Greetings, you crazy motherfuckers.


What talent that you don't possess do you most admire?
( Maladicta, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 19:25, 128 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Evening Ms Dicta
Tongiht, I would mostly like to have the talent of playing the bass guitar really well, which I can't.

I'd also like to have perfectly balanced tastebuds that would let me eat olives and capers. Except they won't.
(stimpy, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 19:33, Reply)

With you on that one - bass guitar would rock.
I currently have a cheapy acoustic that so far I have failed to tune on three occasions and snapped the G string in the process (fnar, etc).

You new around here? I don't recognise your username...
( Maladicta, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 19:38, Reply)

I am indeed new
Well, newish. Lurked for ages, kept reading QOTW and OT, so eventually took the plunge and joined in. Now I have an excuse for spending more time on here with some of the lovely people!
(stimpy, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 20:40, Reply)

Welcome, new person. To coin a well-used phrase,
you can check out any time, but you can never leave.
( Maladicta, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 20:45, Reply)

^ ^ This!

( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 20:47, Reply)

I'm sure you can leave
Just a case of clicking log out and switching off the computer... right? Right?
(stimpy, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 20:51, Reply)

Oh, you can disconnect
but the call is too strong to stay away for long. You have much to learn, young padawan.
( Maladicta, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 20:55, Reply)

Yes Mistress
(I think that's right. Will have to look up the correct method of addressing a high ranking female Jedi)

I shall learn well.
(stimpy, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 21:01, Reply)

By logical extension, a female Jedi would indeed be a Jedi Mistress.
So that does make sense. Fuck it, it'll do.

Strong in you, the fluff is, mmmmhh?
( Maladicta, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 21:05, Reply)

*preens*
Oh yes, the fluff is strong inside and out. Long and soft too, but I am not a toilet roll. Although I suspect your are not short, green and 900?
(stimpy, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 21:08, Reply)

Short yes, green no, 900 no.
One out of three ain't bad.
( Maladicta, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 21:10, Reply)

Some green paint makes it two out of three
I'm sure you're not that short...
(stimpy, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 21:17, Reply)

It would not be easy being green. I have a customer-facing job.
I'm tiny. 4'9? The only advantage is being able to buy the size 3 shoes no one else can fit into, and that there's no such thing as a man who's too short for me. Like 'em tall, though.
( Maladicta, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 21:20, Reply)

I'm 5'11"
I'm just saying
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 22:44, Reply)

4'9"?
fucking hell
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 2 Oct 2009, 9:54, Reply)

Yes!
Olives and capers are the way forward!

* silently tiptoes away *
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 19:38, Reply)

But only green olives.
Black ones are the devil's own testicles.
( Maladicta, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 19:40, Reply)

Yves ningue
I'd like to posses the ability to detach my body-parts at will to flummox anyone who tries to read too much into body language.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 19:37, Reply)

Think of the money you could make
as a contortionist!
( Maladicta, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 19:39, Reply)

Contortion and detachment are two different things
But I could of course re-assemble my body-parts in whatever fashion I choose afterwards.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 19:42, Reply)

You could have ears on your knees
like a grasshopper.
( Maladicta, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 19:43, Reply)

Or I could find another person to share body-parts with
and perhaps even create a single entity with many limbs.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 19:47, Reply)

Like Modulok?
I thought of that the other day and when I looked it up on Wiki the article had the most hilarious photo...
( Maladicta, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 19:51, Reply)

Oh cool. You remember Modulok as well?
Once I discovered e-Bay, I decided to live out my childhood dream and own a large collection of Moduloks and build creatures with vast ammounts of limbs.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 19:53, Reply)

You should totally do it.
You could make a millipedal... thing.
( Maladicta, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 19:54, Reply)

Was it this picture you were refering to?
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Modulok-toy.jpg
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 19:58, Reply)

YES :D
Satan is angry about his enormous cock, apparently.
( Maladicta, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 19:59, Reply)

As an added bonus
remove the leg and you get a mimsy.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 20:01, Reply)

Dependent on the leg you removed,
you could also have a side-mimsy.
( Maladicta, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 20:02, Reply)

Yay!
Side-mimsies for everyone!
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 20:04, Reply)

Sign me up for three!

