Loneliness
Evening fellow B3tans.

All ive known for the past year ended on Sunday when my partner moved away to London for Uni. My life of working and seeing her every other day (or the option to see her whenever) has changed to me sitting in my room, alone, all a bit lost.

Those who have gone through this kind of thing before, what did/do you do to cheer yourself up as such?
(PassTheKhat, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 20:42, 66 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've never been in that situation myself.
But when my first marriage went tits up I spent two months moping before taking up a sort-of-mate's offer of "anytime you fancy a pint just give me a ring" one night.

Never looked back.

Keep yourself busy, I guess.

*EDIT* or find a job in London.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 14 Sep 2009, 20:47, Reply)

I'd move to London, there's no cure for feeling lonely.
Or you could use skype/email/text/actual letters
Buy a travelcard
fuck a fatty for kicks
Man the fuck up
/ac
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 20:48, Reply)

Objective advice as always.
Good evening miss becky of letters.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 14 Sep 2009, 20:50, Reply)

Well the first bits weren't so bad...
I've not been in his situation exactly, but I know from past experience that it kinda sucks, so you can either wallow in your emoness, or you can man the fuck up and get on with your life.

Good evening Mr DG :)
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 20:55, Reply)

Well, yeah.
As I said I haven't been, but agree that you just have to get on with life.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 14 Sep 2009, 21:25, Reply)

When I was in a similar situation
I found that after a couple of days I really got used to my own space and began do guard it rather jealously.

It's tricky now, but you will get used to it.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Mon 14 Sep 2009, 20:56, Reply)

Obligatory
Man the FUCK up.

It sounds obvious but it works: fill your time with things. I tend to play the guitar more often, I started playing more football, bothering my wider circle of friends for trips to the pub or going round to their's for takeout and DVDs/games. Don't rely on others to give you something to do, you have to go and make it happen.

(this is advice I put into practice after my ex properly left me, at least you'll see yours still. Of course this is also what led me to meeting b3tans in the flesh. Big mistake. Perhaps it's best you stay in and cry every night instead.)
( djtrialprice, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 20:59, Reply)

With reference to the small bit...
Yes, stay indoors. There are enough freaks like DJ at b3ta bashes already.
( thealternativefact, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 21:09, Reply)

Dear god yes

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 21:21, Reply)

Hey!
You both love my freakiness.

Don't you? O.O
( djtrialprice, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 21:36, Reply)

tumbleweeds

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 21:53, Reply)

*wanders off*

( thealternativefact, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 21:54, Reply)

Right then
Fuck yez. Both. At the same time.






Goddamn I'm so hard right now.
( djtrialprice, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 22:00, Reply)

Get a haircut.

( thealternativefact, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 22:01, Reply)

^ This post wins the internet tonight

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 22:06, Reply)

I don't know which one's the cruelest
How you can mock me after the trauma I suffered?
( djtrialprice, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 22:14, Reply)

I still say you look better now
besides, you could always grow it back if you wanted to that much.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 22:18, Reply)

:D
Thanks hon. I had another haircut last week. I'm happy keeping it short now.
( djtrialprice, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 22:23, Reply)

Should have explained more
We're still together, It's just unusual for me. We're both from Birmingham and shes out tonight in London while im stuck in my room.

Feel a bit detatched. All I can think about is the new life shes got without me (although we will see each other every other week, it's still not enough)
(PassTheKhat, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 21:00, Reply)

What about the new life you've got without her?
Go out and find stuff to do...granted it's Birmingham, but still...there must be cool things to do there that you haven't found yet. And then when you are together you'll find you have so much more to talk about as you wont be living in each others pockets anymore.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 21:06, Reply)

Started a new course
I started an access course on Monday and yes that will be taking up most of my time. I'm shit scared about the future now as well.

The course is mon-fri, around 10am - 3pm. Tomorrow I'll need to tell work that i'm finally changing to part-time hours. If they tell me I have to work saturdays and sundays I will never see Lauren.

My best friend also moves to Leeds Uni on friday, the chap I generally go for drinks in the week and talk about life to.

Partner and best mate going with the uncertainty of the future, I've also got big money worries.

Argh :(
(PassTheKhat, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 21:13, Reply)

Well if you approach all of it being a mopey mofo then yes it will suck
if you try to see the positives then maybe you'll grow a spine in the long run. Just a thought.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 21:20, Reply)

Mopey mofo is now my favourite expression.

( thealternativefact, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 21:22, Reply)

Trigger fingers
Just for you ladyface
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 21:23, Reply)

mate...
you sound really down, so dont take this the wrong way.... stop being a fucking pussy. if you really want to be with her then move closer to her... but have you thought she might want this space at all? give her a ring and say how you are feeling, might be best to do you own thing for a while, go and get trashed with some friends and smoke until your eyes are bleeding. it'll help.
(g-rex, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 11:50, Reply)

What they all said
Find stuff to do to fill up your time. It could be something you like, or you could try something new. The latter is more likely to take your mind off her as you won't associate it with her.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 21:02, Reply)

Erm...they're still together, why would he want to forget all associations if they've not actually broken up?

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 21:04, Reply)

I was just suggesting he'd do something to keep his mind off her when they were apart.
They've not broken up, but he does miss her when not around.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 21:07, Reply)

She's only been gone 24 hours, it's not like she's dead
/ac check under patio
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 21:13, Reply)

She probably is if she's moved to Tottenham.
At the very same time I was trying to convince my rude friend that Tottenham was better than Brixton (where he lives), six teenagers got shot at the end of my road.
EDIT: I am aware that the Tottenham v Brixton debate could be compared to a similar argument involving cancer and AIDS.
( thealternativefact, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 21:16, Reply)

Not that I know London
Shes gone to the London College of Fashion to do Costume Design. Living in White Chapel, East End.

