Happy Fucking Friday Cuntbags!
It's my last day at fucking work.
Fucking yeahhhh!


( wanderlust, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 8:04, 342 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Morning Lusty
Does this mean the OT early birds club loses another member?

It's a shame really - I can pretty much guarantee some b3ta time for the first couple of hours I'm at work, but by the time everone else wakes up I'm usually busy.

Hehe. I said member
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 8:12, Reply)

Hangovers!
Who's got one?

I have. But it's Full English Friday in the canteen, so in 45 minutes I will be medicating with greasy meat. Mmmm...
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 8:17, Reply)

Morning Ducky.
I was going to attempt to write a witty reply, but now that looks like it's not going to happen as
1) I'm not very funny
2) I keep giggling at the word member and my brain's stopped working proper.

Morning light. Goodness! The words member, greasy and meat in the first two posts of the thread.
*goes to a happy place*
( wanderlust, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 8:18, Reply)

*sniggers*
Ha ha, member!

Morning all. Lusty, you'll just need to get up early as usual and log on to b3ta to participate in the morning thread. We don't want to lose you.

*gets emotional*

*sniffles*

*gets a grip again*

*coughs*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 8:21, Reply)

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 8:21, Reply)

Morning you lot!
I'm eating egg fried rice and chili sauce for breakfast. And tea, of course.

I'm in a great mood today. It's friday, and kiddo's coming over this weekend. The tv's off, so lots of cooking, walks and improvised games are afoot :)

Edit: mike, who IS that guy?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 8:26, Reply)

GMOS

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 8:35, Reply)

K2k6
Just what exactly are you getting a grip on there?

Thank you mike. That's a lovely picture.
( wanderlust, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 8:27, Reply)

lo everybody!
grats Lusty :)

Nice plans No3l!
(darras jeg har en grevling i hodet. Grevling, grevlang, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 8:27, Reply)

Oh, er
Just my emotions, Lusty.

Not my cock. I didn't mean that. No, not at all.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 8:31, Reply)

Ning darras!
I like to keep our brains occupied - lounging in front of the telly's all well and good for a half hour here or there, but I almost feel guilty if we do it for too long. Like we're wasting an opportunity to have a bloody good laugh :)
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 8:38, Reply)

*shakes head*
That made things worse dammit! I was drinking on a empty stomach last night, only had 4-5 JD & cokes so was no worse than a little tipsy yet my head still feels like it's been run over by an artic.

Still, it was a, erm, interesting night.

Are we all well lovely b3tans?
( Captain V, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 8:41, Reply)

Congrats Lustylove
I have just over three hours to go and then it's the weekend for me...Oh the things I could get up to...while I'll most likely be good and study lots...
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 8:43, Reply)

@K2k6
Well that's good to know. You don't want to play with it too much and have it fall off.

@Captain V. Interesting how? Spill the beans.

Morning Becky.
*waves*
( wanderlust, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 8:44, Reply)

Captain V
Interesting how? Has the baby started kicking stabbing yet?
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 8:46, Reply)

@Lusty
Well, it's had its fair share of being played with over the years and it hasn't fallen off yet.

*checks*

No, still there. Phew.

Morning, recent arrivals.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 8:49, Reply)

Morning
Not that long to go now Lusty, remember, do not kill your replacement, yet!

I'm a very sad person, I've not had a hangover all year. :(
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 8:52, Reply)

Right then...
Was invited out last night by somebody I've not seen since the summer of '69 2006. This came about because a week or so ago I logged on to msn messenger for the first time in about 8 months, we started chatting (hadn't spoken for a good 8 months I reckon) and she mentioned birthday drinks and invited me out.

Anyway, we have history (when I last saw her she was leaving my house...) but I'd gone with the intention of just having a drink and catching up with some people I'd not seen in a long time. Pretty much as soon as I arrive she starts flirting with me and pretty overtly too.

She's pleasant on the eye, we get on well and both know that neither of us would want a relationship of any kind so it wasn't long before we were attached at the face.

The interesting part, however, is that after a little while of this one of her (female) friends was ostensibly in a strop. Turns out that the two of them had a bit of a drunken snog fairly recently and that her friend fancies her.

:edit: Not yet duckie. When I woke up this morning though I did hear what sounded like the sharpening of knives. I think this pregnancy could lead to the first known case of the V-section which is like a C-section except the cuts the mother open instead.
( Captain V, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 8:54, Reply)

*doesn't get hangovers*
*smugs*
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 8:54, Reply)

V
No problem there that I can see, have them both!

You lucky bastard No3L, I wish I didn't get hangovers.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 8:57, Reply)

Dok
That's what I suggested but unfortunately she declined. I don't think the idea was ever put to her friend though.
( Captain V, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 8:58, Reply)

@V
So was it just the face by which you were attached?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 9:00, Reply)

Yes
I feel it would have been inappropriate to have been attached in any other way in a bar.

We were going to go back to mine but to be honest her patching things up with her mate was more important. I suggested that to placate her friend she go back with her and go down on her. That suggestion didn't go down too well either.
( Captain V, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 9:05, Reply)

*doesn't get hangovers*
*smugs also*

Morning you sexy motherfuckers.

Lusty! Happy Last Day!
( thealternativefact, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 9:07, Reply)

Aw V
none of you suggestions went down well last night, maybe you should have went down instead.

Worse things have happened in bars by the way.

Morning Drixy. Yes I suppose I could be described in that way.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 9:07, Reply)

Ooh, Dok, you naughty boy.

I've been informed that I'm going guitar shopping tomorrow! Hurrah!
( thealternativefact, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 9:11, Reply)

Sexy MF :)
That's crap luck V. You did the right thing though.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 9:14, Reply)

Thanks Clendrix!
@Captain V. Is it really worth getting invloved if there's going to be lesbian drama?
( wanderlust, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 9:14, Reply)

Well Dok
I'm not sure whether her friend bats for both sides or not. She was hot though so perhaps I should have just taken a gamble.

@Lusty All the more reason to my dear!

@No3l. I do feel a bit bad though as a few days ago I was giving her relationship advice about a bloke from her uni which ended in her deciding that she did want a relationship with him but (and I don't understand this part) they're not going to commit to a relationship until some date (can't remember when) rather than just committing to it now.
( Captain V, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 9:14, Reply)

^that won't last, then.

( thealternativefact, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 9:18, Reply)

*ears prick up*
Did someone say lesbian drama?

*prick up*
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 9:19, Reply)

Drixy
Oh yes I am, shopping for a guitar. If I had the cash I'd be looking for one as well, saw a nice pink Hello Kitty one the other day.

V, maybe she doesn't want a relationship, maybe she just wants some fun, but honestly I'd make sure that the lezzie bit had been sorted out, it could cause resentment of you by her friend.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 9:23, Reply)

Did I hear
'prick up' being mentioned?

*sniggers for the hundredth time this morning*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 9:23, Reply)

Dok
I don't think the person I am shopping with will entertain the idea of a pink guitar, so I'll leave that one.

I saw a Hello Kitty grand piano once.
( thealternativefact, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 9:26, Reply)

Yeah sorry, that was me
*hides erection behind biro*

Clendrix - are we to assume that the person you're shopping for guitars with would prefer them to be loud, shouty electric guitars with hidden compartments for knives and a built-in chain-saw?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 9:26, Reply)

Yo all
How the devil are we?
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 9:28, Reply)

re: "That wont last then" - That's what I'm thinking Clenders
But being a friendly chap who enjoys trying to help people I egged her on to go for it.

She's scared of commitment because she seems to have it in her head that relationships should be like fairytales and that if they don't work out then something truly awful has happened. She needs to learn that relationships that don't work out can still be seen as time well spent and the memories need not be painful.

