Off TopicAre you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.
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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Krones disease needs entertaining. Tell us your best chrimbo cracker joke.What's a "specimen"?
An Italian astronaut.
(, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 11:39, 168 replies, latest was 11 years ago)
Whats the bare minimum1 Bear
(needs to be spoken grammar pedants)
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Peej, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 11:41,
Reply)
Why did Santa's helper see the doctor?
Because he had a low "elf" esteem!
(, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 11:47, Reply)
I bet he had private "elf" care! (
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 3 Dec 2014, 11:52,
Reply)
What happened to the man who stole an Advent Calendar?
He got 25 days!
(, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 11:48, Reply)
is that like old peoples disease or saink?Kroneys?!
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GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 11:48,
Reply)
What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!
(, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 11:49, Reply)
How did the three wise men know the weight of the baby Jesus? They had a weigh in a manger!
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 3 Dec 2014, 11:51,
Reply)
What is the best Christmas present in the world?
A broken drum – you just can’t beat it!
(, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 11:53, Reply)
You're copy pasting from the telegraph aren't you. (
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 3 Dec 2014, 11:53,
Reply)
I was hoping that if i went on long enough Kroney would top himself (, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 11:54, Reply)
Oh, fair enough. Carry on. (
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 3 Dec 2014, 11:57,
Reply)
Still the cunt wanted entertainment as he was bored seeing out his joband he isn't even here, what a prick eh
(, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 11:58, Reply)
What did the snowflake say to the fallen leaf?
You are so last season.
(, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 12:05, Reply)
Weren't there once some wakki b3ta crimble cracker jokes you could print off to delight and entertain your family?(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 11:56,
Reply)
Google it cunt. (
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 3 Dec 2014, 11:57,
Reply)
I have googled IT cunt and just get a picture of a half cast with frizzy hair (, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 11:58, Reply)
I didn't know your dad was black(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 12:03,
Reply)
b3ta.com/board/6495343
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 3 Dec 2014, 11:58,
Reply)
Not clicking that etc.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 12:00,
Reply)
I don't get it.(
Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 3 Dec 2014, 12:00,
Reply)
That's because you murdered poor Tourettes so you could dress up in her skin for your sick masturbatory games.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 12:02,
Reply)
No, that was my first wife.(
Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 3 Dec 2014, 12:41,
Reply)
this is considerably less festive and warm-spirited than I anticipated(, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 12:06, Reply)
What do you get if you decorate too many Christmas trees?Tinsellitis
(, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 12:08, Reply)
Why did the washing machine laugh?Cos it was taking the piss out of the pants!
(, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 12:08, Reply)
Why was did the grammar not sense make did?Because the Darth!
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 12:12,
Reply)
What did the duck say to the barman?Just put it on my tab. I mean bill. Put it on my bill.
(, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 12:09, Reply)
Whats got 6 legs 2 heads and a cunt in the middle of its backA policehorse
(, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 12:13, Reply)
Not sure that's cracker material.Seems a bit mean spirited, actually. Is everything OK at home, Bongo?
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Kroney, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 12:15,
Reply)
His wife left him for a police horse(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 12:16,
Reply)
I'm not sure what these Scottish schools are teaching children.Police horses have four legs, one head and the female ones have their cunt precisely where you'd expect it to be.
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Kroney, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 12:18,
Reply)
The Tory government!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(
Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 12:16,
Reply)
Which Tory government?????????(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 12:16,
Reply)
All of them!!!!!!!(
Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 12:17,
Reply)
You were probably curled up in the foetal position in one of your crying cupboards when we had the meeting, but we all agreed that use of that acronym was wholly unacceptable.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 12:33,
Reply)
That's exactly the sort of argument that should be put to a b3tan to get them to stop doing something(, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 12:47, Reply)
Dammit now I've got that fucking song stuck in my headI blame you, the uncool Fantomex
(, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 12:47, Reply)
Three brians seems excessive.I've rarely needed even one brian.
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Kroney, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 13:01,
Reply)
He does look like Edward Snowden.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 12:29,
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This is not rallying to my defence, Tangles. Please try again.(
Kroney, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 12:30,
Reply)
Er...If you look very closely you will probably see some slight differences in appearance between Kroney and Edward Snowden.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 12:31,
Reply)
I might be angry if I were stranded in some godforsaken commuter village under an M4 flyover(, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 12:38, Reply)
What do you call a cyclops with one eye?No, wait. Hang on this doesn't work.
