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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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It's fucking lovely in Laaandan today, sunshine makes everything better
Tell me a two line joke

Alt: best Tony

Altalt: I hate it when people say "tuth" instead of "tooth", what common mispronunciations annoy you?
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 13:04, 134 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

People in Dubai don't like The Flintstones, but the people in Abu Dhabi do.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 13:09, Reply)
\o/

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 13:09, Reply)
It's pronounced 'scone' you fucking imbeciles

(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 13:10, Reply)
Glad we've cleared that up

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 13:12, Reply)
What's red and sits in a tree?
A sanitary owl.

alt: harrison.

altalt: it's not veggytubbles. it's vegetables.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 13:10, Reply)
I like this joke

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 13:11, Reply)

Why did the duck go to rehab? Because he was a quack addict!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 13:13, Reply)
This one is shit

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 13:14, Reply)

Two snowmen are standing in a field. One says to the other : "Funny, I smell carrots too".
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 13:14, Reply)
Why do farts smell? So deaf people can enjoy them too.

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 13:15, Reply)

I've just got a new lighter with a pink flame.

I use it to light camp fires
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 13:16, Reply)

I put ham and pineapple into a bap today.
Because that's Hawaii roll!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 13:17, Reply)

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 13:18, Reply)
Phone answering machine message -”…If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key…”

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 13:19, Reply)
Two parrots on a perch
One says, can you smell fish?
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 13:15, Reply)
see, you didn't even need all my lolarious ones

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 13:20, Reply)
Two fish in a tank
One says you drive, i'll work the gun!
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 13:22, Reply)
two fish swim into a wall
one says, DAMN.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 13:23, Reply)
HOW DO YOU CRUCIFY A SPASTIC?
ON A SWASTIKA!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! LOL

Alt: The Tiger. He's Grrrrrreeeeat!!

Altalt: None, absolutely none. Honest.
(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 13:10, Reply)
*narrow eyes*

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 13:11, Reply)
Bit racist^

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 13:11, Reply)
Yeah, I meant to say 'my surname'

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 13:18, Reply)
What's that then?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 13:18, Reply)
mcflibbertigibbet

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 13:20, Reply)
MACflibbertigibbet
FFS
(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 13:21, Reply)
Pacifically

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 13:15, Reply)
Meaning of the Pacific Ocean no?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 13:16, Reply)
My wife does this
She also combines "miles an hour" with "miles per hour"

"He must have been going over 100 miles per an hour"
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 13:17, Reply)
Speed is an abstract concept

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 13:23, Reply)
No it isn't, you can measure it.
For example, a hurled book travels at a velocity of metres per second.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 13:30, Reply)
But it's speed is related you the speed you are travelling through space

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 13:32, Reply)
That's velocity, not speed

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 14:31, Reply)
no that's momentum

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 14:32, Reply)
no, that's an old Roman city in Italy

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 14:34, Reply)
How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman
None

Alt. The Tiger

AltAlt. Not too bothered by regional mispronunciations as we can't all put on a fake voice and pretend we're not Northern like you do but it gets me pretty pissed off when people say "Tenderhooks" Cunts.
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 13:16, Reply)
The hooks that meat is hung from to tenderise?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 13:17, Reply)
Yeh them, don't they know that meat is murder!

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 13:18, Reply)
AltAlt
When spudwogs say 'filum' rather than 'film'. Paddy cunts.
(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 13:17, Reply)
Better than cunts that say movie. Fucking cunts

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 13:21, Reply)
How do you titillate an ocelot?
You oscillate its tit a lot.

Alt: Danza
Altalt: "Barth" instead of "Bath"
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 13:19, Reply)
Btw you've written your altalt the wrong way round
Hth
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 13:21, Reply)

Alt Alt: People who say 'alright' when really they mean 'I'm a shit cunt'.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 13:24, Reply)
"clickin dis"

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 13:25, Reply)
'hello'

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 13:27, Reply)
ahahaha
this ftw
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 13:27, Reply)
No.
Hart
Cumin
(I helped save b3ta! GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 13:30, Reply)
How does a black woman tell if she's pregnant? When she pulls the tampon out, all the cotton is already picked.
"EDGY"
(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 13:48, Reply)
i don't think an edgy tampon would be very comfortable

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 13:48, Reply)
YEAH, THEM FORRINS EH?
What are they like?
(I helped save b3ta! GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 13:51, Reply)
what the hell is wrong with you

