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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Dirty foods
Today I have "fish sticks". I must confess that I fucking love them. What dirty food secrets do you have?

Alt:
What dirty secrets do you have?
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:05, 156 replies, latest was 11 years ago)
POT NOODLE.
Delicious filth.
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:06, Reply)
And Campbells meat balls.
And Heinz macaroni cheese in a tin.
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:09, Reply)
Tinned meatballs are nom
as is macaroni cheese
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:17, Reply)
Pot Noodles are fucking horrible though

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:18, Reply)
I don't have any dirty secrets, I'm very open about my filth.
I received a box of spare parts. I cut myself on a pair of scissors opening the box and then got muck from the parts in it :(
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:10, Reply)
Gangreen ahoy

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:15, Reply)
How man
Ye'll gan green
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:18, Reply)
Ah'm awee doon toon te get a canny shot, like
mint pet man pet
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:19, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2206154
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:21, Reply)
No, I'm being schooled in Northern by the missus
in preparation for meeting her Geordie family. It's fucking harrowing, Sporters. I'm expected to be only 40% understandable to them and I won't understand a fucking thing they say.
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:24, Reply)
Unless you are propa cockerney you'll be fine
Where are her family from?
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:28, Reply)
I said they were Geordies, didn't I?
Somerset, obviously.
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:30, Reply)
Yeah, but you call Geordies anyone north of Watford

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:32, Reply)
Oh, I don't know.
Newcastle or Sunderland or Gateshead or Liverpool, or something.

Geordies.
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:36, Reply)
northern. monkeys.

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:39, Reply)
I don't know how I'm going to contain my revulsion when they start picking fleas off each other and eating them.

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:40, Reply)
The Mrs teaches you "northern"
and in return you can show her and her heavy foreheaded clan how to use a knife and fork.
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:42, Reply)
I'm going to take up some picture boards with me
in an effort to communicate. I hear the clever ones are capable of understanding several human concepts, like "i'm hungry" etc.

At least, they have in labs. These are ferals. Fuck knows how they'll react.
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:45, Reply)
Be sure to take a set of old keys.
That'll keep 'em quiet for days on end.
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:49, Reply)
Won't hurt having them if I have to fight my way out, neither.

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:55, Reply)
Spare a thought for them
They will struggle to understand your Parisian twang
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:33, Reply)
Dunno, sometimes I have crunchy nut cornflakes for dinner

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:11, Reply)
I love a Big Mac.
I don't think this really counts.
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:11, Reply)
What about KFC?
It's fowl.
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:14, Reply)
Burger King should start doing a dessert pie made from plum-like fruit.
They could called it Burger King's Quince Pie.
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:16, Reply)
I think I love a Big Mac until I actually eat one
I'd rather have 3 normal burgers
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:19, Reply)
They're lush.

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:21, Reply)
Too much shite in them

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:21, Reply)
Weren't they bigger when we were kids?
Also Super Supreme from the Hut, I can demolish a large one of those on my own.
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:21, Reply)
I eat my big mac layer by layer.

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:23, Reply)
White bread, toasted on one side.
Butter.

Ketchup.

Food of the students.

And lush.
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:13, Reply)
Alt: I liked that AI film that Spielberg took over from Kubrick

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:14, Reply)
Gigolo Jack is the best character in that.
Jude Law makes any film better.
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:15, Reply)
I know it was sentimental Spielberg shite but I enjoyed it

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:17, Reply)
Is there another type of Speilberg film, then?

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:17, Reply)
Jaws ent sentimental

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:19, Reply)
Poor shark :(

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:21, Reply)
at least it wasn't a homosexual deviant with pederastic tendencies
You quenders disgust me.
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:22, Reply)
Yes dear, we cover your repressed fantasies daily.

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:23, Reply)
*needs bigger goat*

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:21, Reply)
That joke was 365 million years in the making

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:23, Reply)
Duel
I felt sorry for the poor lorry :'(
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:25, Reply)
He really doesn't.

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:22, Reply)
How many OSCARs have YOU been nominated for, eh?
An OSCAR = good actor.

That's scientific fact.
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:26, Reply)
I think I've had at least one Oscar in my time...

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:32, Reply)
None really, apart from the occasional fish supper from the chippy down the road. It is the baws.
Alt: I've been banging YM for years. Sorry Sporters, but I am your father.
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:15, Reply)
^^Star Wars?

