It's seems that I have suddenly become 100% genuine, what you see is what you get.......single.
My question is.....what now?

Do I stock up on Chardonnay and Bridget Jones DVD's and spend the weekend using up an entire rainforest of toilet paper crying over the fact I've lost the only man I've ever loved?


Do I man the fuck up and join Match.com?




A cynical post from CHCB would be much appreciated right now.
( girlinthehole, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 19:37, 73 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

So you've only been pretend single all this time?
You... hussy!
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 19:39, Reply)

It was all down to a technicality.

( girlinthehole, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 19:40, Reply)

Go dancing!
Either before or after having friends over for wine and crying.

Also, *hugs*
( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 19:41, Reply)

Or during

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 19:46, Reply)

No, it's quite clear that she needs champagne.
Even if it's the cheap stuff it will make you giddy.
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 19:48, Reply)

Oh, BFF
You are wise!
( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 19:48, Reply)

I prefer cheap champagne
Otherwise I feel like I'm drinking money and it gets stuck in my throat.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 19:49, Reply)

Well, I had to learn the hard way.

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 19:52, Reply)

fuck bridget jones
go out and have a good time
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 19:42, Reply)

To be honest I hate chick flicks.
So it would have been Chardonnay and the Alien trilogy.
( girlinthehole, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 19:43, Reply)

Well, whichever makes you feel better, dear.
I know it's hard, but certainly it wasn't meant to be and you'll find someone truly worth your time.
*hugs*
/best advice she can give without actually knowing the situation
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 19:45, Reply)

Come to think of it, I hate Chardonnay too.
An Italian red and the Alien trilogy.
( girlinthehole, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 19:47, Reply)

Get pissed and nuke it from orbit.
It's the only way to be sure.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 19:47, Reply)

We're all bastards
You should go and kick some guys in the crotch.

A good crotch kicking will make you feel better.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 19:42, Reply)

Al? Are you offering your crotch around again?

( thealternativefact, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 19:43, Reply)

My crotch is like Belgium
It's flat and full of hairy men in strange hats.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 19:47, Reply)

Does it smell of waffles?

( thealternativefact, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 19:50, Reply)

It smells of shellfish
and beer
(Bazongaloid, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 19:51, Reply)

I'd love to kick you in the crotch Al.
Maybe next time we meet you will oblige me.
( girlinthehole, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 19:44, Reply)

Do what you want
Follow your heart and not your head.

NEVER let peer pressure, or a sense of "normality", drive you into a situation that you might later regret.

Your life is in your hands and your emotions are in your head, which is the only place that can't be reached by others.

OT currently looks, in places, like a violent collision between an emotional baggage cart, a supertanker of might-have-beens, a Dennis Potter play and an Emo convention.

Perhaps you could draw some solace from what you read.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 19:50, Reply)

OT is always like your discription.
You're just not here enough to notice.
( girlinthehole, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 19:52, Reply)

I rather think that's for the best, frankly.
As Gillan said, "It's entertainment for the lost and lonely."

Do excuse me - I have a book to read.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 20:39, Reply)

Ooo! get you.
I shall snub you at Beekers bash now.
( girlinthehole, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 21:44, Reply)

Currently I'm reading Sahara by Michael Palin.
Are you telling me I need to go to the beach.
( girlinthehole, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 19:54, Reply)

As opposed to Michael by Sarah Palin
because that would just be confusing and not make any sense.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 20:07, Reply)

Shakespeare said:
Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

What a moron.

Oh and Tennyson too. They know nothing.

Get drunk, cry a bit and then MTFU.
( thealternativefact, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 19:51, Reply)

Shakespeare was a flaming woofter.
FACT
(Bazongaloid, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 19:52, Reply)

And what do gay people know?
NOTHING.
( thealternativefact, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 19:53, Reply)

Nothing except how to look FABULOUS!
and soft furnishings. The gays love soft furnishings.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 19:54, Reply)

They know how to party.

( girlinthehole, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 19:54, Reply)

and
soft furnishings. don't forget the soft furnishings.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 19:56, Reply)

My one doesn't.
He's sad all the time :(

Oh, but his furnishings are indeed soft.
/appeases
( thealternativefact, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 19:56, Reply)

He just needs a good rogering up the poop chute.
That will cheer him up.
( girlinthehole, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 19:58, Reply)

Shakespeare wants a good punch in the Adam's apple

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 19:52, Reply)

Shakespeare can suck my fat cock

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 19:53, Reply)

Along with most of Long Island

(Bazongaloid, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 19:54, Reply)

I've never even been to New York
Gosh, gotta give mad props to DC, yo
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 19:58, Reply)

Oh dear...
I do feel a bit bad for attributing Tennyson's words to Shakey and getting him all the blame, although the latter did express the same in a different way.

I'm sure that either of them sucking your 'fat cock' would be appropriate at this time.
( thealternativefact, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 19:55, Reply)

Shakespeare is awesome
you lot are retards.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 19:58, Reply)

thou shall fucketh offeth

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 19:58, Reply)

Shall I compare thee to a summer's gay?
Thou art a girl; your furnishings are soft.
( thealternativefact, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 19:59, Reply)

You're but a walking shadow, a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing
(PsychoChomp, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 20:05, Reply)

Thou slander of thy heavy mother's womb.

( thealternativefact, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 20:07, Reply)

Or,
you could go out and fuck the man up. That would be more satisfying.