Only way she'll do that is by actually having some relationships.
( Captain V, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 9:28, Reply)

Ahhh..... I walk in this morning
and the first thing I see is Happy Fucking Friday Cuntbags. I feel lovely and warm and at home.

Clenders, the little music shop down the road from me has a Hello Kitty electric guitar, I WANNIT.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 9:29, Reply)

Nooooooooooooooooooooooo
Pink Hello Kitty guitar FTW!

So now I've told you lot what I want for my birthday, and you've got 4 months to get it so there is no excuse!

K2 Prick up? Not here, no sir, we are all far too young and innocent*.



May contain utter lies!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 9:30, Reply)

V
It took me YEARS to grow up and work that out.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 9:31, Reply)

Tbh Dok I've no idea what she wants
But it's a bit of a take it or leave it thing for me (as neither of us want a relationship) so I'd rather she sort things out with her mate. We've got previous (with each other) in this kind of situation. Would be nice to avoid making the same mistake twice.

@No3l Now I feel very pleased with myself for having worked it out at 18 =]
( Captain V, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 9:31, Reply)

V
Well, that's good of you, although making people question what they mean by relationship is good too. I think there's too much, 'Where are we going with this?' and 'Is this serious?' etc. People should just get on with it and see where they end up.

No3L - yes. My new guitar will allow me to compose songs about death and destruction only.

Dok, you and Bert will have to fight over the Hello Kitty guitar.
( thealternativefact, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 9:32, Reply)

Bugger it V
Just go for it when she sorts out her mate.

If she thinks relationships should be like fairytales, then she should read the originals. Very dark and very disturbing!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 9:33, Reply)

You should :)
It's the mature attitude.

Oh and Bert, you cumsock! etc

Just to redress the balance somewhat.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 9:34, Reply)

V
man up, stop being such a big girly-girl, tell her to suck your bell end or fuck off.

/broke up with his Mrs just before christmas and is secretly devastated.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 9:34, Reply)

Bert
The Hello Kitty guitar is great, and they also do it in black.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 9:35, Reply)

Bert!
Did you really?

Cunting hell.
( thealternativefact, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 9:35, Reply)

Aww Bert
:(

That sucks.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 9:37, Reply)

Back to work, you idlers
Mmm... I've just put lots of greasy meat in me and now I feel human again.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 9:37, Reply)

Bert
That's shit / good for you! *

* delete as applicable
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 9:38, Reply)

Happy Last Day Lusty!
Morning all!

I've not been on b3ta much recently, the odd 5 minutes here and there, due to having rather a lot on my plate at work at the moment.

Normal disservice will resume once I get this work out the door!

Hope you're all well, I'll pop my face in here as often as I can (likely everytime my machines crash, which is frustratingly often).
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 9:38, Reply)

Bert
That sucks big monkey balls mate, it really does.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 9:40, Reply)

Exactly Clendrix
As far as I can tell her definition of a relationship is being monogamous. I'm sure there are plenty of other things she associates with them but that seems to be where the line is drawn.

I'm inclined to that say that's the ONLY difference between a friendship and a romantic relationship - sex either monogamous or consensually otherwise.

I agree with you entirely about just seeing where it goes. I think that the only answer to the question "where are we going with this" is "nowhere". If you need to ask the relationship's probably fucked anyway.

:edit: Shit bert that sucks. *proffers sympathy cock*
( Captain V, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 9:40, Reply)

Burt,
I know you just posted that for attention.
*laughs*

You're pathetic, you know that?

Anyway, good morning!
( Cawl, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 9:41, Reply)

Wow V
You're such a mature person for one so young. It took me 10 years and a marriage to figure that out!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 9:42, Reply)

SHUT UP YOU BIG FUCKING GAYS
I said secretly devastated.

EDIT but if you read my sig, you'll see what she called me earlier this week because I was being mean.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 9:43, Reply)

Thanks Dok
*big smiles*
( Captain V, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 9:43, Reply)

Crikey Bert
Is sad.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 9:44, Reply)

All those with a girlfriend take one step forward
Oi, not so fast, Bert.

Secretly sympathises with secret devastation
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 9:44, Reply)

V
Very wise words.

Oh no, Kaol's here.
*wanders off for breakfast*
( thealternativefact, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 9:44, Reply)

Allo Kaol
I was just inferring your existence :)
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 9:45, Reply)

What I find odd
Is that she didn't tell her friend how she felt. To me that means one of two things:

a) She knew her friend might think it was more than a drunken lady kiss but decided not to clear things up
b) She didn't know her friend batted for the other side until last night

Both of those I find a bit baffling.

Hi kaol *waves*
( Captain V, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 9:47, Reply)

Kaol doesn't exist
he festers in the warped imaginations of hobos and tories.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 9:48, Reply)

Holy cow
I was impregnated by the warped imaginations of hobos and tories?!
( Captain V, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 9:50, Reply)

That a paradox you're carrying right there

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 9:51, Reply)

"inferring your existence"
What?
It's too early for complicated stuff, what do you mean?

Anyway, how is everyone?
EDIT: Burt, I'm King Of The Hobos, thank-you-very-much *frowns*
( Cawl, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 9:52, Reply)

Don't worry V, he does exist.
We've all felt the benefit of his warm tongue.
( thealternativefact, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 9:52, Reply)

Better than you
you speccy, over-aggressive, personal-space-invading mothertrumper.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 9:53, Reply)

*steps forward*
Kaol does exist, I've met him and lived to tell the tale! He's brilliant really, and not at all stabby.

My the younger generation keeps amazing me, at first with their stupidity and then V comes along and put the stupidity in a box and throws it in the bin! V I applaude you.

*Claps* *hugs*
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 9:53, Reply)

I was just talking about you, without talking about you.
Is that more or less complicated? I'm not sure.

*wanders off, mumbling*
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 9:53, Reply)

Oh Burt...
You really know how to treat a man :)
( Cawl, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 9:54, Reply)

I love you, Kaol
but I'm sorry, I had to abort our anal foetus.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 9:56, Reply)

Morning assorted winners, losers, and massive losers
You get to choose which you are.

Ha, I just saw a girl I went to secondary school with in the audience of Jeremy Kyle. And yes, I am sad enough to still be watching it.

I have proof that Kaol exists, I've heard him sing.

Also Kaol, have you seen the competition for that Bloody Valentine 3D film, about making your own horror scene video?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 9:56, Reply)

Did you, Bert?
I thought he was in the Big Brother house...
( thealternativefact, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 9:57, Reply)

Hello everyone.
*hugs Bert*

*Locks up daughters*

I have finished with my work for the day and in keeping with the qotw, I'm faffing about.
( girlinthehole, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 9:59, Reply)

@Bert
I thought I'd start a sweary thread just for you. You fallopian tube munching, teabagging wank stain.

Aww I'm only joking baby! You're the one, you still turn me on, you can lick my hole again make me whole again
( wanderlust, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 9:59, Reply)

It's ok Burt,
I'd only spend the child-support-money on cigarettes anyway.

Ok... So we've established that I exist, and that I'm not some internet-ghost.
( Cawl, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:00, Reply)

Dok
That's precisely why it infuriates me so much when people start complaining about the "youth of today".

I think it'd be fair to say that people in my generation are no more or less stupid than any other and that throughout history young people (teens, early 20s) have been seen as trouble makers we just hear about a LOT more trouble being caused than just our personal experiences like we used to in the past.

Rather than having the odd experience now and then with a (typically) young person causing some trouble, not thinking much of it and moving on people read about incidents taking place all over the world but (some people) seem to react as if it has all happened to them.

There's nothing special about my generation, your generation or any generation to come.

