I can't make any decisions on my own -
how can you help me?

Alternatively: my computer's broken, how do I fix it? What mobile phone should I get?
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 10:58, 69 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Someone said something mean about me online I tought I'd just tell you all that it didn't bother me.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 10:59, Reply)

tl;dr

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 11:10, Reply)

I DON'T CARE! DON'T YOU GET IT? I DON'T CARE!!!!!

(PsychoChomp, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 11:29, Reply)

If anything, you care too much
*hug*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 12:06, Reply)

Decide now
or the kitten gets it in the colon.

Similarly for the computer.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 11:01, Reply)

I've had more wedding ideas for you, CHCB
how would you feel about crotchless trousers for the groomsmen?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 11:05, Reply)

arseless chaps all the way
have a gay cowboy wedding.

Kaol will fit right in
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 11:06, Reply)

I don't want Kaol fitting right into anything

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 11:07, Reply)

let's be grateful that at least one person does

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 11:08, Reply)

Mellicious?
I like that Kaol had to travel a few hundred miles to find a girl naive enough to boink him
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 11:13, Reply)

I'd like to think it's more than that
as they have moved in together.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 11:16, Reply)

More than naive?
Are you suggesting she's backward?

That's out of order, man
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 11:17, Reply)

oh man
I've been down this road before, accidentally implying that Mel is a spacker or something...
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 11:18, Reply)

I'm surprised Kaol hasn't tried to teach you a lesson
by boring you to death talking about knives, for that
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 11:24, Reply)

I can't remember the last time I saw him talking about knives
he's changed man
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 11:38, Reply)

I hear he uses a screwdriver and a stanley knife how most people would use a knife'n'fork.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 11:52, Reply)

that has a ring of truth to it

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 11:59, Reply)

I hear he went to TGI Fridays, and ordered the Jack Daniels Ribs, and then said "Thank's, but I've brought my own" when they presented him with a steak-knife.
And he then pulled out a kantara.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 12:01, Reply)

Ooooh congrats
by the by!! :)
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 27 Oct 2009, 11:06, Reply)

ta!

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 11:09, Reply)

Don't know what she's congratulating you for
IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 11:12, Reply)

I'll let you know the time and place
and you can do the whole wedding-stopping thing, rushing in at the last minute like a sexmonkey-crazed Dustin Hoffman.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 11:14, Reply)

That was my other idea!
Me, al, Kaol, Enzyme, Vipros and frankspencer all bursting into the chapel, wearing nothing but smashing cravats and screaming 'NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO....!' like Vader at the end of that film
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 11:16, Reply)

that would be hot

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 11:18, Reply)

Please wear the cravats around your waist.
I don't want my granny to die laughing.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 11:19, Reply)

Point her out to me
I'll give her a lapdance
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 11:20, Reply)

She's the hot old lady who isn't me.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 11:21, Reply)

Are you saying your Mum isn't hot?
Or is she dead?

Because they're not mutually exclusive, you know
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 11:22, Reply)

Aye, she's hot too.
Not dead, but definitely well-preserved.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 11:27, Reply)

Please may I have an orgy
with three generations of your family, auntie sandra?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 11:28, Reply)

Only if Catface gets to join in.
I'm totally digging the whole monogamy thing these days, man.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 11:31, Reply)

Alright, sod off
You and catface can go in one room, and your mum, your nan and I will have fun on the altar
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 11:33, Reply)

And that's pretty much how I anticpated my wedding, right there.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 11:34, Reply)

Ha!
Can your Dad join us? I want to spit roast your nana
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 11:35, Reply)

...dressed as the Hamburgler, stuffing Captain V into a sack slung over your shoulder
and escaping through the sewers.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 11:17, Reply)

Hahaha!
I worked a few shifts as a chef a little while ago, the clothes made me look like a cross between the hamburglar and a thunderbird
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 11:19, Reply)

Which Thunderbird?
I reckon I can see a faint resemblance to number 2.

Heheh, number 2.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 11:26, Reply)

Virgil?
He was the King of the Thunderbirds. Scott was a homo
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 11:28, Reply)

I really wish
that Dick Tracy had turned out to be a long-lost uncle.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 11:29, Reply)

Adds
Gladys Knight and The Pips - It Should Have Been Me to the reception playlist
(bill, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 18:33, Reply)

at the risk of answering one of your questions...
Get a g1, they're a techie's dream. The android OS is based on Linux, they're hackable and have a full hardware keyboard (great for SSH and whatnot).

