Woo hoo, I just lost my cherry...
...just had my first gaz - oh yeah, I'm a real-live Btan now baby!

What's happened to you for the first time recently?
(Apathyman Prepare to be underwhelmed..., Thu 25 Jun 2009, 10:44, 68 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

I ate a bacon explosion and it was amazing
I want another one now
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 10:46, Reply)

I actually had to go look at that recipe link to see what a Bacon Explosion was
Jesus, how jealous was I. Never thought I'd say that I want to munch on Al's pork sword...
(Apathyman Prepare to be underwhelmed..., Thu 25 Jun 2009, 10:47, Reply)

Many people
are surprised at first. But then they like it.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 10:49, Reply)

How easy was it...
...for people to get in their mouths? Looked like an impressive girth to me.
(Apathyman Prepare to be underwhelmed..., Thu 25 Jun 2009, 10:55, Reply)

I'm not going to pretend it was easy
but once they had relaxed, things got a lot easier.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 11:16, Reply)

I'd munch on it any day of the week. GLADLY
Kneels at the altar of the pork sword
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 10:50, Reply)

Signed upto Love Film
Am wondering whether it's possible to copy their DVD's....
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 10:47, Reply)

It most certainly is!
:D
(Slip Digby is a meat puppet, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 10:53, Reply)

Do I need to faff around with anything
Or is just a straightforward copy? I mean do lovefilm have any encryption type shite in place to hinder me?
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 11:04, Reply)

OMG! I'm so going to rat on you to the piracy police and get free films for evah.

( girlinthehole, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 11:07, Reply)

I will track you down and DVD you to death
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 11:22, Reply)

I was so bored I read synopses of the Final Destination books
that actually happens!

/flogs a dead horse
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 11:31, Reply)

This year I have .....
Held a live chicken.

Eaten calamari.

Been to Edinburgh and Canterbury.

All for the first time in my life.
( girlinthehole, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 10:50, Reply)

Did you enjoy the Calimari?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 10:51, Reply)

I enjoyed it very much.

( girlinthehole, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 10:53, Reply)

What colour was the chicken?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 10:53, Reply)

Red/orange.
And surprisingly beautiful for a chicken.
( girlinthehole, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 10:57, Reply)

Awwwww
Did it do that funny flapping thing that chickens do if you hold them in a certain way?
(Bazongaloid, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 10:58, Reply)

Depends.
What way do you hold them?
( girlinthehole, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 11:04, Reply)

wrong

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 11:08, Reply)

wrong-cock?

( Cawl, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 11:08, Reply)

It's just different flavour onion rings really ,)

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 10:53, Reply)

fish flavoured onion rings.
they should make more things fish flavoured. Like lollipops.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 10:55, Reply)

That would be bad and wrong

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 11:00, Reply)

How about condoms?

( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 11:03, Reply)

I'd eat more fish
if it wasn't fish-flavoured. And don't even start with the "Tuna is quite meaty" LIES.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 11:16, Reply)

Swordfish is quite meaty
So is Halibut
(Bazongaloid, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 11:16, Reply)

Monkfish
Isn't too fishy and absolutely meaty.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 11:26, Reply)

Let's see
Installed Vista on a really nasty laptop
Bought a brand new sofa
Fitted kitchen cabinets
Completed Tomb Raider 3
Given Mrs SLVA a facial
Mended a lawn mower
Laid a wooden floor
Cooked chilli from scratch rather than using a jar of sauce
Plumbed in a dishwasher

All since 7:30am this morning within the last 3 months or so.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 11:16, Reply)

Why on earth would you buy sauce to make chilli?
and was it a proper wooden floor, or that shitty click laminate stuff.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 11:17, Reply)

What are you?
The lovechild of Nigella and HandyAndy?
(Flid James carry on, mongs, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 11:21, Reply)

I do despair
when being able to make chilli, one of the worlds simplest dishes, is considered to be the realm of a professional cook by stupid people on the internet.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 11:24, Reply)

Nigella a professional cook?
You don't set your standards very high do you?
(Flid James carry on, mongs, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 11:26, Reply)

I'd kinda like
To try and milk her though.
( Cawl, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 11:27, Reply)

To make cheese?

(Flid James carry on, mongs, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 11:28, Reply)

Of course.
In the name of Culinary Science.
Not gratification.
( Cawl, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 11:30, Reply)

Is cat cheese scientific, culinary or just wrong?

