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Are you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.

(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Proper tough guy stuff
Make up some lies about how "fucking hard" you are.

Alt:
Soft as shite stories
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:03, 138 replies, latest was 11 years ago)
YM makes me fucking hard.
Also, this week I have been into work despite my debilitating cold, and I have pretended to be fine, despite being whinged at to have a day off by that ginger lass.
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:04, Reply)
Dead children make me hard.

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:06, Reply)
That's how hard I am.

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:06, Reply)
I'm now hard thinking about you being hard thinking about dead children.

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:07, Reply)
That makes me hard.

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:08, Reply)
Oh God, it's happened again!

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:09, Reply)
That must be hard.

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:10, Reply)
It was/is.

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:11, Reply)
I never understood the importance that 'being hard' was given by some people at school.
I understand it even less in the adult world.

Alt: I cried when Superman relinquished his powers in Superman II
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:06, Reply)
Because you were soft.

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:07, Reply)
Yeah, I didn't see a problem with that.
I still don't.
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:09, Reply)
wah wah wah

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:10, Reply)
^Pussy^

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:08, Reply)
Crying. Like. A. Pussy.

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:09, Reply)
That's why he's so uncool, because he isn't hard like us.
He's the b3ta equivalent of Walter from The Beano
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:11, Reply)
You misunderstand, if you are one of the cool kids like me, you don't have to pretend to be hard.

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:13, Reply)
You're not really a 10th level Paladin.

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:16, Reply)
I'm assuming this is some nerd thing

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:22, Reply)
YOUN THE NERD!
You and your soft mates all playing D & D.
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:23, Reply)
You can be Gnasher to my Dennis.

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:13, Reply)
Battered can be Gnipper

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:20, Reply)
how is this NOT gay slang?

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:22, Reply)
Who said it wasn't?

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:23, Reply)
It is how I'm understanding it.

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:24, Reply)
I was the corrupted Superman in Superman 3.
That's how hard I am.
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:08, Reply)
You are nearer Superman 7 - The Search for the Wheelchair

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:09, Reply)
You'll need a wheelchair in a minute.
I am ROCK.
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:11, Reply)
c+ +ed

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:13, Reply)
what's written all the way through the middle?

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:13, Reply)
HARD AS NAILS

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:14, Reply)
funny
I can only make out 6 letters. there's a W, and an A, and that's definitely an N, and I think that's a K, and...
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:18, Reply)
Pack mentality innit
Leader of the herd
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:09, Reply)
Leader of the hard.

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:10, Reply)
Except most of the 'hard' kids were merely snappy little terriers.
They were leading no packs.
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:10, Reply)
Unlike me.
I was fucking hard.
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:11, Reply)
I lead a pack, because I'm hard, you wouldn't understand, and clearly never encountered someone truly hard, like me. And my pack.

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:12, Reply)
^glitter^

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:13, Reply)
*doesn't want to be in frog's gang*

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:15, Reply)
NO GIRLS ALLOWED

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:15, Reply)
Bender

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:16, Reply)
^ not a love machine ^

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:20, Reply)
I AM!

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:22, Reply)
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeellllllllllll.......................

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:25, Reply)
>:(

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:26, Reply)
They said you were bad, but I knew you were just sad...

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:14, Reply)
Your favourite restaurant is Wimpy

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:18, Reply)
Do they do veggie burgers?

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:22, Reply)
Don't you know? you go there, not me. They do a bender in a bun, which you'd be well into.

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:23, Reply)
Silly Frog
banana is not meat
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:24, Reply)
You clearly haven't seen MY 'banana'

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:25, Reply)
tangles just deep throated it

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:25, Reply)
I shat out a kidney, ate it and now I'm okay again.

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:09, Reply)
^ Doctor ^

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:12, Reply)
I was a streak of piss at school - all elbows and knees.
At my first rugby game, I was Fly Half, and the opposition kicked off, very high, and the ball was heading directly towards me - a gift as it rolled perfectly down through the sky to me.