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:16, Reply)
^ TGGI

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:17, Reply)
Dad?

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:20, Reply)
Not many dirty food things
as I am not really an eater of junk food... However I do like cheap "corn snack" crisps, things like cheesy puffs,
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:16, Reply)
Just remembered one - Tangy Cheese Doritos
With a hefty G&T.
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:19, Reply)
I once rescued a takeaway curry
from the kitchen bin and had it for breakfast.
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:19, Reply)
Why was there some left?

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:20, Reply)
It was curry for 5 and the leftovers were just sat one container atop the next
and dropped straight in the bin.

Luckily no one had emptied an ashtray on top. It tastes disgusting when they do that.
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:23, Reply)
Marborodras

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:30, Reply)
Rogan Jash

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:31, Reply)
Bhuna and Hedges

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:31, Reply)
Pashwari Naan

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:34, Reply)
Crab sticks, yes? Love them.
I can eat a whole jar of pickles in one sitting.
Pot Noodles now and again. The secret is to add your own condiments.

Alt. I'm an open book, me.
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:19, Reply)
you use bums as fannies

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:20, Reply)
I don't understand,
does that mean he poos out his japs eye?
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:25, Reply)
Dont you?

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:31, Reply)
:/
Am I supposed to?
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:32, Reply)
nah m8, get this right...
When a poof does sex with another poof right, one of them puts his willy in the other one's bum.

Crazy!
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:32, Reply)
Much like some of you heterosexual deviants do to your women folk.
and she aint even got anything to stimulate up there. Poor cow.
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:40, Reply)
Woah, hang about.
Why would I want to prod my girlfriend's lunch with my todger?
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:43, Reply)
poofs are deviants and need to be executed to stop them multiplying

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:45, Reply)
If they start breeding where will it end

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:54, Reply)
With a very sore arse.

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 12:04, Reply)
GAY DINOSAUR

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 12:23, Reply)
HIYA!

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 12:27, Reply)
I read it in a magazine somewhere.

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:46, Reply)
I've reheated kebab from the night before.
I like tinned meatballs.
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:20, Reply)
Wotsits

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:20, Reply)
Shit cheap jelly/fizzy sweets
I could eat them until I was sick
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:22, Reply)
tangfastics innit

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:24, Reply)
sour cherry fizz jelly ting.
Giant fizzy cola bottles.
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:25, Reply)
anything with the special fizzy sugar on

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:26, Reply)
I'm at a school, interviewing kids and later having to give an "aspirational" speech about being a lawyer
I'm just hoping it ent school dinners for lunch.

dirty food secret? Boursin.
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:22, Reply)
posh cunt

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:22, Reply)
If they don't all end up committing suicide then I'll owe Frog a tenner.

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:24, Reply)
pay him anyway
he can spend it on me
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:27, Reply)
I like bousin as well

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:33, Reply)
the cracked black pepper one is like an orgasm on a cracker

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:40, Reply)
Not exactly a dirty secret food though.

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:41, Reply)
I think it is the dirty secret of the French cheese world
our head of catering is French and he looked at me as if I were a turd when I said, that was delicious, what was it?

I'd never had Boursin before that
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:42, Reply)
Have you tried the bleu et trois noix one?

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:48, Reply)
sounds like a description of my deformed genitals

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:55, Reply)
no
what magical witchcraft is that ??
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 12:09, Reply)
Votre rue, peut-être
www.boursin.com/fr_fr/Produits/Boursin-Fromage/Boursin-R-Fromage-Bleu-3-Noix
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 12:12, Reply)
want want want
WANT
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 12:14, Reply)
Those Rustlers BBQ roll things, I still get them for breakfast every now and then
Fucking awful, but sorts you out in the morning.

Alt: YW
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:24, Reply)
Animal.

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:24, Reply)
Cooked meat straight from the packet.

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:25, Reply)
peanut butter and mayo on toast.

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:25, Reply)
crunchy peanut butter by itself, on a spoon
NOM
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:27, Reply)
peanut butter toasted sandwich.
Do you do that thing where you dig a big finger full of PB out of the jar and then pretend you've pulled it out of your bum-bum and eat it? No?
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:29, Reply)
officelol

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:30, Reply)
bum-bum???
I'm not a 6 year old for you to groom!
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:40, Reply)
You say that NOW.