( thealternativefact, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 11:38, Reply)

It's more wrong
than your outrageous racism
(Bazongaloid, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 11:42, Reply)

Whoa there!
You're gonna create some kinda instability-vortex.
I dunno what kind. They all look the same.
( Cawl, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 11:46, Reply)

She gets paid to cook
ergo, she is a professional cook. My standards have nothing to do with it. Though her Nu Yoik Lemon Cheesecake is quite superb.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 11:32, Reply)

Glad to have provoked a suitably middle-class response there.
Now I'm off to do something professional.
(Flid James carry on, mongs, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 11:36, Reply)

I love people that think middle class is an insult

(Bazongaloid, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 11:41, Reply)

Haaaaaaaahahahaha
I think he was just saying that it suits you because you're middle class.
Which you are.
I, on the other hand, am upper class.
( thealternativefact, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 11:43, Reply)

You always use an embroided hanky to wipe your face after a Bukkake session

(Bazongaloid, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 11:46, Reply)

Don't be stupid.
Her maid wipes her down.
( Cawl, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 11:46, Reply)

I always wondered
why there was another woman hanging around the whole time.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 11:47, Reply)

How very dare you!
I don't wipe my face.
He licks it off.
( thealternativefact, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 11:48, Reply)

I know my place

( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 11:48, Reply)

New money people
like my sister-in-law think that middle-class is an accolade to be proud of. She is a snooty and snobby cow though and for some reason she's bought a big house in Filey which is far too hilly for her other half who is at death's door with a dicky ticker.

Still, it gives her something to show off I suppose.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 11:46, Reply)

Well not always a jar
sometimes that powder stuff in a packet that you mix with water and a can of tomatoes and then tip into the pan of frying mince.

And yes it fucking well is a proper wooden floor too, and I make a point of telling everyone who visits and says "ooh, you've got one of those laminate floors".

and I think I knackered my car's suspension bringing it home.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 11:35, Reply)

That's impressive
I discovered that you can fit over 15 square metres of loft boards in a peugeot 106. It didn't do the suspension any good.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 11:36, Reply)

Mind you
going to collect god knows how many boxes of bathroom tiles, tubs of adhesive and bags of grout a few days later probably didn't help either.

The boot was full of tiles, the back seats and the passenger footwell.

I managed to get a bathroom door in the back of the Laguna, but I had to move my seat forward so I drove like a praying mantis... Praying that I didn't run into the back of something and be decapitated like something from Final Destination.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 11:43, Reply)

Is that facial as in "Here we are, darling, let me rub this cream into your visage"
or you just spunked on her chops?
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 11:18, Reply)

Aren't they one and the same?

( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 11:36, Reply)

Yesterday I had a menthol for the first time
V effectively disowned me.

There are several sexually explicit ones, but I'll go with the least graphic.
I had sexual intercourse lasting over 5 minutes.
Now that's a big deal :D

I also went into Peacock's for the first time.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 11:21, Reply)

Does that include phoning for a pizza?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 11:25, Reply)

No,
It takes three minutes to smoke after though.
( Cawl, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 11:26, Reply)

No, I ate beforehand
made it least likely to follow my praying-mantis instincts and eat the guy afterwards.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 11:27, Reply)

by "eat the guy"
do you mean actually turn into a cannibal and eat him or do you mean suck him off?
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 25 Jun 2009, 11:28, Reply)

It was meant to imply cannibalism
then I realised it COULD sound like sexual innuendo.

Ah well.

I've never seen a praying-mantis do a blowjob.
RULE 34 ENGAGE!
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 11:29, Reply)

First time?
My cock did that pre-cum thing :D
( Cawl, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 11:23, Reply)

good for you.
glad to know you're able to do that pre-cum thing.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 25 Jun 2009, 11:27, Reply)

Thanks!
I took a photo too.
I'll just gaz you it.
( Cawl, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 11:28, Reply)

gaz away,
I won't look. I have decency *prouds*.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 25 Jun 2009, 11:28, Reply)

I wouldn't gaz my cock to someone.
I'm not a fighter pilot.
( Cawl, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 11:30, Reply)

You're not?
thank fuck for that. I can't imagine anything more scary then a fighter pilot kaol.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 25 Jun 2009, 11:34, Reply)

he SAYS he is
but then again, he also says he's a doctor.
And an army Major.
And that he's walking to the South Pole.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 11:35, Reply)

Oooh, do you need sponsorship?
*waves a fiver*
(Apathyman Prepare to be underwhelmed..., Thu 25 Jun 2009, 11:45, Reply)