Hooray! I've been contacted by a nice man off the internet.
I don't think we're suited but it's nice to talk to someone friendly who doesn't want me to tie him up or send him emails of my naked body.

It's put me in a good mood today.

Todays question from Miss Blouse is......if you could only have sex in one position for the rest of your life, then what position would it be?
( girlinthehole, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 12:52, 68 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Excellent
you go girl.

I found a diamond on the way to work. Alas it is not real (it huffs up when I breath on it and takes 4 secs to clear).

Edit - and in answer to your question, standing doggy
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 12:55, Reply)

If I could only ever have sex in one position for the rest of me life.
I would choose reverse cowgirl.

not that people on b3ta actually have sex.
( Peej, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 12:57, Reply)

The Cheese Grater.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 12:59, Reply)

Never heard of that one.
Does it involve cheese?

I like cheese.
( girlinthehole, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:00, Reply)

Yes, but it takes at least 4 years (for your average man) to prepair for it.
You'll have to give birth twice in prepiration, so we can get the right quanittys.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:23, Reply)

Lioness on a Cheese-Grater?

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:02, Reply)

What if he wants to tie you up?
Would that be ok?
Anyways, well done on attracting a non-freak. I hope he stays that way!

I have my bestest orgasms when I'm on my back, but we learn new things every day, don't we?..
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:05, Reply)

I have no problems with kinky sex.
I just don't like to discuss it with men I've only just met off the internet.



Hahahahahah!
( girlinthehole, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:12, Reply)

Your laughter was a bit maniacal there
I shudder to think what's going through your head...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:13, Reply)

I'm laughing because I'll talk about all sorts of rude things with male and female B3tans I've never met.
But get worried when men on dating sites start asking me the same questions.

It's just that I don't want to have sex with any of you lot so I don't mind talking about it on here.
( girlinthehole, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:16, Reply)

I'll talk about anything with anyone
And if you give me a white wine and put Chris Isaak on, I'll do anything as well.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 14:02, Reply)

I'm lazy
so cowgirl
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:06, Reply)

I'm actually getting a hankering after missionary.
It's a bit weird.

I don't know what I'd like to do for the rest of my life, though.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:06, Reply)

Probably me
but that's okay. A lot of women would say the same. Sadly I'm taken, so you'll most likely end up lonely and in an ultimately unsatisfying relationship.

Sorry.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:16, Reply)

It's probably because I know the next time I have sex won't be in it.
As "it makes him come quicker"

(as if that were physically possible...)

I just fancy sex fullstop. Ah well. 20th isn't that long to wait.


Lonely is obvious. Relationship, impossible. I'm going to be the lonely cat-lady of b3ta.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:20, Reply)

That position has already been taken.
Sorry!
( girlinthehole, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:22, Reply)

Catlady in waiting? :D

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:34, Reply)

aw moi poor baybii !
wud u lk 2 snugglewuggle?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:22, Reply)

For a scary moment then I thought you meant me.

( girlinthehole, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:23, Reply)

Why wouldn't you want to snuggle with Gonz?
He's lovely. We're going to have a Wimpy tonight before we go out.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:25, Reply)

A Wimpy?
Is that anything like reverse cowgirl?
( girlinthehole, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:27, Reply)

I'm going to have a brown derby.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:28, Reply)

Dirty boy.

( girlinthehole, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:28, Reply)

And by 'wimpy', you don't mean the resturant.
MASSIVE WINK
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:28, Reply)

I'm ok, thanks :D

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:34, Reply)

Phone him up about three hours before you come over and tell him to have a wank
Or better yet, two.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:23, Reply)

Alternatively
If he comes too soon make him go down on you until he's ready to try again.

Or, make a point of explaining that if you go unsatisfied, you will be telling all his friends about it. The worry should prevent him doing anything.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:24, Reply)

NSFW - mong porn
www.heaven666.org/fat-ugly-and-small-12826.php
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:31, Reply)

That is so wrong

(Bazongaloid, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:34, Reply)

It inspires hope in me

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:37, Reply)

I'd rather have a wank

( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:32, Reply)

Hahahaha, you think he's got friends?
Nah, I might get him all the way out here, and just do nothing. He'll hate me, but you know.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:35, Reply)

On behalf of all men out there: NOT FUNNY.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:38, Reply)

On behalf of all women:
Coming after 15 seconds - ALSO NOT FUNNY
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:39, Reply)

How old is he?