( Maladicta, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 20:04, Reply)

OK.
Have one on each buttock. Where do you want the third one installed Ms Dicta?
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 20:09, Reply)

That is an excellent question.
Can I check on the plans and get back to you?
( Maladicta, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 20:10, Reply)

Sure, go ahead
I've had an idea. If you order a fourth side-mimsy, you can place the third and fourth on the cleavage-sides of your boobs, so that when your rub them together, you can do an impromptu bit of self-scissoring.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 20:15, Reply)

It would make low-cut tops an impossibility, though
and that is a shame.
( Maladicta, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 20:16, Reply)

But on the other hand
if you wear a high-cut top, you can hide what you're doing. In fact, you can order an additional two side-mimsies and place them on the outsides of your boobs and give them a good fingering while you're mashing your inside-boob side-mimsies together.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 20:23, Reply)

From the sound of this
I'd have no norks left - they'd all be made of mimsies! There would need to be a suitable nork-to-mimsy ratio.

Do you have a sales target to meet or something?
( Maladicta, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 20:26, Reply)

Of course
I also run a subsidiary that sells jumpers. Plus the R&D department are researching suitable brassieres.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 20:31, Reply)

Are the jumpers the kind your mental auntie knits you at Christmas
with bobbly snowmen on them?
( Maladicta, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 20:32, Reply)

Indeed, they are
I've got a whole cellar full of aunties locked away making nothing but jumpers.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 20:36, Reply)

Were they rejected
from the Shreddies factory?
( Maladicta, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 20:40, Reply)

Jinx!
We had the same thought, I call Jink, cross keys no returns!
(stimpy, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 20:43, Reply)

Not if I'm off ground.
Aaaahhh, box clever.
( Maladicta, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 20:46, Reply)

I hope they're making them out of wheat
And the jumpers are for mice. Which would mean they are actually making shreddies...
(stimpy, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 20:41, Reply)

Eh, you'd be better asking Spak than me.
I know not of the habits of small rodents.
( Maladicta, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 20:48, Reply)

Well, my rats like eating shreddies
so edible jumpers? A new product line... I think we've taken Spaks business idea! RUN!
(stimpy, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 20:50, Reply)

Aww, you have ratties?
I likes. Sadly my landlord forbids the keeping of animals or I'd consider getting some.
( Maladicta, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 20:54, Reply)

I have two lovely girls
Have to clean the house out a lot, but they are so amazingly cute and inquisitive that they almost look intelligent. They respond to my voice and come when called by name, which is also rather cute.

I recommend giving your landlord a kitten. They'll be so distracted by the fluff and memes they'll forget you have anything. What would you get?
(stimpy, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 21:05, Reply)

Rats are amazingly intelligent.
I've wanted some for years (since I was made to read Mrs Frisby and the Rats of NIMH in school). Sadly my mother is somewhat neurotic and wasn't keen on having rats in the place...

I'd be inclined to get a kitten; I'm very fond of cats and have never had one of my very very own. His name would be Strider.
( Maladicta, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 21:07, Reply)

They're as intelligent as can be expected for something that size
Which isn't very. They're nosey, pay lots of attention to whats around but don't in any way comprehend. Coming to when they're called is about all that can be managed. Oh yes, and also not stuff their face with all the food in front of them, which is better than my guinea pig managed!
(stimpy, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 21:11, Reply)

You are clearly a curator of small rodents.
Guinea pigs are lovely, too - the squeaking noise they make is just precious! Not really indoor animals, sadly - I live in a flat...

