I've been advised
to make a 'mix-tape' CD of songs to keep me calm whilst giving birth (because I'm sure a nice song will relax me when I'm trying to push a baby out...).

Since I can't be arsed to think of any appropriate music, and since I can only think of inappropriate tunes, I wondered if any b3tans could help list some completely inappropriate music for my child to be born to.

My colleagues and I have so far come up with:
The Caco-Daemon - Satan Spawn (I don't know this song, so assume it's all lovely and melodic?!)
Johnny Cash - Ring of Fire
Jimi Hendrix - Voodoo Child
Madonna - Push (not sure how inappropriate this is actually).
Kings of Leon - Sex on fire


i'm sure you can come up with some more, and better - my musical knowledge is sadly lacking, plus I have the memory of goldfish at the moment.
( ascorbate, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 10:17, 46 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I thought you were a guy,

(PsychoChomp, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 10:23, Reply)

i am
it's a miracle of modern science.
( ascorbate, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 10:23, Reply)

Are you going to call your kid Junior?

(PsychoChomp, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 10:25, Reply)

probably not
but thanks for the suggestion.
( ascorbate, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 10:50, Reply)

Hmmm...
Static-X - Push It
( Cawl, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 10:24, Reply)

yes
good work for reminding me about this song!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 10:37, Reply)

Hit me baby one more time
by that bint, forgot her name, ahh - Britney Spears. That's the one.

(No, I do not own this album or any other work of Ms Spears)
( SpankyHanky, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 10:26, Reply)

Anything by Necrosadistic Goat Torture.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 10:41, Reply)

Smack my bitch baby up by the Prodigy.
( girlinthehole, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 10:43, Reply)

or
'Stitch my Vag Up' depending on how the birth goes...
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 10:45, Reply)

... which has made me think of
"Cut Here" by the Cure...
( Cawl, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 10:50, Reply)

Baby Got Back
Also the music from The Omen. For extra irony points, how about "Born in the USA" ?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 10:44, Reply)

Judas Priest
'Devils Child'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 10:45, Reply)

Edgar Broughton Band
'Out Demons Out'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 10:46, Reply)

ah
knew I could rely on b3ta for some good tunes :-)
( ascorbate, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 10:51, Reply)

Englebert Humpedinck
'Please Release Me'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 10:52, Reply)

You probably
dont want to know this, (and you should stop reading if you dont want to know the reality) but you wont give a flying fuck about music by the time anything happens. Everything you've thought about doing? That "birth plan" you may have written? Dont even bring it with you.

Its not terrible, but in the list of people that have input into what happens, youre third from bottom, slightly above your partner and the cleaner.

*smug father mode off.*
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 11:05, Reply)

oh I'm well aware of that
the birth plan seems like a load of shite to me, and the music likewise - but have been told that a birth plan saying 'I want to get this baby out of me as painlessly as possible. the end' is not really acceptable (so I've waffled on a bit about other things I want to happen. all shite).

I think it's just something to keep me occupied whilst I grow ever more spherical. between trips to the loo, of course.
( ascorbate, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 11:18, Reply)

Repeat after me
ready? "Give me a fucking epidural now". Start this about 5 minutes in and dont stop until they do.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 15:48, Reply)

Haha
I found the cleaner to be above both me and my wife.
After my son was whisked away, she was the one that got me access to see him.

I'd recommend bottled water, snacks and short nails. My wife nearly took my nipple off during the final stages.
( Weejock, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 15:31, Reply)

Ohhh man I love these questions!
Inside me - Jesus and Mary Chain
Sweet child o' mine - Guns and roses
New Born - Muse
Newborn - Elbow
You're just a baby - Belle and Sebastian

If I can think of any more I'll post em
(Fredz A graveyard of hopes, a dump of ambition, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 11:09, Reply)

Inside Me
absolutely wins, 100%
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 11:33, Reply)

a mix cd,
to control the pains of child birth?

