Come on chunks (I put chumps but auto correct corrected it and I think it had a point)
What does your weekend have in store? I have my first gay wedding!

Alt: what's your secret shame? Just one will do. Monty, we know about your guffs. I'm sure one was still on the district line last night.

Altalt: Shannon Matthews' mum or baby p's mum?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 8:10, 161 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

Gay wedding?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 8:22, Reply)

No such thing
You can't make a hot dog with two sausages and no bun.
( Peej, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 8:23, Reply)

exactly m8
Two men getting married and kissing and cuddling and that?

It'll never happen.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 8:24, Reply)

Who said they were men?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 8:24, Reply)

Because you said 'gay' not 'dyke'

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 8:25, Reply)

Two right!
And you can't make a hot dog with two buns and no sausage!
( Peej, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 8:26, Reply)

If the hot dog is made of rubber and spans the length of both buns?

( Muns, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:15, Reply)

Or if the hot dog is strapped to a bun before being inserted into the other bun from behind?

( Muns, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:20, Reply)

homosexual women are referred to as 'lesboids'
'Gay' means a bummosexual man.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 8:28, Reply)

It's worse than that.
Mixed-race Gay wedding :(

Jesus would turn in his grave if he hadn't risen again.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 8:25, Reply)

Hang on mister, hold your horses! Surely they haven't legalised gay interracial weddings.
That would be retarded what next dog marrying cats?
And you can't make a hot dog with white pudding, black pudding and no bun!
( Peej, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 8:28, Reply)

when did cafe au lait weddings become acceptable?
Fucking hell.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 8:29, Reply)

Milk in coffee is for communists and deviants

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 8:53, Reply)

it will only lead to miscegenation

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 8:53, Reply)

TGGI^

( Peej, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 8:54, Reply)

This weekend I intend to wake up early and throw the kids in the pool and spend the day drinking gin and relaxing
I just hope it doesn't rain.

Alt. I promised I wouldn't cum in her mouth.

AltAlt. Can I have Shannon Matthews mum with a side of Baby P's mum?
( Peej, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 8:26, Reply)

www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/baby-p-mum-tracey-connelly-3342318

www.mirror.co.uk/all-about/karen%20matthews

I would say you'll have no competition, but both of them seem to shit out babies like gonz with a Pringles tube, so some desperado must be doing them
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 8:30, Reply)

Oh hai!
I'm going down to lovely Folkestone to see my friends and family, and to trim my bush. No! Not that one! The one in the front garden.

Alt: According to surveillance footage I snore like a fucking pig.

Altalt: I googled them and they look the same to me, like a pair or mutilated pigs dressed at Primark.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 8:30, Reply)

A 3 year old bday party followed by a 1 year olds on Saturday
Alt: I occasionally have liberal leanings

Altalt: deth 2 peedos
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 8:40, Reply)

altalt
too right, you can't make a hot dog with a big sausage and a tiny bun
( Peej, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 8:47, Reply)

Chipolatas and Hovis?
Gay sangwich chat!
(DBT became a fruitarian on, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 8:50, Reply)

I might get a sausage sandwich for breakfast

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 8:51, Reply)

Those parties sound fucking shit

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 8:56, Reply)

There ain't no party like an S-club party.

( Muns, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:14, Reply)

I don't know the 3 year old, but the 1 year is my good friend's and is a sweet little girl
So that will be fun
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:16, Reply)

The 1 year olds won't really know what's going on.
You can put them all down for a nap and then get shitfaced.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:19, Reply)

Didn't realise you batted for the other team? Congrats.
Working on the boat. IT'LL need a bit of woodwork, nothing major. Man work, where I get to wear ringsrees, and a check shirt. Maybe a big moustache too :))
(DBT became a fruitarian on, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 8:48, Reply)

ringsrees?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 8:51, Reply)

Anal dungarees

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 8:52, Reply)

Dexy's midnight bummers.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 8:56, Reply)

Did you have fun sports trooling last night?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 8:52, Reply)

that wasn't trooling m8
I used to play rugby; I didn't like it.

I''ve never been arsed about cricket, golf or football.

Next question.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 8:56, Reply)

Why are you so fucking crap?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 8:58, Reply)

5.9.83.79/questions/offtopic/post2307617
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 8:59, Reply)

maybe that's a question to ask Steven Gerrard!

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:03, Reply)

Shes run out of men to fuck

( Peej, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 8:54, Reply)

You didn't realise frog was a girl?
With observation skills like that, it's lucky you're not a doctor or anything
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 8:56, Reply)

He sounds a bit wuss tbh, I'd need to examine him intamately :(

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 8:58, Reply)

I wouldn't let someone who couldn't spell 'bumhole' anywhere near my bumhole, you massive spastic.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 8:59, Reply)

B U M H O L E


Bend over bitch
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:04, Reply)

It doesn't have all those spaces, you mega flid.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:05, Reply)

Yours does

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:09, Reply)

Unlike yours which if full of erect penises U BUMMER

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:15, Reply)

Listening to Gerry Goffin songs :'(
Alt: I have no shame.
Altalt: Joanne Dennehy
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 8:59, Reply)

Dunno who that is soz

( Peej, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:07, Reply)

It's popular yurt prick poster tangles

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:08, Reply)

HIYA!!