What are their names then, since they clearly know to answer to them?
( Maladicta, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 21:16, Reply)

They are called Boudica and Weirdo
Weirdo because she likes to crap on nearly everything. Boudice because she's the dominant one.
(stimpy, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 21:18, Reply)

Eeee!
Now I want to see photos! It's been a while since we had a decent fluff-thread...

Good names, too! If they were mine I'd want to make Boudica a mini-chariot with blades on its wheels, to sleep in.

Do you have a ball for them too? They're fun.
( Maladicta, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 21:23, Reply)

I'm getting a ball for them on saturday - they need more exercise.
Unlikely to get any pictures though - I just don't put pictures online.
(stimpy, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 21:27, Reply)

That's a shame.
I'm very fond of seeing other people's fluffeh, since I have none of my own. My flatmate is hairy but he does not count as a pet.

Keep the ball away from the stairs and any passing cats, and all will be well...
( Maladicta, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 21:29, Reply)

Not quite
The drawback of edible clothing is that once eaten, they cannot cover anything.

Until side-mimsies become the norm, the world is not ready to gawk at them.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 20:57, Reply)

Why am I all of a sudden an expert on small rodents?

( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 20:59, Reply)

Not sure. You're the one making the jumpers
so you can tell me and Stimpy if they would fit a small rat... right?
( Maladicta, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 21:00, Reply)

I suppose I could ask a spare auntie to make a microjumper
but currently, we only do human side-mimsies.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 21:06, Reply)

being able to suck my own cock

(Bazongaloid, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 19:38, Reply)

Get a couple of ribs removed,
job's a good 'un.
( Maladicta, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 19:39, Reply)

For my part,
I'm torn between the ability to actually play this fucking guitar, and having vectors like the diclonii from Elfen Lied. I could then work a four-hour day because I'd get everything done twice as fast.
( Maladicta, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 19:45, Reply)

The ability to not be such a lazy fat ass

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 19:59, Reply)

    Krįstii^{iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii}iinę!     
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 20:03, Reply)

WOOHOO
*offers moonshine*

I got violated by a spider.
NOT my boyfriend.
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 20:59, Reply)

Yay! Meeeeeuuwwwnnshaaaaahn!
Brings back memories of an impromptu birthday celebration on a train in Mississippi.

I'm sure with enough Meeeeeuuwwwnnshaaaaahn, I'll be ending up with a spider too at the end of the night.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 21:02, Reply)

that sounds like the BEST BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION EVER
gosh
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 21:05, Reply)

We were all drunk by the time we got to New Orleans
It was one of those train-journeys I wish had gone on forever. But still managed to make my way to the youth hostel even though it was after dark.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 21:10, Reply)

I want to
be able to play the drums, instead of just sitting on a stool next to them flailing like a mong and making a noise that causes eardrums to rupture and gush blood. Oh, and the cello.
(berk, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 20:11, Reply)

You can kill two birds with one stone
Use the back of your cello as a drum.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 20:18, Reply)

eve er ning
the ability to stand up next to a mountain and chop it down with the edge of my ha-and!
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Thu 1 Oct 2009, 20:19, Reply)

Oh herro!
HENDRIX :D
( Maladicta, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 20:28, Reply)

*plays all along the watchtower*
Must stop watching BSG...
(stimpy, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 20:43, Reply)

Fucking love Hendrix.
*turns up Foxey Lady and grooves* Now I want a joint.
( Maladicta, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 20:44, Reply)

You can't have mine
It's mine! *puffs protectively*
(stimpy, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 20:52, Reply)

Dude.
Share the love!
( Maladicta, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 20:54, Reply)

Away!
Tis my joint, my precious dovetailing....

Catfight!
(stimpy, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 21:06, Reply)

Ooo!
Look! Behind you! It's a badger with a gun!

I can't roll for shit...