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 13:53, Reply)
Deafness mainly.
You?
(I helped save b3ta! GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 13:55, Reply)
+ bald

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 13:56, Reply)
+ fat

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 13:57, Reply)
+ bent

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 13:57, Reply)
+ drug user

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 13:57, Reply)
+ predatory paedophile

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 13:59, Reply)
ad infinitum, ad tedium

(I helped save b3ta! GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 14:00, Reply)
WE CANT JUST FORGET ALL RORYS GREAT WORK

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 14:02, Reply)
is there a way of beinga peadophile that isn't predatory?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 14:00, Reply)
Ask Jaysums

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 14:01, Reply)
Slip em some sweets and bung em in the van

(I helped save b3ta! GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 14:07, Reply)
Yeah, cut your dreads off and stop wearing fishnets you cross-dressing wigger nonce

(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 14:49, Reply)
I have double chocolate digestive biscuits \o/

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 14:00, Reply)
whats the double bit?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 14:00, Reply)
they look double the size in his wee man-hands

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 14:01, Reply)
Fuck off you fat ginger cunt.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 14:02, Reply)
Chocolate in the biscuit as well as on top.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 14:02, Reply)
sounds excessive and pointless

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 14:02, Reply)
If you like loads of fucking chocolate buy a fucking chocolate bar

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 14:04, Reply)
The revised Club biscuit jingle didn't really take off.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 14:06, Reply)
Did you hear the one about Ku Klux Knievel?
He tried to jump 50 niggers in a steam roller!

arf!
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 14:28, Reply)
Did he manage it?

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 14:29, Reply)
YES!!!

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 14:39, Reply)
Thank goodness. Those niggers could have been seriously hurt!

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 14:41, Reply)
"Take your steam roller, off the niggers!"
/film.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 14:42, Reply)
/movie

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 14:46, Reply)
This doesn't work.
Steam rollers aren't noted for their potential for "wicked air". If he just wanted to kill them, I find the premise of setting up a stunt jump in a ludicrously unsuitable vehicle to be overly complicated at best.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 14:37, Reply)
if teh ramp withstood the rollers weight, it would simply topple off the end crushing perhaps only the first one or two unfortunates

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 14:38, Reply)
Plus a road roller can do, what, about 5mph at best?
Speed is critical for any successful jump, so it sounds unlikely to me.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 14:42, Reply)
A ROAD ROLLER?
WTF? It's a fucking steam roller.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 14:47, Reply)
it ent steam powered though is it?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 14:47, Reply)
dunt matter.
It's still called a steam roller.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 14:48, Reply)
i take a steam train to work everyday

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 14:50, Reply)
That's the kettle in the buffet car, you buffoon

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 14:54, Reply)
We call it a "road train" now gramps

(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 14:56, Reply)
Totally unbelievable, would never work.

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 14:40, Reply)
Sunshine is grrrrreat
A man goes into a library and asks for
a book on suicide.
The librarian says, "Fuck off, you
won't bring it back."

Alt: Hart

Altalt: "nuss" instead of "nurse", "noccleeyarr" instead of nuclear, etc.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 14:40, Reply)
etc?
Etc what?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 14:41, Reply)
Some others but I ran out of enthusiasm

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 14:44, Reply)
I hate it when I try and say anything
and it comes out "Oooooaarrrr alroight jethro, exter carrot in moine me cock"
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 14:44, Reply)
Me too.
I want to punch you right in your stupid carrot face.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 14:46, Reply)
seconds o/

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 14:47, Reply)
Gill walks into a library and loudly asks for "a vodka a coke please"
The librarian says " shhhh, this is a library"

"Sorry" Gill whispers "vodka and coke please"
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 14:44, Reply)
What's black and brown and looks good on a black man?
A Doberman!
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 14:43, Reply)
Two nuns cycling down the street
"I've never come this way before!"

"Neither have I, it must be the cobbles!"
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 14:53, Reply)
Two nuns in the bath.
One says 'where's the soap?'
The other says 'yes, it does, doesn't it'.
(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 15:04, Reply)
Two nuns in a bath, one turns to the other and says
"Well this is an unlikely scenario given our vows of chastity and modesty, you'd think they'd have more than one bath available, seeing as this is the 21st century and all. I find all of this entirely breaks the fourth wall, my suspension of disbelief and thereby any humour that might result".
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 15:09, Reply)

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