Royal fucking Mail bastarding, cock-chomping cunts.
I am working from home today and just heard the postman put something through the letterbox. A few minutes later I sauntered to the door and it is a 'Sorry you were out please come and collect your parcels' note.

A few points worth mentioning...

1. I was in.
2. Doorbell - check. It works.
3. Door knocker - still fucking attached and functional.
4. I am not deaf/drunk/stoned.

So do I:

a. Get in the car, track the simian cunt down and beat him senseless with a baseball bat.
b. MTFU, let it go and calmly pop down to get my parcels.
c. Go down the office and do a 'Malcolm Tucker on Meth' on the local offices, scaring the tits off the elderly, piss-stinking fuckwads who seem to think the Post Office is a social club for the nearly dead?
d. Any suggestions?

Please note my blood is fucking boiling and I think some form of shouting, swearing and extreme violence combination is highly favourable.

Where's the fucking paracetemol?
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 17 Dec 2009, 10:24, 41 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

e. get over it,
some people aren't very good at their jobs.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 17 Dec 2009, 10:26, Reply)

Good at their jobs???
All he had to do was ring a bloody bell.
( girlinthehole, Thu 17 Dec 2009, 10:29, Reply)

'Some people aren't good at their jobs'
His job is to deliver! It is not a matter of his degrees of competence the fucker is NOT DOING HIS JOB AT ALL.

I might go in late tomorrow so i can batter the bastard.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 17 Dec 2009, 10:34, Reply)

I've worked in logistics and most of the stories/complaints about "I was in the whole time"
I dealt with turn out to be bollocks. Usually "I was in, he only had to ring the bell" usually turn into "well I was in the shower so I may have not heard him" after you ask a few questions. Or "I only popped out for 5 minutes" actually means "I went for lunch and then the gym"

However it is true that sometimes some people just put the things through the letterbox without putting much effort into getting the attention of the home owner. I have no idea why, it's not like it is much quicker.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 17 Dec 2009, 10:35, Reply)

Semi mindpiss here

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 Dec 2009, 10:39, Reply)

Agree that that must happen a lot.
But I am in a quiet house and did not go out/put kettle on/have a poo or anything that could distract me.

The twat brought parcels, came to my door, and shoved a letter through telling me he tried 'but I was out'. Now I have to go get my stuff that has been paid to be deilvered.

Right - I am going to track him down.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 17 Dec 2009, 10:50, Reply)

What's really fucking weird
is that it's actually more work for them than actually making the delivery. I run a mail order business and I deal with these retards all day long. The only people more stupid than them are the general public.

'I made an order and I've heard nothing since'
'According to the carrier they attempted delivery yesterday - did you not receive a card?'
'Oh I've received a card, yes. Do you think it could be your parcel?'
'WHAT DO YOU THINK, YOU FUCKING SIMPLETON?'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 Dec 2009, 10:38, Reply)

Option A, of course.
Teaspoon the fucker's eye out, it's the only language they understand. Well, that and Albanian.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 Dec 2009, 10:27, Reply)

Make a formal complaint whether written or spoken.
But make it as sarcastic as possible.

I loves teh sarcasm.
( girlinthehole, Thu 17 Dec 2009, 10:27, Reply)

Tis the season
It is a piss take but you can't feasibly expect postman plod to carry all them parcels at this time of year.

Interesting feature on the Guardian about it earlier this week.
(The Boy Monders I have ginger bits in my beard., Thu 17 Dec 2009, 10:32, Reply)

Erm.........
More employees to cover perhaps?
( girlinthehole, Thu 17 Dec 2009, 10:34, Reply)

Haven't you heard?
There's a recession! Besides, I think this guy on the GU site said they're still under staffed even with temps. It's madness!
(The Boy Monders I have ginger bits in my beard., Thu 17 Dec 2009, 10:52, Reply)

I'm quite lucky with royal mail deliveries.
All the mail for work goes to a post office box number which I collect every morning, so I just get everything sent to work and collect it.
( girlinthehole, Thu 17 Dec 2009, 10:42, Reply)

Regrettably
I'd normally suggest that being a chilled out individual in these circumstances would be the way forward.

However given the Royal Mails' industrial action of late, doing a distinct Malcolm Tucker on the local chief postie might well prove to be a worthwhile way of reducing your anger, n'est pas?
(Medical_Male Say aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, Thu 17 Dec 2009, 10:42, Reply)

f. calmly collect your parcel, wait until tomorrow, get yourself in a state of arousal whilst awaiting the postman
stick your knob through the letterbox and as he goes to post a letter, ejaculate
( broadsword, Thu 17 Dec 2009, 10:51, Reply)

this is the best advice
however I recommend that you first train yourself to ejaculate shurikens
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 17 Dec 2009, 10:54, Reply)

It can be done, believe me.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 Dec 2009, 11:02, Reply)

This really gets to me too...
I've been waiting for a parcel for two weeks now, after initially being told it would take 3-4 working days. I've made about 3 phonecalls, eventually got it arranged so it would be delivered by courier (after the Royal Fail lived up to their reputation).

When the courier came, however, the exact thing that you describe happened. My flat mate was at home all day and didn't hear any sort of attempt to make a delivery. I arrived home to a card.

Normally I don't mind collecting post 'cause the sorting office is 2 minutes walk from my house, but the DPD depository is in Croydon and I'm supposed to go christmas shopping tonight.

