Good morning !
I did the most glorious poo in my life this morning. Took 20 minutes and was so big that it towered a good 10cm above the water line. It's taken me 2 tries to flush it so far. I feel like I've lost weight. It's really set me up for the day.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 7:52, 139 replies, latest was 10 years ago)

I'm alroght ta

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 7:56, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2484877
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 7:57, Reply)

Bigger than that, but not as solid.
You know how you get evil geniuses who have an island with an imposing volcano on top? Like that.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 8:08, Reply)

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 8:11, Reply)

Oh Lordy, thankfully the only times I've Missed The Target has been in hospital situations.
im tempted to vote UKIP so budget cuts to janitor staff continue and your job remit includes this situation; no need to thank me.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 8:21, Reply)

Actually, fuck that, I can't afford my own hospital bills

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 8:22, Reply)

Swipe will probably genuinely do this, for that reason.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 8:27, Reply)

haha, i have a feeling that the only hospitals Swipe has set foot in doesn't have an NHS logo,
, The building used to belong to a an Earl at some point, the waiting room reading material includes The Financial Times (one belonging to this week), the water fountain is actually a coffee machine that does capachinos, the building has Grounds that contains a duck pond.... And the referering Doctor had a clinic on Harly Street

Oh, wait, yeah, see your point.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 8:34, Reply)

If the salads aren't priced up at at least a tenner, they're not worth having.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 8:51, Reply)

Mind you, I can't really talk, I spend about £50/week on taxis.
Because I CBA to get the bus home, which goes 5 minute walk from my flat to 5 minute walk from my office.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 9:01, Reply)

I mean, that's where the stops are.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 9:02, Reply)

I'd get buses all the time if they went exactly where I wanted to go
and they only carried me and my mates
(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 9:20, Reply)

this is a great idea
i have a set of scales in my head. on the one hand, cunts and racism and homophobia and some fucking stupid "policies". on the other... amorous badger down on his knees scrubbing diarrhoea off the cracked linoleum..... where's peter snow and his swingometer when you need it?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 10:10, Reply)

o_O

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 25 Mar 2015, 8:00, Reply)

Was that a byproduct of the sweat potatoes and the pulled porn?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 8:02, Reply)

I donno, didn't eat much of that, no idea where it came from.
I'm starving now.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 8:09, Reply)

Sweat potatoes may be the best name for bollocks ever

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 8:10, Reply)

officelol

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 9:56, Reply)

that's the sign of great times ahead

( $$ ✅, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 8:10, Reply)

You had a glorious poo, I had disappointing sex.
I think you got the better deal to be honest.
( Peej, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 8:14, Reply)

Totally agree, we both feel dirty but at least I feel great.
We both probably feel hungry too.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 8:23, Reply)

I second that motion, and have passed one of my own this morning.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 8:26, Reply)

i might go and have a shit in a minute.
/ac
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 8:29, Reply)

I love it when people still my schtict

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 8:34, Reply)

Someone stole your poo??

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 8:35, Reply)

www.wjla.com/articles/2014/12/stinky-revenge-couple-tricks-holiday-package-thief-into-stealing-box-of-dog-poop--109673.html
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 8:38, Reply)

Turd burglars

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 8:57, Reply)

*golf clap*

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 9:19, Reply)

'member the gay daleks? 'member?
WHITE WEE WEE!
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 8:43, Reply)

Yeah! That must leave you with a real "go get 'em champ!" feeling
Pololitic debates have started around the office with anecdotal evidence and Daily Mail headlines taken as fact and flung around with wild abandon. I might start a 'People are fucking idiots and I hate them' party. I think I'd do alright.
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 9:16, Reply)

you've got my fucking idiot vote
you fucking idiot
(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 9:17, Reply)

Farage is way ahead of you there
liddlebitopoliticsladeezandgenitalmen
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 9:41, Reply)

ABBA y/n
I saw part of a doc last night about how when ABBA won the Eurovision song contest the rest of the Swedish music scene hated them because they weren't more like punky Billy Braggssons (that was the IN thing at the time).
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 9:29, Reply)

They made some excellent pop tunes.

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 9:31, Reply)

Fun harmonies too.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 9:33, Reply)

also the blonde one have me strange childhood groin feelings

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 9:35, Reply)

Bjorn, was it?