:edit: That wasn't directed at you btw. Just a general rant about think they know it all people who are older than myself but invariably show themselves to be fairly simple.
( Captain V, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:00, Reply)

Christ, youth of today
always spouting off about something.
( thealternativefact, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:03, Reply)

Fucking hell.
Bloody young people, always running their mouths off.
( Cawl, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:04, Reply)

Yay for swearyness
and pre-Kerry Katona getting fat Atomic Kitten.

You arsebubble.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:04, Reply)

V there was only one thing wrong with your statement
My generation was and still is special, it gave the world K2k6 and myself!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:06, Reply)

My generation is best
because we had Dangermouse.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:07, Reply)

My generation invented Punk music..
Top that!

*prouds*
( girlinthehole, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:08, Reply)

The nice thing about browsing via mobile
Is that right this second I an having my morning poo.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:08, Reply)

When I was on the bus the other day,
an old woman got on. She was fat and crusty and smelled like shit. She sat down and stuck her hand up her skirt and rumaged around a bit - when she pulled her hand back out, it was all wet.

She used that wetness to write, 'I fucking love you Bert, you cock-of-goodness' on the bus window.

Aah, Bert's mum. Lovely lady, really.
( thealternativefact, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:09, Reply)

Fuck knows
If generation Y have done anything I particularly care about.

(I'm feeling more and more cynical as the day goes on. I like it)
( Captain V, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:11, Reply)

V,
All you need to know is that I exist.
That's better than all the other generations that have ever existed, put together.

EDIT: Bloody hell Clendrix! *twitches* That's a bit much for this early in the morning :p
( Cawl, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:13, Reply)

My Mum is the Ginger Hulk
If she had got on your bus it would only have been to say 'HULK'S MASH', furrow her brow and say 'BETTY?'
Don't be mean about her, or there'll be hell to pay.

*is currently in bed with all of clendrix's family and pets, many of them in all his orifices at once*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:14, Reply)

HeHe
BGB, I like our generation, it's the best ever.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:15, Reply)

Haha
LiC that's fantastic. My phone isn't special enough for that kind of thing. I got in trouble with TGB because my phone can't receive MMS messages. My phone was made fun of last night too =[

@Kaol Hmmmmm.
( Captain V, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:16, Reply)

What?
I like Bert's mum. She makes nice pies.
We don't discuss the content of the pies.

Dok, your generation is the pest ever?
Aaah, nicely edited...
( thealternativefact, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:16, Reply)

*adds voice to '60s generation*
Yes, I was around in the summer of '69. Don't remember much about it, as I was just a baby, but I was there. Watched Neil Armstrong landing on the moon and everything.

And like Dok Minge, I can remember when Michael Jackson was black.

And when Des O'Connor was white.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:17, Reply)

Mong pie?
It's an old scottish tradition.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:17, Reply)

Bert
All your orifices are belong to us.
( Captain V, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:17, Reply)

Blimey clendrix
I don't know if I should be turned on or disgusted.

I think I'll settle for turned on.
( wanderlust, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:18, Reply)

Don't you "Hmmmm" me, young man.
*frowns*
( Cawl, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:18, Reply)

Mmmmmmmmmmm
Mong pies. Is there nothing that they can't do!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:19, Reply)

Lusty,
thank heavens for that!
( thealternativefact, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:19, Reply)

Mong pies?
Hahaha!

If you ate one of those veg-mongs, the kind that have wheelchairs, would it be like veal?
( Cawl, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:22, Reply)

Nah
Veal is lovely and lean. I imagine mong to be quite fatty.
( Captain V, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:24, Reply)

@Captain V
Is that because they spend all their time in a wheelchair? Lazy bastards!
( wanderlust, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:25, Reply)

See, I imagine it to be a little starchy
What with them not being all human, you know.
( Cawl, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:27, Reply)

Yeah Kaol
Like a potato.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:29, Reply)

I imagine that the extra chromosome
would taste like beef.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:29, Reply)

Well,
they're pretty fucking difficult to burn, I can tell you that.
( thealternativefact, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:30, Reply)

I like the way
that the HSH has degenerated again since Bert reappeared.

Good on you, Sexmonkey. You spaz-raping mongtard.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:31, Reply)

I'm doing my best
but at times I feel like I'm the only one waving the B3tan flag.

*violently inserts K2k6's kettle up his cavernous piss hole*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:32, Reply)

Are you really 54 years old,
Kaol?

An Ikea bag? For shame...how common.
( thealternativefact, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:33, Reply)

Bert, you've anally raped the HSH thread
murdered its grandmother, felched its father and labrador and I can see you're now eyeing up the nephew and his pet goat, Billius.

What happened to the creamy halcyon days of yore when it was a huggle here and a dinner thread there? All is lost I tell you.

good work son
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:36, Reply)

See, I was sitting here thinking
"Maybe we shouldn't be taking the piss out of mongs."

But then I realised, they're retarded, it's not like they can read or use a computer.

But then I thought about the BBC HYS...
( Cawl, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:37, Reply)

I would like to know
what the various materials were myself.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:37, Reply)

Just to make it very clear
I'm Bill, Billius the goat it over there. *Points*
(bill, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:38, Reply)

What a load of fucking crap.
B3ta is all things to everyone and I can't fucking stand all this fucking shit about who started this and who's best at that - and what it should fucking well be. I've been here for a long fucking time and it's always been just fine.
FFS.

^Rant may be caused by comments elsewhere in the past, too
( thealternativefact, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:38, Reply)

*beams with pride*
*angel chorus*
Ahhhh-ah-ahhhh-ah-ahhhh....

See? You're all a bunch of useless fucktards without me.

Cheers becky, now please help me to do the same, I can't do it all by myself.
How are you doing?

EDIT oh shut up clendrix, don't take it so seriously.
This place is a chat thread, it's always been inoffensive and 'nice'. I'm just here to add a little bit more b3tality, because compared to the rest of the site, this place is a bit wet.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:39, Reply)

@Clendrix
You're sounding like an old person.

Stop it please. Because I'm older than you!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:41, Reply)

Too true Drixy
I am also all things to all men!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:41, Reply)

Dok,
the 'various' materials are definitely the most interesting part.
( thealternativefact, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:42, Reply)

*nips in*
*agrees with Clendrix*

*nips out*
( girlinthehole, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:42, Reply)

Bert,
fuck off then.
( thealternativefact, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:42, Reply)

Fucking hell clenders
Anal rapage isn't really my style Bert, I don't have the necessary tools either.

Edit: No you're not, you're Billicent
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:43, Reply)

@Bert
Yeah sorry that it's a bit wet in here.

I can't help it. Clendrix tends to have that effect affect on me.

Clendrix tends to make my lady juices flow.
( wanderlust, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:43, Reply)

Really Dok?
*rubs thighs with sweaty palms*
( Captain V, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:43, Reply)

Yes indeed
Anyone care to hazard a guess as to what these various materials might be?

Perhaps a tub of Polyfilla, a toothbrush and a copy of Penthouse from 1975, before the models shaved their fannies?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:43, Reply)

Believe me, clenders
I will. I just wanted to give HSH another chance before I wrote it off completely.

You should take a look at /board and /talk once in a while, they have me giggling in fits of hysterics at times.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:45, Reply)

K2k6
I think they were: a teeny, tiny saw; a bag of M&Ms; three saucepans.

Bert, of course I already look at them. And I enjoy them.
( thealternativefact, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:45, Reply)

I think that the "various items"
Are:
A jar of bloody, human sperm.
300 soiled rubber gloves with the fingers cut off.
A zip-lock freezer bag of pickled dog foetuses.
( Cawl, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:53, Reply)

*innocents*
V, yes dear boy, what can I do for you?

I should add all women as well though!

Drixy, I'm thinking a plastic dog turd, a pen knife, and a collection of unshaved fannies from 1975 playboy models!