*adopts ninja stance*
( Maladicta, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 21:09, Reply)

and anyway, joints are for poofs!
get thee a pipe.
hardcore, know the score!!!
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Thu 1 Oct 2009, 21:11, Reply)

I've not had a joint since I was a little baby fresher student.
I don't recommend combining it with Salad Fingers o.O
( Maladicta, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 21:12, Reply)

Salad finger?
Am confubulated.

I'd rather not have a pipe... very nosey neighbours who called the police o the last people here when they thought they were taking ecstasy (it was actually a love of trance and the pills were painkillers for the lady's bad back), and I like to keep with as little interferance in my home as possible... at least a joint looks like a normal cigarette should anyone look in the window.
(stimpy, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 21:16, Reply)

just google salad fingers...
it's some kind of flash animation thingy.
if i were feeling more patient i would check it out.

and i just realised it's the 1st of october today and i missed a doctor's appointment. fucksocks.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Thu 1 Oct 2009, 21:21, Reply)

Do NOT watch it if you're on the weed.
Especially if you're prone to getting the fear. It will fuck you up good and proper.

God, neighbours can fuck right off. Mine chose to tell me she could see right through my living room curtains the morning after my then-boyfriend and I had been at it on the couch... that was awkward.
( Maladicta, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 21:25, Reply)

Oh god
There are very, very thick drapes on the bedroom, and all related activities are banned from places where they could possibly be seen. if the neighbours saw, we'd be out of the house very fast.
(stimpy, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 21:32, Reply)

It was not cool. At all.
I'm sure your neighbours have seen people shagging before, and if they do, why the fuck are they looking in your windows anyway? We all do it, after all...
( Maladicta, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 21:34, Reply)

I think they'd get apoplectic should they see what we get up to
Last time people saw, it was nasty.
(stimpy, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 21:38, Reply)

Oh, surely not.
You can't be that bad...
( Maladicta, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 21:40, Reply)

Oh, it could
Trust me one this.
(stimpy, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 21:44, Reply)

*is now scared of Stimpy*

( Maladicta, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 21:49, Reply)

That's right, you should be scared
*caresses cat'o'ninetails*
(stimpy, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 21:50, Reply)

*brandishes six-foot bullwhip*
You call that a whip? THIS is a whip.
( Maladicta, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 21:55, Reply)

You have me beat
Dare I ask where, how and why you have it?
(stimpy, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 22:00, Reply)

'Twas a gift from a nice chap.
Not amazingly easy to handle as it's a bit light, but it's quite satisfying to flick around my flat... prefer crops though.
( Maladicta, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 22:03, Reply)

Sounds interesting
Although I think we'd use them for different purposes. I'd be forced to chase chavs around with them! Does sound like a very nice man who gave it two you, although a slightly odd choice of present to my mind... but I'm sure there was a good reason behind it!
(stimpy, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 22:08, Reply)

I'm something of an aficionado of good pain,
which I personally would think is wasted on chavs... for them I'd prefer something like a Gattling gun!

He's a nice guy, certainly - of a similar mindset, which may explain the gift to you better...
( Maladicta, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 22:11, Reply)

Similar mindset to the pain?
Certainly sounds like it. I'll leave the pain though... possible to make a gattling whip do you think?
(stimpy, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 22:25, Reply)

Yep. It was pretty fun; I'm a sadistic bitch.
I'm not sure a Gattling whip would be possible, which is a shame. I harbour a fantasy of having my very own Gattling crossbow, a bit like Hugh Jackman in Van Helsing (which is a very, very underrated film).
( Maladicta, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 22:27, Reply)

Gah!
I go away for a bit and a lovely discussion about side-mimsies turns into full-blown S&M.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 22:45, Reply)

I seem to have this effect on threads.
It's a bit worrying.
( Maladicta, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 22:48, Reply)

* finds a curtain to leap on before Maladicta hits me with her bullwhip *

( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 23:00, Reply)

This happens often?
I really need to pay more attention!
(stimpy, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 23:02, Reply)

It certainly does
That's why the curtains are built to support my full weight.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 23:04, Reply)

I'm pretty proficient with a bullwhip if I do say so myself.
I practice on cushions and the like when there are no menfolk around who like such things...
( Maladicta, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 23:05, Reply)

Those
are not cushions!

