Cheering Uppiness Required
I went out at the weekend for a friend's birthday and one of the people there was a girl who was in our group of friends at school but whom we've lost contact with since she went to uni (which is fine by us, she was never really a great friend and was caustically irritating). She's just qualified as a doctor and so spent most of Saturday night trying to make me feel like shit by dropping unsubtle hints about how great she's doing and patronising the rest of us by dropping into conversation how much she earns, what her boyfriend drives* and how expensive her new flat is. This, plus the ensuing slanging match between us because I threatened to cunt her in the fuck, has made me rather bitter because although she was being a complete knob, she's left me feeling quite the failure as I'm not in a fantastic job where I'm earning loads of money and it's not what I want to be doing. I know what I do want to do, it's just not within my reach at the moment.

So anyway, I need cheering up and obviously the only way to do this is to tell me how much more rubbish all your lives are.

*a fucking 1 series. I know, it's the BMW for people who can't afford BMWs. And are wankers.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 14:00, 39 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I was going to try and cheer you up
but my life isn't actually rubbish at all...

only yesterday it was being discussed that despite the fact that my friends and I are horrible stoners we have actually pretty much got where we want to be, with the added benefit of being pleasantly stoned a lot of the time...

not helpful to your predicament I know.

What might make you feel better is that the 1-series is shit, having an expensive flat is fucking stupid, and as a doctor she will most likely end up a depressed alcoholic with other associated substance abuse problems.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 14:02, Reply)

Man the fuck up

(PsychoChomp, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 14:03, Reply)

hahah
this, you utter dweeb.
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 14:05, Reply)

Well....
If she's the kind of person who likes to belittle people then chances are her life is actualy pretty shit. Probably due to the fact that she likes to constantly belittle people and rub stuff in their face... so yeah... All the cash in the world won't make her happy because she's still got to be her
(Fredz A graveyard of hopes, a dump of ambition, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 14:11, Reply)

@ Trouser
Coming from someone who actually just used the word dweeb...? Really?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 14:13, Reply)

A doctor huh?
She will be addicted to prescription drugs / an alcoholic / or a chain smoking misery within 5 years.

fact.

fuck her, people like that have clearly eyeballed their own colon for so long that they cannot exist in normal social circles
(Halfy By light alone, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 14:20, Reply)

I'll just have to hope
she catches the bad aids from somewhere. Maybe she'll go and be a doctor without borders and get TB.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 14:25, Reply)

Hmmm
So she has a car that is a) Flashy and b) Not that impressive to anyone who knows much about cars. Does that not kinda indicate that she realy likes the car but also doesn't have the financial werewithal to replace or fix it if anything happened to it? Just, you know, throwing that one out there
(Fredz A graveyard of hopes, a dump of ambition, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 14:29, Reply)

My father is a doctor
as were three of my four grandparents. And I was married to a nurse. As a result, I think I can speak pretty authoritatively on doctors.

Basically, most doctors are assholes of the first water. Seriously. Most of them are arrogant, have a god complex and consider the rest of us who don't work with life and death every day to be pretty much worthless and beneath contempt. And nurses tend to idolize the doctors and adopt their attitudes.

Some doctors are worthy of this treatment, but most are not. Condescending arrogant fucks, the lot of them. They may make a lot of money, but do they genuinely enjoy life? Do they have good close friends, or do they just have other arrogant smug bastards that they associate with who are just as crap as they are?

I'm not a doctor, I'm an engineer. Before I was an engineer I was a racetrack groom, a house painter, a fry cook, a waiter and a lot of other low-end jobs. And you know what? I have lived far more of life than my cousins who are now doctors. I've seen parts of life that they'll never know outside of TV dramas. I have good and close friends, and have a good life outside of my work.

