the whole office is in hysterics
one of our colleagues just fell in the pond outside. I'm not talking a small pond either, it's probably a metre or two deep and 10 metres by about 30 metres.

apparently something had blown into the edge of the pond (or lake perhaps) he was lying on his stomach to get it and somehow managed a forward roll into the water :-D
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 13:44, 88 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

If only there was some forum
where they were looking for a write-up of real life stories. Perhaps maybe one week they might be interested in hearing about the hilarity of the misfortune of others.

Maybe one day...
( djtrialprice, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 13:46, Reply)

hah
twat

it wasn't interesting or funny enough for the actual qotw
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 13:48, Reply)

That doesn't stop... anyone really.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 13:50, Reply)

stops me though

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 13:52, Reply)

an attitude which does you credit

( djtrialprice, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 13:53, Reply)

thanks
I find that if I don't post shit stories then I can harangue and ridicule others when they do and keep a clear conscience.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 13:55, Reply)

Awww
that's what I do! :D
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 18 Dec 2009, 13:57, Reply)

post shit stories?

(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 13:59, Reply)

How very dare you
all my stories are grade-a-top-choice-meat! You're just jealous you bloomin' flange-biscuit!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:00, Reply)

your stories are generally pretty good
I came to the conclusion a long time ago that people rarely want to hear about me and my stoner mates.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 13:59, Reply)

Ah I like your posts too
You've had some good ones too! Also people don't mind the occasional loveable stoner story.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:02, Reply)

when I have a story it tends to be an amusing one involving my mate
but they tend to be quite specific.

I have no idea how I'm going to shoehorn in the story of when he was out picking up breakfast, wasted on hash muffins and decided to dive under a car as it was about to pull away....
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:04, Reply)

Hahahahaha
I love stories like that, they just make no real sense. Once my friend Terri was driving along and having an argument with her husband, and he just opened the car door (while she was doing about 20mph) and tucked and rolled into a ditch - now that is one way to end an argument!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:06, Reply)

haha
excellent

I keep thinking of stories for this week's question, but they all involve me hurting myself and others laughing....
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:09, Reply)

I may have one to post about DiT
but I think I'll have to ask his permission first! :D
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:11, Reply)

He lost all his rights to complain when he married you.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:14, Reply)

this is true

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:15, Reply)

You have a valid point there sir!
It was rather funny... maybe I'll do it! :D
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:15, Reply)

Do it now!
Is he still on his lunch?
You could do it while he's not here to stop you...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:16, Reply)

how could he stop her?
he can't get in and block her intertubes
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:17, Reply)

You're right
He doesn't know my password! Mwahahaha
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:19, Reply)

No, but he might do puppydog eyes at her
And then she might think again...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:25, Reply)

she's got more backbone than that

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:28, Reply)

Hehe
He is still on lunch but he'll see this thread and get angry... oh yes he'll get angry!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:18, Reply)

You'll just have to slap some sense into him.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:19, Reply)

I am good
at the sense slappin'
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:20, Reply)

Pretend it happened to Slip Digby
And no-one will be any the wiser :D
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:16, Reply)

Hehehe
You're crafty!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:18, Reply)

Whatever happened to him?
He was a rakish fellow and no mistake!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:36, Reply)

Indeed
he was rather.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:43, Reply)

you just like making girls
with shite anecdotes cry. Admit it!
( djtrialprice, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 13:57, Reply)

I still haven't recieved a gaz from her.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 13:59, Reply)

Move things along a little
with the Edmund technique
( djtrialprice, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:01, Reply)

her story wasn't too bad
it was just really badly written. made worse by the penis who jumped in calling us elitest and stuff.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:01, Reply)

the story wasn't bad
the fucking re-telling of it was
( djtrialprice, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:02, Reply)

yeah, the peasant.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:04, Reply)

exactly
his reply smacked of being jealous that he wasn't part of something that doesn't really exist.

there aren't many criteria that make you eligible for acceptance here and they are quite simple
A) don't be stupid
B) don't be sensitive
C) don't be stupid
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:06, Reply)

I think there are actually an additional 7 criteria that should be adhered to if you want to fit in here.
No. 1: Get a Wife
No. 2: Get a Child
No. 3: Have an inability to pass an open (or indeed closed) recepticle containing an alcoholic beverage.
No. 4: Become highly qualified in looking at things and then get even more qualified in hitting things with spanners and overcharging old ladies
No. 5: Build your own house becuase you're so amazing.
No. 6: Be right on the internet all the time. Even when you're not on the internet.
No. 7: Well would you look at that, the sun is a good two hours over the yard arm, and those pubs aren't going to survive much longer if we don't patronise them. Let's go and have a nice pint and read the paper. But, just to be on the safe side, why don't we keep this between ourselves, you know, avoid upsetting anyone who maybe would like to come but can't. Or for whatever reason.
(stolen-name/blaireau69 is a massive cunt WHOM everyone hates, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:09, Reply)

that really does get funnier everytime
particularly when I'm not expecting it
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:15, Reply)

I don't have any of those things, but I fit in quite well.
It's probably because all the hot chicks here dig me big time.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:19, Reply)

not just the chicks....
;-)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:22, Reply)

OHBOYOHBOYOHBOY !