Thank K2
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:53, Reply)

Sat at home as I currently am
I find myself humming the following to the tune of ILH:

I'm reading b3ta
waiting for the courier
I'm reading b3ta
waiting for the courier

etc.
(bill, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:53, Reply)

Boys,
I really hope it's ALL those things.
( thealternativefact, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:54, Reply)

Do you think
we'll ever find out if it is though?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:55, Reply)

@Bert
Why do all of the B3ta boards have to be the same?

Just asking.
( girlinthehole, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:55, Reply)

I hate girls
I've run out of sugar for my coffee and I only work with healthy ryveta eating girls who don't use it. Shitty no sugar coffee.

Piss flaps.

That is all.

I need to go back to my little world of work stress and nictotine withdrawal.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 11:02, Reply)

Alright you fuckers
*waves*

Almost smoke time me thinks *glees* How is everyone? Behaving yourselves or do I need to dish out some spankings?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 11:04, Reply)

Hey TGB
Sorry I abandoned you last night. Did you have a nice evening?
( Captain V, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 11:05, Reply)

HNY Scarpe.
How's things?

Hi Badger, yes it is almost time for a smoke. *hugs*

Ohh I forgot to say Hello Bill!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 11:08, Reply)

Morning TGB
Spankings are always welcome.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 11:09, Reply)

Yes thank you
I played a weird game online and had some yummy food and cried that you had abandoned me.

*sulks*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 11:09, Reply)

Also Badger
as you can see nobody is behaving themselves today and thus they all need a spanking!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 11:10, Reply)

Hi Dok
Things are OK.

I feel like Lloyd Bridges in Airplane though.

'looks like I picked the wrong time to give up smoking'

I am about as grouchy as this entire thread seemed to turn earlier. But ALL. THE. FUCKING. TIME.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 11:11, Reply)

Fuck off, nobody is spanking me.
Unless they wanna suddenly be minus a hand.
( Cawl, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 11:13, Reply)

*grovels*
If it's any consolation my night was weird but only a little bit.

Not sure whether I'm staying in or going out tonight. I'd like to but the longer I go on with this shitty sleeping pattern the closer I get to being unsure whether I'm awake or asleep.
( Captain V, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 11:13, Reply)

Scarpe
Don't think about it, think of the positives about giving up, and all of the good things that you'll be able to do. Think positive, it helps.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 11:13, Reply)

*spanks Light first*
Where's Bert he get's a special spanking involving a wooden paddle, a large cactus and a goat
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 11:14, Reply)

I'm having a Cheap Friday Night.
Then I'm meeting up with a certain lovely b3ta-lady tomorrow. *grins*

I need to get a bass-strap and some of those little strap-lock-things.
Woo, Denmark Street!
( Cawl, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 11:16, Reply)

@Kaol
Try not to get run over on Denmark Street. It's just been turned into a bus detour while they refurbish Tottenham Court Road.

For the next seven years.

It's going to be hell down there.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 11:18, Reply)

*head explodes*
MOTHER FUCKING WANKING BALLSACKS.
SHUT THE FUCK UP!

This is not directed at any of you
( wanderlust, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 11:18, Reply)

Straps?
*looks forward to Saturday*
( thealternativefact, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 11:19, Reply)

Heh
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/7819843.stm
( Captain V, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 11:19, Reply)

Hi Dok
TGB: I think I've been behaving, I got up on time and everything.
(bill, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 11:21, Reply)

Does anybody else think
that it's a bit hypocritical of me to hand out advise for stopping smoking and then pop out for a fag myself?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 11:21, Reply)

ha ha ha
bastard.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 11:22, Reply)

Dok, yeah.
I think it's pretty much the dictionary definition :p
( Cawl, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 11:23, Reply)

@Dok
Not at all. If you were preaching that people shouldn't smoke but were smoking yourself you'd be a hypocrite but offering advice to people who want to quit is just being helpful.
( Captain V, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 11:24, Reply)

Bill you never behave yourself.
But I will deal with you later!

A customer came in so I haven't had my smoke yet :(
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 11:24, Reply)

Oh well
It's my turn soon I suppose.

*glums*

EDIT Badger, kill all customers, they are sick, and must be put out of thier misery!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 11:24, Reply)

I've not had a smoke since...
*thinks*

About ten last night.
*twitches*

I neeeeeds one.
( Cawl, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 11:27, Reply)

No you don't Kaol
It's just your imagination! Resist man, resist those urges.

Oh bugger it, go smoke then.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 11:33, Reply)

Sorry just been for one of my long tea breaks
Did somebody mention spanking with a wooden spoon?

...and in response to clenders and BGB, I don't believe that all the b3ta boards should be the same, but this is a sick humour website, and HSH tends to lack the element of offensiveness that is so prevalent elsewhere.
If people just want to chat and talk normally about their lives, why come to a sick humour website to do so?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 11:33, Reply)

Bert
You cock juggling thunder cunt!

:)
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 11:34, Reply)

That was BGB's question, not mine.
Hey Dok, is it nice in central London?
I was thinking I might potter in to work...
( thealternativefact, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 11:34, Reply)

Thank you, Herr Doktor
I appreciate the sentiment.

I understand that I can't change the way other people are, and that nobody should try to change to fit my own personal views, I'm just expressing them in the hope that some like-minded individuals will enter into the fray.

Clenders, I think my response to BGB fits in reply to your comment too though.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 11:36, Reply)

Should I stay or should I go
The courier I've been waiting at home for has just arrived and collected the parcels from here.

Now I have to go to Associated Press in Camden and do an installation of some equipment there, however 1/2 the stuff is showing as "In transit" should I go anyway and trust the Fedex tracking system saying it should be there by mid day or should I blow it off till Monday?
(bill, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 11:37, Reply)

Drixy, No!
That's nasty, how can you even contemplate even thinking about going into work at this time of day, even when it is sunny here!

My advice (since I'm handing it out today) is to stay at home, put your feet up and relax.

EDIT Bert, we have our moments here.

Bill see my response to Drixy above.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 11:38, Reply)

I don't usually get involvde in these ideological debates
But I quite enjoy having somewhere to chat, normally, with other people that enjoy the sick humour on the rest of b3ta. I enjoy socialising.

Bite me.
( Captain V, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 11:39, Reply)

Bill...
Sod that, FedEx suck, have an early weekend!
( Cawl, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 11:40, Reply)

Thanks Kaol.
Now I can say people on the internet told me to do it.
(bill, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 11:41, Reply)

Dok, I'm doing it!
I'm coming in!
Brace yourself...

Bill, you're always saying that :)
( thealternativefact, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 11:41, Reply)

That's fine Bill
It's what I'm here for.
( Cawl, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 11:43, Reply)

Drixy
If you must. I'll just hold myself the door open for you then!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 11:44, Reply)

I am thinking
I may have to break out the chocolate buttons soon. nom nom nom.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 11:46, Reply)

No Badger
Don't do it, buttons are bad!

Me I'm munching Terry's Chocolate Orange Mini Eggs at the moment.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 11:47, Reply)

buttons are awesome Dok
You obviously know nothing!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 11:48, Reply)

*bites Captain V*
I'm not being rude or mean, I just wanted to know why people choose to chat here.

It's alright though, I know when I'm not wanted, I'll just walk out into the cold, barren wilderness, alone, but with a cheerful song in my heart, and a stoat peeping out of my trousers.

/feels as though he's alienated himself from HSH, but doesn't think that it's necessarily a bad thing.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 11:50, Reply)

People chat here
because they like talking crap to people all day :) And sometimes people like to be able to rant and get some sympathy.

So yeah, fuck off Bert
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 11:52, Reply)

But buttons
get stuck when I swallow them, and then I choke, they say one day It'll kill me!