I really don't see what the postie/courier is losing out on just by ringing the doorbell, waiting for 30 seconds, and THEN leaving the card.
(ConanTroutman thought we would free the vulture, Thu 17 Dec 2009, 11:08, Reply)

that would assume they had the package with them

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 17 Dec 2009, 11:09, Reply)

If they didn't have the package
then why would they come to my house?
(ConanTroutman thought we would free the vulture, Thu 17 Dec 2009, 11:10, Reply)

to give you the card
the package is at the depot, they can't be arsed to carry it, so they deliver you a card
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 17 Dec 2009, 11:13, Reply)

They had the package.
The card said that they attempted a delivery to no avail and left me four options:

Try again tomorrow
Collect it from the depot
Arrange for it to be delivered at a certain time (for a small fee)
Fill in the form notifying the courier of a 'safe place' to leave the package.

I opted for the fourth one. *fingers crossed*
(ConanTroutman thought we would free the vulture, Thu 17 Dec 2009, 11:16, Reply)

how do you know they had it with them?
if there was no evidence of an attempted delivery then there is no evidence that they had the package with them.

Believe me, it happens. I've been at home, had a card shoved through the door, gone out to collar the postie to be told that they didn't have it.

lazy cunts.

edit: rereading your post, a proper courier/delivery firm may well have had it with them I suppose
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 17 Dec 2009, 11:19, Reply)

Yeah that's it.
Like I said, the postie failed the first time around; it was a courier company. I would have just collected it if it came via Royal Mail.

That post has been edited though so I forgive you.
(ConanTroutman thought we would free the vulture, Thu 17 Dec 2009, 11:28, Reply)

and that they hadn't opened it
and flogged its contents in the pub the night before...
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 Dec 2009, 11:11, Reply)

I will keep an eye open
for any dodgy geezers in pubs selling under-the-table Stylophones.
(ConanTroutman thought we would free the vulture, Thu 17 Dec 2009, 11:12, Reply)

Nothing says "I don't care"
like giving someone a stylophone for Christmas.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 17 Dec 2009, 11:21, Reply)

It's for me
so nyah.
(ConanTroutman thought we would free the vulture, Thu 17 Dec 2009, 11:28, Reply)

I would have given you mine for free.
Never been used, other than for me to verify what a fucking useless gift it was.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 17 Dec 2009, 11:29, Reply)

Haha I got a Stylophone last birthday and was over the moooon!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 17 Dec 2009, 11:30, Reply)

Maybe I'm doing something wrong?

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 17 Dec 2009, 11:31, Reply)

You can plug your mp3 player into them nowadays
and play along with your favourite songs.
I did this in the restaurant on my birthday.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 17 Dec 2009, 11:40, Reply)

Wow
I bet you were popular. I annoyed the shit out of my missus after 3 minutes of attempting the riff from 'Son of my Father' by Chicory Tip.
(ConanTroutman thought we would free the vulture, Thu 17 Dec 2009, 11:43, Reply)

The maitre d turned down the restaurant music
and told me to go for it.
I'm not sure how the other diners felt, but I was very happy.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 17 Dec 2009, 11:44, Reply)

I bought one for myself after having a go on my friend's
They are pretty cool, if you're just messing about. I can play 'Greensleeves' like Henry himself.
(ConanTroutman thought we would free the vulture, Thu 17 Dec 2009, 11:36, Reply)

this very thing was mentioned on panarama this week..
some punter from royal mail, explained that they don't bother with bringing out parcels with them in the van.

Postie takes the decision back at the depot that you'll probably be out, so they leave it behind and just drop the flyer in the door.

check bbc iplayer for the royal mail/panorama episode
(sarcasmo needs more sleep, Thu 17 Dec 2009, 11:18, Reply)

***Update - Royal fucking Mail bastarding, cock-chomping cunts.***
Found him - did not even have the parcels in the van!

Apparently they are under masses of pressure to get back to the depot within a certain time frame so as to make their supervisor's KPIs of deliveries/attempted deliveries per hour.

Well fair enough really - I don't know why I was complaining and moaning now. As long as lower management at the Royal Mail make their figures I should be supportive and just suck it up.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 17 Dec 2009, 12:00, Reply)

My arse.
They are DEAD!!!
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 17 Dec 2009, 12:10, Reply)

they did this to me the other day
with "the parcel is too big to fit through your letter box" which is utter bollocks because my letter box is in the communal hallway and hasinto an almost A4 sized doorway, the package was much smaller than this and was fucking folded lace so it's not like it was solid or a funny shape. Cunts.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 17 Dec 2009, 12:46, Reply)

Fucking hell that is appalling.
They've admitted to you that they are pretending to attempt delivery so help their stats but it's a total fucking lie?

I would go fucking postal* if they did that to me.

This article is most pertinent:
www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/royal-mail/6791051/Half-of-customers-say-Royal-Mail-fails-to-deliver-parcels.html




*by golly I'm hilarious
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 Dec 2009, 13:17, Reply)

****update****
Had a spaz out at the offices - my tirade and abuse drew a round of applause from the assembled horde as I managed to keep relatively calm and not swear as much as I wanted.

I have sent a letter of complaint - or rather I printed off this thread and attached it to a letter of complaint and await their response. If I hear back i will post it.

Thanks for listening.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 17 Dec 2009, 16:55, Reply)