Its Friday! Its Ten past Eight! Its Off of the Tops(ics)
I went out for a few jars last night in memory of my dear friend who died last year. We all got pissed, its what he would have wanted.

What do you want?

Alt. Weekend plans?
( Peej, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 8:12, 92 replies, latest was 10 years ago)

I want Sian Williams in a five star hotel room, with me and a dozen pairs of Westwood heels

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 8:17, Reply)

I want somebody to bring me tea and toast in bed.
This weekend I'm going to the seaside and/or the zoo. Either way I'm going to have chips and ice cream and possibly candyfloss.
(old man river possible lesbian, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 8:24, Reply)

Ideally a day of hilarious meme repetition on the internet, with some boasting and self-aggrandising, bullshit and tales of zany waqqi adventures
Alt: Work night out, alcohol and drugs abuse issues style hangover whilst working Saturday morning, watching television whilst lying down for the rest of it, maybe a meal or something on Sunday I dunno Phil, who cares?
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 8:29, Reply)

guyrim

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 8:30, Reply)

yhpcciym

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 8:30, Reply)

c,c,b,m

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 8:30, Reply)

cue cue barney mcgrew?
Always thought it was Kew myself.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 9:34, Reply)

I thought it was Hugh, Pugh

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 9:35, Reply)

Another couple of hours in bed, a longer, more leisurely breakfast, followed by a lazy day of getting stoned and having my supermodel girlfriends take it in turns to enthusiastically fellate me.
Then probably a curry for dinner.

Alt: I'm going to aim for as much of ^that as I can.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 8:34, Reply)

I've taken the day off.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 8:34, Reply)

excellent Fridaying

(old man river possible lesbian, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 8:42, Reply)

Candy, It all, Zig-a-zig-ah, to break free, to hold you hand, to know what love is, you, my two front teeth, a dog, etc
Although right now I want it to be 5pm

Alt: Saturday we're off out early for a full english followed by a drive to Thorpe Park then back up the road for a homemade chilli and some rum. Sunday, dunno.
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 8:38, Reply)

I've only been to Thorpe park, it was just after the fire. Yes AFTER, thats my story and I'm sticking to it.
However most of the cool rides were shut.
( Peej, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 8:39, Reply)

I sense a theme here.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 8:40, Reply)

I've never been there before
I've got a full timetable of chickening out and holding coats planned *squees*
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 8:41, Reply)

I like the teacups and the little choochoo train

(old man river possible lesbian, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 8:43, Reply)

I'm at the dentist.
Having a cary taken care of.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 8:44, Reply)

grampa toothfail
/ac
(old man river possible lesbian, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 9:03, Reply)

Waiting to hear about pay review and bonus.
That will dictate what happens at lunchtime which will likely determine how the rest of the weekend goes.

The plan is to go to Worthing tomorrow.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 8:48, Reply)

Payrise and Bonus-tastic!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 8:51, Reply)

Fingers crossed.
Are you up for an Oxford trip or do we need to get a Bristol trip in the calendar?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 8:53, Reply)

Clearly Bristol is easier because I'm a lazy cunt.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 9:03, Reply)

Right. I'll have a look at some dates.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 9:06, Reply)

Lovely.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 9:09, Reply)

People go on and on about how "I'd just like you to have a good time when i'm gone", but i'm like nah' man, fuck that.
I want supermodels throwing themselves on my castket crying blue-murder about an unjust god and then for all of them to have as much sex as possible in the hope that they'll reincarnate me.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 8:53, Reply)

I didn't specifically mean when you die. I mean in general

( Peej, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 8:54, Reply)

Ohh, well, in that case, i'm going doctors later to pick up some pills, and I hope they have some fresh beigles whilst i'm Cockfosters.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 8:57, Reply)

How can a Jew NOT be able to spell 'Bagel'?
Oi veh
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 9:01, Reply)

Oh wait, i before e.
biegles.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 9:06, Reply)

Plainly This Hebrew Cannot

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 9:09, Reply)

aim high, double P

(old man river possible lesbian, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 9:03, Reply)

I'm reaching for the moon but gazing at stars.
Oh, because I didn't clock it 'till the next day when I came across an interesting blog, I worked out the calculatings behind that HSL issue.