The application market isn't as strong as the iPhone market right now, but it's getting better and is being strengthened by the regular developer challenges that Google runs. Additionally, if you use Google for your email the integration with the phone is tight (same can be said for Google maps etc...)

Best app I have on my phone right now controls the phone's setting based on location, time, battery condition etc... So when I'm at work, it goes on silent but at home during the day it switches itself to loud mode so I can find the fucker. When the battery is at 50% and I'm not at home, the screen brightness gets turned down to stretch the battery life.

evangelism over.
(b3tamax Mate, you're fat and I'll throw you in the river, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 11:30, Reply)

BORINGEST POST SINCE ALTHEGEORDIE FLOUNCED AWARD

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 11:32, Reply)

wahwahwah you gigantic tit
(b3tamax Mate, you're fat and I'll throw you in the river, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 11:33, Reply)

Huge Booby
www.b3tards.com/u/e908521f1c6e8c370697/271009.jpg
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 11:34, Reply)

Tasman Booby
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tasman_Booby
(b3tamax Mate, you're fat and I'll throw you in the river, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 11:37, Reply)

I was mostly messin'.
Though the correct dilemma is iPhone or N900?
If I pose that question I'd have to hate myself. More.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 11:32, Reply)

iphoneiphoneiphone.
I'm dismissing the N900 outhand because it's supposedly the saviour of nokia smart-phones, yet I've not seen one review from any of the Shiney Things (tm) magazines/blogs I read... only drips'n'drabs of info.

That leads me to think everyone eaither thinks Meh', or it's not at that stage in development yet, so it'll take yonks to come out.

I've always liked the look of the Pré
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 11:55, Reply)

Speaking of making decisions
I've got an organic vegetarian chili ready for microwaving in the office fridge, or I could nip down to Subway and get a Meatball Marinara on that cheesy bread. Hmmm...
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 11:31, Reply)

If it's a lunch question, try /talk

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 11:35, Reply)

That just starts a big argument about lunch threads
And my question still wouldn't get answered
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 11:45, Reply)

What do you expect?

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 11:47, Reply)

*presses Start Button* WELOME NEW CHALLANGER *goes down and selects Sushi*

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 11:56, Reply)

any thoughts/feelings on the Palm Pre?
O2 are practically giving it away over here.

rafter
baz
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 11:40, Reply)

DO NOT
get the Nokia 6500 Slide.
Just don't.

And congratifications on your forthcoming nuptials : )
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 11:50, Reply)

Do you people just not see the irony in her post, or what?
She's viciously mocking those who post inane questions on this very board. She's a cold, hard bastard, that crackhouse, oh yes.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 11:57, Reply)

I know that, but I felt like telling the internet how much I hate my phone
I really hate it. it hates me. it hates me as much as my dentist hates me.
He hates me.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 12:02, Reply)

Dentists are cunts
I worked at a dentists for a while, they're not interested in fixing your teeth, they're only interested in selling treatment
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 12:03, Reply)

This is true
But my mate's nearly a dentist and she's ace.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 12:04, Reply)

There was one decent guy where I worked called Sach
He was treating someone once, and the practice owner was being a fascist twat, so I screamed 'If he doesn't stop bossing people about, I'm going to kick him in the cunt!'

Sach fell over laughing and had to abort the implant he was doing.

It was the best day of my life
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 12:07, Reply)

and another fella
he was young, but also cross-eyed, it was difficult getting people to trust him putting sharp things in their mouths
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 12:18, Reply)

Mine looks like The Trunchbull
I fear her.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 27 Oct 2009, 12:04, Reply)

Mine's quite the looker
But he is a tit.
I'm going to change dentists at the soonest opportunity.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 12:07, Reply)

Aww I feel your pain
My phone hates me too and I hate it! Its one of those shitty LG things. It looks very pretty but it sucks!! I only have a month left of my contract and I can't bloody wait! *grumps*
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 27 Oct 2009, 12:04, Reply)

I've another year to go : (
This hideous thing looks like a Hackney cab.
Correction, it looks like a Hackney cab that has been involved in a minor accident.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 12:05, Reply)

Aww poop
That's not good! Do you have phone insurance? 'Lose it' and get a good one!! Mwahaha
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 27 Oct 2009, 12:07, Reply)

But don't they just replace it with the same model?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 12:17, Reply)

It's worth learning japanise for thise...

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 12:07, Reply)

UGH!
Take it away!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 12:07, Reply)

She just needs a huggle wuggle from stwanger kittums.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 27 Oct 2009, 12:05, Reply)