Morning all
It's that time again when it's the morning and no-one wants to be up and at work.

So come in and complain about being up far too early.


(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 7:53, 373 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Morning 'lusty
How are you?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 7:55, Reply)

I'm fine.
I decided your thread looked more comfortable.

You ok?
( wanderlust, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 7:58, Reply)

I decided to see if you would delete yours
And you did :p

I'm not bad, got an early start today though, and lots of work when I get home at lunchtime. What funs.

Fun day of work ahead of you?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 7:58, Reply)

Yeah
I'm a push over.

I really want to eat my yoghurt but I only have a fork, no spoon. I'm going to give it a go anyway. I live such an exciting life.
( wanderlust, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 8:01, Reply)

That sounds pretty awesome as lives go
I'm going to go and get dressed, then brave the underground into uni as it is rather unsurprisingly raining rather a lot here today :(
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 8:02, Reply)

Good morning, all!
How is everyone today? Hopefully, not as miserable as I am!
(The Stig, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 8:09, Reply)

Morning funsters!
I've brought my guitar into work with me today. Wanna try and nail Cannonball by Damien Rice. The fingering is really quite difficult.

*cough*

And the sun is shining!

How are we all?

Edit: *plays 'Good Day Sunshine' for The Stig*
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 8:09, Reply)

@N03l
If you want to cheer me up play "Radar Love" by Golden Earring.

That song always cheers me up!
(The Stig, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 8:16, Reply)

Morning, pop-pickers
I'm dismayed to see that PoD says it's raining in Glasgow. Because at the moment it's nice here with clear blue sky, but give it a couple of hours...

Bastard rain.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 8:18, Reply)

Morning All
*Bounds in*

*pulls up a chair*

*sips tea*

*rolls smoke*
(never-right -getting it wrong since '78, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 8:27, Reply)

Hurrah!
The whole eating a yoghurt with a spoon was a success.
Just thought you all might like to know.
( wanderlust, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 8:38, Reply)

Yes, Lusty
I have found through trial and error that the spoon is the most efficient utensil for yoghurt consumption.

A fork is much less satisfactory, unless you only want to eat the wee bits of fruit.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 8:40, Reply)

I meant fork :(
dammit.

I seem to have left my brain at home this morning.
( wanderlust, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 8:41, Reply)

@Lusty
"Eating yoghurt with a spoon"?

What's so difficult about that?

*Edit* Ahh! Glad you clarified that. :O)
(The Stig, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 8:41, Reply)

And
Chopsticks are just plain silly.
(never-right -getting it wrong since '78, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 8:42, Reply)

I suppose
it depends on the rheological properties of the yoghurt!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 8:43, Reply)

@K26k
And its viscosity.


Anyone got a "Brookfield".....?
(The Stig, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 8:46, Reply)

Marnin'
I'm not too bothered by the early start, it's the late finish.
I'm not going to be done until gone midnight.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 8:48, Reply)

I'm using a fork.
To eat my salad leaves in sun-dried tomato pesto dressing. Mmmm... breakfasty.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 8:50, Reply)

I've got
a viscometer tube, but I suspect that yoghurt wouldn't really be the ideal fluid to flow through it.

Especially if it has little bits of black cherry or whatever in it!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 8:54, Reply)

I'm still at
the peeping out of the curtains and squinting at raindrops stage of the morning.
(Mrs Ballunatic counting calories, not votes., Thu 16 Oct 2008, 8:54, Reply)

I'm here too.
Far less grumpy than yesterday. I may have to change my sig in a minute.
( girlinthehole, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 8:55, Reply)

Hello BGB
and hello Miss Ballunatic. You appear to be new.

Come draw up a chair and tell us your tales.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 8:57, Reply)

'ning all
I have lovely blue skies here and a special K chocolately bar thing. nom nom nom
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 8:59, Reply)

Morning all
I have coffee. I also have a wee bit of a hangover.

I was helping out at my mum's pub last night. Not only was the football on but the fair is in town and the place seems to be the designated local for all the people that work there while they're here.

No probelm with that because they might be rowdy butnever cause any problems. They don't half know how to drink though. And once you have one with them, you're expected to keep up with them. I got to bed at 2 this morning and was up at 5.30 yesterday. 22 hour day ftw!
(Pirate Monkey is not the goddamn Batman, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 8:59, Reply)

I woke up in some Japanese family's rec room
and they would not stop screeming!

:O
(ShitBitch, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 9:02, Reply)

'ningles folks
Traffic was rubbish in to Harrogate. So I'm late.

I don't care.

One day til LOndon! *woop*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 9:06, Reply)

Hey BK
You are a poet and you don't know it :p

SB that is rather random
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 9:09, Reply)

Yay for London
and bashes
and b3ta
*grins*
( wanderlust, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 9:09, Reply)

@ TGB
Really?

I hadn't noticed.

Have a *hug* anyway.

*edit* @Lusty
You can have a facenom
*noms*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 9:09, Reply)

Thanks BK...
Now I'm all covered in spit.
Lovely.
( wanderlust, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 9:12, Reply)

Mornin'
These past few days, I've been tired at work. Let's hope today I'll be more perked up.

Is the hotel I'm staying in secretly putting sleeping-pills in my breakfast, or am I just staying up too late talking about the little people that inhabit my underpants?
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 9:14, Reply)

Good morning all!
I wonder what the new QOTW will be...?

*bounces*

*secretly hopes it's about kittens and princesses*

EDIT I don't like 'noms' I've always preferred 'nyoms'. It just sounds friendlier to me.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 9:14, Reply)

"facenom"
Conjures up images of the facehuggers from Alien in my head.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 9:15, Reply)

@ Lusty
You're welcome!

@TGB
Similar. I have a big mouth.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 9:22, Reply)

Must be off to work now
Have fun kids!
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 9:23, Reply)

In work
and already bored, I so need ot get out of here!

Hw's everyone else?
(Fuckarma was masturbating into your handbag, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 9:25, Reply)

Morning to you all
My dear creatures.

I feel sick this morning.
Woe betide anyone who decides to come and talk to me at work for the next hour or so.
( Cawl, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 9:27, Reply)

@fuckarma
I'm very good, thank you. I'm hanging around the reception of my new workplace because there's a pretty little sixteen year old girl waiting in there.

She looks so small, so cute, and so... so damaged in a very kind of appealing way. I simply must have her. Purely to ruin what little is left of her obviously fragile self esteem.

Bwhahahaha.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 9:28, Reply)

QOTD
If you could pick your nationality what would it be and why?

I'd be Dutch, they're laid back, liberal, fun loving and smoke like there's no tomorrow!

Plus, I like stroopwaffels and Febo's!

My second choice wouold be American. I like the country and (most) of the people.
(The Stig, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 9:28, Reply)

Morning all
How art thou thyne minions?
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 9:28, Reply)

I've got
An absolute shite load of work to get through before the end of the month.

Were transferring data over onto a new database, and its all being done via the 'copy and paste' tool.

About 5000 jobs since April, all containing about 15 seperate fields.

I really need to get motivated for this, but cannot.

*wants to go home and stare at his lovely new pond*
(never-right -getting it wrong since '78, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 9:29, Reply)

G'Morning All
I have returned to OT, after enduring several days of extreme stress. It didn't help that on Tuesday I was asked (well, more told) to appear in Basildon Crown Court the following morning. Three hours driving, six hours waiting, then 3 more hours driving, all to be asked three questions.

Three questions that were actually the same question, just worded slightly differently. A question I'd already answered over the phone to them, and in a faxed statement, the day before.

In short, i hate everybody.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 9:33, Reply)

*pokes Kaol with sticks*
Ethelred I am not anyones minion! *draws self up haughtily*

YAY Lab *hugs*
*edit* Well that does sound like a crappy few days. *proffers internet candy*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 9:33, Reply)

@Stig
I would like to be Irish.

Then I could sit in a pub drinking Guiness all day while thrashing out the problem of eternal damnation with the local priest.

And anything I said would sound lovely because of my accent.
( girlinthehole, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 9:37, Reply)

Nationality?
I'm quite happy being English.
To be fair though, what's important is who you are, not where you're from.

Also, I stopped at some services on the M25 yesterday, and was met with some lovely graffiti on a wall that read:

"All the Muslims and Eastern Europeians should be sent back home.
Keep Britiain for the British."

