No, he said slightly
not dripping like a broken sewer pipe
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 10:07, Reply)

dripp smell
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 10:09, Reply)

up in our house too
makes sure they stay dry. Bars have the glasses down but they usually have plastic mesh underneath so air can get in.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:45, Reply)

So I should get some plastic mesh, then

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 10:20, Reply)

Finally, someone with sense.
And with a scientific explanation and all.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:48, Reply)

Up.
All that tedious wrist twisting you have to do to right an up-ended mug when you want a cup of tea in the morning is a right pain in the ringer.
( Kroney, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:47, Reply)

^ Cuts through the heart of the issue with surgeon-like precision.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:49, Reply)

^also this, harder than Gary Glitter in Mothercare.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:49, Reply)

I'd get my cleaner to leave me out my dishes for the day.
To avoid the hassle.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:51, Reply)

I don't have a cleaner, unless you count my pet rani.

( Kroney, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 10:13, Reply)

Cleaners FTW

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 10:14, Reply)

fuck the wife?

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 10:24, Reply)

Mug with infuser under the spout of the 'one cup' boiler before bedtime
Then just press the button in the morning.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:53, Reply)

One cup boiler
A phrase never to be used after a mastectomy
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 10:25, Reply)

^harsh^
But funny
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 10:32, Reply)

Up
Didn't we invent cupboards to keep dust away from things?
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:53, Reply)

Well who would've thought this would be the hot debate topic of the day?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:55, Reply)

I'm just waiting for someone to be accused of being worse than Hitler because of their crockery orientation

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:56, Reply)

It's well established that genocidal despots keep stuff upside down in their kitchen cupboards

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:58, Reply)

*firm handshakes*

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:58, Reply)

Mugabe insisted on downwards cupping

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 10:03, Reply)

Enough about your sex life already

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 10:11, Reply)

hey I got a nice farm out of it

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 10:23, Reply)

NO CUP CHAT

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 9:56, Reply)

Two girls one NO
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 10:00, Reply)

I saw a lady this morning with big boobingtons
She must have been at least a EE
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 10:02, Reply)

I like breasts

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 10:04, Reply)

They can be quite magnificent

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 10:11, Reply)

I saw Mrs MacDonald, the farmer's wife.
She's Got an EIEIO
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Wed 22 Jan 2014, 10:04, Reply)

Such a vowel joke

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 10:12, Reply)

I went out with one of them, once.
The nipples were actually underneath the breast. Like an udder (easy, sporto).

Didn't like it.
( Kroney, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 10:15, Reply)

Boobydrop is such a sin

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 10:16, Reply)

But that's an udder story

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Wed 22 Jan 2014, 10:18, Reply)

particularly on a man :(

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 10:21, Reply)

It's something that everyone has an opinion on
and, knowing this place, will defend to the death no matter the arguments against.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 10:23, Reply)

How ducking dirty is your bedsit if they get dusty being the right way up?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 10:16, Reply)

The bills must be horrendous

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 10:17, Reply)

Withering humour here

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 10:20, Reply)

Not at all, I have a cleaner

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 10:22, Reply)

Tell her to post in the new thread

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 22 Jan 2014, 10:25, Reply)