Just out of interest.
What is the usual time it takes to get over a broken heart?

It's been five and half months. I figured I'd be fine by now but I seem to be getting worse.

Luckily I can blame the suddenly breaking into tears on my middle-aged hormones.
( girlinthehole, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 15:33, 115 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

It once took me two years to get over a particular woman
hang in there, and remember that the only cure for a man is another man, with a bigger dick and a bigger wallet.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 15:34, Reply)

the only cure for a woman
is another woman, with a tighter snatch and looser morals.
( djtrialprice, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 15:53, Reply)

It took me around a year and a half.
*hugs*
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 15:35, Reply)

Lezzer

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 15:37, Reply)

It doesn't take me long at all to get over women.
Basically I hit it and quit it.
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 15:42, Reply)

Does this place look like Dear Deirdre FFS?
About half a year after my ex left me I was beginning to feel happy again, I'd started to not think about her everyday. Then while watching a sitcom with Johnny Vegas (he's a drug dealer, forgotten the name of it) it used an early 90s Pulp song to highlight a change in timeline. It was one of my ex's favourite songs. I was immediately floored by this in a way I wasn't expecting. I realised I still wasn't over her.

To answer your question, it's impossible to know when it will happen. Take comfort that you'll probably know when it has actually happened.
( djtrialprice, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 15:43, Reply)

You're such a giver

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 15:44, Reply)

hells yeah
iavy
( djtrialprice, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 15:49, Reply)

That's easy for you to say Mr I've had my hair cut and can get any women I want.

( girlinthehole, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 15:44, Reply)

hells yeah
The new g/f is all of the win :D
( djtrialprice, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 15:48, Reply)

this, you'll have your hard days, but you'll begin to heal and move on soon.
It was around 5-6 months when I stopped thinking about him daily.
Boozy nights were the worst though.
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 15:48, Reply)

I can't go on like this for another year.
Manning the fuck up seems easy in principle but is much harder to do in real life.
( girlinthehole, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 15:43, Reply)

Drink your problems away
it's the only sensible answer
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 15:44, Reply)

You might not get over it...
but you'll learn to manage it.
( thealternativefact, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 15:44, Reply)

Like managing my finances?

( girlinthehole, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 15:45, Reply)

Oh dear.
If your heart is anything like my credit card, there's no hope :(
( thealternativefact, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 15:46, Reply)

I think maybe it depends on who else you meet
not got many tales myself. Mine are mostly of the unrequited love variety, or (one) of relative success
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 15:45, Reply)

Relative success?
Who was it, your mum?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 15:46, Reply)

yours

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 15:46, Reply)

Really?
Mine looks like a man, I wouldn't touch it with yours
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 15:47, Reply)

I bagged her head

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 15:50, Reply)

Sometimes you never get over them
but you just keep on trucking.

Finding something else to shag helps A LOT!

Also alcohol although that's a slippery slope as booze is infinitely far more reliable than people.

rafter
baz
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 15:47, Reply)

trf
( djtrialprice, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 15:50, Reply)

?
what does that mean?
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 15:51, Reply)

trucking + trf = ?
( djtrialprice, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 15:53, Reply)

has this something to do with murdering prostitutes?
cos I'm not saying anything about that without legal representation.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 15:55, Reply)

oh no, wait!
I get it.

Well done!
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 15:56, Reply)

"Men are all bastards."
Discuss.

:)
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 22 Sep 2009, 15:47, Reply)

Women are all manipulative, heartless shits
Put that in your pipe and smoke it
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 15:48, Reply)

uuuuggggggghhhhhhhhhh
my guy lies all of the time about the stupidest things and still expects me to trust him wholeheartedly.
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 15:49, Reply)

dont ask
so many questions.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 15:52, Reply)

he started it

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 15:55, Reply)

what baz says
if he lies about stupid stuff he's either pathological, or you are asking too many questions
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 15:56, Reply)

What about those who you put into a situation where they don't have to lie and they still do?
What about those fuckers?
( girlinthehole, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 15:59, Reply)

"you put into a situation"
Are you running a concentration camp, a dungeon or a relationship?
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:01, Reply)

I meant that I gave him the red light to be able to tell me anything and I would be ok with it.
He still lied : (
( girlinthehole, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:03, Reply)

sounds like he didn't believe that you would be
that's not a man thing
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:04, Reply)