*shakes head*

Makes you proud to be of the same nationality as these wonderful people, doesn't it?
*frowns*
( Cawl, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 9:38, Reply)

Everybody seems to be in a such a bad mood today
So, I'm offering free internet cake and blowjobs to anybody who's feeling a bit down. Or even if they're feeling a bit Downs, I'm not fussy.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 9:40, Reply)

*Bamf*
'ning everybody.

*Hugs everyone*

Nevermind the smell of brimstone it's coming from a lecturer who just walked into my office.

So how are you all today?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 9:41, Reply)

Hmm
Think i'd prolly go with Dutch too.

I like just about every Dutch person i know. And their laws make england look like such a reject country.
(ShitBitch, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 9:41, Reply)

@Kaol
Ignorance and fear is a scary combination.

@Bert. I wouldn't mind a blow job.

*gets strap-on*
( girlinthehole, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 9:42, Reply)

@Bert
Can I have a blowjob please?
( wanderlust, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 9:43, Reply)

*takes internet cake*
I feel a bit left out about the blowjobs though Bert.

*nyoms cake*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 9:44, Reply)

I'm quite happy
being English and American.

It works for me.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 9:44, Reply)

Burt
I'll take you up on both of those offers.
Thank you.
( Cawl, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 9:47, Reply)

@Kaol
they almost as right wing as me!

I think I'd get on well with them!



Disclaimer: I'm a liberal! Hence, why I wouldn't mind being Dutch.

@BGB

You with an Irish accent would be a winning combination!

Are you deliberately trying to tease me....?
(The Stig, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 9:48, Reply)

@Lust and TGB
Fear not, for lady blow-jobs are something of a Monkeysex speciality.

*nyoms clitorises while gaping his cake-smeared orifice for Kaol*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 9:48, Reply)

You know what...
That just put me off Burt...

*grabs cake*

*runs*
( Cawl, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 9:49, Reply)

Come back you big lug!
You will spaff in my oesophagus, even if I have to force you.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 9:50, Reply)

Kaol's right enough
I'm quite happy to be a Brit. Why be anyone else? Despite its faults the UK is still one of the best countries in the world in which to live.

We have few climatic extremes, a stable political system, a sound economy (yes, I know it's up the creek at the moment, but compare it to the rest of the world), relatively low crime and corruption and so on.

And up in this northern end of the country, we have lots of nice scenery and fewer people to spoil it.

What's not to like?

As for being American, yes, I love it over there. I make frequent trips over the Atlantic. I have many good friends in the US. But their politicians should all be shot.

The American attitude as a nation (not as individuals) to the rest of the world means they are hated by much of the rest of the planet.

I wouldn't like that.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 9:51, Reply)

Re: Kaol's Graffiti spotting
It always astounds me when people write that sort of stuff.

Its not like the "British" are "British" anyway, the number of times we've been conquered, I doubt there isn't a race we all descend from in some form or another anyway!
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 9:51, Reply)

I don't think the phrase
"Wilted like an asparagus crop in a drought" has ever been so apt...
( Cawl, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 9:52, Reply)

I'm in a fine, fine mood today.
*strums in the sunshine*
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 9:52, Reply)

Bert
There are crumbs everywhere now!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 9:52, Reply)

@Stig
Calm down. I'm old enough to be your big sister.


@himjim - you seem to have the best of both nationalities : )
( girlinthehole, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 9:52, Reply)

@Kaol and TGB
You LOVE it.

EDIT
*sucks al's cock while perfectly balancing a four tiered cake display thing on my head*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 9:54, Reply)

Maybe...
In other news, I just got an email from a guy I do design work for, sounds amazing:

"Have an awesome project for you if you want. For now all i'll say is that it involves a huge soundsystem, some mental fucking music and some mexican anarchists. Chat soon."
( Cawl, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 9:55, Reply)

@Bert
I love it, I love it.
( girlinthehole, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 9:56, Reply)

@BGB
You want some cake and blowjobs too then? This day is turning out rather well.

@Kaol Your sig has just reminded me of that Outhere Brothers song, 'Motherfucker say way-oh! Way-oh!'
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 9:57, Reply)

Nationality
I'd stay British, it's a fine nation, OK there is a minority who are complete spak handed twats but you get that everywhere.

This country has everything, nice people, great scenery, and fairly nice weather. What's not to love about it?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 9:58, Reply)

Bert I may have loved
it slightly. I'll give you 8/10
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 9:59, Reply)

I think
I'd like to be Canadian or Australian, quite laid back cultures by all accounts plus I love Canada and would go back there tomorrow if I had the chance!

@Bert I love feeling downs, they're strong so can push back harder...
(Fuckarma was masturbating into your handbag, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:01, Reply)

@BGB
Don't worry, you're not my type.

It was just the accent.
(The Stig, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:06, Reply)

Morning all!
Re: Narionality: I'm Danish (although I hold a British Passport, I didn't want to be in the Army), and proud of it. But I grew up in Britain, and I love it here. It's my home. And I am proud to be a citizen here.

Saying "what nationality would you rather be?" is another way of saying "isn't Britain shit?". It's getting boring.

Anyway, may I leave this bad joke here?

An Englishman, an Irishman and an American are sitting on top of the Empire State Building. Don’t ask me why, they just are, ok? Anyway, they’re having a few beers and are feeling nicely toasted.

Suddenly, the American leaps to his feet and says to the Irishman “I bet y’all that I can jump offa this building, fly around the sky, and come back in here and land safely. Twenty Bucks says I can.”

The Irishman, sensing victory, agrees to the bet. With a swish of his coat, the American takes flight, soars through the New York sky, does a loop-the-loop, and comes back to the Empire State Building to land.

“Mary mother of Joseph!” The Irishman cried “I’ll have myself a go on that!” With a hop, skip and a jump, he threw himself off the roof. There was a beautiful moment as he hung in the air, a look of sheer joy on his face. Then, gravity decided it wasn’t anyone’s bitch, the look turned to terror, and the Irishman plummeted to Earth, meeting a messy end at the hands of the New York sidewalk.

The Englishman looked over the edge, down to the splattered remains of his celtic friend. “You know what, Superman?” he said “You’re a right bastard when you’re drunk.”
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:10, Reply)

@ al
I'm Scottish, but I would say that my home is England. I prefer it down here.

Errmm, I'm metro-national?
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:13, Reply)

It depends, Al
While I'm proud to be Scottish, I have no objection to being called British. In fact, if someone asks me my nationality, I tell them it's British.

I do object to being called English though! I've found that many non-Brits, Americans in particular, don't know the difference between England and the UK. I did fill one girl in on the subtleties of the individual parts, Great Britain, the UK and the British Isles when I was over in the US on holiday this year.

I think she was more confused once I'd finished!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:14, Reply)

I think people.....
.....are reading too much into my QOTD.

I never said about economic factors or infrastructure.

I meant national traits (i.e Dutch = fun love and laid back. Americans = sense of national pride. French = love of food. etc)

I'm not trying to be down on being British, but trying to find out what your personalities are like.....that's all!

Please stop reading into something that isn't there!
(The Stig, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:15, Reply)

Morning all
Hope everyone is nice and fluffy this morning?

Interesting debate...

I'm happy being British although I have a huge problem with the way the nation is governed. That's also true of America though, except they've got a better climate (depending on where you go of course).

Therefore I have a plan. When I'm running the country, I'm going to make the unemployed tow the British isles 1500 miles southeast every September and then tow it back again every April. That should solve both the climate issue and also promote the Scottish economy by providing midwinter seaside holidays. What's not to like?

*Edit*

Bollocks. I meant South West
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:15, Reply)

I'm English
As I was born in England, grew up in England, and will likely be here for a long, long time.

I'm sure *looks around* er.. K2k6 (maybe?) would say he's Scottish, for much the same reason.

Hmmm... On re-reading that, it makes me sound rabidly patriotic.
I'm not, I assure you, I'm completely indifferent.
( Cawl, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:15, Reply)

Hmm
I'd like to be a Timelord *hums Doctor Who theme* I also don't care if that isn't a nationality. I shall be a British Timelord. *transports DiTs joke to 1983 when it was still funny*

:p
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:16, Reply)

Pffft!
That joke was never funny!

With Dr. Who, in theory, if he went too far into the future, and the Universe broke, he'd be fucked, right?
( Cawl, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:18, Reply)

I was born in Scotland
raised there til I was 4, then brought up and lived in England and Germany for the rest of my life.

People who actually care about their nationality, or think that there's is somehow better or worse than anybody else's, are generally cunts.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:19, Reply)

@PJM
1500 miles southeast would be right in the middle of continental Europe. Seaside resorts in Scotland would then be on top of Munich or something. There's not much sea there!

