My dad has just opened the Quality street tin he gets every year for work.
I'm not a chocoholic and I have some Aero in my fridge at home that's been there untouched for a week. So why can't I stop my self from dipping in the tin every five minutes and eating them?

I feel sick.
( girlinthehole, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 13:19, 96 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm not one to normally dip into sweets, I'm a regular food fatty
but earlier this week a client brought us a shit ton of assorted sweets that were all home made by her.
They were fucking brilliant. We had to give them away to keep from eating it all ourselves.
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 13:22, Reply)

Just remember
they're sweets, not hugs gropes.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 13:23, Reply)

You put it in your mouth
and it makes you feel good. It might as well be a penis.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 13:24, Reply)

Ah! I'm filling the empty void inside myself.

( girlinthehole, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 13:26, Reply)

*faints*

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 13:27, Reply)

Surely you should take them orally?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 13:27, Reply)

I could totally fill you up.
Baby.
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 13:30, Reply)

*faints*

( girlinthehole, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 13:31, Reply)

*takes advantage*

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 13:36, Reply)

*only pretended to faint*

( girlinthehole, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 13:37, Reply)

*puts undies back on/acts casual*

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 13:55, Reply)

*notices DrTagnut for the first time*
*feels awkward*
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 13:57, Reply)

*wiggles willy at Kristine/winks*

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 13:59, Reply)

*blushes*
*looks away shyly*
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 14:07, Reply)

You see the sweets as a man's love, which no matter how much you take,
you never feel satisfied.





love cock
(TheColonel, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 13:25, Reply)

It's because they make Quality Street with crystal meth instead of sugar

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 13:25, Reply)

1. Caramel Swirl 2. Vanilla Fudge 3. Orange Choc Crunch
The purple one is an over rated bastard.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 13:26, Reply)

I love the purple one. *snigger*
And the coconut one.
( girlinthehole, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 13:28, Reply)

You can have my purple one...
...if I can sample your fudge.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 13:29, Reply)

You are on fine form today sir.
Except for the orange choc crunch.
That can fuck off.
If you want orange and chocolate get a chocolate orange.
(TheColonel, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 13:28, Reply)

Chocolate Orange.
Lying bastards - when you 'tap it and unwrap it' it never opens in a uniform manner like in the adverts.

On a bright note you do get a superb chocolate 'pith' which is a real bonus.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 13:40, Reply)

No, but hammer it repeatedly against the fireplace, then pry any remaining segments apart
doesn't have the same ring to it.

Which reminds me, what's black, nine inches long and wakes up at the crack of dawn?


Lenny Henry's cock.
(TheColonel, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 13:55, Reply)

A pathetic lack of self control?

(PsychoChomp, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 13:29, Reply)

Oral fixation
Or so Freud would have you believe.


I am a self-cofessed chocoholic, and proud. I ate pretty much a whole box a belgian chocolate last night.
(ConanTroutman thought we would free the vulture, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 13:32, Reply)

Are you Italian?

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 13:34, Reply)

No.
I'm English, and greedy.
(ConanTroutman thought we would free the vulture, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 13:35, Reply)

Are you a sure you are not Italian?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 13:38, Reply)

I think you should check.
Maybe you are-a Italian after all?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 13:41, Reply)

Whatsa matter, you?
Eh?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 13:48, Reply)

ah, the cruelly underrated Dolce...
And how are you today, Mr Bennett?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 13:51, Reply)

Are you Tony Hart?
I'm not my usual chipper self, put it that way.
I'll be you for the day if you like.
*punches in face*
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 13:53, Reply)

Tony Hart was never knighted was he? Travesty
Sorry to hear you aren't on tip-top form.

Let's swap - I'm super-cheery today. I'M FUCKING RICH!!!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 14:01, Reply)

Tony's janitor was called Mr Bennett also *tuts*
In the words of my four paisans: "I don't care too much for money"
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 14:03, Reply)

Don't quote the Beatles at Monty.
You'll set him off again.
( girlinthehole, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 14:07, Reply)

it's ok, I'm the nay-sayer today
Monty's the chirpy one.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 14:08, Reply)

Have you been smoking Monty's stash?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 14:12, Reply)

I feel like I have

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 14:13, Reply)

Grab his cheque - head for Rio.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 14:14, Reply)

I'm not in the mood for shagging underwear models
I'll just grab his chequebook and buy some booze and chips.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 14:15, Reply)

We've swapped. Today I love those cheeky scouse songsmiths

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 14:10, Reply)

*goes "oooh" and shakes mop-top*

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 14:16, Reply)

*punches face*
Sorry - I hate to see Monty this way and it had to be done.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 14:19, Reply)

Fair enough
I hate your favourite band and also the wallpaper in your alcoves.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 14:21, Reply)

*runs crying*

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 14:22, Reply)

Don't worry mate
Normal service will be resumed shortly.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 14:22, Reply)

*pisses self*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 14:21, Reply)

With urine or laughter?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 14:22, Reply)

Mainly the latter
Mainly.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 14:45, Reply)

I'm only too aware of Mr Bennet
He was always suprised that 'Mr Hart' was 'still at work' - despite the fact that it was about half four in the fucking afternoon.