This has been most inciteful.
We should run a poll on who would prefer to be lied to versus who desires the awful truth cos it seems to me to be a guy versus gal thing from what I read here.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:05, Reply)

I ALWAYS say from the start that I don't care how bad the truth is, and that I don't need fluff or lies
You may as well shout "Bring on teh fluffeh lies!"
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:02, Reply)

oh no...
if you love me, lie to me - why hurt me?
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:03, Reply)

Cos it would hurt more if someone disappeared without explanation
Or you found out they were a mong when they pretended to be a 'catch'.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:05, Reply)

better a nice comforting lie then..
dont cha think?
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:06, Reply)

Only lie to me if you're a brilliant liar
and that way I'll never know.
Most lies are discovered. Most people are crap liars.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:08, Reply)

true enough...
Probably they need to practice more.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:13, Reply)

lying is easy
and easier than having an argument
....unless that argument is about lying. fuck this stuff is confusing!
(Eggstrovert isnt patronising you...honest..., Wed 23 Sep 2009, 11:03, Reply)

You said it sister.

( girlinthehole, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:03, Reply)

they fit into one of the two categories that I mentioned earlier
what you describe sounds a little like going down the entrapment route. Men appreciate the direct approach, and have difficulty understanding the convoluted (and often slightly mental) thought processes that women go through.

also, an announcement to women everywhere. If you ask us if something is wrong, and we say nothing is wrong, it's for one of two reasons:
A) there is nothing wrong
B)there is something, but we want you to act like there is nothing wrong until it has gone away or we have resolved it.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:03, Reply)

I couldn't have been more direct if I had tried.
Men just lie. They can't help it.
( girlinthehole, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:05, Reply)

the sweeping generalisations annoy me
not having a go at you, but in general. Women lie just as much as men.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:06, Reply)

I'm starting to think that a lot of people genuinely mean what they say at the time
But 5 mins later they change their mind.
I've hardly ever lied, but it could have appeared that I have because I've made such a sudden turnaround.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:07, Reply)

I get where you are coming from there
out of interest, I lied in the story related here
www.b3ta.com/questions/guiltysecrets/post88822

one of the worst experiences of my life, but I'm convinced that the lie made it a shitload better for those involved. Would you agree?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:09, Reply)

I agree
That kind of lie is good.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:12, Reply)

splendid
validation. online. :-)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:16, Reply)

on the 'is there something wrong?' thing...
if there's something wrong, I will deal with it but get a woman involved and it suddenly seems a much bigger deal.

Also, sympathy is for girls - I want a problem solved not discussed.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:08, Reply)

spot on

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:09, Reply)

I really don't need to use questions as an entrapment.
He does a well enough job on his own.
And I don't badger him to death if something is wrong. If he says nothing is wrong and I can tell there is I leave it, because 9 times out of 10 I really don't care anyway.
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:11, Reply)

how the hell is asking too many questions an invitation to lie?
I don't delve into his business. I don't need to ask questions. Silence is golden.
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:13, Reply)

so is urine

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:13, Reply)

hahaha
you know what I mean, it's likely he'll talk anyway
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:17, Reply)

rubbish
I hate small talk. You are right, silence is golden.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:25, Reply)

my Missus lies a lot
but it's not malicious - she's just delusional and when the lie is pointed out to her, she laughs like a little girl that knows she has been caught - it's gas.

Knowing this about her makes her easier to manage.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:16, Reply)

lies in a "I'm wearing a green shirt" kind of way when she's clearly wearing purple?
It's all really new, we're not technically together and it annoys me that when it's so fresh he's going to be dumb, what happens when it comes to the important stuff?
edit: I'm not literally asking, I'm just saying. Just putting that out there, etc
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:18, Reply)

she says she has done things I have asked her to do
then she dashes off and does them before I find out kind of way...

If you're not techically together and he's already bullshitting then the whole thing sounds like a farce.

How long have you not technically been together?

Is there a third party involved?
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:21, Reply)

ohh, that's not too bad then eh? would be nice if she just did it instead of lying?
not technically been together for a few weeks but we were the same way for a few months at the beginning of the year.
At the time he had a girlfriend, to which he said it wasn't lying because I didn't ask.
Which makes me quite pathetic and stupid for talking to him now probably.
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:26, Reply)

sounds like he's just being a tosser really
doesn't much care what happens, so why not lie sort of thing.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:24, Reply)

betcha
there's a third party involved.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:24, Reply)

I bet it's the BNP

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:25, Reply)

nah man..
betcha she's nicked him off another bird.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:26, Reply)

oooo
the wily minx
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:27, Reply)

YESYESYESYES
I win!