At least Arbroath might be a bit warmer though.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:19, Reply)

Thanks k2k6
Post edited for fuckwittery

Stig - are you Dutch then?
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:20, Reply)

@PJM
No, but I spend a lot of time there. It's like my second home. I'd love to live there, one day.

I am British. Pure and simple.
(The Stig, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:21, Reply)

@al
I'll cunt hug you in a minute.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:22, Reply)

I hate the Geermans
Dey bombed our chippy

and other such nationalistic phrases
(Fuckarma was masturbating into your handbag, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:23, Reply)

Al,
Is that the case eh?
I'd heard two theories, the "Big, depressing, cold" one, and the "Sexy crunch" one.

Was the cold one called "Heat Death" or something?
( Cawl, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:23, Reply)

@Al
Now you've raised the dark matter question.

It certainly appears that the universe's expansion is accelerating. But the rate of expansion is inconsistent with the amount of known matter. It's believed that dark matter (which may be some form of exotic matter that we can't detect, or may exist in parallel dimensions) is causing gravitational effects which would explain this discrepancy.

It's a hot topic in cosmology.

Edit - the Big Depressing Cold end is when the universe expands so much that all its energy is dissipated so widely it cools down and fizzles out. Whereas if there's enough matter, and hence enough gravity, it'll all come together again in a big hot crunch.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:23, Reply)

@Stig
I've spent a lot of time in Holland myself, my brother worked in the Hague for a few years.

I love it, I found the people laid back and - dare I say this - very much like the British in many ways.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:24, Reply)

@PJM
And that, precisely, was the point of my question!

Yet, people are reading something completely different into it! Something which isn't there!

It's just irritating.
(The Stig, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:27, Reply)

Grr
Now I have to go deal with some clients...

I may be on OT later, depends how much hand-holding they need, or how much I stab them.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:27, Reply)

Ning All
Cunt references, whingeing, rudery - things are normal on the thread, I see.
( thealternativefact, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:28, Reply)

Sucks to be you Lab :p
I was watching that Stephen Hawkins thing a while back and he was saying that there is a theory that there are up to 11 dimensions which would explain why gravity is weaker than the other "main forces" in this one?

It was all very interesting even if I didn't understand much of it!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:30, Reply)

Morning Drixy
*HUGS*

How are you today?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:30, Reply)

Bye Lab!
Stab 'em up good for me!
( Cawl, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:30, Reply)

Yay!
The Olympic parade is starting out side my office at 11.

I get to go out and watch and skive off for a bit.
( wanderlust, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:31, Reply)

@Wanderlust
Haven't we got a couple of years before the Olympics tho?
(Fuckarma was masturbating into your handbag, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:33, Reply)

Dok!
*hugs*

How is your naked face?
( thealternativefact, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:33, Reply)

Hey Clendrix & Lusty!
Haven't the Olympics finished?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:34, Reply)

D'oh
It;s for the medallists isn't it?

I'm such a div
(Fuckarma was masturbating into your handbag, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:35, Reply)

It's the
didn't you do well winning all those medals parade.
( wanderlust, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:35, Reply)

Oh I thought that
had already happened too.

*jumps in tardis, goes and informs self from 10 minutes ago*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:37, Reply)

No!
You can't meet yourself, you might end up falling in love and giving birth to yourself!
( Cawl, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:38, Reply)

@TGB
Yes, the possibility of 11 dimensions can explain why gravity is ridiculously weak compared with the other 3 fundamental forces. But I can't remember the physics behind it. It's quite complicated!

But fortunately, all the forces are just right in this universe, and indeed this little part of the universe which we inhabit, for us to be here. So that's nice.

Edit@Al - perhaps she stole it from Enzyme and repainted it?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:38, Reply)

*Parachutes into thread*
Scottish by birth and upbringing, both Scots and English ancestry (although the clan has been wandering the world for years), have been living in either Wales or Engerland since the age of 18, plus married to a Welsh Sweary Woman, with sprogs deliberately plopped out in Wales.

I'm a Brit. Together the diverse bits of the UK punch far heavier than the sum of their parts (eh?). Except Geordies.*



*may not be serious. Although you can set off a thermonuclear weapon in Luton and I wouldn't complain.


Right, that's all sorted.

*Dons jetpack and whooshes out of thread*
(osok Rebel without a clue, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:38, Reply)

yay
my teaching week is almost over!!!

Last class is at 7 tonight, then nothing till Monday lunchtime!

still have to work in my office though :(
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:38, Reply)

Bloody Luton...
I was there for twenty minutes on Tuesday, and that was far, far too long...
( Cawl, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:40, Reply)

ooh TGB's QOTD
If there were a B3ta OT Olympics what would you get gold in?

Mine would be the 1m Proofreading getting pie thrown in my face for making errors *cries*

*wonders who will claim gold in the coveted Goatshag*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:41, Reply)

Back
Well, the clients seem happy enough to fend for themselves (they're in a viewing suite, going through some evidencey stuff), so i have returned.

This means that they have, so far, avoided a shanking.

Edit: TGB, 1m Proofreading? Why did you drop the 'you' from "what would YOU get gold in?"
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:43, Reply)

Morning all
I've just had the travel office approve my 'business trip' to London this weekend.

Yay!

I'm feeling in a much better mood today. The sun is shining and the air outside my office is full of the hazy aroma of petrol vapour. *inhales*. Lovely :)
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:44, Reply)

Morning TGB
Proof read your question! I didn't get it ;)

I would win at being crap.
( thealternativefact, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:44, Reply)

I'd get the Gold in
Stabulation.

And I'll put a challenge out there for Vodka-drinking.
( Cawl, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:44, Reply)

Oh brilliant(!)
The stock market is down, quite heavily!

This economic climate is pants!

Anyone who has a job right now, hold onto it!

For anyone who doesn't have a job, hold onto your seat, it's going to be a bumpy ride!



Dang!
(The Stig, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:44, Reply)

I would win at......
.....snobbery!

And Shepherd's pie eating, rather abstract, I know......
(The Stig, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:46, Reply)

Drixy
My naked face is a little less naked today, but it's still cold!

Brrrr, why cant it be summer again!

*Jumps in TGB's TARDIS*
*Sets controls for 1976*

Now that was a nice warm year.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:46, Reply)

Stabulation?
Nice.

Dok - grow that beard back by Saturday! I command your whiskery bits to push.
( thealternativefact, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:46, Reply)

@ clenders
I shall have 4 day stubble.

Down with this clean-shaving malarky
*is lazy*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:49, Reply)

@BK
Don't......start!

I don't want to go there......not today!
(The Stig, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:51, Reply)

My boss was coming and
I panicked!

My connection is so slow it will take me 5 mins to correct it so I didn't bother.

/lazy

Hey who stole my tardis!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:51, Reply)

@Dr Minge
I amused my American friends this year by reeling off all the warm summers in my lifetime:

1976, 1983, 1995 and 2006.

One per decade!

@Stig - something always confuses me about share dealing. Everybody rushes to sell their shares when the prices tumble, and this causes a positive feedback as confidence falls and share prices tumble further. It's all virtual money, I know, but it's still trading.

But if they're all selling, who's buying? To whom are these huge numbers of shares being sold? I don't understand how it works.

Anyone care to elaborate?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:51, Reply)

But Drixy
My poor wee whiskers'll no grow that quick. I promise not to shave before then though.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:51, Reply)

Ooh!
*licks BK's chin*

Dok - just do your best :)
( thealternativefact, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:52, Reply)

K2k6
I thought that the other day.

I think the Lizardmen have not noticed a chink in their institutional perfection.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:54, Reply)

*giggles*
*flexes*

*rolls onto back for tummy rub*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:54, Reply)

@K2k6
One of the peculiarites of share dealing is that you can make money without ever having owned the shares in the first place. Weird, huh?

In answer to your other question, I could, but I don't have the energy to write it down!

/reacts to the shocking revelation that the stock market is suffering in the second consecutive quarter of economic contraction.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:55, Reply)

*Waves arms and screams*


The Beatles have arrived, yes?
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:58, Reply)

Thanks for
the weird and slightly disturbing image there BK...

*gets thrown across the room by a flailing Al*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:59, Reply)

@ Ethel
They have, but don't ask them to sign anything.

@TGB
Do you want a go?
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:59, Reply)

@K26k
I don't know for sure, but I would imagine it's something like this:

People sell their shares to brokerages, because they want rid of (effectively) worthless shares.

