Even though McDonald's
isn't real food I'm having a massive craving! What are you craving?

Apart from sex as you are all pathetic internet freaks who are never going to get laid.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 11:45, 65 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm craving sex

( Captain V, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 11:46, Reply)

Stortford.
Waitrose carpark.
23:30.
( Cawl, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 11:46, Reply)

Excellent
Should I bring anything with me?
( Captain V, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 11:48, Reply)

The usual, I expect:
lube, a bag of fake beards, and half a bottle of vodka.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 11:49, Reply)

Yeah.
Bang-on.

I'm glad, btw, that the CD I burned you made such an impression.
( Cawl, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 11:50, Reply)

From an email yesterday...
Terrible Horse Porn
Terrible Horse Porn II: Italian stallion
Terrible Horse Porn III: Black Beauty
Terrible Horse Porn IV: Hung like a donkey
Terrible Horse Porn V: Ride me raw
Terrible Horse Porn VI: The mountie gets mounted
Terrible Horse Porn VII: The whip
Terrible Horse Porn VIII: Bareback
Terrible Horse Porn IX: The fuckening
( Captain V, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 11:52, Reply)

Are these actual grot films?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 11:52, Reply)

No.
V/Crack'll explain, I've gotta pop out for a bit.
( Cawl, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 11:54, Reply)

No
Me and CHCB are going to film them all over the summer. I'm playing the innocent stable girl and she's playing the horse.

:edit: I delivered a film Kaol burned to CHCB. He'd labelled it "Terrible Horse Porn IX: The fuckening"
( Captain V, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 11:54, Reply)

Oh god

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 11:55, Reply)

Neeeiiiiiigggghhhhhhhh!!!!!
*flicks tail*
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 11:57, Reply)

I've just been reminded
of that thing Channel 4 did on fetishes and the pony girls with the horse tail butt plugs.

*sadface* Why does my brain keep things like that
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 12:00, Reply)

What's a horse tail buttplug?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 12:04, Reply)

Ronseal.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 12:05, Reply)

No it's not fucking ronseal or I wouldn't have asked the fucking question.
I thought it could have been a butt plug made of a horses tail, not a butt plug with a tail attacked so you could pretend to be a horsey.

*grumble grumble grumble bloody women grumble grumble grumble*
(Bazongaloid, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 12:10, Reply)

You lead a remarkably sheltered existence

( Captain V, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 12:13, Reply)

You disappoint me.
I thought you knew all the interesting sex stuff. I looked up to you for your Angry Pirate experience.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 12:13, Reply)

Beeeep
www.fetters.co.uk/index.php?main_page=product_info&products_id=922&zenid=78c1af3cb3e1d3f85760956b6840b496
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 12:07, Reply)

Yes I did just search "horse tail butt plug" in google images, at work, with safe search off
Safe for work
( Captain V, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 12:08, Reply)

No you didn't,
you just took a picture of your bedside table.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 12:09, Reply)

What the blue fuck?
*fears*
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 16 Jul 2009, 12:06, Reply)

This:
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Animal_roleplay

NSFW because of a wee picture of a woman in clichéd crap black leather and buckles.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 12:08, Reply)

It's not that cliched to be honest...
It's a fairly uncommon get up and probably custom made.

Not much else than black leather is used for harnesses.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 12:21, Reply)

it's that kind of fashion
that puts me right off the fetish scene.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 12:31, Reply)

Just because leather mostly comes in black?
What about rubber, or some of the other myriad materials and items used?
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 12:32, Reply)

leather does not mostly come in black!
I know this to be true because my grandfather makes bagpipes.

Latex is worse and rubber does nothing for me.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 13:04, Reply)

It's not long 'til my birthday...