Hue is done in degrees, 360, but there are 184.2 values on the PH per degree, so I just timesed the degree by 184.2 then toFIxed(0) because it can only take an int.

Sat is normally a %, but there are 255 possible values, so the maths was easy there.

Bri is irrelevant to colour, but again, it's 255 possible values.
=-=-=-=-
RGB/HEX to HSL is worked out via a jsLib I found called tinyColour, which converts anything to anything.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 9:13, Reply)

I've got a switch where if you press the bottom the lights turn on and if you press the top the lights turn off.

(old man river possible lesbian, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 9:15, Reply)

That's how all light switches work isn't it?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 9:20, Reply)

Not in America

( Peej, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 9:22, Reply)

in merica you have to shoot the bulb out with a shotgun

(old man river possible lesbian, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 9:28, Reply)

Well duh

( Peej, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 9:32, Reply)

Someone linked a vid on fb yesterday where some dozy yank had wired his house wrong
the light switches behaved oddly and he could turn a light on and off and alter the brightness of it by plugging a hairdryer in a nearby socket. Surprised the place didn't burn down.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 9:33, Reply)

it's called FREEDOM you goshdarn COMMUNIST

(old man river possible lesbian, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 9:37, Reply)

Lightly posted a really funny article about how this german bloke built a SmartHouse about 5 years ago...
... but naturally there was no Standards for it like they're building today (Zigbee/HomeKit/etc), and suddenly everything stopped working and going crazy.

In the end it turned out that a blown lightbulb was DoSing his whole house.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 9:38, Reply)

I was just going to go look for that link
shan't bother now.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 9:44, Reply)

I hacked my Tado system this week too.
They have a mobile-first website written AngularJS, so I Prettified it's JS which exposed all it's API calls.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 9:50, Reply)

Filthy

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 9:51, Reply)

Only a bit,
When I told their Twitter, I was supprised they didn't react a bit stronger, because one of the params is a numerical "ClientID". I don't think that's entirely secure, I didn't test it against the cookie, but if they're accepting that, then the odds are I can change other people's heating.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 9:55, Reply)

and this is why the "Internet of Things" is a dumb idea
By all means have stuff in your house talk to each other, but ffs air gap it from the Internet at all costs.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 10:01, Reply)

If it's done right, then it's OK.
On the Philips Hue system, every time you use a new app, you have to phsyically press a button on the base-station.

This year at WWDC we'll see HomeKit implimented properly, now that manufacturers have had a year to get certifications from Apple - I think that'll do the job properly.

NFC on iOS is locked down due to ApplePay, but it can 'unlock doors' in hotels, so I have no idea how actually locked down it is.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 10:20, Reply)

Not convinced by any means
Even smart TVs are phoning out unencrypted now, pisspoor security through cost-cutting doesn't make me want to touch any of it with a bargepole.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 10:28, Reply)

5 years ago? maybe further back than 5 years.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 9:48, Reply)

Can't remember exactly, but far back enough that he needed basiclly to build a server-farm in his basement.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 9:51, Reply)

ha ha ha hardwired smart homes

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 10:00, Reply)

that was the joke

(old man river possible lesbian, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 9:22, Reply)

Not in America

( Peej, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 9:28, Reply)

Yeah', well, I fucking MADE that switch; that's gotta be worth some kudos.
Plus I have the Stickers version of these: estimote.com/ , that I've managed to get interacting with properly.... so I can just put my phone on the table and it'll pre-set a seqence or whatever.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 9:20, Reply)

I fucking hate coding presentational stuff; all this dicking about to make something a bit more green.
Give me some tricky business logic any day of the week.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 9:19, Reply)

I'm 60/40 towards the backend, I like both.
But we're talking about interacting with the API behind these: www2.meethue.com/en-gb/
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 9:21, Reply)

' I'm 60/40 towards the backend, I like both.'
Fnaaar
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 9:49, Reply)

They can chuck me in a skip for all I fucking care.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 9:00, Reply)

I want my course of Metronidazole to be over so I can drink myself stupid (er)
Alt: This weekend I are mostly building a wardrobe from scratch to my own design, playing guitar with friends and NOT DRINKING.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 8:54, Reply)