This means, more shares are on the market, which nobody wants. This will depress the share value even further (simple economic rules: the more there is of something on the market, the cheaper it becomes, because there is a plentiful supply).

Likewise, when confidence is restored (e.g. a government buying up worthless shares (a.k.a nationalisation) or buying bad debt up) then share prices will go up and people will start buying again, hence, stimulating the economy. So, people will start buying shares up because they want to buy it when it's low and make a profit.

That's a rough idea of how I imagine it to happen.....
(The Stig, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:59, Reply)

A big random number generator
would probably make more sense.

It seems to me that these bastard cunt devil spawnshare traders are actually defining the progress of the economy rather than responding to it, as if they didn't panic sell, share prices would be much less volatile and there would be less chance of a full blown recession.

Shoot the lot of them.

We could get them when they're having tiffin...
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 11:00, Reply)

The economy is melting. Meelllttinngg!
*looks out of window*

Oh, but it's sunny though. So I'm happy.
( thealternativefact, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 11:00, Reply)

This is what worries me most
www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/billy-bragg%2c-warn-economists-200810161329/

Actually, I've eaten a kebab with him. He's a nice man.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 11:01, Reply)

*rubs BK's tummy*
*giggles*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 11:03, Reply)

Billy Bragg!
*sings*
'Sweet moderation, heart of this nation, desert us not we are between the wars.'
( thealternativefact, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 11:04, Reply)

@TGB
*giggles*
*waggles legs*
*all three of them*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 11:04, Reply)

ROTM
It won;t be long before the Arnie clones are taking over the world!

*Screams and hides under a table while putting on a tin foil hat*
(Fuckarma was masturbating into your handbag, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 11:05, Reply)

BK
I'll have 4 day stubble on Saturday as well.

TGB Sorry I pinched your lovely pink TARDIS I needed to get some warm weather on me.

*Ducks under al's flailing arms*

I'm starving, anybody got any food?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 11:06, Reply)

@ BK
Whose prosthetic limb have you stolen?

Edit: As we are all jumping on the stubble wagon, I'll have 4 day stubble also!
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 11:07, Reply)

Food?
Erm...
I could maybe sneak through the factory and shove someone.

That'd free up some meat.
( Cawl, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 11:12, Reply)

yay stubble
*rubs stubble*

*glees*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 11:13, Reply)

I had a shave yesterday
As I looked like a hobo that someone had tricked into a suit.
So... Yeah, I'll have a bit of stubble going on for the bash.
( Cawl, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 11:14, Reply)

@ Kaol
My meat is always free. Unless you're ugly. Or threaten me with a weapon.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 11:15, Reply)

*quivers at the thought of stubbly goodness*
OK there, Al?
( thealternativefact, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 11:16, Reply)

Rest day.
Woke up at 10.40. Had tea. Had fag .... Considering black pudding and bacon buttie.

*Awaits sound drubbing from fucked off B3tans*
(SpunkyMcSpunkbubble Diddled your nubbin on, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 11:17, Reply)

Morning all
How are we today?

I've just started work so got a nice long lie this morning. Despite my mum phoning me at half 8 this morning to tell me one of her chickens died. Bah.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 11:17, Reply)

Swan
You're welcome to keep your congealed swine red stuff, but the bacon, it is mine. *steals*
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 11:17, Reply)

@Swan
GRRRRRR!!!

Although I did manage a hangover breakfast of cheese on toast, beans sausage and hash brown!
(Fuckarma was masturbating into your handbag, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 11:18, Reply)

Hey Batman
Chicken for tea then?
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 11:18, Reply)

Black pudding?
Woo!
*steals*
*eats*
( Cawl, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 11:19, Reply)

I'm starving!
And to catch up on the beardy chat, I still have my pathetic little chin hair :p

I am going to the hairdressers at lunch though, the mo needs a trim.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 11:19, Reply)

Damn you swan
*drools all over you*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 11:19, Reply)

BK
I asked her that but apparently a rat or something got it so there was just bones and feathers left.

A rat al, not syphilis.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 11:21, Reply)

Don't rats carry syphilis?
*googles*

No.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 11:22, Reply)

A rat?
Bollocks to that!

You need the help of...

Kaol: Cryptozoological Special Investigator

Your initial report makes it sound like the work of either a tiny Chupacabra, or the Fairy-Folk.
Did this chicken have any known enemies?
( Cawl, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 11:24, Reply)

Yeah
They have a 2 year old gay Jack Russell with a heart murmur that tries to bugger them every so often. Perhaps it got a bit miffed at being continually knocked back. She tried to rape a pole cat a few months back and ended up killing it so that theory fits.

Either that or it was the fairy folk.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 11:27, Reply)

I'm going with Kaol and
his goatsucker.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 11:28, Reply)

Was there any blood in the corpse?
Also, I may have been a Wereweasel, what with it being a full moon last night.
( Cawl, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 11:28, Reply)

*shakes head*
Werebeasts are immune to all forms of disease.
They can't even be carriers.

Which is why badgers aren't to blame for giving TB to cattle.

Everyone knows that "Badgers" are the moonlight-form of wereshrews.
( Cawl, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 11:33, Reply)

I've just been to the bank
to pay in a cheque. The bloke behind the counter was being quite chatty as he stamped the counterfoil - "How are you today, Dr K2k6? Nice weather, isn't it?" and so on.

Until he hit me with the last comment.

"OK sir. That'll be six working days until the cheque clears. Goodbye."

Six days. That's next Friday. Six fucking days.

6

3!

2x3

12/2

However you want to put it, that's a long time. It used to be 3 days. I'd have thought that with the shit the banks are in at the moment, they'd be trying to encourage us to give them our money. Taking six days to clear a cheque (and it was a corporate one, not a personal one) is taking the piss.

/rant

Sorry. I just needed to vent.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 11:34, Reply)

Badgers
Are just freeking awesome. FACT
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 11:35, Reply)

Well then,
So are shrews, by association.
( Cawl, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 11:36, Reply)

Badgers
make a nasty mess of your sump when you hit one.

My mates sump slipt in two. I'm guessing it was a SuperBadger or had a rock hard head.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 11:37, Reply)

Nah, Al,
It doesn't work like that.
You have to be bitten by one.
( Cawl, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 11:39, Reply)

I squashed a badger once
Made a hell of a thump as the two offside wheels hit it. I had badger fur wedged in my wheel rim for months after that.

Fortunately there was no damage (other than to the badger, of course). A friend of mine hit one in his car and it needed a new front bumper and headlight.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 11:39, Reply)

My Dad
Hit a badger. It fucked the radiator, had to get the car towed away.
( Cawl, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 11:41, Reply)

k2K6
I thought all cheques and balance transfers were meant to be instant these days? I thought it was only 3 - 5 working days for cheques in the past in anyway?

Badgers are awesome. I like moles just as much.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 11:41, Reply)

Mornings everyone who isn't wanderlust
How are we all this fine day?

Sounds a bit ridiculous k2k6. Far too long.

Anything interesting been happening, other than al nearly becoming a wereshrew?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 11:42, Reply)

HCFB
Neither can equal the aceness of the Hedgehog. They are teh great.

Moles are very soft though *sigh*
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 11:43, Reply)

I don't like
this talk of badger killing :(
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 11:43, Reply)

I nearly got into a fight with
That little weasel-faced man from The Streets.
That would've been fun.
( Cawl, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 11:44, Reply)

You're right Ethelred
I have a moleskin kilt and it's extremely soft on my todger.

Nope haven't missed much PoD, one of my mums chickens died mysteriously and there's all sorts of conspiracy theories flying about. I'm half expecting channel 5 to catch wind of this now and make a documentary about it.


EDIT Kaol, Mike Skinner? He's a knobhead. As is Dermot O'Leary.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 11:45, Reply)

I punched Richard Branson in the face.
But that's been documented elsewhere on this site.
( thealternativefact, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 11:46, Reply)

@ clenders
You are my new official deity!

*flex*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 11:47, Reply)

Yeah, that's it,
Mike Skinner.

Little bastard.

Shoved in front of me at the bar in a pub.
Shoved agressively.
He was a tiny little man.
( Cawl, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 11:48, Reply)

Bad al
No hit ferrets!

Ferrets are Full Of Win!

I once kicked Jeremy Beadle in the arse outside of the Houses of Parlament. He didn't think it was funny, we did!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 11:48, Reply)

@Kaol
I had a bizarre mental image of a badger getting a bit overfamiliar with a car radiator then...

I need to get out more.
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 11:49, Reply)

Dok
Jeremy Beadle?