Bert, we like you really, you bring a certain something to HSH.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 11:53, Reply)

Oi!
That's my stoat, you fucker!
( Cawl, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 11:53, Reply)

That's fine
I only came here this week to add a little more b3tan humour, I didn't realise that I was going to invoke such a bad reaction from certain people.

*puts handkerchief wrapped around stick over shoulder*
*glances back one last time, mournfully*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 11:54, Reply)

After a long and painful decision making process
waiting and hoping for some small inkling of a hint that one day they might post something worthwile to OT I've just put JMG & baldmonkey on my ignore list.
(bill, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 11:55, Reply)

Aww, Bill
That's not very nice. Sure, they're wankers, but that's part of what b3ta is all about.
I don't engage those two in conversation anymore (except occasionally on /talk), but 'ignore' is only for really bad people. Like Kaol.

Oh, wait. Wasn't I leaving?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 11:57, Reply)

I like stoats
They're cute and fluffeh.

By that I mean small and bitey!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 11:57, Reply)

It's the bitey-ness that I enjoy most
Sometimes I spray myself with female Stoat hormones and run naked through the grounds of old manor houses.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 11:58, Reply)

I'm not gonna deny that I'm a bad person,
But I'm not "Ignore-list-bad".
( Cawl, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 11:58, Reply)

Well, I gave them a month or so
but just got bored of them repeating the same boring "jokes" day after day.

Also Bert, please don't go, we like you really.
(bill, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 11:59, Reply)

@Bert
I know you weren't being rude or mean. I just wanted to express my reasons for posting here. The bite me was unrelated and just because I felt like it.
( Captain V, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 12:00, Reply)

Sorry Kaol
but a while back you were annoying the hell out of me with your film reviews and your constant stabby jokes, so I christened my ignore button with you.

I changed my mind a few days later though, because none of al's posts made any sense.

Sorry.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 12:01, Reply)

Ah, that reminds me,
I've gotta finish my review of The Spirit.
Thanks Burt :)
( Cawl, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 12:03, Reply)

Was it any good?
Out of ten, how many stabs would you give it?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 12:06, Reply)

afternoon all
have some lunchtime fluff news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/7819843.stm
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 12:06, Reply)

I've spoken to the boss
and he agreed that going to AP on Monday was more sensible than going today and hoping Fedex were on time.

Therefore I'm pretty much done for the day now and this should make my evening plans much less rushed!
(bill, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 12:07, Reply)

It was fucking shite.
The best thing about it was when two guys in the cinema started having a full-on fist-fight.
( Cawl, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 12:08, Reply)

Oh God
The Spirit

I think that's what actually made me ill from New Years Day until this Monday.

It was all the shit I ingested.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 12:10, Reply)

Bill
You plan your evenings? I just tend to let them happen.

My neck is stiff, who wants to give it a good seeing to, and by that I mean a massage!

EDIT Kaol & Scarpe, it coudn't have been that bad
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 12:10, Reply)

Did the cinema cheer them on?
I thought it would either be awesome or total shite :(
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 12:10, Reply)

How cool is that?
i.gizmodo.com/5126754/logic-bolt-the-uss-first-projecting-cellphone

B3ta for the masses on the wall!
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 12:11, Reply)

Kaol
That's what you get for going to the cinema in Harlow!
( Captain V, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 12:15, Reply)

I was at the cinema at the weekend
for the first time in ages. We were there to see Yes Man, but before it they showed a trailer for The Spirit.

It looked shite.

The only one I actually thought might be OK was Slumdog Millionaire.

Yes Man was pretty good though. A few decent laughs, and not as overacted as Jim Carrey usually is.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 12:16, Reply)

Oh, my...
It's getting a bit fractious, isn't it?

I don't necessarily want to wade in to this one, because there are several sides to this one. But trying to force a change by telling everyone else that they are wrong (whichever side of the fence you sit on) is silly.

I must say, though, that I've spent the last couple of days hanging out on /talk, and I have enjoyed it. But then I enjoy HSH too.

B3ta, in my opinion, isn't about what 'I' think it should be about. It isn't an affront to B3ta if the things that are written about/discussed aren't sick or offensive. Need I remind anyone that this is a free website? This is a community of people with similar senses of humour, and I for one think it's fucking tragic that people are fighting over what they think is the 'right' thing for B3ta. There's no 'right', and there's no 'wrong'. It just is.

Like I say, I don't want to wade in, like.

Oh, and morning all!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 12:16, Reply)

Oh Dok...
It was bad.

Maybe I had too high hopes, but it wa sa nonsensical, badly acted redonkulous mess of a film.

And I now have to go and see Bride Wars with the missus as punishment for making her sit through it too.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 12:16, Reply)

I like The Goonies
Double Impact
and that one where Monica Belluci gets raped for 9 minutes.

My rapes normally only last a matter of seconds.

EDIT Oh fuck you, DiT ;)
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 12:17, Reply)

Dok
I'm catching a train so there is planning involved this time.
(bill, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 12:18, Reply)

Irreversable
That was a strange if not beautifully shot film.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 12:19, Reply)

a i

Also, there was an accent somewhere in there too.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 12:20, Reply)

*bends over*
Come on then Bert, you simian fiend!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 12:21, Reply)

RAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGH

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 12:22, Reply)

Irréversible
according to cndb.

Edit: just added to the download queue.
(bill, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 12:22, Reply)

She's only
a Grammar Badger, Bert. Not a Spelling Badger.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 12:22, Reply)

Not a train Bill
I would never have guessed that one!

I've had my fill of train, well that's until next month. And at least once a month after that for the next while!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 12:24, Reply)

K2k6
It's foreign too, so who gives a shit?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 12:25, Reply)

Yeah Bert
So there. Thanks K3 :p

My speling sux asss
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 12:25, Reply)

As does
your mother

me.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 12:26, Reply)

I'll remember that
when you correct my spelling Badger!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 12:29, Reply)

I think I normally
just correct your use of your/you're which is more a grammatical thing :p
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 12:33, Reply)

Yup
That's the norm.

My spelling does suck arsethough, to the extent that I have word open all the time for use as a spelling check.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 12:36, Reply)

If you had FF
you can download the spellcheck addon which is what I use at home :p Here I have IE so have to use smaller words that I can spell
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 12:37, Reply)

The latest FF
Has it built in as does chrome which is my browser of choice for windows.
( Captain V, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 12:40, Reply)

I have to use IE
at work, MS Crap if you ask me!

Never even looked at FF to be honest, I may have to download it and look at some point when I'm at home.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 12:43, Reply)

Chrome
Is my browser of choice, I like it :)

Also... www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post343066
( Cawl, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 12:46, Reply)

*dances about*
I need food and cigarettes and a hug
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 12:50, Reply)

If Kaol's linking his posts
I'll link mine www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post343064
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 12:51, Reply)

Dok
Don't listen to all these freaks with their chromed up foxes on safari and stuff, there is only one true browser choice:

Opera

To head off all the flames I'm about to get:

"But FireFox has plugins"
Opera has all you need rather then having to spend 4 hours finding and downloading extras after the base install

"Chrome is fast"
Opera's faster

"Safari's ..."
There is nothing good about Safari so no defense needed! ;-)

Edit: As this discussion started about spell checking I'll concede that the spell check of Opera is a seperate download but it's the only add on you'll need.
(bill, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 12:51, Reply)

@Bill
I use Safari. It works.

I don't really care if it's not as good as any other program, as it's good enough for what I need. But it does spellchecking (although that may be a Mac system wide thing) and has a little tab so I can expand text boxes if I want to type more stuff in, which I find useful.

I sometimes use Firefox too, for the hell of it.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 12:55, Reply)

Bill
I like Safari, it's simple like Netscape used to be!