I wouldn't trade places with any of them, no matter how much they make.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Mon 9 Feb 2009, 14:30, Reply)

She may have all this STUFF but basically she is not a nice person,
Therefore you are better than she is because you are a nice person. *allegedly*

People who go on about how much stuff they have are usually replacing something in their lives that's missing. Love, friendship or security etc.
( girlinthehole, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 14:32, Reply)

What BGB said
All I can add is that success is very much like farts.

Only you can appreciate your own. The analogy doesn't quite end there judging by your description.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 9 Feb 2009, 14:41, Reply)

Cheers all
I feel much better already, you're all very lovely*.

I should have known she was full of shit as soon as she said the word 'SoCo' to the barman.

*Except you psychochomp, you're horrible. And dave trouser, you'd be horrible if you weren't so boring.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 14:48, Reply)

i've got it
she's actually feeling like a very inadequate male, or else why would she have a car that is usually used by someone compensating for a very small penis?
(tuqueboy has been in a medically -induced coma since, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 14:51, Reply)

I too was going to say man the fuck up
but you're a girl, so girl the fuck up.

I would've thought by the end of that little rant you would have realised that she is a pathetic fuck, and that you are better than her.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 14:52, Reply)

Psychochomp
Is actually lovely, in real life.

He's doing the internet-bravado thing :p
( Cawl, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 14:54, Reply)

2.5 years ago
I was stuck in a dead end job with no prospects, shit pay, shit social life (shift work).

Now, I'm earning nearly twice as much as back then, 9 - 5 job, decent social life. All because I popped my CV on jobsite.co.uk.

Got a call and within 3 weeks I'd gone through 3 interviews and now in quite frankly, the best job I could wish for!
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 15:02, Reply)

I am lovely
and I often find swearing at people tends to get them out of a rut quicker than sympathy and all that.

You can't be depressed if your angry or something
(PsychoChomp, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 15:10, Reply)

^
Your response did make me smile, I do indeed need to man the fuck up, I'm letting the feminists down.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 15:27, Reply)

Also
As we speak I'm filling in an application to be the person who answers the 'omg I'm a bit on fire right now' calls, fingers crossed. Sounds more interesting than my current job. Having said that, in the 'relevant qualifications box' putting 'watched Tufty's Fire Safety Video in primary school' seems a little inadequate....
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 15:30, Reply)

@Kaol
Psychochomp is lovely IRL?

You crawly bumlick.
( thealternativefact, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 15:37, Reply)

Oi!
I'd say the same about you.

Well, I would if you weren't so horrible, all of the time.
( Cawl, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 15:49, Reply)

Kitty
put down XX years of experience of answering the phone in a sympathetic manner and cite examples of things that you have had to deal with after answering the phone.

teenage angst, natural disasters, that sort of thing.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 15:44, Reply)

I do actually have that experience
Although I don't think trying to diffuse murderers and rapists who are angry because their solicitor didn't win their appeal is the same as trying to calm down someone who's on fire. I'll give it a shot though!

I do very much like the idea of having the power over whether or not you get a fire engine dispatched. You shall be polite or burn!!!!
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 15:53, Reply)

It shows that you can be calm and useful on the end of the phone
dealing with someone with a raised temper/emotions
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 15:59, Reply)

Re: the car
www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/driving/jeremy_clarkson/article401596.ece

Specifically the last line.

He is a dreadful cunt, but he does know a bit about cars.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 16:09, Reply)

And another thing...
...I bet she has not had as much love and support as you are getting now.

A pestilence on the bitch!
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 16:12, Reply)

^
Haha that amused me. I also like SniffPetrol's Not An Advertisement of it, with the tagline "Wow, you must REALLY want a BMW".
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 16:13, Reply)

The Roof The Roof The Roof is on fire
You don't need a tender let the motherfucker burn.

Use this as your answerphone message in true B3tan style.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 9 Feb 2009, 16:14, Reply)

@ Tugnut
That's true, I feel all warm and fluffeh. She probably feels as cold and dead inside as the cadaver she spent the last three years poking.