Oh that's just made me laugh so hard...
( thealternativefact, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 11:50, Reply)

Was he not bearded at the time Clendrix?
Or was your hatred so great it overcame your love of beards?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 11:50, Reply)

I've only ever seen one live badger
It was clumping about a field while we sat in a 4WD chatting - it pretty much ignored us but was charging around like a mentalist.

For my money, stoats are ace - as mad as cheese and really slinky.

*Grabs black pudding back and scuttles away*
(SpunkyMcSpunkbubble Diddled your nubbin on, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 11:50, Reply)

Kaol
That man is a tosser, The Streets suck all kind of cock. If you ever get the chance please punch him for me. Right in the kisser.

EDIT Al...please explain how you hit Dermot O'Leary?
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 11:52, Reply)

Badger
He was unbearded.

I also had severe doubts he was Richard Branson, but I punched him squarely in the face anyway, just in case.
( thealternativefact, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 11:54, Reply)

I would punch him, given another chance.
But... Seriously, who goes to the pub with three massive bodyguards? He's not even properly famous.
I thought he was just a run-of-the-mill runty chav.

'Til my mate grabbed me, dragged me out of the pub, and made me sprint down Camden highstreet.

EDIT: OoooOOOOooooOOOoooh! 200! :D
( Cawl, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 11:54, Reply)

Drixy
He was there, and he was a twat anyway!

Al glad to hear it, especialy the Dermot O'Leary bit.

I also told Robby Williams to fuck off when he told me to move out of his way at a gig, but then I ran away as he sent his bodyguards to move me.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 11:55, Reply)

I once told the lead singer of ash his band were shit.
I say 'told', I mean 'drunkenly yelled it in his face'.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 11:58, Reply)

Kate Nash
Drinks in a pub near me.
Don't get your friends to shout at her "Kate Nash you're Gash!" over and over again.
She doesn't like it much.
( wanderlust, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 11:58, Reply)

Tightly
We all love a man who speaks the truth.
( thealternativefact, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 11:59, Reply)

I think it'd be a cracking wheeze
to punch Mike Skinner with such force his ferrety little face collapses and as one steps over the crumpled form of The Streets, who in sobbing and bleeding, one quips "Dry your eyes mate ..... cunt".
(SpunkyMcSpunkbubble Diddled your nubbin on, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 12:02, Reply)

@al
No, no I didn't.
( wanderlust, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 12:03, Reply)

Me and my mates
did tell Richard Madeley to fuck off after we cut him up in our mini-bus in Hampstead a few years back.

A proud moment.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 12:04, Reply)

@ Al
I doubt she was playing pool.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 12:09, Reply)

Perhaps someone could explain...
But a couple of years ago 'The Streets' won an award (a BRIT, maybe?) for best solo act.

2 questions I need answering:

1) Best? Who votes for these things? Must be 'edgy' teenagers with angular haircuts and middle-aged record types who are 'with it' and see Mike Skinner as a '21st Century Poet' (or, as I like to say, a cunt.)

2) SOLO? There's about 20 people on stage with him. How is that a solo act? Dick sponge.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 12:15, Reply)

Pool?
Er...
What?
( Cawl, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 12:15, Reply)

@ Kaol
Wanderbum decided to flash a nipple at her friend/date whilst playing pool.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 12:16, Reply)

Well al if you want the truth...
Our eyes met across the pub, I gave her a cheeky jiggle and she winked at me.
She walked towards the ladies and I followed. It was there I got a close look at her face, covered in freckles, with the occasional spot and some veins.
Then I scissored her, I scissored her good and hard.
( wanderlust, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 12:17, Reply)

Ethel
I was playing on one of those air hockey games.
( wanderlust, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 12:18, Reply)

My goodness...
I wish there were more women like Ms. Lusty.

My world would be a happier place.
( Cawl, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 12:19, Reply)

@Lusty
You scissored her?

You have now just become my favourite person in the universe.

Well, in this whole thread, at least.

Edit - you couldn't manage Sophie Ellis-Bextor and Miley Cyrus next, could you?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 12:20, Reply)

k2k6
ummm you want me to scissor a 15 year old?
( wanderlust, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 12:21, Reply)

What?
Sophie "Roswell-Face" Ellis-Bextor?

:\
( Cawl, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 12:22, Reply)

Her age isn't important, Lusty
I hadn't heard of her until her name came up here a few weeks back. Now she seems to be everywhere and she's getting right on my wick.

So, yes. Please go ahead.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 12:23, Reply)

Okay okay...
Scissored?

*is thick*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 12:24, Reply)

@ BK
Al is right, The Scissor Sisters were named after such an act.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 12:26, Reply)

I got arrested for scissoring someone once
Didn't have a knife, so I used the next sharpest thing.

Damn CCTV.
( Cawl, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 12:26, Reply)

Wiki
Tribadism for a more concise definition .... Unless you're at work of course
(SpunkyMcSpunkbubble Diddled your nubbin on, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 12:27, Reply)

Ahh
Gotcha!

Never heard it called that before.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 12:28, Reply)

Mmmm
The Ellis Bextor. Great legs!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 12:29, Reply)

@DiT
Face like a constipated cat though.
(SpunkyMcSpunkbubble Diddled your nubbin on, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 12:33, Reply)

Hang on a minute...
are we talking the same language here? I thought 'scissoring' was in this instance jamming a sharp cutting instrument into someone's gut.

This is the fate to which I would like to consign Misses Cyrus and Ellis-Bextor (well, not really, but in a pretend world).

I find them both incredibly annoying.

What did you lot mean?

Edit - just looked at my previous comments and how they could be misinterpreted.

*looks around for police*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 12:34, Reply)

@ Swan
theres always the hessian sack.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 12:34, Reply)

k2k6
www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Scissoring
( wanderlust, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 12:36, Reply)

Hessian?
very posh? I tend to use an Aldi bag although the lack of holes at the bottom means they often sufocate.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 12:37, Reply)

Yes, just found it thanks, Lusty
Must admit I hadn't heard of that before.

So, er, next time you meet Kate Gash, take a sharp implement with you and do the job as I understand it.

*disappears off down town for a bit to let embarrassment settle*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 12:38, Reply)

HCFB
You can only get away with so many suffocated partners. People start asking questions before too long.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 12:39, Reply)

I'm glad you clarified that K2
I had branded you as a paedophile.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 12:40, Reply)

This is true
Ethelred.

Maybe if I leave them at the bottom of my mum and dads garden the fairy-folk/wereferrets will eat them. The perfect crime.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 12:41, Reply)

Awh, Mr. K!
You poor, innocent man :p
( Cawl, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 12:42, Reply)

HCFB
If she noticed a devoured chicken, I doubt she'd miss some bodies.

That reminds me of a program i saw last night, the only evidence the police had for a brutal attack were teeth marks. They got a guy in as a suspect, asked him to provide teeth mouldings, but he refused.

They then offered to use some jaw clamps, for forcing open jaws of cadeavours in full rigor mortis. It looks horrendous! Wasn't surprised when he offered to do it without. Turned out that he did it.

It was great.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 12:42, Reply)

Again, this is true
but then she's usually too drunk to notice much.

Eurgh that's horrible. I saw one of the Saw films and they had a contraption like that that ripped your jaw off. Gave me the fear.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 12:44, Reply)

HCFB
THe worst one in that series for me was the pit of used syringes.

That really made me shiver.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 12:51, Reply)

@Wander
I assumed you meant "stab Kate Nash in the vocal chords with blunt scissors" too.

Sophie Ellis Bextor? A piss-poor remake of her mother. And she knows it.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 16 Oct 2008, 12:52, Reply)

I was trying to give al
a nice image of me being a lesbinham.

I think I'd prefer to stab her in the throat than put my lady bits on her though.
( wanderlust, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 12:55, Reply)

Yay!
It's food-alcohol-smoke o'clock!

*runs*
( Cawl, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 12:57, Reply)

All this talk of SEB reminds me
Sophie Ellis Bextor has been found dead laying in the hotel room of a premiership footballer.

Police are treating it as murder on Zidane's floor.

/I'm so, so sorry.
(SpunkyMcSpunkbubble Diddled your nubbin on, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 12:57, Reply)

Yeah swan
Zidane never played in the Premiership!

Sorry, I'll go now.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 13:01, Reply)

Lusty
Perhaps you could keep everyone happy by gripping a knife with your ladybits and then straddle her throat?