Just don't use it on a PC though, it shite on a PC.

EDIT *hand Badger Cake, Coffee, Smokes*

*HUGS*
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 12:58, Reply)

Safari on the Mac
is slightly different as the main bugbear I have with it is that on windows it doesn't even pretend to try and fit in with the user interface conventions.

The spell check is Mac system wide I believe. (I'm not 100% sure, I haven't used a Fisher Price computer in a while) ;-)
(bill, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 13:00, Reply)

Bill
Fuck off with your 'Fisher Price computer' Macs are all of the ACE!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 13:01, Reply)

yes, where ACE
is Are Crap (Extremely)
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 13:02, Reply)

Dok's not talking about that kind of Mac.
He's talking about the one he wears to the park on Saturday afternoons...
( thealternativefact, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 13:05, Reply)

I shall
not stand for this wanton insulting of Macs, I shall sit down.

But come on, what other computer system can you connect to any wireless network by only having to put the password? None!

Macs are designed for ease of use.

EDIT Drixy, that's Sunday mornings, and you're not supposed to tell anybody. It's our sectret, OK!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 13:05, Reply)

@Bert
You don't like the lack of sick jokes and 'B3ta humour' on the Home sweet Home threads but you keep coming back.


Just fucking admit that you like us you cunt.
( girlinthehole, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 13:06, Reply)

My Atari ST is better than your Amiga.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 13:07, Reply)

Yeah?
well my Spectrum beats your Atari
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 13:09, Reply)

I can't say I've ever enjoyed using a Mac
And I resent the idea of paying a bajilion pounds for PC hardware that would cost me half as much if it weren't branded as a "Mac".

Generally I hate how restrictive everything Apple I've ever used has been. Ipods are the prime example when it comes to being able to move files between a PC and the Ipod.

I'm frustrated that the mp3 player controls in my coat will only interface properly with an Ipod. Fortunately I didn't have to buy one - I'm just installing new firmware on my sister old Ipod =D
( Captain V, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 13:09, Reply)

No3L
I still have both of those, and I still thing that the Amiga was better, I did have a soft spot for the ST though.

Mac V PC, you can't compare them really they are both good for different things!

EDIT V I got my work to buy me mine!

Flesh, did you know that the Spectrum and the ST both had the same sound chip in them? *geeks*
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 13:09, Reply)

Vista, Windows 7, Ubuntu, SUSE
Yep, all of those have presented me with a list of wifi networks then prompted me for the password and connected straight after.

I know as a Mac user you get confused between left and right but surely you could have come up with a better test than that Dok?
(bill, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 13:11, Reply)

Dok
I did not, but then again, I was only 5 when there was a Spectrum (and a C64) in my house

Edit: Bill - you've tried W7? What's it like? I only have the visual theme installed on my home Vista computer
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 13:15, Reply)

Dok
What is it that OS X is good for that other operating systems aren't? I hate talking about Mac vs PC as it's a nonsensical statement. A Mac IS a PC.

To be honest, even though I've only been using Linux a couple of months I'd say Ubuntu ftw. Dead easy (and very quick) to install and easy to pick up out of the box. As soon as I'd installed it I could complete basic tasks like using the internet, creating documents, playing games etc.

Sit me down in front of a mac and I can't do anything at all without guidance from a Mac user. Also, that power mouse thing is far and away the most poorly designed mouse I have ever used. The ball thing is good but otherwise it's practically unusable for people that haven't used one before.
( Captain V, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 13:17, Reply)

Dok
What, the Yamaha YM2419, which also controlled the parallel port?

</geeks>

EDIT: On Windows, I actually prefer IE7 to Firefox. FF sucks donkey balls - it's buggy as hell and its memory management is sieve-like
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 13:19, Reply)

Ducky
Did you just look that or did that come straight from your head? If it did may I ask - how did you get a girlfriend?* =p

*That might be a bit mean.
( Captain V, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 13:20, Reply)

*smokes*

Yeah I'm far too cool for you geeky types
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 13:20, Reply)

You're all playing with yourselves now, aren't you?
*secretly likes the geeky talk*
( thealternativefact, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 13:21, Reply)

V
Unfortunately, it was off the top of my head. :(

I'm an absolute ubergeek at heart, but I also know all sorts of useless shit too. I'm in great demand as a pub quiz team member.

I'd like to think I'm good at hiding my geek tendencies though.
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 13:23, Reply)

Flesh
I have, I'd never do such a thing ;-) but apparantly there are downloads of build 7000 available on the torrent sites.

It's very nice even at this early stage, much better performance and some nice useability enhancements too.

That said, I never had the vista hate that some have possibly because the main machine I use it on is spec'd up to the nines.
(bill, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 13:24, Reply)

re: Vista
I've not spent much time using Vista but the only thing I've ever had against it is how poorly it runs on any hardware that isn't top notch.

The stories I've heard about the over zealous authentication put me off a bit too. I've also heard that without all the anti-piracy bollocks it'd run just as well as XP. Still, I didn't have any reason to upgrade my home machine when I was still using windows and work use XP.
( Captain V, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 13:29, Reply)

Computer stuff
Yup that was the one Ducky.

Macs are better at graphics and video related stuff, it's what they were made for.

Windows 3 was stolen from the mac os, as the mac os was stolen from xerox.

And yes I have many other tests than that that show me that my mac is lovely, and it has a two button trackball because I know my left from right!

That is all I'm going to say!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 13:36, Reply)

On the subject of geeky things
(Ducky might be able to help with this one)

A few years (5 years or so) back the father of a friend of mine had a BMW with a button on the alarm remote that would start up his car and turn the heaters on so that he could defrost the car without leaving the house or having to have a spare key.

Do you think it'd be possible to perform a bit of a hack so that you could achieve the same with a phone call or a text message?

That way I could heat up my car before I leave work! Shame I wouldn't be able to do it with my Ford Ka.

:edit: Dok surely that's just because the bundled software for those tasks is good? Couldn't I achieve the same with similar software installed on a different OS?
( Captain V, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 13:38, Reply)

V
Are you sure it started the engine?

Usually, these things start a fuel-fired auxiliary heater of some sort, which heats the engine coolant without the engine being run. This is cycled through the car's heater matrix while the fans are on to warm the cabin and the engine.

On the subject though - yes you can, and it's already been though of. Webasto do several products (most of which would even fit your Ka) that do exactly as you describe.

It would almost certainly be possible to hack an existing installation too to have a phone-activated switch on it, particularly as most of the OEMs use Webasto kit anyway so you'd be able to rig up the phone interface.
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 13:43, Reply)

V
Photoshop and such run smoother and faster on the Mac, as for video apps, so long as you're not using a Mac portable you have far more power under the Mac hood than the sub £1000 PC.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 13:45, Reply)

One last salvo
That may have been the case once upon a time Dok but these days the better video and graphics stuff is all Windows based.

As an example in the video editing world Avid make the best professional NLE out there, they keep the mac version of Media Composer only out of historical necessity and even then due to some of Apple engineering's strange decisions when designing the MacPro it's horribly crippled.

As for the graphics side, all I have to say to that is CS4 for the Mac was 6 months late and still underperforms compared to the PC version.
(bill, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 13:47, Reply)

You're almost certainly right
About it not starting the engine, my memory isn't all that hot.

Only had a quick glance but that webasto stuff looks pretty cool and it mentions being able to operate it by phone so no need for me to try and learn enough to try and hack it.

I think I've just found another way of putting off moving out...

:edit: Dok you're really, really wrong about the hardware. Taking the 20" iMac as an example. Costs £929. I built myself a PC just before Christmas with similar speed processor, 4gb RAM instead of 2gb, 180gb bigger hard drive, twice the video memory and 2 19" widescreen monitors for £550.
( Captain V, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 13:48, Reply)

Nope not being baited
Not at all!