Told you there was another bird, Vipros!

Kristine darlin' - dude is conditioned to lie - either you learn to manage him or ditch him.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:29, Reply)

I bow to your sleuthing skills
and would gladly offer my services as your sidekick should you decide to become a 19th century detective
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:30, Reply)

haha I didn't steal him! I told him to fuck off because I wasn't going to be his girlfriend on the side. And we didn't talk for 7 months.
oh I'll just stop talking now because the more I say the more I realise how dumb I really am for talking to him

besides, how can you manage a person?
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:32, Reply)

Easy!
You prey on their weaknesses and force them to depend on you.

Are you a woman or what?
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:35, Reply)

or you convince them that what you want them to do is what they want to do
I prefer to think of it as persuasion.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:36, Reply)

this happens a lot in relationships I find
as women very seldom have minds of their own.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:39, Reply)

I'm fortunate in that I'm very persuasive
and hugely opinionated :-D
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:47, Reply)

To be honest
If it's a proper big massive broken heart and this was the Love of Your Life, then you won't 'get over' it in the way you think.
You'll definitely get happy and you'll definitely get better, but that person will always crop up in your dreams, and certain songs will always remind you, and the mention of their name will always make you feel weird.
Every now and again when you think you've forgotten them, they'll flash into your head.
The good thing is, it will stop hurting soon.
I haven't worked out how to remove a certain person from my head, but I've accepted that it's just residue. We spent too long together for me to remove it. I definitely am not pining. I just really think the little shit left a stain on my brain.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 15:55, Reply)

on the subject of songs...
I found it most uplifting to reclaim songs that were 'ours' as my own.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 15:57, Reply)

Well done.
That took me four years!
Some things hurt more, much more than cars and girls.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 15:59, Reply)

I'm such a cunt and a musical Nazi
that all non-shit songs are, in my mind, inherently 'mine' and I have simply introduced the woman in question to them, so this has never been an issue for me.

/record-collecting twat
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:03, Reply)

You may not have Your Kiss is Sweet by Syreeta

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:04, Reply)

as you wish *bows*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:22, Reply)

this for the most part
however, if I split with Mrs V (god forbid) I'd never be able to listen to Wish You Were Here again.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:05, Reply)

Incubus
aren't that bad surely?
( djtrialprice, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:08, Reply)

how very dare you
*assumes you know I'm not talking about Incubus*
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:09, Reply)

I was having post clubbing drinks at a mate's house
and one guy was playing Pink Floyd songs on a piano. I said that if only there was a guitar I could have belted out Wish You Were Here. My Metallica obsessed friend overhearing this launched into a drunken, "Incubus are rubbish" tirade. Stupid sod, I love Incubus.
( djtrialprice, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:12, Reply)

I like Incubus too
well, some of their stuff anyway. Mostly off Science.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:15, Reply)

No matter what happens between you and your luvverly missus
I would be more than happy never to hear that exercise in tedium ever again....

More importantly, you never checked out Tractor, did ya? I know you didn't or I'd have had a thankful gaz by now, I know it...

Do you like Bigelf?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:13, Reply)

Tractor are still residing in an unread email in my hotmail account
waiting for me to get round to listening to them

I will endeavour to do so very soon!

Not heard of bigelf
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:14, Reply)

Neo-proggers but quite heavy
I don't know their stuff personally but thought of you when I read a piece on them. Dude was sporting a King Crimson t-shirt which is encouraging. 20th Century Schizoid Man is a personal fave...

I wasn't being overly rude about 'The Floyd' there I hope. I'm still trying to cope with the bitter disappointment of their entire post-Barrett output. The Final Cut and The Wall rank very, very low in my estimation. Not that you care...
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:18, Reply)

sounds like my kind of thing
I didn't even read your bit about exercise in tedium. my brain filtered it out.

You clearly know your tastes and have (to you) perfectly rational reasons for not liking them, so I'll let it slide.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:22, Reply)

Indeed so.
Mate I had a pipe of DMT last night - without doubt the strongest mind-expanding experience of my life. Indescribable and utterly, utterly incredible...and all over in about 2 minutes.