Just a suggestion! ;)
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 13:04, Reply)

What a weird
image that is DiT!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 13:08, Reply)

It may be weird...
But there's a film about a vadge with teeth that eats people that is weirder.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 13:10, Reply)

DiT
I heard about that one (the film) decided against watching it in case I was driven to celibacy.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 13:12, Reply)

@ DiT
I watched that movie last night.

It's not great.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 13:13, Reply)

I can hold onto many thing
in my lady bits. But I don't think any of you want to know.

The parade was lovely by the way, there was a marching band and horses and I got to see lots of medals and athletes of course.
( wanderlust, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 13:14, Reply)

I sold
Chris Hoy a kilt a few weeks ago, was he wearing it by any chance? He's a lovely chap.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 13:18, Reply)

Did you try steal any of the medals
lusty?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 13:19, Reply)

I once bought a DVD from HMV no less
called Asian XP games where a number of ladies use their mimsies to fire blow darts, throw bananas over a cross bar, propel golf balls and get them into the hole, pick up rings using chopsticks and other vagina related foolishness.

Why HMV stocked this filth is beyond me, didn't stop me buying it though.
(SpunkyMcSpunkbubble Diddled your nubbin on, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 13:20, Reply)

@ TGB
She twatted that little dwarf lass and legged it with the gold.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 13:20, Reply)

BK
I did no such thing!
I twatted the blind guy.
( wanderlust, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 13:22, Reply)

Good afternoon.
I have just found out that if you read the Home sweet home thread backwards, it makes more sense.
( girlinthehole, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 13:28, Reply)

Good call then
he can't describe you to the police
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 13:29, Reply)

@BGB
It makes about as little sense either way round.

Except that if you read it the right way round you realise that I'm not actually a kiddy fiddler, and it was a misunderstanding of terminology on my part that led people to think that. Reading that backwards wouldn't be good!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 13:33, Reply)

Woo! Yay! Huzzah!
Just had a phonecall regarding a job interview I went for. I start in the Offender Management Unit for HM Prison Service in a couple of months time - Zing!

I'm going to celebrate with a ciggy and a diet coke.
(SpunkyMcSpunkbubble Diddled your nubbin on, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 13:35, Reply)

Hmm, yes it does Al
but saying any more on the matter would dig me into a hole. So I will shut up.

*worries about misguided vigilantes*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 13:39, Reply)

An Joke
At the time of the Olympics, I was walking past the stadium when I saw this guy walking past with this huge, and I mean huge kitbag. Must have been 20 feet long, and he was struggling a bit.

"'Scuse Me, are you a Polevaulter?"

"Nein, I am German, and how did you know I vas called Walter?"





(Lunchtime groan alert)
(osok Rebel without a clue, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 13:40, Reply)

A joke for LvP
shamelessly nicked from the main board.

Why are there no french fries in Wiltshire?
Because there are no Devizes for Chippenham.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 13:40, Reply)

Woo
Congratulations Swan, that's great news. When do you start?

I'm about to go out for a fag so I'll smoke it in honour of you.

EDIT Just noticed you said you start in a couple of months time, sorry.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 13:43, Reply)

Cheers HCFB
I start doing my training in a month or so and then the job starts probably December ..... The start date is a bit wooly at the mo but the jobs nailed on.

*Dances the dance of the extremely fucking chuffed*
(SpunkyMcSpunkbubble Diddled your nubbin on, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 13:45, Reply)

Yay Swan!
Congrats!

*groans at awful jokes*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 13:46, Reply)

No problemo mate
So do you work in the prison service at the moment?

I've got a couple of mate who do it and they absolutely love it. It's never appealed to me though.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 13:50, Reply)

Thanks as well TGB
@ HCFB - Indeed I do. I've been on the landings for 3 years now and decided to preempt the rotational policy by applying for this. I agree it's not for everyone but it's a cracking job.

It'll make me more saleable and in the unlikely event that I've passed my Senior Officer's exam it'll provide me with extra experience as well.
(SpunkyMcSpunkbubble Diddled your nubbin on, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 13:55, Reply)

@ Al
Ring of Fire?
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 13:58, Reply)

@BK
Nah, he means his name's actually Sue.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 14:00, Reply)

BK
Or "Hurt" :p
( Cawl, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 14:00, Reply)

Or
Has his nipsy got Folsom Prison Blues?
(SpunkyMcSpunkbubble Diddled your nubbin on, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 14:02, Reply)

Nipsy?
*adds to list of words*
( Cawl, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 14:08, Reply)

Swan
What's the rotational policy? Yeah, like I say they seem to love it so fair play to them. The idea of it scares the poo out of me.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 14:12, Reply)

my name is actually Sue
how do you do?

(now you're going die)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 14:12, Reply)

I'm too young
And awesome to die.

Kindly kill some inferior creature.
( Cawl, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 14:14, Reply)

Yeah, he'll do
Kill him, my pretty!

*hands Stanley knife to Vipros*

*points at Al*
( Cawl, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 14:20, Reply)

ah my old friend Stanley Knife
how do Stanley?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 14:21, Reply)

Fact:
There are more injuries caused at work from Stanley Knives than all the other accidents put together.

Not that we have that many accidents.
It's always the little things that people seem to injure themselves on.

Big fuckin' saw - "Hmmm... I'll be extra careful"

Tiny sharp knife - "La la la laaa... Oh... Hello red stuff."
( Cawl, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 14:28, Reply)

Seriously?
How daft would you have to be to injure yourself with a stanley knife?

Wait...BK did you not say a while ago you cut the top of your pinky with one?!
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 14:30, Reply)

Don't think I've cut myself
with a Stanley knife, but I have had numerous minor accidents with penknives, scalpels and craft knives over the years.

It's very easy to do.

I also once nearly cut my finger off with a Bushman saw, which was rather more serious.

*looks at 15 year old scar on index finger*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 14:31, Reply)

I've never had
any kind of knife related accidents. Or broken any bones either actually. I'm invincible, wooyeah!
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 14:34, Reply)

My brother is a very clever man
and he still managed to slice off the top of one of his fingers with a stanley knife.
( wanderlust, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 14:34, Reply)

I like your brother :D
Get him to come on Saturday!
( Cawl, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 14:35, Reply)

He's going to our friend's birthday drinks
so I don't think he can make it.

yes I am actually only going to my friend's birthday for a little bit so I can spend longer with people from the internet. Does that make me a bad friend?
( wanderlust, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 14:37, Reply)

No it doesn't
wanderlust. I would do the same to be honest!

How are you today anyway?
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 14:41, Reply)

I once
managed to stab myself with a very sharp pair of tweezers :( I needed them for my uni stuff and you had to present a library card to the student union shop to prove you were on a science course before they would sell them to you as they were so sharp. But of course I didn't believe they could be that sharp *cries*

*thinks of Sharpe, cheers up*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 14:41, Reply)

My old man
almost chopped his leg off with a chainsaw once.

It was a bit less than 30 years ago now. We used to live up a mountian in a village just outside Newport in Wales. Behind our house, there was a forest and dad had been felling trees to get wood for the winter.

He finished chopping the tree he was doing up and shut the saw off. He then lowered it from somewhere around waist height downwards. Only the chain hadn't stopped moving yet. It wasn't until he wondered why his boot was squelching that he noticed what he had done.

Because we were up the side of a mountain and the emergency services in the village were unreliable at best, my mum, who didn't have a licence at the time, had to drive him to the hospital while he strapped himself up with a tourniquet (sp) and applied pressure.

Still, he got a cracking scar and invested in a guard for the saw after that!
(Pirate Monkey is not the goddamn Batman, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 14:47, Reply)

I have a scar on my palm
from where I pinned a plastic bottle to my hand with a kitchen knife while making a bong....

Just used a stanley knife and a great big saw without mishap though
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 14:48, Reply)

TGB
Are you talking about needle-forceps?
*shudders*

I managed to slice myself with a pair of them a few seconds after I pulled them out of the bowel of a piglet.
*shudders*

The wound was scrubbed with 100% ethanol. Stat.
( Cawl, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 14:49, Reply)

I stabbed myself accidentally
Because I was being an idiot and decided it was easier for me to hold whatever it was we were dissecting in my hand then in a dish and when I inevitably slipped with the tweezers it sent them straight into my thumb :(
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 14:50, Reply)

Pirate Monkey
Ewwwwww!

Worst injury was my mate when we were playing rugby. He tried to side-step somebody but he studs got caught in the ground and he ripped some ligaments. The worst bit though was the guy came in to tackle him whilst he leg was stuck and hit his shin with such force his bone came out through the skin. He was physically sick everywhere before collapsing in a heap on the ground unconscious.