I caught it, it knocked me about 2 metres backwards and clean out, and the next thing I remember was coming 'round, lying in the middle of the pitch, with both teams and all the spectators wetting themselves laughing at me.

It became something of a template for my life.
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:10, Reply)
hahahaha!
Excellent! Our year had "BIG CAM" in it. He looked about 21 when he was 13 and I ended up being tackled by him in rugby. I'm sure I did at least three somersaults before landing on my head asnd ending up in casualty with concussion
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:11, Reply)
I regularly have my insides rip themselves inside out
and bleed for a week. I do this with only the minimal amount of crying, drug taking, and curling up in an armchair with a hot water bottle.

Oh, I've also lost both big toenails twice, and didn't whinge about it like a bitch for weeks afterwards.
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:11, Reply)
H.A.R.D.

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:12, Reply)
Nails, mate.

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:14, Reply)
I was at the 'business end' when my daughter was born. I didn't puke or pass out, despite the barsons bridge splitting in front of me & blood gushing everywhere.

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:12, Reply)
Shame you weren't at the business end during the conception really

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:12, Reply)
Z.I.N.G.

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:13, Reply)
Mrs V - MRS V, OK?! - was watching Graham Norton the other day. There was a clip of Robbie Williams, talking about how he'd been at the business end when his kid was born.
He described it as "Like watching my favourite pub burn down."
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:18, Reply)
Robbie Williams is a massive cunt himself so he should know what it looks like

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:19, Reply)
I still thought it was a great description.
It was also worth it to see Emma Thompson trying to keep her shit together when he came out with it.
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:21, Reply)
As is Graham Norton. The mincing wanker.

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:21, Reply)
His eyes look like a shaved cunt

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:22, Reply)
Hahahahahaha!

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:27, Reply)
What a wanker.

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:21, Reply)
I don't care for Williams much either.

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:21, Reply)
I like Robbie Williams.
There, I've said it.
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:40, Reply)
Oh.
Oh now you've done it.

Oh dear.
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:48, Reply)
Guy Chambers knew how to craft a pop song.
But Williams is still a prick.
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:00, Reply)
Well I understand that's generally one of the necessities for a new father, yes.

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:33, Reply)
where is geordiejay these days?
has rory finally bullied him away?
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:12, Reply)
He went to Ireland at the weekend, someone probably upset him.

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:12, Reply)
He got tied up in a male sauna & they forgot about him.

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:14, Reply)
Simple Minds

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:17, Reply)
'I'll be alone, wanking and you know it baby'.
'Look my way & cum on my face'
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:19, Reply)
Rory is currently using him as a glove puppet.

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:20, Reply)
are you jealous?
i'm sure he's thinking of you, if it helps.

in fact, they both are.
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:23, Reply)
and you are too, always

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:26, Reply)
i've never been worn as a glove puppet by an internet troll, so cannot comment
sorry
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:31, Reply)
no, but you have bullied a borderline sperg, on the internet
And you have a creepy obsession with my love life.
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:32, Reply)
there is nothing borderline about your sperg's
and you don't have a love life. seemples.
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:47, Reply)
hey, my spergism is hitherto undiagnosed

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:52, Reply)
No, we diagnosed it ages ago.

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:56, Reply)
he diagnoses it with every selfconsciously weird word he types

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:57, Reply)
selfconsciously?

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:02, Reply)
you are totally selfconscious and awkward
a "try too hard", if you will.
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:03, Reply)
haha like you have a clue about anything

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:14, Reply)
why don't you go and have another bit of metal jammed into your face
to show the world just how you refuse to march to the beat of that one drum, eh?
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:15, Reply)
yer I remember you get wet over pierced weirdoes
But I don't own a Greggs hat, Soz.
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:37, Reply)
i didn't know that was there until it was too late
then I tolerated it, whilst hating it. and snickering LOTS when it got pulled out by the chest waxer.
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:41, Reply)
I'm soft as shite
but thanks to my neutral expression making me look like a serial killer that wants to rip out your eyeballs to complete my snooker set I've never been exposed. My passport photos are a 30 second photoshop away from a Hellraiser DVD cover.
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:35, Reply)
It was grimmer watching my missus giving birth than it was at an emergency birth I assisted at. Nearly passed out.