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:41, Reply)
what I say after 10 voddies doesn't count
we've been through this
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:43, Reply)
Something something
bet you love packet meat something something
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:31, Reply)
You love you entendres don't you?
I bet your life is like a Carry On film.
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:33, Reply)
No
In Your Endo
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:41, Reply)
A sweet burger
which is a square of dairy milk in between two strawberry fruitellas (NOT chewits)

Alt: 'Bill Clay' may not really be my name
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:27, Reply)
*insert shocked revelation face*

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:31, Reply)
I've lived the lie long enough

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:32, Reply)
I KNEW it!

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:34, Reply)
NO YOU DINT!
*unfollows*
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:41, Reply)
*passes notes about "Bill Clay" in class*

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:47, Reply)
I used to love pot noodles when I was a student
In fact, having spent the first 18 years of my life eating nothing but healthy high-fibre, low fat, wholesome foods, it was a revelation to me to eat white bread, full fat milk, add sugar to tea & coffee etc.
But nothing beats a pot noodle with a joint on the side.
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:28, Reply)
You're a disgrace to your people.

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:29, Reply)
I know, I would never eat these poisons now though.
I imagine little tangle will enjoy a similar revelation when he is finally free of my clutches.
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:32, Reply)
Except TWO pot noodles with a joint on the side!
amirite?
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:30, Reply)
Seriously Strong Spreadable Cheese, a packet of Rich Tea buiscits - and no cutlery.

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:34, Reply)
You know in Waitrose they do those large malano saussages that are unsliced?
One of them, eaten like a peperami
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:36, Reply)
I've tried that, the lumps of fat in the salami will have your teeth out.

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:38, Reply)
Yea, same with Chorizo. Must be cooked. otherwise, yak.

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:40, Reply)
Nah', the one I had was well soft, TBH i'm not entirely sure if i was supposed to cook it.
Chorizo would do that tho'.
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:51, Reply)
dolcelatte cheese and digestive biscuits.

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:37, Reply)
I fucking love dolcelatte
and Roquefort and Gorgonzola
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:41, Reply)
dolcelatte is superb with honey drixlzzled over
And a nice sweet whisky to drink with it.
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:46, Reply)
I've had this in restaurants a few times.
You're not wrong.
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:47, Reply)
yer swipe thinks its a pikey scottish thing

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 12:09, Reply)
Is there any other type of Scottish thing?

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 12:20, Reply)
I like cheese that smells like bins.

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:52, Reply)
3p noodles
with an egg, chopped onions and gherkin.
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:40, Reply)
3p noodles? Jesus.
Nutritional value of cardboard.
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:41, Reply)
They're fucking rubbish.
Do the job when you're pissed and saves me from doner kebabs.
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:46, Reply)
Nobody should be saved from kebabs. They are great!

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:47, Reply)
I love them but they are an abomination.
I've had about 5 kebabs in the last 10 years.
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:50, Reply)
Alt: I killed her so she wouldn't tell

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:49, Reply)
we just got jammy dodgers in the break
i hadn't had one for years. how could I have forgotten how good they are?!
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:49, Reply)
They do toffee dodgers now as well.
I'm pretty sure that's some sort of euphemism.
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:50, Reply)
There's a sandwich lady at work who makes giant ones, and Custard Creams

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:55, Reply)
that new Scottish Widows bird is a bit of alright innit

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:50, Reply)
she can't be scottish

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:51, Reply)
the first one was that Catherine Deneuve bit of skirt

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:52, Reply)
I'd probably still do Deneuve now
And Bardot
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:58, Reply)
You're not wrong.
She goes like a train, too.
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:51, Reply)
Not a Dawlish train though

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:56, Reply)
Just as wet, mind.

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:57, Reply)
I wouldn't trust her.
Her husbands never live more than a month.
Pre nup all the way.
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:55, Reply)
Except they have no standing in UK law

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 11:58, Reply)
Well she's quids in then.

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 12:04, Reply)
Love this
www.sportsgrid.com/sports-politics/is-germany-giving-putin-the-big-middle-finger-with-these-winter-olympic-uniforms/
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 12:33, Reply)
Except that the Germans are saying it's not a statement and Putin probably wouldn't care even if it was.

(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 12:39, Reply)
Rustlers pork rib burger thing.
Love that filth.

Alt: I never actually fucked your mum.
(, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 12:35, Reply)

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