I feel like my (somewhat troubled) mind has been given a refreshing shower today. I keep shaking my head in wonderment.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:31, Reply)

that sounds pretty good
have you tried mescaline?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:34, Reply)

I certainly have
In (weird chewy green) tablet form but not as a peyote brew is I'm told it's liable to make you throw your guts up before it settles in, and tastes like shit.

It's basically a magic mushroom trip and not at all bad for that.

I've had DMT a few times but this shit last night blew the fucking cobwebs away big time. My friend has a fair bit of it but I'm tempted not to do it again for a while as it was so intense. Like being in a neon Aztec-themed computer game with your brain wired into the national grid. Only more mental.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:40, Reply)

we started to grow san pedro cacti at uni
to go with the mushrooms we were growing. They never really did much though unfortunately!

that sounds like quite an experience. I've been off the harder stuff for a while. Not had much opportunity to fully indulge, and I don't like to do things by halfs! Prefer it if the other half isn't around as well. Makes me happier to act like a loon.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:49, Reply)

Too right
Trying to keep your shit together in front of anyone - let alone the missus - is bound to put a dampener on things, I'd say.

I'm a firm advocate of Timothy Leary's 'set and setting' approach. Get it all arranged before hand. Safe place, just the right company, stacks of booze and weed etc etc - then you'll have a good one.

It's sounds like I do this shit all the time but in truth by 1990 I'd all but packed in psychedelics and have only dabbled occasionally since. Honest guv!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 17:01, Reply)

I agree
I remember the first time I did acid. we were all set up in my mates room. plenty of gear. just dropped and our other mate came home and insisted that the first mate cleaned the bathroom.

he wasn't impressed. wasn't looking good when he came back down either.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 17:13, Reply)

^this
is ace. I will do this from now on.

'Ok woman, you may listen to this excellent song about doing groupies in the back of a truck by (hed)p.e. but only on the understanding that it remains "mine".'

'Gladly.'

'Hehehehe, sucker.'
( djtrialprice, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:07, Reply)

That's how it works

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:14, Reply)

Last time I was heart broken
I jumped from girl to girl but just as it was getting serious had to end it as I was uncomfortable. Then I met the girl that would become my wife and it all seemed to fit and suddenly I started to remember all the bad things about the ex and realised I didn't miss her anymore.

That said I still love my first girlfriend and we broke up when I was 18.
( Peej, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:34, Reply)

100th post
woooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo
(PsychoChomp, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 17:45, Reply)

Haha, I was going to do this.
What the fuck is up with the self help group thing?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 17:49, Reply)

I don't know,
I think she's just trying to get some offers of sex.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 17:54, Reply)

You wish!

( girlinthehole, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 17:55, Reply)

You reckon I should go for it? How should I word the initial gaz?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 17:57, Reply)

"If it'll shut you up"

(PsychoChomp, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 17:59, Reply)

It's a bit of a trek up hers, how do I go about approching the subject of payin' for the megabus?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 18:01, Reply)

She might have a student card I could use.
I got a mate on Orange so I can do a 2-4-1 thing at the Vue.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 18:02, Reply)

I don't think she wants to hold hands and watch hollyoaks

(PsychoChomp, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 18:03, Reply)

Damn, I've already Sky+'d it.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 18:05, Reply)

QOTW (and by extension QOTWOT) has always been a self-help group.

( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 19:18, Reply)

Short answer
How long is a piece of string?
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 19:16, Reply)

Long answer
As well as how much you loved them, the answer depends on a lot of external stimuli too. Not only on whether or not you meet a 'replacement', but also on how much is going on in your life. If you have many interesting and stimulating things going on, that should take your mind off them. But on the other hand, if you've got too much crap going on, you may internally blame the crap feelings this is causing on your broken heart.

Based on my own experiences, enough stimulation of the mind has been know to keep my mind occupied, but if I took a break for too long, I'd think of my broken heart again. While you'll always have a place in your heart for that someone, there are many more places in one's heart.

* hugs *
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 19:17, Reply)

shag his mum

( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 21:15, Reply)

I wonder if this will make it into amorous badgers fail list?
It would certainly be the validation I may be looking for.
( girlinthehole, Wed 23 Sep 2009, 14:19, Reply)