LOLZ!1!11!!one

just stick to the powerful drugs, they will be far more effective

you will probably be screaming too much abuse at your significant other to hear it anyway...this type of new age pre natal pish is just to conceal the fact that this will be an incredibly painful episode

but

it is a pain you soon forget :)
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 11:19, Reply)

Yes it hurts but if it hurt too much then nobody would be having babies.
And you actually get a baby at the end of it, which is a bonus.
( girlinthehole, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 11:27, Reply)

A bonus?
Fritzl certainly thought so.
( Cawl, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 11:30, Reply)

i posted this on the main board yesterday
perfect for ALL incestuous rapists


(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 11:38, Reply)

That's made my fucking day.
Nicely done!
( Cawl, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 11:39, Reply)

Seconded
*places order*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 12:02, Reply)

yes, that's what people keep telling me
but newborn babies are a) quite dull, and b) fairly ugly, aren't they? oh well, it'll all be worth it. in 18 years or so when he's left home.
and at the moment, I don't give a fuck how much it hurts, I just want this baby out of me. only 22 days or so to go...

*positive thinking mode*
( ascorbate, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 11:36, Reply)

Let's not beat around in the bush here,
Babies are hideously ugly.
( Cawl, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 11:39, Reply)

very true
but I keep telling myself that I'll think my baby is cute, no matter what he looks like. so long as he isn't ginger, of course. nobody loves a ginger baby.
( ascorbate, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 11:44, Reply)

Hahaha!
And I've found my new sig.
( Cawl, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 11:58, Reply)

it's a popular saying in Glasgow
www.amazon.co.uk/Nobody-Loves-Ginger-Laura-Marney/dp/0552772038

sadly this book is total shite, but the title is what made me buy it. and get copies from 2 friends as presents...
( ascorbate, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 12:01, Reply)

I prefer
"treated like a ginger stepchild"
(Paolo Nutini's Bikini Better than Frederick Fleet's optometrist, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 19:31, Reply)

Ahem
Not all of them...

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 12:06, Reply)

Sorry,
But you've got parent-goggles on.
( Cawl, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 12:07, Reply)

I bought 'em from Cancer Joy
they're great!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 12:09, Reply)

You've not...
OH GOD!
He only sells incest-related goods.
Jesus wept.
( Cawl, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 12:10, Reply)

Jesus was not alone.
*repulses self*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 12:14, Reply)

om
nom nom
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 12:22, Reply)

oh dear
i think you have been told a whole lot of bullshit in the run up to this

New born babies are most certainly NOT dull, in fact, i guarantee that the word phrase 'i am bored' will probably not cross your mind for the first 10 months. Some babies are hideous, true, but that is mostly down to the pikey DNA they have inherited. My two babies, on the other hand, where perfectly formed and beautiful. When they were a few months old, right up until they were about 3, particularly with my my son, i would get all manner of woman stop me in the street and comment on how good looking they were. Coo-ing and coochy coo-ing for all they were worth. It was odd and strangely endearing.

So in summary, your child will be both exciting and beautiful!
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 11:43, Reply)

Your kids weren't cute
the women were stopping you because you had proved yourself to be a viable spunk producer and their hormone addled minds were desperately craving anyone that could lob some virile spluff up their dessicated twats so they could produce a similarly ugly sprog of their own.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 11:50, Reply)

well
that was my initial theory, but when i whenever i would stoop to rape them, they would scream and protest. I usually just squirted some curd on their jacket, if they wanted to stuff it up their cloppers later when they had calmed down, then fair enough.

Never happy these bloody women, eh!
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 11:54, Reply)

And of course,
Nine Inch Nails - Hurt
( Cawl, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 11:43, Reply)

err
Massive Attack - Teardrop, so the baby can have a singalong?
(Halfy By light alone, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 12:27, Reply)

I definitely reckon that
'How to make a monster baby' by Rob Zombie would be more than appropriate ;) plus it has a nice beat
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sat 29 Aug 2009, 11:45, Reply)