Sorry you are feeling bad, my dear, I really do. I like you and hate to think of pain marring your life.
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 1:15, Reply)

Actually I did the get drunk and cry a bit last night.
Now I just have to think of a username for a dating site.
( girlinthehole, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 19:56, Reply)

:(
It feels like everyone is in Coupleland, yes?
Not true.
( thealternativefact, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 19:58, Reply)

I'm pretty sure I'm the last single girl in virginia

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 20:01, Reply)

If you can get yourself to NC, my brother's soon to be single again
two kids though, but they are rather lovely
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 20:06, Reply)

OOoohh
how old?
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 20:08, Reply)

Just turned 32

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 20:17, Reply)

It means I have to start looking presentable again when I go out.
It takes longer each time.
( girlinthehole, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 20:01, Reply)

Bollocks to Match.com. I'm on it and it's fucking shit.
Last guy I met from there had blonde hair and a ginger beard. Sooooo not attractive.

Drink, cry, avoid shitty chick flicks and then man the fuck up
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 20:02, Reply)

There be monsters.

( thealternativefact, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 20:05, Reply)

Indeed there be
Danish monsters
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 20:06, Reply)

Like Devil in Tights?

(Bazongaloid, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 20:06, Reply)

Far far worse
shudders at the memory. I spent most of the day after slagging off Danish people to him, while he gently reminded me that he's Danish
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 20:07, Reply)

Tightly is to Danish
as Al is to Geordie.
( thealternativefact, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 20:09, Reply)

Not in the slightest then
especially when it comes to wedding attire as well ,)
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 20:17, Reply)

Oh no you DIDN'T!!!
THATS IT SISTER I IS GONNA TAKE YO ASS DOWN ON SATURDAY NIGHT!
(Bazongaloid, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 20:18, Reply)

Hang on a sec
so you're going to buy me a beer, fondle my boobs, tie me to chompy with duct tape...and take me down? Dude, you're going to be a busy man
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 20:19, Reply)

Not you
Clendrix.

And after i'm done me and DiT will be butt naked and slapping each others cocks and arses like a flesh Newtons Cradle.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 20:23, Reply)

Then I shall bring a camera to record this joyous event for posterity

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 20:26, Reply)

It's bound to be a winner on Youtube.

( girlinthehole, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 20:28, Reply)

tube porn
( thealternativefact, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 20:49, Reply)

I could join that one that Sarah Beeney started.
Your friends have to write about you on it and tell everyone how lovely you are.


You all think I'm lovely. You could write it for me : )
( girlinthehole, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 20:05, Reply)

Mysinglefriend.com
I haven't joined that one yet
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 20:06, Reply)

*heroically censors his first half-dozen responses*
I hear it's very good.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 20:10, Reply)

Sarah Beeney + Nigella + Kirsty Location Location
for a Channel 4 lifestyle programme orgy. With cake.
( monkeybananaraffle, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 21:22, Reply)

BGB, calm yourself.
First, repeat my mantra: "it'll be fine". Keep repeating.

Second: are you in that fragile, brittle state where you feel you might shatter into a thousand tiny pieces if you take another knock? Yeah, that bit sucks. Don't go to Tesco when you are like that because it gets embarrassing when you start weeping at the fish counter because the last time you bought fish you were there with him, and oh god, there are some frozen peas and he likes frozen peas... People will stare and point and in your effort to elude them you will knock over half of the bread aisle and ram a small child (who probably deserves it but who will cry).

Third: go for a run. RUN! RUN!! RUN NOW!! It gets the anger out. (Not angry yet? Well, maybe it's the next stage. You will be.)

Now take some booze or some drugs and cry. Perfectly reasonable. Take each day as it comes.

I used all the above techniques to successfully get over that bastard ex of mine. The same bastard ex I was under for a good half hour today. Yeah, we never learn. In my defense, he has a beautiful cock.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 21:18, Reply)

*nods sagely*
All this is true, and then some. For the first few days I had Three Little Birds on repeat in the hope it would convince me everything was going to be all right. Order your food online instead, and take everything as it comes; there's no rush for you to feel anything or do anything. Do whatever it takes to make you feel better, be it booze, drugs, Alien or anything.

*fluffehs*

And CHCB - don't feel bad, it happens to the best of us. The lure of teh cock is sometimes far too strong...

Also, I'm going to echo our very own Smash Monkey in saying Bridget Jones set back the feminist movement by years perpetuating the "stupid woman needs a man or her life is worthless" mentality. Stupid fucking book, even worse film.
( Maladicta, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 21:28, Reply)

I knew you'd have all the answers.
I feel better already.

I'll try to stay away from the real ale and artichoke aisle in the supermarket then.

Fanks!
( girlinthehole, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 21:33, Reply)

You could do as I did last night.
My friend Rob came over to cheer me up. We got a bottle of cheap scotch and a load of beer, I built a fire outside and put a grate over it, and we grilled steaks, pineapple (soaked in a mixture of rum, cinnamon, vanilla and a little bit of red pepper and salt) and asparagus coated in olive oil and creole seasonings. We ate huge amounts of food, drank many a beer and about 3/4 of the bottle of scotch before we had to go to bed.

I woke with a hangover, so I bought myself breakfast and then went outside and started constructing the new side roof on my shed for storing the bikes. I was out there for four hours wearing as little as I could legally get away with, coated in sweat and sawdust, until I could do no more- then came in, showered and crashed in front of a movie.

I still feel like shit, but at least I've been well fed.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 10 Jun 2009, 22:32, Reply)

Sometimes red meat and DIY just isn't enough to heal a broken heart.

( girlinthehole, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 14:02, Reply)