And I bet it's nothing like Scrubs. Or House.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 16:15, Reply)

...and if the best she can do is a 1 series...
...then she really is a sad bastard.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 9 Feb 2009, 16:15, Reply)

What is required for this type of person is a thick skin and also being prepared to cut them the fuck out of your life. Blank them - blank everything about them and console yourself with the fact that people don't go out of their way to avoid you.

Then maybe consider cutting their achilles with a scythe.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 16:19, Reply)

Or
smear some Limburger cheese on top of the muffler of her BMW. When the exhaust heats it up the smell should be most memorable.

And then cunt her in the fuck.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Mon 9 Feb 2009, 16:24, Reply)

Done and done,
She lives in Wayals anyway, so I don't have to see her very often at all. I don't know why it bothered me so much, she's not very well liked by any of my friends and even the girl whose birthday it was said she only invited her to be polite, so I win anyway. Also, I'm taller.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 16:25, Reply)

Hmmn,
I've just spent the weekend dealing with the fact that the one person I've felt anything for in the last 3 years has just got back with her on/off boyfriend.

I discovered this after finally having the courage to tell her how I feel.

Still, we can be friends though right? >.<

Does that make you fell better? *hugs*


Oh, and my flatmate has lost £1.5k this week.

It's a laugh-riot round ours.
(Shippy likes linebreaks and doesn't care what you think, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 16:30, Reply)

Aww shippy
that sucks, have an Off Topic hug of fluffehness.

Lolcats always cheer me up when I'm down, maybe that would help.

Or watching fat people fall down on Youtube. And angry office workers, also on Youtube.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 17:00, Reply)

To continue the 1-series bashing
www.sniffpetrol.com/AdBMW1series.jpg
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 17:13, Reply)

Well then, how's this for crapness?
I just interviewed, within the company I work for, for a permanent position. (I'm a contractor.) I'm told that over the next MONTH or so they'll be keeping an eye on whether or not they can hire me on.

I have no fucking health insurance. If a freak accident happens, I'm utterly screwed. If I get seriously ill, I'm utterly screwed. If I get in a car crash as I drive to work, I'm utterly screwed.

GAH! A FUCKING MONTH! I've been after this guy to interview me since the end of December, and now I get to wait ANOTHER FUCKING MONTH!

FUCK!

Christ, I already work for them, they have need of me. I've been here for just short of a year, I've only been sick two days the entire time, I show up on time and cheerful and patient, I do my fucking job without complaints- WHAT MORE DO THEY WANT?!?

Fuck it. I'm going to buy some scotch on the way home. I wish it snowed here so I could spend the evening whipping snowballs at trees and cursing...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Mon 9 Feb 2009, 17:28, Reply)

To be completely honest....
....life's pretty good for me. I've got a good job, a nice car (kind of) and good prospects.

I know when you've reached a low nadir in your life, you feel like crud, but you've just got to suck it up and carry on.

But if I had to pick a crud area in my life, I'd say my love life is poor. In fact, it looks like Nagasaki after the bomb. Does that help....?

P.S. Every sinew in my body wants to chime in about the "BMW 1-series" comments, but I'll refrain. Once I start talking about cars, I can't stop, just ask Rubberduck....
(The Stig, Mon 9 Feb 2009, 17:48, Reply)

Loon..
..your sort will be alright. I bet you're the slow-burning type in real life, the guy who lasts to the end but isn't always appreciated so quickly. The practical, interested, all-round froody guy, usually in the background but not through choice - just because you have to be rather than face ridicule. You're intelligent enough at least and do a damn good job of putting British stereotypes about Merkins here to bed anyway. You probably deserve the scotch. It's Monday Feburary the 9th 2009.. an inauspicious date if ever I heard one. I'm just about to finish my scotch and become a blissfully ignorant pillow case.
(raymond "three griddle pans" luxury yacht lovin' the christmas action, Tue 10 Feb 2009, 0:47, Reply)