Just drink anyway, you big lightweight.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 8:55, Reply)

Tried that before
Wouldn't recommend it - except to someone I'd want to see having massive facial flushes, intestinal cramping , projectile vomiting and/or uncontrollable diarrhea. Y'know - someone like Dozer.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 9:00, Reply)

it'll probably fuck your liver too

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 6 Mar 2015, 9:01, Reply)

Have a couple of joints to take the edge off the side effects

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 9:02, Reply)

^^wants prohibition to have ceased, to play the hardest chord, and to put together high cupboard

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 9:03, Reply)

Triple whammy!
Probably that's happy coincidence, potentially there's hard consequences.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 9:08, Reply)

this fucking bus to hurry up
I'm dying for a shit.
( Muns, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 8:57, Reply)

just let out a small cheeky fart.
that should help.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 8:59, Reply)

brown roulette

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 9:15, Reply)

bus wanker

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 9:02, Reply)

www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-30125792
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 9:05, Reply)

Hope the bus driver doesn't feel pressured to drive quickly due to
Your complicated bowel.

The potential for some massive skid-marks would be greatly increased.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 9:08, Reply)

Update: made it to the office and dun a poo.
I don't know why Pooflake finds doing this so fucking difficult.
( Muns, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 10:32, Reply)

Weekend - on-call until early sunday morning when it gets transferred to a colleague so I can go and play in our 9th annual darts tournament.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 9:02, Reply)

I HAVE A DREAM!

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 9:04, Reply)

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 9:07, Reply)

NWC

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 9:29, Reply)

Breakfast!
I had sausage bacon black pudding egg beans toast. How about you guys?

Alt: Brother's partner has a birthday party in London so is crashing at mine tonight and tomorrow. Few drinks tonight, apparently Spitalfields Market and the various nearby vintage shops tomorrow day, back by 3 for the footy then she's off out with a key and an evening with the GF for me.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 9:25, Reply)

Farage is coming to my local leisure centre tonight!

( Peej, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 9:27, Reply)

Have they got a bar?

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 9:29, Reply)

I think so. I don't really do sports so its been years

( Peej, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 9:32, Reply)

I find the whole idea of a 'leisure centre' totally appalling.

(old man river possible lesbian, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 9:37, Reply)

it sounds like a brothel

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 9:40, Reply)

Especially one run by PIston
www.entertainment-focus.com/wp-content/themes/arts-culture/timthumb.php?src=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.entertainment-focus.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2014%2F03%2Frsz_1brittas.jpg&q=90&w=630&zc=1
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 9:41, Reply)

that's uncanny

(old man river possible lesbian, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 9:47, Reply)

it is a bit

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 10:03, Reply)

Where else are you going to find Suzanne Vega if you want her?

( Peej, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 9:43, Reply)

in my diner
Or maybe on the first floor.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 9:48, Reply)

Any sound people about? Any views on this?
www.amazon.co.uk/gp/offer-listing/B00DY4KO8W/ref=olp_tab_used?ie=UTF8&condition=used

I want a bluetooth (or AirPlay) speaker in my livingroom, so I figure rather than go for one of those titddly fassionable boxes, to go for a SoundBar and double it up for the telly.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 9:39, Reply)

Seems OK for the money
reviews say remote a bit crap, but for under £50 it's not going to be heavyweight. Won't be massively loud or bassy but way better than the speakers on most TVs these days.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 10:12, Reply)

Sweet, thats what I was thinking too.
Or I'm not sure if it's worth spending a bit more and getting a 2.1 that has a proper sub.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 10:15, Reply)

I would say so, especially for films and if you like your music to have bass
a 10cm cabinet is at best going to have 8cm speakers and you won't get much low bass out of those.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 10:22, Reply)

Cool, I'll save up a bit and get something better

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 11:01, Reply)

Sat in the office
I want Swamp Thing comics. I'm attempting to look like I'm being productive while browsing eBay and contemplating eating my banana.

Alt: I watching Guardian of the Galaxy with minipickle, decorating, gardening - grown up boring shit.
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 9:40, Reply)