(Bazongaloid, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:40, Reply)

Now, 21.
When we first slept together, 18.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:42, Reply)

I shouldn't mock someone I know nothing about
but you'd think after three years you would have learnt to control yourself a bit better.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:45, Reply)

Hold up
aren't you only just 18? Doesn't that mean he's a peadofile statutory rapist?
(Bazongaloid, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:45, Reply)

Oh man, they're totally going to laugh at him in the nonce wing.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:49, Reply)

I bet they'll take it in turns
to poke his cock and laugh as he comes before they beat him up with their soap wrapped in towels
(Bazongaloid, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:52, Reply)

We've not been together.
We were going out, but he broke up with me. We've slept together about...10 times in those 3 years? And I'm the only girl he's slept with.


I was 16. I'm 19 in a matter of days :)
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:51, Reply)

not deliberate either
whereas what you have planned is a typical example of illogical womanly nastiness.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:45, Reply)

Well, you say it's not deliberate
sometimes I just want to go to sleep.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:46, Reply)

THIS.
Failing to come for half an hour while receiving a hand job? Also not funny.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:49, Reply)

It's not his fault your massive pert 17 year old heaving oiled breasts and limp wristed manual action
aren't enough to make him want to spaff his batter.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:51, Reply)

Ok, lets clear some things up here...
1) I'm almost 19.
2) I wish my breasts were massive.
3) I'll have you know, I'm rather good at handjobs.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:56, Reply)

1) Fair enough
2) I'm not psychochomp, so no comment
3) sadly, all the evidence so far points to the contrary.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:58, Reply)

I wasn't looking for comment.
Not true! He actually told me he did it on purpose just to piss me off. When it suited him, he could come faster than a virgin on the set of a porn film.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 14:07, Reply)

He told you that
but the reality was that he was feeling horny earlier in the day and elected to have a wank by himself.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 14:11, Reply)

Sometimes you can't beat a bit of missionary.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:51, Reply)

I watched a program all about anal sex last night on channel 5
At one point it involved a man having his prostate massaged. Didn't someone post a story on QOTW about getting filmed having their prostate massaged?
(Bazongaloid, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:07, Reply)

all i know
about the prostate thing, is that you can squirt a whole weeks worth in one curd-tastic go. never experienced myself mindye.

sex position, woman on top probably. bouncing boobies ftw
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:14, Reply)

Anteverted Gnome

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:16, Reply)

Is that where he uses his fishing rod
and catches something nice for tea?
(Bazongaloid, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:17, Reply)

using a cocktail sausage for bait

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:19, Reply)

Is he eating his vegatables yet?
Or have you had to punish him.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:23, Reply)

He fled in terror.
He's back at his parents' place this weekend. This co-habiting lark is a breeze.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:24, Reply)

I think I might be seeing him tomorrow.
I'm afraid you'll only have a one eared gnome when he gets back.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:26, Reply)

She's feeding him.
Good God, don't spoil him. You'll be making a rod for your own back.
( girlinthehole, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:25, Reply)

Leader of the Western World
for me.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:16, Reply)

I like doing THE DOGGY
Then, when she leasts expects it I stick it in her bumb and pink-sock her. That'll teach her.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:39, Reply)

Can I skip the sex and just make out?
Also, Hooray for you !
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:45, Reply)

Good choice.
Making out on the sofa is bestest of all the making out.
( girlinthehole, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:49, Reply)

Through the clothes rubbing while watching hollyoaks

(Bazongaloid, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:53, Reply)

hollyoaks 16 and Pregnant
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 14:01, Reply)

Congratulations
on finding a non pervert.

Try harder finding a pervert though.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 15:00, Reply)

What position would it be?
CEO of a very large firm. That way I'd get to screw everybody all at once! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 4 Sep 2009, 21:55, Reply)

Tricky
Probably up a chimney in a catholic church. If it has a chimney. If not, then the vestry...


but I can't tell mam or dad
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 23:27, Reply)