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 9:35, Reply)

remember yesterday when it was fairly busy and entertaining on here? seems like a long time ago now

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 9:30, Reply)

Give it time, it doesn't really get moving properly until Jay is here and he doesn't start work for another couple of hours

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 9:32, Reply)

i dunno man, it just *feels* different, i'm not sure it's going to be worth the wait

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 9:33, Reply)

Yeah, probably not worth raising your hopes too high

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 9:36, Reply)

never do mate, never do

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 9:36, Reply)

Aw man, I miss all the good times

( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 9:33, Reply)

it's okay bill, you flucken MAKE the good times

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 9:34, Reply)

I don't think I do but thanks man

( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 9:35, Reply)

but i just said you do, why are you challenging me?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 9:36, Reply)

Alright m8, don't get too enamoured of your own flucken opinion yeah?

( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 9:39, Reply)

( $$ ✅, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 9:40, Reply)

gif clips are well lol

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 9:41, Reply)

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 9:41, Reply)

( $$ ✅, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 9:43, Reply)

I <3 these

( G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 9:44, Reply)

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 9:47, Reply)

i think we all know why

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 10:07, Reply)

Oh dear, is somebody spoiling your internet experience?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 10:10, Reply)

because you know i'm all about that math

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 10:12, Reply)

stop trolling the forum please tangles

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 10:12, Reply)

there's a lot of blooing from the eterno-grumps

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 10:16, Reply)

( G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 9:43, Reply)

I like this

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 10:00, Reply)

Why doesn't he just go in the bidet?
Jeez, Spider-man is such a wuss.
(Twangy Rubber, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 10:42, Reply)

A good shite is really an amazing experience
I'm on my 4th cup of coffee so I'm expecting "movement" shortly
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 10:00, Reply)

I know I've asked this before
but is there anybody on here who doesn't have massive bowel wrongs
(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 10:07, Reply)

I'm fairly regular, never experience any difficulties and find it odd to talk about it on the internet.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 10:09, Reply)

Keyword: vegetarian

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 10:09, Reply)

you fucking Kellogg

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 10:15, Reply)

He does have crunchy nuts

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 10:30, Reply)

on the internet
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 10:11, Reply)

^

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 10:12, Reply)

Yes, that too.
Although, in common with many new parents, it seemed perfectly normal to discuss our babies' productivity at the time, for some reason.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 10:12, Reply)

Nowt wrong with mine, ta

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 10:13, Reply)

I dunno, it could be a bit bigger I suppose

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 10:14, Reply)

Prickolele

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 10:26, Reply)

reassuring news

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 10:14, Reply)

I often wonder why people pick so many of them on countdown

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 10:19, Reply)

OO EE OO AA AA
ting tang walla walla bing bang
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 10:26, Reply)

Clarkson has got the sack.
GOOD RIDDANCE
(PsychoChomp, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 10:21, Reply)

PC GONE MAD INNIT

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 10:26, Reply)

Famous Ginger Chris evans is meant to be taking over.
I was hoping it would be Alan Partridge.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 10:27, Reply)

Where is it being reported?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 10:29, Reply)

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/celebritynews/11493270/Jeremy-Clarkson-to-be-sacked-by-the-BBC.html
(PsychoChomp, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 10:29, Reply)

"to be sacked"

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 10:30, Reply)

'today'

(PsychoChomp, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 10:32, Reply)

'onanism'

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 10:35, Reply)

'here I go again'

( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 10:37, Reply)

Yes the Mail also ran with this story
Both papers love to beat up the BBC at any opportunity
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:00, Reply)

typical leftist celtic tokenism

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 10:30, Reply)

infestzzzz

( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 10:30, Reply)

I've started a petition for Kanye West to replace him.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 10:27, Reply)

I'd sign that

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 10:29, Reply)

Can't you present it? I'd like to watch an awkward man shift uncomfortably whilst trying to be humorous and informative about alternative eco friendly transport as a crowd of pleather and denim clad bald men jeer and shout.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 10:31, Reply)

If David Cameron asks me to, I will.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 10:44, Reply)

DBT was on form last night.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 10:32, Reply)