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:09, Reply)

Yes you do, don't be silly.
youtu.be/cbxxkwBQk_o
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:09, Reply)

So he's a black woman?

( Peej, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:29, Reply)

Goffin Glitter
( Muns, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:12, Reply)

Gerry Glitter?
Dunno who that is soz
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:15, Reply)

Andersons paedo cousin.

( Muns, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:19, Reply)

Who is Anderson Glitter?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:24, Reply)

Garys sister.

( Muns, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:26, Reply)

Kasabian concert tomorrow, followed by a council event, then I have only five days until a day off.
Fucking shoot me now!
( Muns, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:11, Reply)

Fucking hell.
No one would think any the less of you if you loaded up on opiates to dull your senses to Kasabian and their fans.
Ugh.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:14, Reply)

I'll use sleep deprivation instead.
It works wonders.
( Muns, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:18, Reply)

I like Kasabian.
There. I've said it.
( Kroney, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:18, Reply)

S'ok, I don't look to you for opinions on music.
You wouldn't associate with their fans though, would you?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:22, Reply)

I've never been to one of their concerts
and I'm not signed up to their "fanzine", if that's what you mean?
( Kroney, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:57, Reply)

I'd like to play computer games and drink beer all day.
But I imagine Ladypig has all sorts of exciting plans that involve neither of those.

Alt: I eat my bogeys. It's great.

Altalt: both.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:12, Reply)

I can vouch for this
Windy's bogeys are delicious
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:15, Reply)

I am genuinely sickened at this

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:18, Reply)

I'll post you some. You'll love it.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:19, Reply)

OK then

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:40, Reply)

Everyone at my work upset because of the sportball.
FFS - it's only a game.

My secret shame is that I'm actually shit at life.

Altalt: fuck off.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:17, Reply)

You could always top yourself?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:17, Reply)

Yer - might do that.
Fingers crossed, eh?
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:19, Reply)

Its not a secret

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:18, Reply)

No.
Oh well.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:19, Reply)

At my work it's turned into the same old club rivalry all over again
I'm still not sure why people can't accept that we're a shit team, led by a shit manager?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:35, Reply)

Digging over the last bit of the garden prior to laying new turf
Beer, chilli

Alt:
I like instant mashed potato *shames*

AltAlt:
Matthews
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:18, Reply)

^ will kill again

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:22, Reply)

Damn right

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:37, Reply)

Charity pub quiz tonight
Probably a bit of garden/allotment work, but slightly limited with a broken finger. Meeting up with the cricket guys on Sunday for some 'social activities' as we don't have a game this week.

It's not a 'proper' gay wedding though, is it? Like a gay man marrying a lesbian woman. I've been to one of those. It was most LOL.

Alt: Well it wouldn't me much of a secret if I aired it here, would it? FFS woman.

AltAlt: Both, at the same time, in a big RF sandwich. I've got plenty loving for both of those hotties, let me tell you.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:27, Reply)

Not much planned for tomorrow, I may end up dog sitting for a mate again. Then Micro and I are going to friends for Sunday lunch. Or perhaps I'll play rugby instead. Second row obvs.

Alt: I have too many to list.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:32, Reply)

Dog-sitting FFS

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:36, Reply)

A mate's gf is 8 months pregnant so I've looked after it a couple of times to give her a break when he's at work.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:38, Reply)

Its a fucking dog
Take it for a walk, give it a biscuit and it will have a lie down

Just like YM
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:39, Reply)

That's exactly what I'll do, except the cunt isn't having any of my biscuits.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:42, Reply)

Unlucky biscuit

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:44, Reply)

it could give gay dog a run for its money
in the squeeeeeeeeeeee stakes
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:53, Reply)

I'd forgotten you've seen a picture of it.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:56, Reply)

I'm off to the beach with the missus and a few mates
At least, that's the intention.

Alt: I'm not ashamed of anything.

AltAlt: Neither, give me Louise Woodward, at least she's from a nicer area.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:34, Reply)

Woodward is too fucking fat
She needs a good shake, that woman
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:37, Reply)

Diet?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:39, Reply)

She a hillsborough denier
still want to fuck the fatty now?
( Peej, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:41, Reply)

I'm unsure where you're reading that...
Either way, if I'm only out to fuck someone, you really think I give a single solitary shit about their opinions?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:44, Reply)

Or face
or smell
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:45, Reply)

Terrible bullying of Bella

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:52, Reply)

Yes
I wouldn't fuck someone if for example, their opinion was that chlamydia is good for you.
( Peej, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:50, Reply)

It barely has any noticeable effect, whilst potentially leaving a woman infertile.
What's bad about it?
( Muns, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:52, Reply)

It can make if difficult to produce children to abuse.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:53, Reply)

Join the clergy then.