I don't care too much for money either - the people I owe it all to have a somewhat different attitude, however...
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 14:09, Reply)

:)

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 14:15, Reply)

Underrated?
He kept Ultravox from number one. The music-loving British public of 1980 can't be wrong.
(ConanTroutman thought we would free the vulture, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 14:14, Reply)

Vienna is fucking shite!
Midge Urine is a cunt too.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 14:15, Reply)

That was my point
It wasn't very clear I admit. I don't know what the hell is going on today, I'm just on autopilot til Friday.


----EDIT----
Sorry I'm talking shit again. I meant that yes, Vienna is/was shite but still much loved by many people and thus an intensely popular song.

Shaddap You Face was a million times better and loved more by more people. I know this still doesn't make sense but quitting time is almost upon me and I couldn't give a shit about anything but going home.

*resumes autopilot*
(ConanTroutman thought we would free the vulture, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 14:26, Reply)

Not to worry old son...
...my autopilot was on synch with yours.

(Sorry if that sounded like a homoerotic line from Top Gun)
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 14:41, Reply)

You don't have to synchronise your autopilot
to get into my cockpit.

;)
(ConanTroutman thought we would free the vulture, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 14:48, Reply)

"I'll ride your wing anyday."

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 16:12, Reply)

*checks*
Nope. Still no more Italian than before; my family is Irish, on my mum's side. My Dad's side have lived in the same shitty part of Wolverhampton since the dawn of time.

I do however enjoy saying 'Heeeeeessa Mario' in a faux italian accent, occasionally.
(ConanTroutman thought we would free the vulture, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 14:11, Reply)

The only thing I'm orally fixated on doesn't come in different flavours.

( girlinthehole, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 13:36, Reply)

Does if he eats garlic.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 13:37, Reply)

Have you been at the mushies, old boy?
You're ON FIRE today, ON FIRE, I tell you.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 13:39, Reply)

Wasn't that funny.

( girlinthehole, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 13:41, Reply)

Hey...
My flaccid ego was getting sucked - back off.

I need the positivity.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 13:42, Reply)

It's cumulative

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 13:47, Reply)

I wish I had...
Today I am just full of the warmth of the Lord.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 13:41, Reply)

Shit!
I want a cup of coffee and I need to walk past the chocolate tin again to get to the kitchen.


Lack of self-control my arse!
( girlinthehole, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 13:40, Reply)

Well your problem won't be 'lack of arse' if you carry on like that, NOW WILL IT?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 13:42, Reply)

WHERE DA BIG BOOTY GIRLS AT

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 13:45, Reply)

All this talk of oral fixation has got me desperate for a really good snog.
I think I need more chocolate : (
( girlinthehole, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 13:50, Reply)

Get me the green triangles

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 13:51, Reply)

Why?
You gonna snog me?
( girlinthehole, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 13:54, Reply)

I will if you get me the green triangles

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 13:55, Reply)

if you do then I'm breaking up with you

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 13:58, Reply)

It's Christmas
It doesn't count as infidelity.
Unless I get pregnant and it doesn't look like you.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 13:59, Reply)

you haven't even got any mistletoe

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 14:01, Reply)

I haven't
I've never had any.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 14:04, Reply)

you almost had me going for a minute, I thought maybe she'll pull out some mistletoe like 'hey I've got some mistletoe, it's okay, totally not cheating, it's like a law or something'
but nooooooooooooooooooooooooo
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 14:09, Reply)

But that's true right?
If there is misletoe then it's not cheating, especially if you are in a different postcode.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 14:12, Reply)

WELL YEAH
But she doesn't have any
that's a blatant offence and she must be punished.
Al, take her up the rear.
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 14:19, Reply)

it 's the booze
not the mistletoe.
The two are often seen together, but there's no causal link.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 14:12, Reply)

haha
does that mean from now on if there is booze I'm allowed to just smack a good one on whomever I choose?
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 14:19, Reply)

Throw the lips on em gal

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 14:20, Reply)

You see!
No trouble with the ladies, but I can't attract a guy for love or money.
( girlinthehole, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 14:00, Reply)

Pipe down, Quagmire!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 14:04, Reply)

Haha!
Quagmire?
( girlinthehole, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 14:05, Reply)

The smoothie pervy bastard off Family Guy
www.garmentdistrict.com/store/popculture/familyguy/quagmire_sm.jpg
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 14:07, Reply)

Haha!
My dad's wife used to jokingly say to me, 'if you're not in bed by 10 then you have to come home'.
( girlinthehole, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 14:09, Reply)

So she can take you to bed?

( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 14:11, Reply)

: /

( girlinthehole, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 14:14, Reply)

Its possible
Perhaps your step-mother fancies you :0)
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 14:19, Reply)

Well I do look a lot like my dad.

( girlinthehole, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 14:20, Reply)

I love you
But I'm promised to another :0(
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 14:04, Reply)

I don't think Agnostic would be happy if we got together.

( girlinthehole, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 14:06, Reply)

He can watch
He likes watching
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 14:07, Reply)

Will he be wearing a dress when he watches?
I wouldn't mind that.
( girlinthehole, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 14:10, Reply)

He always wears a dress

(Bazongaloid, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 14:11, Reply)

I'm sure he would if we ask nicely
He now sports a wonderful head of girl hair as well.
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 14:11, Reply)