Today's very important question
Your mission is to maim Al, but not kill him. To fulfill this mission, you must choose your:
Weapon
location
duration
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 9:22, 24 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

My body
My bedroom
4 days should do it
( girlinthehole, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 9:23, Reply)

This is my favourite one

(Bazongaloid, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 11:00, Reply)

Hmm.
Honda Accord
Dark Street
10 minutes of revving
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 9:25, Reply)

rail gun
really far away
in the blink of an eye
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 9:27, Reply)

...
It doesn't really matter what I write, all Al is going to do later is fwap over the others!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 9:27, Reply)

Weapon - Hornets.
Location - On the balls.
Duration - 'til they get bored of stinging him.
( Cawl, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 9:27, Reply)

Hmm
I would get a room and cover the floor in various bear traps, glass shards and other sharp things.

I would then aquire several stuffed dogs and glue these to the floor in between the traps

Then I would turn off all the lights and make Al walk around in the dark whilst I filmed it with my infared camera laughing as he fell over the dogs into the traps.

I'd probably give it a few hours.

B3tans with infrared goggles and electric cattle prods would also be allowed to carefully nudge Al towards the traps.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 9:30, Reply)

this has my vote
let's do it
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 9:31, Reply)

Geez, you've really thought about this haven't you?
I'm liking the infra red goggles though.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 9:31, Reply)

This is the most inventive one and wins the prize

(Bazongaloid, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 11:01, Reply)

The Jonas Brothers
The Disney Channel
Non-stop
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 9:31, Reply)

Mmmm Nasty Goodness.
Weapon: Baseball bat covered in honey
Location: On top of a fireant mound
Duration: Until the sun is past the yardarm so I can drink while enjoying the spectacle.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 2 Jul 2009, 9:33, Reply)

Weapon: Forcing him to be nice continually by attaching a probe to his skull that measures his brainwaves and every time they spike with nasty thoughts, he gets a minor to severe shock, depending on the strength of his brainwave (and therefore, the nastiness).

Location: Above the temporal lobe.

Duration: until he's a gibbering wreck.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 2 Jul 2009, 9:34, Reply)

This one should have been
a) Lack of a British Passport
b) Another European Country
c) as long as it take to get a visa.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 11:02, Reply)

/yawns
Your british passport is nothing but an accident of Birth mate. :) You could so easily have been born here, and I there. Love and fluff. xo
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 2 Jul 2009, 13:26, Reply)

HOLOCAUST - AUSTRIA - 10 YEARS

(Wormulus, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 9:44, Reply)

hahahaha
nice.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 9:47, Reply)

Jolly good fun!
Weapon: Tweezers - for the removal of hair and nails, pinching of skin, ramming down ears, pulling nose hairs, eye torture, scratching and stabbing.

location: In a deep, dark wood - admission by invite only.

duration: Such activities should have no timescale.
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 9:53, Reply)

Hmmm
Weapon - Farty twins
Location - A small, sealed room
Duration - Until he promises never to mention precum and Spakka's cock again.

*edit* Oh yes, and beckyletters can join him too.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 2 Jul 2009, 9:57, Reply)

Ummm, you said the P word. I'm telling PJM... Oh wait
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( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 10:04, Reply)

*gibbers*
*wails*
*sobs*
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 2 Jul 2009, 10:06, Reply)

Now then now then

Massive strap on

Jimmy Savill's bedroom

Until the end of time
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 10:08, Reply)

Two birds, one stone...
Weapon: Snugglewugglez by Becks
Location: Back seat at the local picture-house.
Duration: The running time for the Dawson Creek movie.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 10:17, Reply)

Actually, I've got one
A rangers shirt
The away end at Ibrox
The 90 minutes of the Old Firm Derby

I don't think he'd be killed, but he'd come back a quivering wreck.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 10:32, Reply)