I have Terry's Chocolate Orange Mini Eggs, does anybody want one?

Phew that was a smooth change of subject.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 13:53, Reply)

Oooh, I'll take one!
I'll save it for after lunch though.

*Heads for Subway*
(bill, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 13:55, Reply)

FFS!
I go away for a bit and come back to a Mac v PC war. Well, I use Macs, always have done and don't like PCs. Not because they're 'worse', but because I don't use them and the OS does things differently, which annoys me. Were I a habitual PC user, I'd probably feel the same about Macs.

Using the Mighty Mouse is a piece of piss, by the way. I had absolutely no problems with it.

@V, rubberduck - I had a hire car in the US a few years back which did exactly this. It had a remote start button on the keyfob, which was very handy on a hot day if you left the aircon switched on. Doing the same with a manual car would require a switch on the gearshift to make sure it was in neutral, and I tend to leave my car in gear, so it would be another thing to remember.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 13:57, Reply)

K2
I use both, and I like both, but for vastly different reasons.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 13:59, Reply)

Maybe I'm just a spanner then
Cause trying to click when there's no actual button never worked for me.
( Captain V, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 14:00, Reply)

You just click it
as if there were a button. The click mechanism is inside, and it detects which finger you're clicking with by capacitive sensors.

My new MacBook Pro has a rather fine multi-gesture trackpad which is fun too. But I'll admit it does have a little learning curve.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 14:03, Reply)

Tried doing that
Never got the hang of it. Always seemed like a solution looking for a problem to me.
( Captain V, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 14:04, Reply)

@K2k6
The problem is that in most countries outside the US (including the UK), it's actually illegal to leave a vehicle with a running engine unattended.

Hence the reason why cars sold in this country with a pre-heat facility use parking heaters rather than remote start.

You wouldn't believe the legislative shit you have to take into account when you're designing a car. Speaking for the company I work for, the cars we sell in Europe and the cars we sell in the US are superficially identical, but under the skin there are subtle hardware differences and the computer programming is mightily different.
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 14:06, Reply)

You're all failing hopelessly
You've discussed computery stuff for a while now, and rubberduck seems to be talking about car maintenance.

Where are the nob jokes?

EDIT Just read BGB's reply above, I do like you all, I'm just trying to stir up controversy and b3tan humour.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 14:09, Reply)

I think the most important question is
when will decent flying cars be a realistic and affordable concept?

I am aware of at least two that I think you can buy but they are like 500k and I don't have that much...
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 14:09, Reply)

Links please TGB
Sounds like some SFW porn to me!
( Captain V, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 14:10, Reply)

Alright, cunts?
I'm back from a lunchtime of hot, steamy action.
( Cawl, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 14:12, Reply)

@rubberduck
Ah, never thought of that. Makes sense.

Re the programming thing. Does that apply to the engine management too? And would it go some way to explaining why American cars are so shite to drive, in general?


Edit@Kaol = have you been boiling the kettle in a small room?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 14:12, Reply)

Bill
Of course you can have one.

*passes mini egg*

Badger, tomorrow. That's when they'll be affordable!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 14:14, Reply)

I made myself come into the office.
There's no one here.
I could go home whenever I like.

Now I'm doing work. Voluntarily!
*sickening for something*
( thealternativefact, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 14:14, Reply)

Er...
Nah, I went for a coffee.

And some layby dogging action.
( Cawl, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 14:15, Reply)

Drixy
Stop that, stop that now!

Otherwise you will need to be punished.

Kaol, steamy action? Have you been running?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 14:16, Reply)

Hello Kaol
you festooned grand piano of horse buggery.

Did you have a nice lunch?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 14:16, Reply)

Their site is
www.moller.com/m200x.htm

And some wiki goodness

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moller_Skycar

Also in accordance with the Sexmonkey thing
fucksexwankcuntybollocks
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 14:17, Reply)

Yay for you
you sexy thing.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 14:18, Reply)

Yes I did thanks Burt...
You prolapsed length of sheep-shit-pipe.

So... *shrugs*
Few hours 'til I get to fuck off for the weekend.
( Cawl, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 14:18, Reply)

Where are the wheels?!

( Captain V, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 14:18, Reply)

Car Heaters
Tip for a cold morning:

To quickly warm your car up in the morning attach one end of a length of hosepipe to the exhaust and stick the other end inside your car, your windows will defrost faster and all your family will feel much more cosy.
(bill, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 14:19, Reply)

K2k6
It does indeed.

I was lead engineer for the software for a recently-announced 3.0L diesel engine. I've produced *9* different versions of the software depending on where it's going to be sold, and we don't even sell it in North America yet

It's a question of firstly satisfying local legislation, and then secondly to massage local taxation rules. Ever wondered why so many car manufacturer sell cars in the UK with exactly 119g/km CO2 emissions?

Bert - it's not maintenance, it's design you bog-rimming warthog felcher.
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 14:20, Reply)

The problem with flying cars
is when they stop flying.

If your car runs out of fuel or breaks down, it stops at the side of the road. Generally, this is not a huge problem in terms of not dying from it, although of course it is an inconvenience.

But if your flying car breaks down, it falls out of the sky. This would be likely to happen hundreds of times a day, causing in effect lots of mini-Lockerbies (sick enough for you, Bert?).

Not to mention the mid-air collisions.

Edit @ rubberduck - would that be an engine for a car named after a large cat, which is going to replace the current 2.7l one, by any chance? And does that also explain why aftermarket tuners can do so well with uprating diesels these days?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 14:20, Reply)

Dammit bill
My first officelol of the week!
( Captain V, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 14:21, Reply)

Accept my apologies, ducky
and then ram them up your sphincter.

I didn't have the decency to read your whole post. Sorry.

Mini-Lockerbies sounds awful, there would be scottish midget corpses everywhere.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 14:23, Reply)

Bert
There are no Scottish midgets you rug munching goat fucker.


I can get used to this, maybe I should start posting on /Talk as opposed to reading it.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 14:25, Reply)

V,
This gave me a hell of a laugh earlier:
www.b3ta.com/questions/workboredom/post342612
( Cawl, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 14:26, Reply)

You probably should Dok, it's not that bad over there.
There definitely are, I'm a proud scotsman myself, and both my brother and father are under 5' tall.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 14:26, Reply)

@Bert
I like you too. You just get a bit full-on for me sometimes.

*is old*
( girlinthehole, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 14:28, Reply)

I'll read it when I go home
Or if my boss goes away.
( Captain V, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 14:28, Reply)

Lusty?
Are you still here?
( thealternativefact, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 14:29, Reply)

@BGB
Don't ask me why but after reading your post I thought of Lord Flasheart going "PHWOAR!"

/boggle
( Captain V, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 14:31, Reply)

Afternoon fuckers
I've finished work, had a lovely long lunch with friends and am now restarting the decorating project I've been putting off since November.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 14:31, Reply)

That's not a midget
that's just small!

BGB you're not old, you just have a refined sense of humour.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 14:31, Reply)

@K2k6
Got it in one ;)
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 14:31, Reply)

belated happy slightly-used-year to you all
in a totally snogfilled way obviously
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 14:33, Reply)

Bert is the STD of HSH though
An annoying itchy rash you can't get rid of followed by spells of mild discharge
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 14:33, Reply)

Thanks Doc.
I do try to get silly with my B3ta homies now and then but I can't keep it up for long.

Edit -@GB - *laughs* Well put.
( girlinthehole, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 14:33, Reply)

You're welcome BGB
You make me laugh! *hugs*

Tulip Hi.