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Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 12:39,
Reply)
do you need somebody to walk you to the bus stop to make sure you don't get lost?(, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 12:46, Reply)
You ill or something?I tried to buy 2 packs of pre-meditative flu tablets and a pack of ibuprofen in aldi today and the woman made a big fuss about me only being allowed 2 packets in case I cook meth or something.
Called the supervisor over and everything.
I WAS SHIVERING COS IT WAS COLD OKAY?!?!
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GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 12:46,
Reply)
You can't make meth from paracetemol jYou have muddled something up in your brain.
(, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 12:51, Reply)
Top B3ta tip: Don't read everything literally.hth xx
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GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 12:54,
Reply)
Thanks. I'll bare that in mind next time you say something retarded.
I may not have to wait very long.
(, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 12:56, Reply)
If you're gonna correct people, like for instance in this very threadb3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2424788
You're going to look like a FUCKING RETARD if you get things wrong yourself, innit yer
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MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 13:05,
Reply)
he didn't mention paracetamolhe's presumably talking about ephedrine or pseudo ephedrine which are the main off-the-shelf ingredient of meth and commonly found in decongestants but only available from a pharmacist in this country
(, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 12:55, Reply)
Fucking NICE pricks claiming that phenylephrine is just as effective.It really isn't
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 12:59,
Reply)
I often explain this to the woman in the chemistI'm sure she doesn't find it in any way condescending or annoying
(, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 13:00, Reply)
not reallyAlthough I can see how I might appear that way on many subjects to ignorant and unhappy people
(, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 13:03, Reply)
I feel sorry for the till jockey at the pharmacist as dr shambles with the full backing of the russell group of universitys explains to her once again the intricacies of his pizzaoven. A man whose 'consultancy' is at cranley levels
(, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 13:10, Reply)
Except he didn't say that, did he?en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pseudoephedrine#Use_to_make_methamphetamine
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 12:57,
Reply)
calm down, lovejust because you're struggling to understand conversational English
(, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 12:59, Reply)
it must be hard for you when swipe is stuck on the fart tube and you briefly become the thickest one here(, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 13:04, Reply)
Oi I am the thickest one hereand I have a note from my mum that proves it
(, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 13:11, Reply)
but nobody can read that because she's just smeared a crude cross with her own excrement(, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 13:13, Reply)
The thrust of the story isn't that the shop assistant thought he was going to cook methfrom ingredients that you can't cook meth from. Something you've catastrophically misunderstood. Regardless of whether you can or can't buy meth ingredients in Aldi, you're the dumbass here, Ballbag, old boy.
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Kroney, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 13:06,
Reply)
It's clearly bullshit. You really think the cashier in Aldi said "you can only have one packet of that mate in case you cook meth with it"
(, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 13:10, Reply)
She didn't say any such thing and neither did Jason claim that she didYou useless, illiterate bender.
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Kroney, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 13:11,
Reply)
"the woman made a big fuss about me only being allowed 2 packets in case I cook meth or something"can you people not fucking read?
(, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 13:14, Reply)
OK, here's the breakdown.The way the woman reacted seemed entirely like an overreaction to Jason, something which he explained using a pretty common mode of speech called "exaggeration". He was purposefully giving her attributes that didn't happen in real life to illustrate his point.
You useless, illiterate bender.
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Kroney, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 13:16,
Reply)
You really don't get the method behind anecdotes, do you?(
GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 13:12,
Reply)
Even so, it was the shop assistant who was wrong here, not Jasin*rides white horse off into sunset*
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 13:02,
Reply)
Opposite day is one of my favourite things(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 13:20,
Reply)
AAARRRGGGGG!You can't buy more than 2 packets of paracetamol containing medicines due to the suicide risk. The Aldi woman would not have talked about meth. Jason just didn't realise that lemsip doesn't have meth precursors in it when he made up his silly story.
(, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 13:05, Reply)
Have you ever considered not getting into a blind, spittle flecked rage over utterly inconsequential minutiae?(
Kroney, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 13:09,
Reply)
However, Codine and Paracetimol desolve at different tempratures, so it's probably that they're concerned with.(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 13:04,
Reply)
Meth is so Blarzé, you see one season of Braking Bad and it's the 'in' thing to do - but anyone seen the Louis Tharoux doc? #NoThankYouDotJpegGive me an opiate based high any day of the week.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 13:18,
Reply)
yessss dinner on the table when i get incheers
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MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 12:49,
Reply)
And a full update of all her symptoms(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 12:50,
Reply)
Haha, I forgot that time he admited he had herpies. That was great, I ribbed him all day about that.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 12:52,
Reply)
What do you call a blind cyclo ...No, it still doesn't work.
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Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 13:03,
Reply)
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