Another guy also broke his neck in a scrum when he went in at an angle. He's now paralysed from the neck down.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 14:51, Reply)

I'm fine Batman
You mitten wearing lovely.

Yourself?
( wanderlust, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 14:52, Reply)

*shakes head*
That was a mistake...

A guy in my lab class managed to slice three tendons in his hand during a dissection class on osteoichthyes, because he "forgot they had bones".
The clue was kinda in the name...
*rolls eyes*
( Cawl, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 14:53, Reply)

I wore fingerless
gloves today because it wasn't so cold but yeah I'm grand thanks. Working until 7 tonight though which sucks.

Although I say working I do in fact mean being on B3ta.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 14:57, Reply)

@ Hcfb
Sorry about the delay in replying - Popped out for Ginger beer.

Staff are rotated after a certain amount of time in one location, it stops staff getting burnt out when they work in high pressure locations like the seg and basic wings.

It also stops some of the lazier bastards becoming half man half chair :)
(SpunkyMcSpunkbubble Diddled your nubbin on, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 14:58, Reply)

Oh Accidents
My father managed to chop the tops off of three fingers with a table planer while at work on a saturday on his own, he walked to the office and put plasters on them and then carried on working. He only went to the hospital to get them seen to when he got home and we forced him too.

While working in my sistes garden erecting a shed and leveling areas my brother got hit in the hand with a sledge hammer. It completely crushed the top of one finger, and seriously damaged another, he was lucky. On the same job my sister sliced her wrist open with a chainsaw, she was very lucky not to lose her hand, and keep the use of it.

At that point I refused to work with any of them!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 15:01, Reply)

Swan
No problemo. Good luck with the new jobby.

Dok...I'm still laughing at the fact you said erect. Sorry.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 15:03, Reply)

Hahaha!
Erect!

EDIT: Beaten to it. Damn :(
( Cawl, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 15:04, Reply)

Batman & Kaol
How could I have forgotten just what you lot are like!

I would have said 'put up a shed' but that just sounds like it's coming to stay for a few days.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 15:10, Reply)

Sorry about that old bean
Did you smoke your foreign Marlboro light? They give me the shits something rotten.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 15:10, Reply)

One of my mates got his thumb crushed by a cannonball of all things
they had unearthed it at another friend's house and he asked for it to be passed to him so he could examine it. it was kind of thrown and it ended up crushing his thumb betwixt ball and floor.

was nasty, white fatty stuff was squished out the sides of his thumb...
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 15:12, Reply)

I did smoke it
I wasn't massively impressed, so in the name of scientific comparison, I smoked a red Lucky Strike afterwards, and that was far better.
( Cawl, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 15:12, Reply)

All this talk of grievous injury
is making me squirm. Please desist!

*thinks of kittens*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 15:16, Reply)

The nastiest injury I got
Was pretty minor.
Had an unbent paper clip go under my nail and come out the second knuckle.
( Cawl, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 15:17, Reply)

Good afternoon
Hello all.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 15:17, Reply)

Vipros
That description reminds me of the android in Alien.

That's a shame Kaol, I find them surprisingly good. Oh well.

EDIT Nastiest injury I've had is dislocating my shoulder and tearing some ligaments. I still get spasms which freaks people out. And provides me with a handy excuse when I "accidentally" grope someone in a pub.

Hey Lucy!
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 15:20, Reply)

HCFB
"And provides me with a handy excuse when I "accidentally" grope someone in a pub.

Hey Lucy!"

Comical timing.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 15:24, Reply)

Was entirely accidental
honest.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 15:26, Reply)

Accidental?
Sure it was...

*grins*
( Cawl, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 15:27, Reply)

It was, it was
*looks about nervously*

*shuffles off*
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 15:30, Reply)

Will
that hold up in court?

I've had my knee dislocated by a mate in a comp and also done something to my shoulder at training.

Worst injury was when a got what basically amounted to a wooden club in the mouth, totally smashing my teeth and lips, had to walk across the school yard holding my mouth together and using my tongue to push my teeth back into place
(Fuckarma was masturbating into your handbag, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 15:30, Reply)

Worst injury for me?
I fell off a wall when i was ickle and hurt my punani.
( girlinthehole, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 15:33, Reply)

Hey Lucy *waves*
How's it going?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 15:36, Reply)

Hey batman!
I'm sure you would never "accidentally" grope anyone.

BGB - I fell on a climbing frame when i was little and bruised the whole "delicate" area. ouch.

Edit - Hi TGB! Just got back from my interview after rushing back from Swansea this morning. I'm knackered now!
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 15:36, Reply)

*sneaks in*
afternoon all

*is full of sniffles*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 15:37, Reply)

@Lucy
Bet you didn't have to have stitches though.


Eeek!
( girlinthehole, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 15:38, Reply)

Thanks Lucy
That's what I was trying to tell these people, bunch of buggers.

Still feeling crap HLT?

*passes chocolate and lemsip*
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 15:39, Reply)

@ Lucy
Hope the interview went ok!

@Tulip
*hand over a lemsip and a disinfected hug*
(Fuckarma was masturbating into your handbag, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 15:39, Reply)

@Batman
Yes. *wilts*

*noms chocolate and lemsip gratefully*

*slides onto floor*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 15:40, Reply)

BGB
EEeek no I didn't. May I offer you a hug? I know it's a few years too late but I'm sure the memory still hurts.

*hands HLT tissues and a blanket*
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 15:41, Reply)

*peers out from under blanket*
you lovely b3tans you.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 15:42, Reply)

*Climbs onto soapbox*
I hate to preach but since I started eating heathier and exercising, I haven't had a cold or flu for 2.1/2 years.

*falls off soapbox and twists ankle*

@Al - if by toasted sandwich you mean perineum (sp), then yes.
( girlinthehole, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 15:44, Reply)

@ BGB
I eat and drink whatever I like and haven't had a cold for years :P
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 15:45, Reply)

*gets HLT the fluffiest pillows*
And I have marshmallows which are also fluffy.

ooh stitches.. bad area *winces*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 15:47, Reply)

Colds?
Flu?

I don't care, death's a great leveller...
( Cawl, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 15:47, Reply)

@Ethel
Yes but your a geek so don't get out much and mingle, thus you don't get smothered with germs : )
( girlinthehole, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 15:48, Reply)

@ BGB
Ah, but my lack of Vit C from sunshine deficiency can't help!
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 15:49, Reply)

I get maybe one or two colds a year.
I used to be a fat lazy bugger. Now I'm much thinner and exercise quite a bit.

Doesn't make a blind bit of difference to how often I get ill though.


Edit@Ethel - that's Vitamin D, not C. C isn't produced in human bodies, it has to be ingested from stuff like vegetables and fruit. Guinea pigs and chimps (correct me if I'm wrong Kaol) are the only other animals like this.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 15:49, Reply)

Apparently
I've got something wrong with my immune system so I get ill constantly. A doctor also tried to diagnose me with M.E. when I was 16 but I didn't believe him!
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 15:51, Reply)

All I know is that I used to be unheathy and fat and got colds and flu.
Now I am not unhealthy and fat and don't get colds and flu.

Make of that what you will.

@HCFB - a big strapping lad like you? You don't look like the fey ill type.
( girlinthehole, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 15:52, Reply)

Something wrong with you immune system?
could it be TEH AIDS?
(Fuckarma was masturbating into your handbag, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 15:52, Reply)

Mr. K
You're correct.

Although I think reptiles are somewhere along those lines when it comes to vitamin synthesis.
( Cawl, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 15:52, Reply)

@ Al, K2
I'm a geek, my body works differently :P
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 15:53, Reply)

Heh Fuckarama
The doctor tested me for that at the time actually but it was negative. Thankfully.

EDIT BGB *blushes* Yeah apparently so, I'm a bit pathetic really but thank you (for what I'm taking to be) the compliment!
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 15:53, Reply)

late to the game
afternoon all, I had a belting injury playing rugby a couple of seasons ago.

I got handed off in the face (the eyes more specifically) and ended up in hospital having 7 stitches on my eyeball :(

There is a decent story around it but I'll save it for a qotw.

How are we all this fine afternoon?
(b3tamax Mate, you're fat and I'll throw you in the river, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 15:54, Reply)

Bloody hell Batman
That must have freaked you out quite a bit?
(Fuckarma was masturbating into your handbag, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 15:55, Reply)

@ b3tamax
Did it squeak while they were sewing it?