OUCH!
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 23:06, Reply)

Oops, my bad.
Need to put my contacts in in future.
( Maladicta, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 23:09, Reply)

fucking wireless connection!
i've had to reset it twice this evening.
if it goes again i'm gonna puke.

no alcohol again this evening...

just thought of 2 more talents...
1) to be able to internet without a connection.
2) to be able to give up alcomahol without freaking out...
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Thu 1 Oct 2009, 21:10, Reply)

I can internet with no landline
Have a vodafone PAYG data dongel. £15 for a gb lasts ages when you're not youtubing and have images switched off.

Just find someong to replace the alcohol - tobacco replaced it for me when I was trying to cut back. I don't recommend that though.
(stimpy, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 21:12, Reply)

gave up the fags 5 years ago...
and i meant interneting with NO connection at all, kinda like doing it using psychokenesis or somesuch.
now that would be a talent.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Thu 1 Oct 2009, 21:17, Reply)

That would be pretty amazing
Full brain-computer interface. Get cracking - you'll make a fortune and a nobel prize.
(stimpy, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 21:19, Reply)

not sure if i can manage it at the moment...
i'm having trouble connecting my brain to my fingers, let alone the interweb...
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Thu 1 Oct 2009, 21:23, Reply)

^ This
Would mean I could dodge my workplace's draconian internet policy!
( Maladicta, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 21:26, Reply)

I can just imagine you levitating giant foam ones and zeroes using nothing but the power of your mind.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 21:25, Reply)

like a softplay version of the matrix?
LOL
now if i could manage that with sandstone flagstones i could have saved me and gronzo a whole lot of effort today!
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Thu 1 Oct 2009, 21:30, Reply)

That's what children are for!
Just promise a lollipop and a beano and they'll do anything.
(stimpy, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 21:51, Reply)

I am so going to quote that out of context.

( Maladicta, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 22:06, Reply)

modesty

(Richard Earl of Cambridge Cruel, Savage, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 21:55, Reply)

Hey hey hey
How are we all?
(Zapiola zip-zap-zop, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 22:06, Reply)

I am good
Enjoying many interesting chats :) How are things with you?
(stimpy, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 22:08, Reply)

Not too bad
I ate a turkey burger, went to see that anglo saxon treasure hoard that guy found in a field, then walked 5 miles. How could life be any better?
(Zapiola zip-zap-zop, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 22:09, Reply)

It sounds good to me
Although, having a friendly dog with you durin the walk would complete the image nicely.
(stimpy, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 22:10, Reply)

True
but there's a cat up the road that sits and waits for me sometimes and walks some of the way with me. Which is nice.
(Zapiola zip-zap-zop, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 22:11, Reply)

Aww bless
I loves kittehs. Sometimes when I miss the bus and have to walk part of the way to work, there's one that follows me.
( Maladicta, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 22:17, Reply)

It's all about German Shepherds.

( Maladicta, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 22:17, Reply)

evening zappy...
sober and proud, thankyou...
and you?
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Thu 1 Oct 2009, 22:11, Reply)

Sober too
At least after last friday night, I'm not drinking for quite some time.
(Zapiola zip-zap-zop, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 22:13, Reply)

i am having my 2nd only sober evening in a loooooooooooooooong time.
i realised yesterday lunchtime that i really need to lay of the sauce.
really need to.
really.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Thu 1 Oct 2009, 22:25, Reply)

Yeah
I know that feeling.

Really cut down since March, but last friday was a return to the bad old days.
(Zapiola zip-zap-zop, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 22:35, Reply)

Evening Zippy the Zop
I'm all nommed up and ready to type.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 22:46, Reply)