*hugs*

*snogs*
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 14:37, Reply)

Oh, HLT's here
Hello there, Miss Tulip. And a happy thingummy to you too.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 14:37, Reply)

phwoar, a thingummy!
I LOVE thingummies!

*sucks*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 14:40, Reply)

I now have
an extremely happy thingummy!

*pupils dilate*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 14:41, Reply)

Tulip
I prefer whachewmacallits myself!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 14:42, Reply)

So miss tulip
It was YOU who destroyed my hive! *releases the hounds*
( Captain V, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 14:42, Reply)

TGB
I think that's the most insulting thing that anybody has ever said to me. I feel strangely proud.

BGB I'm sorry if I seem a little full-on, it's the boredom that does it, and if you or anyone else feels that I'm getting their nerves in the future, just ignore me, or accept the fact that I'm a dick and push it up your bum.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 14:45, Reply)

Aaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!
Fuckity fucking shit.

The arseburgling management in this place have just made me seriously angry.

I'm going looking for blood. Anyone got any sharp stabby knives they can lend me?
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 14:46, Reply)

argh! hounds!
Dok, is that plane and island of yours to hand?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 14:48, Reply)

Bert you're proud?
I'm proud! Woo, do I get some kind of cum stained certificate for that?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 14:48, Reply)

Ducky
Sit down and think for a minute, are the worth severl years of your life? If not wiat until after work, when it's dark, then stab them in the eye with a letter opener!

EDIT, yes it is Tulip, hop aboard!

*flies*
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 14:48, Reply)

Oh dear
What's up Doc Duck?
( Captain V, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 14:49, Reply)

Grrrr
I was told I'd have to spend a week testing in Dubai in April. I told them I was OK with this, provided that it didn't interfere with Easter weekend.

What's just landed on my desk? The fucking travel papers that's what. And what are the cocking dates on them? Yes - you guessed - 8th-15th April.

Utter cunts.

I'm going to see if I can do something about this. I may be some time, and will almost certainly return blood-stained.
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 14:52, Reply)

Ducky
Your work sucks balls, big hairy ones!

Bunch of wankers!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 14:55, Reply)

Duckie that sucks!
tell them to fuck off!

Or at least make them lend me a landrover so I can drive up :p
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 14:56, Reply)

Dubai? In April?
I'll go if you like. I don't really do Easter.

I'd miss the Edinbash though... :(
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 14:57, Reply)

no, no-one is allowed to leave the country during april
unless you're in England and are crossing the border to grace Embra with your presence
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 15:00, Reply)

I think that's the point...
not Easter, but Edinburgh!
( thealternativefact, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 15:01, Reply)

Me
I'll be going home (almost) for Easter.

And you lot can either like it or lump it!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 15:02, Reply)

I'm proud of being the STD of HSH
For TGB;

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 15:02, Reply)

*treasures*
*hangs in profile*

*prouds*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 15:11, Reply)

I probably should have given you an award
for rubbing my diseased phallus too.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 15:15, Reply)

Right
I think I might have made some progress.

I've very uncharacteristically exploded at my manager. I think he's a bit scared of me now - the meaty driveshaft I grabbed on my way to his office and was brandishing menacingly while I spoke to him almost certainly had something to do with it.

He's promised to try to sort it out early next week. He'd better, because otherwise I'll use this driveshaft to teach him the true meaning of the word 'shafted'.

Grrr...
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 15:16, Reply)

Clendrix
Were you looking for me?

Sorry I was busy cutting my ears off with hot needles and covering them in salt.

SHE'S STILL FUCKING TALKING!!!!!!!!!!!
( wanderlust, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 15:18, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post343266

EDIT seriously Lusty, give me her name, or gaz me her Facebook page, and I'll subtly inform her that she's a chatterbox.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 15:19, Reply)

Lusty!
I was thinking of taking someone to visit one of your relatives tomorrow.

Is there anything I should bring along?
Biscuits?
Cake?
Delousing spray?
( thealternativefact, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 15:22, Reply)

Clendrix
One of my relatives? It better be the delousing spray then.
( wanderlust, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 15:25, Reply)

I'll be sure to get some!
I hope he's there and not been removed due to maggots. Again.
( thealternativefact, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 15:29, Reply)

I just got bet 50p
That I wouldn't down the contents of the sugar bowl.

I feel so, so ill.
Whoops.
( Cawl, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 15:37, Reply)

ooh, yay for pants money!
oh, she's gone.

*throws highly trained seeker hugs after ancrenne*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 15:37, Reply)

50p?
FFS.
( thealternativefact, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 15:37, Reply)

Bert
She doesn't strike me as the kind of person who has a facebook page.

She's married though. How the fuck can she be married for 8 years but I've never had a relationship that's lasted more than a few months?
Am I that bad?
( wanderlust, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 15:38, Reply)

Hi & Bye Miss crenne
Kaol that'll be the sugar rush! It's not worth it fr 50p.

EDIT Lusty that'll be because you've got standards!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 15:38, Reply)

Yes Lusty, you're intolerable ;)
It's because men love the mentals, be more mental, and they'll be around you like flies in no time.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 15:39, Reply)

@Lusty
You could have been married for 8 years if you'd been married at 14.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 15:39, Reply)

*shudders*
*retches*

That was a mistake.

Hmm... Lusty, I'll marry you. It seems I'd do anything for 50p :|
( Cawl, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 15:40, Reply)

Lusty,
her husband could be Mong in a Dodgem, for all you know.

Hands off, Kaol. She's mine.
( thealternativefact, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 15:41, Reply)

I'll give you 50p
And an empty sugar-bowl?
( Cawl, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 15:43, Reply)

Oh thanks Kaol
You'll do anything for 50p? Way to flatter a girl.

You cuntyface wee wee head.

*runs off crying*
( wanderlust, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 15:44, Reply)

Hmmm... Sorry :(
This might explain my single-ness...

Mental note: Stop offering girls money in return for their company.

So... Anyone got any insulin?
*twitches*
( Cawl, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 15:46, Reply)

I will NEVER sell Lusty!
Mainly because she's not mine to sell, but even if she were, I wouldn't.
( thealternativefact, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 15:49, Reply)

Lusty
It's because men can't handle your puppies awesomeness for more than a few months.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 15:54, Reply)

TGB
I don't think anyone can handle my puppies for long enough. They're feeling slightly neglected at the moment.

Also...Clendrix, removed because of maggots? You're no going to see Great Aunt Hilda are you?
( wanderlust, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 15:57, Reply)

I will make sure
they get lots of attention at your leaving bash
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 16:00, Reply)

TGB
Yay!

*excites*

You all know I'm not really going away don't you? I just wanted to get felt up by a load of people from the internet.
( wanderlust, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 16:14, Reply)

Hmm...
I'd offer my feeling-up-services, but it'll be ages 'til I see you.
And Clendrix would get jealous :(
EDIT: Of me, not of lack of me touching her. I hope that clarifies that one :|
( Cawl, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 16:15, Reply)

I'm going to
feel Clendrix and Lusty up at the same time.
*tingles at the thought*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 16:18, Reply)

I shall say nothing :|

I am looking forward to a grope-fest with my girls!
( thealternativefact, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 16:18, Reply)

Clendrix do you like chocolate?
Get your snickers off and I'll give you a boost ;)
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 16:21, Reply)

I'm leaving now!
This will hopefully be the last time I post form here.

Thank you all for keeping me insane the last few months!

*goes a bit soppy*

*hugs everyone*

*gropes*

*Is fucking amazingly happy to be leaving!*
( wanderlust, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 16:24, Reply)

You're not leaving b3ta too though are you?
Don't go!!
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 16:25, Reply)

Bye Lusty
Make sure you post from somewhere else now. We'll miss you otherwise.




Missing you already.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 16:28, Reply)