I'm all good. Tired but good.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 15:56, Reply)

Bye you foolish children.
I'm off to the gym.
( girlinthehole, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:02, Reply)

@ B3tamax
Blimey. That sounds awful.

I thought I was bad with my 27 year-old bruise on my eyeball, but a scar.

*bokes*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:03, Reply)

Yeah just a bit
My old man papped me out the house for a couple of weeks as well because he thought I was gay or on junk. His rationing was if you get tested for AIDs then you're either gay or a junkie neither of which he wanted in his house. He's a charmer!
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:03, Reply)

Noon all!
Who started all this fucking last nonsense again, eh?

EDIT: Ah! It finished! Hurrah!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:07, Reply)

My gran, bless her,
Had to go for an injection into her eye the other day, as she's got some loss of sight thing.

She got a little confused and thought they were going to do it into her arm, so it's fair to say that she was a little surprised when she felt a needle in her eye.
( Cawl, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:07, Reply)

I 've got a scar on my eyball too
10 stitches - hurts doesn't it?
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:08, Reply)

We have a new question, ladies and gentlemen
And Kaol's not first this time.

Too common for him?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:12, Reply)

well, since I'm already poorly
it won't make any difference if i eat this caramel shortbread.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:12, Reply)

eye scars
doesn't really hurt now, just a bit weird having a perma-floaty bit on the eye.

Still, at least I've still got my sight, would have been 12312343425x worse (I imagine) if I'd been blinded.
(b3tamax Mate, you're fat and I'll throw you in the river, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:13, Reply)

2nd in last weeks QOTW, woohoo!
That's my best yet, I'll win one one day you'll see, you'll all see!
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:14, Reply)

Me too!
I have a scar on my retina but my optician has no idea how it got there.

Sometimes it rips my lenses in half.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:14, Reply)

@Tulip
It'll make you feel much better, I'd guess. A bit of sugar will perk you up no end.

*attempts to perk up HLT by other means*

*remembers it's not Monday*

*ceases*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:15, Reply)

Ooh I made Best Of last weeks QOTW
*glees*

Batman that's harsh *hugs*

And ewww eyeball squishyness
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:17, Reply)

Ah, HCFB
When you do win, it's such a feeling of glee as compares with nothing on Earth! ;)
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:18, Reply)

I made it in the newsletter
a few weeks ago which is one of my proudest moments. So much so I almost told me mum until I realised I'd outed her as a swinger

TGB *Hugs* Thanks...but it's not harsh I got 2nd in last weeks QOTW, I'm quite proud :) (just kidding)
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:20, Reply)

Hmm
The new QOTW is basically spoilt adults.

Joy. *sighs*

Obviously about the aids thing Batman! I am always several replies behind :p
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:20, Reply)

Lucy
I'm sorry...
*clicks into bio-mode*

"I have a scar on my retina but my optician has no idea how it got there."

I think that a scar on the retina wouldn't be a problem.
It wouldn't tear your contacts, at least, as the retina is the inside of the back of the eye.

:(
( Cawl, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:22, Reply)

Hey TGB
It's not really! There could be some scope with this one...

*hopes*

Otherwise, we'll get to see a whole lot of bizarre prejudices from the good folk of B3ta.

"Beards. They're just so common." for example. ;)
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:26, Reply)

I think
Lucy meant cornea rather than retina.

Correct, LvP?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:27, Reply)

DiT
Hehehe cheeky!
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:27, Reply)

Kaol
Oh really? Well he showed me the scar and asked if I had any problems and my contacts do rip a lot in that eye. So he had to give me different contacts.

Now is my optician telling me big fat porky pies?
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:28, Reply)

@Lucy
Are you sure he's an optician and not a plumber doing a bit of moonlighting?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:30, Reply)

I think so,
Because you don't put contacts inside your eye-ball.
So I think he meant cornea, which is the outside bit.

I'm sorry for being a pedantic sod :(
( Cawl, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:30, Reply)

Hm
Maybe I remembered wrong. Or got confused.

Never mind, I have a scar, it rips lenses, the end.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:32, Reply)

My contacts
rip quite a lot too, one even split and went right behind my eye. That wasn't fun.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:32, Reply)

hahah
Ooh DiT you bitch me-OOOW! Saucer of milk for table six ;p
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:34, Reply)

@HCFB
I can't help myself sometimes. But I mean it in the nicest possible way. :)
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:36, Reply)

Yeah,
The scar sounds rubbish :(

I'd offer kiss it better, but, you know...
Mouth... Eye... Could go horribly wrong.
( Cawl, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:40, Reply)

Kaol
EEEEEEEEEEW eye kissing?

I know someone who used to get her boyfriend to suck her eyeballs gently to relax her.

I don't know how I feel about that. Mainly repulsed I think.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:44, Reply)

Suck her eyeball?!
How can that be in any way relaxing? I find getting my other kind of balls sucked terrifying. I think I shared a bit to much there.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:45, Reply)

@HCFB
So you've never had a humball then?

*chuckle*

And on that note, I'm off home. See you all later. Maybe.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:46, Reply)

Well
She described it as being similar to when you rub your eyes when you're tired and it feels quite nice, a bit like that.

Yuk. In my opinion toes and eyes are not to be kissed or sucked.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:47, Reply)

Ok I know what I think that is
But k2 seems to have completely different ideas for these things!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:50, Reply)

K2k6
I have and hated it. I found the whole experience extremely disconcerting and in no way enjoyable, I felt like my testes were going to pop out and hit her in the eye in a comedic fashion.

Lucy; Toes are definitely a no go area. Feet? Beurgh
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:52, Reply)

Feet?
I don't like feet.

I used to feel sick if I saw 'em, but I'm ok with that now.
I can even deal with having them on me.

But if anyone tried to put their toes in my mouth, I'd bite.
And I'd not stop biting until my teeth touched together.
( Cawl, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:54, Reply)

Kaol
What if they put your toes in their mouth?

Al - for some reason a lot of men find teabagging hilarious.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:56, Reply)

Lucy,
The very thought of that makes me go cold :(
( Cawl, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:58, Reply)

I tea-bagged
a guy on rugby tour once and got a photo. He woke and punched them. That was fun trying to explain to our coach why I couldn't play anymore games
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:58, Reply)

Kaol
Mr VP put my toes in his mouth once. I hated every second of it but it made me strangely hypnotised, I couldn't move my leg to pull it out!
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 17:00, Reply)

I'm going now :(
That made me feel cold and terrible.

*cries*

Fare-ye-well, I'm off singing and guitaring tonight.
Bye!
( Cawl, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 17:02, Reply)

I have no idea
why people want to chow down on toes. The very idea of it!

I would be sucking away thinking: "I hope they've cleaned!"

But then I suppose that applies to anything people suck, really...
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 17:02, Reply)

Teabagging?
Arabian goggles FTW
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 17:03, Reply)

This conversation is grim.
I mean, I like a suck as much as the next person, but really, one can't just be sucking anything. There are standards.
( thealternativefact, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 17:04, Reply)

Al
I'm not genetically modified, or tied down

*wiggles eyebrows in a suggestive manner*
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 17:08, Reply)

Arabian goggles?!
hahahahahaaha!

Clendrix this conversation is grim. Yet oddly arousing.


EDIT DiT I have bad athletes foot right now, suck that bad boy!
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 17:14, Reply)

I think I might run away before I get too involved.
*runs away*
( thealternativefact, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 17:15, Reply)

Bye Al
*winks* see you again
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 17:16, Reply)

*gips*
No need, HCFB, no need at all!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 17:16, Reply)

DiT
I thought that as soon as I typed it to be honest, sorry.

Bye al


*waves athletes foot*
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 17:18, Reply)

HCFB
Chris Hoys? No wonder he can ride round a looped track quicker than anyone!
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 17:20, Reply)

You've lost me
I'm afraid.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 17:22, Reply)

HCFB
He is an athlete.

Who rides one way round a looped track on a bicycle.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 17:24, Reply)

Yeah I know who he is
I sold him a kilt I just don't get the joke.

I must come across as a bit of a retard with you, what with the whole broadband thing and what not.

I am.

Mnnnngggggggggggg!
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 17:25, Reply)

Its a similar
joke to a mountain goat having two legs shorter than the other, so they can stand straight on the sides of mountains.

If he has no foot (as you have it) then one leg would be shorter than the other, enabling (as per the joke above) to lean into the corners easier.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 17:27, Reply)

Gotcha
Please accept my apologies for being an idiot.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 17:30, Reply)

*runs in*
*starts evening thread*

*runs out*
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Thu 16 Oct 2008, 18:26, Reply)