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:35, Reply)
^ shit doctor

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:36, Reply)
^

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:37, Reply)
I fucked a tiger

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:39, Reply)
Was it Kenny the Mong Tiger?

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:39, Reply)
Fucking furries.

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:41, Reply)
....but you did not shoot (on) the leopard, see?

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:47, Reply)

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(, Mon 3 Feb 2014, 14:54, Reply)
Through the ringpull?

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:56, Reply)
Well, this is going well.
We're obviously all too hard for actual conversation.
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:39, Reply)
I put my cock in Swipeys mouth

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:45, Reply)
i preferred the homity pie
it was less cheesy
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:47, Reply)
+oniony

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:47, Reply)
+ hairy

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:48, Reply)
I went out without a coat on the other day.

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:45, Reply)
I've only worn a coat once this winter
and even then I had to take it off because I was too warm.

Mind you, I do have a fair bit of natural insulation...
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:46, Reply)
I keep looking for a new coat, but I can't find anything *quite* right.
CSB.
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:47, Reply)
what sort of coat?
Debenhams had some great ones in before christmas
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:17, Reply)
I want a lightweight 'pea coat' in black or grey please.
Or a wicked 'bridge coat' so I look like a Russian submariner.
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:19, Reply)
Have you had a butchers at Ebay
Vintage coats, some proper old 50's ones on there, One of my biggest regrets is losing a 1940's GPO greatcoat that I found in a charity shop. Proper boss that was.
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:22, Reply)
I'm not really tall enough for one of them.
My mate had this shit full length leather coat, with him being about 5'5" made him look a right silly twat.
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:26, Reply)
yeah
and now you're ill.

erm........................... put the science in the rocket, eh?
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:47, Reply)
Yeah, it's nothing to do with being around ill people on public transport at least four times a day.

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:49, Reply)
Yes, this is how viruses work.

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:51, Reply)
Those airborne viruses float about until they find someone without a coat.
Obviously.
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:53, Reply)
it's almost as if she's a msssive tubbo numpty or saink

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:53, Reply)
well yeah
lowering your body temperature too much lowers your defences, and the virus can get in more easily.

SCIENCE!
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:54, Reply)
I'm pretty sure that's NOT how it works.

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:57, Reply)
^

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:59, Reply)
that's what the internet said
so it must be true
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:03, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2193970
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:22, Reply)
You dont catch a cold from being cold

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:53, Reply)
not in isolation
but if you get too cold, you are more likely to succumb to the virus. SO THERE.
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:56, Reply)
WHERE?

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:02, Reply)
Good job I don't have to hang about all homeless in London waiting for late people innit

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:03, Reply)
stop making it into such a....................
BIG ISSUE!!!
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:04, Reply)
gud 1 rachelswipe!!!1!1

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:05, Reply)
Oh, you!

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:19, Reply)

CLICK ME!
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:08, Reply)
Coats construct a barrier againzt airborne viruses. ANd flies.

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 10:55, Reply)
PROPER MEDICAL ADVICE^^

(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:05, Reply)
NEW SHIT THREAD
VALIDATE ME
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:31, Reply)
Alt: I'm a pathetic emotinal mess when watching sad or uplifting scenes in films*
and I'm getting worse the older I get. I get emotional watching Countdown these days. And by emotional I mean an erection. Stupid, sexy Gyles Brandreth.

*12 Years A Slave was a real 'three-hankier'. (I got the fourth wank in after the credits finished, so that doesn't count)
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:31, Reply)
I went to see that on my birthday.
It's quite good. Bit racist though.
(, Tue 28 Jan 2014, 11:38, Reply)

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