( Captain V, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 12:07, Reply)

They will be when I finish filming.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 11:54, Reply)

But we got you neutered

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 11:47, Reply)

I really fancy
a great big chocolate chip muffin at the moment! :(
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 16 Jul 2009, 11:48, Reply)

Oh me too
do they sell those at Maccy D's?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 11:49, Reply)

Hmmm
I think they sell muffins... I don't want to get your hopes up too much though!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 16 Jul 2009, 11:53, Reply)

Sleep
But it is more a desperate need than a craving
( Weejock, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 11:50, Reply)

I just had a biscuit
and a pepporoni. And now I want the rest of my lunch. But i'll settle for a cup of tea.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 11:50, Reply)

Peanut M&Ms...
...Mmmmmmmm
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 16 Jul 2009, 11:50, Reply)

I ate a large bag of these at the weekend

(Bazongaloid, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 11:52, Reply)

Did they all go to
your arse?

*flogs the meme*

*flogs Al*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 11:55, Reply)

flogs



line


breaks
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 11:56, Reply)

They tried to go to my arse
but they got lost in your colossal vagina.

*joking*

*isn't really joking*
(Bazongaloid, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 11:59, Reply)

Cheesy chips
that's all
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 11:55, Reply)

Yes.
With garlic sauce. This is the king of all hangover-defeating foods if sampled at about 3am, but it does bugger all for your morning after breath.
(berk, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 12:09, Reply)

Same with onion bhajis
flat ones
with mint
mmm
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 12:12, Reply)

A nice bottle of cold cheap nasty cider
and some nachos. And a cuddle. And a competent real-life chess opponent. And maybe a foot massage.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 11:56, Reply)

The other weeks one of you fuckers mentioned you had a mint feast.
I hadn't had one in years but it kicked off a craving I can't control and I have been eating them loads! I crave one now.

DAMN YOU B3TA!!!!
( Peej, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 11:59, Reply)

Oh I want a Mint Feast
They take me back to such good times.
They nearly all involve coach travel.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 12:01, Reply)

That was me!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
(Bazongaloid, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 12:05, Reply)

This is the very finest form of internet bullying

( Cawl, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 12:36, Reply)

I had one a while back too
it was yummy
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 12:46, Reply)

I'm so getting one at lunchtime.

( Cawl, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 12:47, Reply)

Yes Mr allthegeordie it was you
DAMN YOU!!!!
( Peej, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 13:45, Reply)

I got one.
It was awesome.
( Cawl, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 13:46, Reply)

I crave FlapJacks.
And for the stress to be over. And to think about something that isn't, in some way, related to getting married. Argh!
(Slip Digby is a meat puppet, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 12:01, Reply)

some magic mushrooms
a litre of absolut and week to recover
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 12:06, Reply)

LOL! DRUGS!

(Slip Digby is a meat puppet, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 12:11, Reply)

i think mushrooms
are more of a key, than a drug
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 12:26, Reply)

LOL! KEYS!

(Slip Digby is a meat puppet, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 12:34, Reply)

^^
:)

nothing beats a couple of yales with a mortice chaser
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 13:38, Reply)

Ooh sweetly geeky.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 13:41, Reply)

Ham/pineapple/mushroom/pepperoni pizza
and one of those pistachio flavour magnum ice cream type things I found abroad. Or three.

Yes, I am a fat bastard.
(berk, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 12:07, Reply)

fuck off with your pineapple on pizza
ABOMINATION! BEGONE FOUL HERETIC!
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 12:39, Reply)

Agreed.
Pineapple has no place near cheese.
( Cawl, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 12:40, Reply)

pineapple has no place being warm.
Ever.

*bokes*
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 13:06, Reply)

Pineapple just has no place
at all.

*voms*
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 16 Jul 2009, 14:06, Reply)

Apart from sex....
Food, lots and lots of food

and enough money to not have to work anymore
(Is this a good idea? ... Yes this is definitely a good idea, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 12:19, Reply)

I'm craving excitment.
And I'm not really the excitable sort.
( girlinthehole, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 12:43, Reply)