That thread is proper shit
have a link
www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-28353027

What a fucking dude this guy is, his answers are great.

Have you ever written into an advice column?

alt: You have £10 left in your pocket you have to spend it in the next 20 minutes, do you buy 5 lottery tickets and hope for a win or booze...
If you haven't spent it ants will eat your eyeballs
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 14:43, 49 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

lol
Q: I have a small penis and I can't seem to satisfy my girlfriend. My astrologer has advised me to pull it every day for 15 minutes while reciting a shloka [prayer]. I have been doing this for a month but it hasn't helped. What should I do?

A: If he was right, most men would have a penis hitting their knees. God doesn't help gullible, foolish men. Go visit a sexpert instead who can teach you the art of making love.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 14:50, Reply)

My number is available for gaz.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 14:58, Reply)

Q: Is it safe if penis is kept in the vagina when sleeping?
A: Usually when the penis returns to flaccid state, it will slide out of the vagina. Even if does not, rest assured the vagina will not have it for breakfast.

Bless. These poor, poor people.
( Kroney, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 14:54, Reply)

I seem to remember a story about a German couple who were hard-line Christians, who didn't understand why the woman wasn't getting pregnant, and it had to be pointed out that they had to have sex for that to happen.
It was probably just bollocks, but it excited my 'there are some amazingly stupid people in the world' senses.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 15:15, Reply)

Oh superb
Q: My friend thinks that her breasts are getting larger because of masturbation. Is this possible?

A: No. Does she think her clitoris is an air pump?
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 14:59, Reply)

There really are some crackers on there

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 15:18, Reply)

I like that.
Q: My girlfriend had a large and loose vagina, I have been told she has slept with black men, how can I be sure?

A: She has, I've seen the pictures.

You couldn't make it up!!!
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 15:02, Reply)

Or...
...maybe you could
( Kroney, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 15:08, Reply)

did your dad write that?

( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 15:28, Reply)

Q, do you know ym has a baggy and sloppy minge
A, yes, I've been there a few times.
(DBT became a fruitarian on, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 15:32, Reply)

This thread is slower than your mum leaving a cake shop.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 15:52, Reply)

do a new one??

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 15:54, Reply)

Fuck off - my threads are shit.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 15:54, Reply)

As are mine so it seems
But on the plus side I at least provided an amusing read
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 16:00, Reply)

everyone is winding down for the closing on friday

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 16:02, Reply)

is there any real evidence for that, other than TD pretending to be a mod?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 16:09, Reply)

Of course not

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 16:12, Reply)

Dont spoil it

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 16:16, Reply)

There's always hope

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 16:19, Reply)

sometimes its all we have left

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 16:44, Reply)

You are indeed blessed.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 16:04, Reply)

In more ways than one... Just ask your missus
BOOOM ah yeah whamooo roonnnneyy right in the kisser
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 16:16, Reply)

The hire company have given me a great big van.
So now I'm being forced to visit ikea. For a sofa. Stupid Bollocks.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 22 Jul 2014, 16:11, Reply)

Fuck that.
I ain't ever going to Ikea
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 16:12, Reply)

I have heard the vegetarian option in the restaurant is excellent.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 22 Jul 2014, 16:24, Reply)

What's cheaper than meatballs?
No meatballs.
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 17:49, Reply)

Got to admire your fiancee's opportunism, there.

( Kroney, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 16:15, Reply)

he fucking wants to go
apart from anything else it keeps him from the burning rays of the sun
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 16:17, Reply)

She's been moaning about how long the delivery takes,
Within seconds of hearing I got a van I was fucked.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 22 Jul 2014, 16:24, Reply)

Your card was well punched.
Hope you've got a mate to help lump it about.
( Kroney, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 16:38, Reply)

Can you play the 'it's not insured for personal mileage' card?

( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 16:40, Reply)

Or just fucking tell her to get back in the kitchen and get him a sandwich

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 16:45, Reply)

^^^

( Kroney, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 17:21, Reply)

It's a Dozer thread, what do you expect?

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 16:22, Reply)

For it to have no pint whatsoever.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 16:25, Reply)

Jesus wept Doc
I am not dozer,
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 16:26, Reply)

he would have opened with this close to home one:
Q: I am a 32-yr-old happily married man from Karjat. Recently, I've been having mixed feelings about cheating on my wife. I have a goat; her name is Ramila. Over the past two months, I have been thinking about how it would feel to make love to her. Is this normal? Will I contract a goat-related STD? Please help!

A: Ask Ramila whether she would like it! Bestiality is not considered normal and it is illegal.
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 16:27, Reply)

I was referring to the Dozer thread, re my taste in crisp, I thought that was the one you meant?

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 16:36, Reply)

You still have his habit of leaving hanging commas, you jumped up, dictionary bashing mid-life skater prick

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 17:51, Reply)

Clickin dis,

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 17:53, Reply)

who says the yanks dont do irony
www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-28417341
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 16:28, Reply)

alt: A £3.99 pair of ant proof goggles a pint and a magnifying glass
Bring it on ants
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 16:33, Reply)

Fucking ants.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 16:37, Reply)

ant porn aint really my thing

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 16:39, Reply)

and yet your thing is the perfect size for it

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 16:50, Reply)

I'd have a go on your mum.
Then I'd buy the first thing I saw for £9.99.
( Muns, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 16:54, Reply)