Yesterday I had a smear test and it was full of Woo!
Now they use a plastic speculum instead of a metal one and instead of scraping about for cells, they do a swab.

What advances in science or technology have pleased you lately?
( girlinthehole, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 13:18, 54 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

they cut out a sample 'round these parts
'you'll feel a slight pinch'
*etire body tenses*
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 13:22, Reply)

*vomits blood*

(PsychoChomp, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 13:23, Reply)

This cheers me immensely
since I have never had one and have Teh Fear.

Of late, I'm very impressed with having a PC that actually does what I tell it to do when I tell it to do it and doesn't have to think for ten minutes...
( Maladicta, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 13:24, Reply)

I know why they do that!
It's because swabs hold the flavour better!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 13:25, Reply)

My penis
No-one's taking cold, sharp metal to my nethers...

Not until I'm at prostate checking age anyway.

*fears*
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 16 Jul 2009, 13:26, Reply)

You don't know what you're missing out on.

( thealternativefact, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 13:29, Reply)

Why did I read BGB's post as...
..."Yesterday I had a smear test and it was full of Wool"?

That's some impressive knitting skills going on.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 16 Jul 2009, 13:32, Reply)

I always knit my own vibrators.
You can get some lovely coloured wool nowadays.
( girlinthehole, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 13:35, Reply)

I saw the gynae yesterday too
and she told me my cervix was "fabulous" and said I could quote her on that, which was nice as I'd been told they might do a biopsy. But instead I have a gay cervix.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 13:36, Reply)

It's made of glitter?

(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 16 Jul 2009, 13:38, Reply)

aye,
with a feather boa and some nice soft furnishings.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 13:39, Reply)

Disco balls too...
...on string?
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 16 Jul 2009, 13:42, Reply)

Glitter?
Wrong hole.
( thealternativefact, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 13:41, Reply)

you're a wrong 'un!

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 13:44, Reply)

Proudly so.

( thealternativefact, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 13:45, Reply)

I've still not forgotten
Would you accept payment in marshmallows?
( Captain V, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 13:47, Reply)

Nope.
But I'll have those in addition.
( thealternativefact, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 13:49, Reply)

No problem
I've got approximately 3kg of unneeded marshmallows.
( Captain V, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 13:59, Reply)

Joy!

( thealternativefact, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 14:10, Reply)

I just did a sick in my mouth.

(Richard Earl of Cambridge Cruel, Savage, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 13:37, Reply)

The nurse asked me if I had any kids and I told her I'd been blessed.
She asked how many and I said none.


Which made her giggle.
( girlinthehole, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 13:39, Reply)

If you want to know what your cervix feels like then touch the end of your nose.
Someone told me that when I was younger.

I thought why not just shove your finger up your fanny and find out.
( girlinthehole, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 13:40, Reply)

I was told if you want to know the color of someones nipples to look at the color of their lips

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 13:42, Reply)

This is my new favourite thing to do.

( thealternativefact, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 13:44, Reply)

I've heard your lips turn red when you're sexually aroused
"Are you horny or something? Why are your lips all red? Stop looking at me like that, perve"
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 13:46, Reply)

I'm only going to do it
because I shall then have to inspect nipples to check it's true.
( thealternativefact, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 13:50, Reply)

^ This

( Maladicta, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 13:46, Reply)

People-watching will never be the same again.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 13:47, Reply)

Argh it won't stop!
My eyes!
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 13:48, Reply)

I can debunk this theory as I've just checked my nipples and they are a lot paler than my lips.

( girlinthehole, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 13:49, Reply)

it's because you're sexually aroused

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 13:49, Reply)

For once I am actually not sexually aroused.
My nipples are just very pale and interesting.
( girlinthehole, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 13:54, Reply)

I'll bet they are
*imagines your nipples*
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 13:57, Reply)

*gets sexually aroused*
( girlinthehole, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 13:59, Reply)

*sex pisswibbles*

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 14:00, Reply)

Agreed.


EDIT: Mine, I mean. I have no idea about yours.
( Cawl, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 13:50, Reply)

Thank fuck
I thought I'd discovered the colours of the nipples of the entire Pakistani cricket team for a moment there.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 13:51, Reply)

*touches end of nose*
*shudders*
( Maladicta, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 13:46, Reply)

*Touches end of nose*
*shudders*
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 16 Jul 2009, 13:48, Reply)

*feels for G spot in vicinity of nose*
*fails*
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 13:50, Reply)

Do it enough
and you'll sneeze. There you go.
( Maladicta, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 13:50, Reply)

Ooh, thanks! I thought the copious drippage was hayfever...

( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 13:52, Reply)

So did I until the unfortunate incident
in front of the company CEO.
( Maladicta, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 14:09, Reply)

If you did it enough
Would it make stuff shoot out of your nose?
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 13:53, Reply)

nose ejaculation?
ph-woar
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 13:56, Reply)

my nasal ejaculate has been known to blow out many a nose stud

( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 14:02, Reply)

During a smear years ago
the nurse told me I had a beautiful cervix and asked if she should fetch the mirror so I could see it. I declined.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 14:12, Reply)

I'm trying to understand
why she would honestly think you'd want to see up your own mimsy. It's not exactly something you can bring up in conversation...
( Maladicta, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 14:15, Reply)

Although
"I can see my own cervix" would look good in a personal ad.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 14:17, Reply)

Honestly!
It took hr a while to take "No" for an answer. She was saying "Well you won't get another chance to see it for a few years, and it mightn't look so peachy and healthy by then." (Was this a veiled threat?)
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 14:24, Reply)

uuugggggghhhhh

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 14:25, Reply)

I know
She's probably planted an Aids in there.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 14:27, Reply)

you should probably use the speculum on her nose

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 14:47, Reply)

No
She might have taken that as a come-on.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 14:57, Reply)