( Muns, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:54, Reply)

Other people's kids? NO THANKS

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:57, Reply)

Thankfully, I tend to have enough of a brain to use protection.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 10:02, Reply)

Enough of a shit to promote their opinions on /links
/stillmissingrory
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:53, Reply)

As I've said before, that was after.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 10:02, Reply)

I wanted to give Maxine Carr one for a time.

( Muns, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:44, Reply)

Like an element of danger, eh? That's the ticket.
"Shall we go for a bath first Munsta?"
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:47, Reply)

Maxine Alan
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 10:03, Reply)

The wife just text me to thank me for the flowers
So shes probably not having an affair after all. Either that or Tangles warned her.
( Peej, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:47, Reply)

I texted her too

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:47, Reply)

Excellent username.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:48, Reply)

No its not!
I'm changing it again in a minute
( Peej, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:49, Reply)

I read the original post to her from my phone
While I was doing her up the wrongun.
( Muns, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:50, Reply)

My wifes had more cock than swipey!

( Peej, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:52, Reply)

She'll see that as competition.

( Muns, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:53, Reply)

Swipeys moved on to girls now

( Peej, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:54, Reply)

More cocks than John Wayne's rifle

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:54, Reply)

i've not really had that much cock
not by YM's standards anyway
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:54, Reply)

In terms of numbers, or aggregate length?
Poor Frog. :'(
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:57, Reply)

Liar.
My mum has a shrine to you in her bedroom
( Peej, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:57, Reply)

( Peej, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 10:04, Reply)

what the actual fuck did you google?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 10:07, Reply)

YAAFI
I made it in photoshop
( Peej, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 10:08, Reply)

HAHAHA

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 20 Jun 2014, 10:19, Reply)

Bored of work now

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:56, Reply)

^workshy communist

( Kroney, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:57, Reply)

Me too
Every Friday my boss rolls out the same shit "poets day" joke
( Peej, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:58, Reply)

Every three Tuesdays I have to work late. Part of the job includes a print run.
The guy who brings the blank cheques I have to print on always makes the same "who's the lucky one?" comment every single time. It's been years. I'm getting seriously close to gouging out his eyes. It's the most irrational thing in the world but it's got to the point that it makes me physically wince.
( Kroney, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 10:00, Reply)

when i was a letting agent, we had a seriously creepy dude who used to fix the washing machines, burglar alarms etc
he wore a serial killer's boiler suit (with nothing underneath in the summer, as he told us), still lived with his mum in his early 40's, and once a year went on holiday to eastern europe (this was in the late 90's, when it wasn't exactly the place to go) "because the girls are really young and up for it".

he was utterly oblivious to social niceties or the fact that we were clearly too busy to deal with him, and would get down on his knees and beg, throw bits of paper at you, and singsong, "THANK YOU MADAM" when you eventually forked over his shitty tenner. urgh. thanks for the memories, cunthead.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 10:04, Reply)

Sounds like a hard worker just trying to get by.

( Peej, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 10:11, Reply)

I was bored before I even got here, and it's payday.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:58, Reply)

#CANS

( Peej, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:59, Reply)

NO PAYDAY CANS TODAY

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:59, Reply)

Yep.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 10:03, Reply)

I've got my lesbian wedding next weekend.
Well not mine, as vaginas repulse me.
Ive got the other half over tonight and some mates are visiting from Newcastle so will be knocking about the gay scene tomorrow :(

alt. My not so secret love of synth pop.

altalt. I'd smack Baby P's mum with Shannon Matthews' mum and hide them under the bed.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 9:59, Reply)

what's wrong with vaginas?
mine's like a floral scented mouse's ear
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 10:02, Reply)

* resists strikethrough *

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 10:04, Reply)

i'm intrigued as to what you could strikethrough
i mean, i can understand you could think of unlimited rude replacements, but a strikethrough?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 10:06, Reply)

mouse elephant
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 10:07, Reply)

it's lacking in subtlety

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 10:07, Reply)

Yawning hippo
Etc. etc.
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 10:21, Reply)

Im sure it is but they look like facehuggers from alien and I do not trust them.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 10:04, Reply)

Maybe you need to see some growlers that developed outside of the north of England.
They're generally quite pleasant.
( Muns, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 10:12, Reply)

floral scented mouse's ear grenade went off in a sea urchin
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 10:04, Reply)

Brilliant.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 10:06, Reply)

( Muns, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 10:05, Reply)

i can only see a red X
i think this is for the best for everyone
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 10:06, Reply)

tinyurl.com/swipesminge
( Muns, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 10:09, Reply)

( Peej, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 10:06, Reply)

is it wrong that this actually looks tasty?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 10:06, Reply)

You think your own vag looks tasty?

( Peej, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 10:08, Reply)

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 10:12, Reply)

I'm sure thats the same joke I just made with less subtlety

( Peej, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 10:13, Reply)

Far, far less.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 20 Jun 2014, 10:13, Reply)