Should I worry?
(PassTheKhat, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 21:18, Reply)

sofalolz
No, I'm just kidding.
(Well, not about the kids getting shot, but she'll be fine.)
( thealternativefact, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 21:20, Reply)

You know about a famous spate of murders that took place around Whitechapel, yes?
It was quite newsworthy at the time...
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 22:27, Reply)

Sadly,
No-one really outside of the M25 gives a shit about London. Wouldn't expect you to recall areas of Birminghams where there were murders.
(PassTheKhat, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 22:39, Reply)

For shame!

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 22:42, Reply)

They really were quite famous murders.
Like, taught in schools and everything.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 23:53, Reply)

Haaaaaaaa, nice work

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 21:18, Reply)

Drink more alcohol.
Works in the short term at least.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 21:10, Reply)

Watch loads of films, read, get addicted to talking to freaks like us on da internet.
Go out with your mates more, but don't become an alcoholic. It's just time. There is no cure and I'm guessing you don't really want one, because that would mean you wouldn't miss her, and you should miss her, I guess. EDIT: Hi Becky! Long time no, erm, see?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 21:10, Reply)

"All I've known for the past year" is a bit worrying.
I'm sure you feel like wallowing now and that's understandable, but unless you carve out a life for yourself that belongs to you, it won't get any better.
( thealternativefact, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 21:14, Reply)

I'd like to wallow with you.
In mud. Nudey.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 22:25, Reply)

Paracetamol is your friend, lots and lots of it
Add a 3litre dash of vodka.
Don’t forget the obligatory 4am call to inform her that you only have 15 minutes to live.
Simmer gently adding various half arsed cuts along the arms.

Repeat as and when necessary.
(Anushka just call me james, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 21:18, Reply)

That's the spirit
Edit: Make sure you tell the internet about it when you decide to do it though. We do so hate to be kept out of the loop!
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 21:19, Reply)

well any spirit will do as long as it's 3 litres
whichever one floats his boat
(Anushka just call me james, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 21:22, Reply)

What about Pernod?

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 22:26, Reply)

accounts suggesting suicide are bad
think about it.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 23:39, Reply)

Oh Great
My mobile phone has been cut off :(
(PassTheKhat, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 21:26, Reply)

please use a public call box for the 4am call
simples
(Anushka just call me james, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 21:27, Reply)

I know how you feel...
After living for 2 years with my girlfriend (1 year in India, 6 months in the UK then 6 months in Canada) I'm now back in England whilst she is studying in Montréal.

It sucks really hard, but one thing I've learned is that I now value my privacy much more. It's nice to be able to do what I want, when I want. Although I miss her terribly and wish I could be with her - there are upsides.

Go out and find them, enjoying yourself does not mean you've forgotten about her. Trust me ;)
( Axai is in Montréal, Canada O.o, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 21:36, Reply)

Out of interest, how old are you?

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 22:28, Reply)

22
Partner is 22 as well. I know, the story looks to be one of a 15 year old.
(PassTheKhat, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 22:40, Reply)

In that case
You've had 21 years without her, going by your original post. You survived then and got on with stuff, you will again.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 22:41, Reply)

Not as simple as that,
We've been through:

She had breast cancer
Abortion
Encouraged me to go to the Doctors, I was diagnosed with Dyslexia

Shes been my Friend, Best Friend, Partner & Counseller.
(PassTheKhat, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 22:45, Reply)

I get that. And now she's a few hours away from you.
She's not dead
You've not broken up
You're worrying about stuff that hasn't even happened yet, ie work shifting your hours around.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 22:48, Reply)

In all seriousness mate
It'll be ok. You just need to make sure you take a few positive steps to make sure your change of routine isn't one which spirals into misery.

That's about as fluffy as I'm prepared to go on OT. I've seen how much damage more fluff can do. I mean, FFS, have you read a Home Sweet Home thread in the last year?
( djtrialprice, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 22:49, Reply)

^ ^ This
But unlike the parent poster, I'm prepared to go fluffier.

Have a hug mate!

* hugs *
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 23:39, Reply)

Hahaha!

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 7:06, Reply)

That's easy to say when looking from the outside
but saying that to someone doesn't automatically ease their short-term suffering. But I agree that taking their mind off things and having faith will help in the long run.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 23:43, Reply)

Don't worry about what age the story makes you look
This sort of thing can happen to anyone at any age.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 23:40, Reply)

I was wondering this too

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 22:41, Reply)

I've written a poem about it, maybe you'll understand
"Why do nice girls hate me? Why do..."
( djtrialprice, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 22:43, Reply)

*Applauds*

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 23:54, Reply)

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
man the fuck up,
I have no other advice.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 23:41, Reply)

London for uni?
HAH, try Toulouse for a year.
*edit* more serious note, housemates are keeping me busy, as is the music society and student rep job i just landed
( Jinxy13 is hating the S key, right about now., Tue 15 Sep 2009, 2:21, Reply)

Why Toulouse?
I think I'd like to go there...
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 11:51, Reply)

All I can see is about 3 paragraphs of:
CLINGY CLING CLING CLING.

BUT CLINGY McCLING CLINGYFACE CLINGBASTARD

HOW DO I CLINGY ARSECLINGCUNTCLINGINGFACTORYDICKWALL CLING?
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 11:50, Reply)