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:27, Reply)

This just gets better and better.
A+ Internetting!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:37, Reply)

Not sure about a. and c.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:10, Reply)

j) don't be a raving gaylord
k) don't be a mod-gazzing churney ferret
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:11, Reply)

No, j is completely incorrect
we're very welcoming of people of any sexual preference here. Especially if you're a hot lesbian.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:14, Reply)

are you a hot lesbian?

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:18, Reply)

Might be
Are you?
(Bazongaloid, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:21, Reply)

Well I do have a new snuggly coat...I'd say I'm more warm than hot

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:21, Reply)

You should gaz me a picture of you doing some lesbian type things
like listening to KD Lang, or buying comfortable shoes.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:25, Reply)

fuck off KD Lang can suck my big black cock
seriously seriously, everything about her makes me want to scream
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:29, Reply)

You're not really a lesbian are you

(Bazongaloid, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:35, Reply)

I sleep with whomever I want, be it girl or guy.
you can't be a lesbian, you don't even have a cooter
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:42, Reply)

I could do if I wanted to.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:45, Reply)

aaah
so thats where i'm going wrong. Note to self, stop posting shit.

Reads posting history, errr that could be tricky
(Halfy By light alone, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 13:58, Reply)

Post and be damned.
That's my motto.
( girlinthehole, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 13:58, Reply)

Certainly not me.
For some reason I felt compelled to post the fact that I discovered I'd been walking around with a huge bogey in my moustache. Yeah, everyone will LOVE that.

EDIT I see you have had the misfortune of reading it. You can never have those 30 seconds again. I STOLE YOUR LIFE.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 13:53, Reply)

You have a moustache?

( girlinthehole, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 13:54, Reply)

it's part of my beard ensemble
No 'Amish no-tache beard' for me.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 13:56, Reply)

Thank fuck for that.
For a moment I saw you as a seventies porn star and felt sick.
( girlinthehole, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 13:57, Reply)

a seventies porn star
with a huge bogey in his 'tache - not the look I'm going for, ideally.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:01, Reply)

Is it a 'Grizzly Adams'?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:07, Reply)

Nah, more Charles II
Chizzarles is my NIGGA, yo.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:12, Reply)

Didn't know he had a beard...
...and the silly old fruit should have beaten Cromwell in Worcester.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:19, Reply)

actually I've just google imaged him
and he just had a rather gay 'tache. Oh dear.


EDIT apparently I meant Charles 1st - all this time I've been impersonating the wrong monarch.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:29, Reply)

you fucking great spastic

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:32, Reply)

GUILTY AS CHARGED

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:42, Reply)

Not Elizabeth 1st then?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:32, Reply)

Just googled Charles 1
Doesn't he look like Baldrick/Tony Robinson?
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:34, Reply)

Me, yesterday

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:42, Reply)

Actually.
In that picture he looks like Dave Navarro of Jane's Addiction which is so much more cool than Baldrick.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:56, Reply)

Awwwwwwwww!

( girlinthehole, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:23, Reply)

They're my favorite types of dogs.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:27, Reply)

gives a great impression
especially when put together with the story about you accidentally squeezing out a turd
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 13:54, Reply)

What an odious little rotter I am.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 13:56, Reply)

a perfect description

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:00, Reply)

I got it from the 'occupation' bit of my passport

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:02, Reply)

mine says "Loveable rogue"

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:04, Reply)

Mine says
DAY-AM! You da MAN homie!
(Bazongaloid, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:06, Reply)

Not cocksucker/bully?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:08, Reply)

sub/dom

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:09, Reply)

I'm going to have another look at
Dr Perrimartles Almanac of Gentlemen's Facial Decoration. I'm sure yours says, "Passenger of the adjacent omnibus."
( djtrialprice, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:13, Reply)

I'm writing that book

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:16, Reply)

:P
I'm just here to spread the joy
( djtrialprice, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 13:53, Reply)

Yeah', think is though, if you were the one to pre-approve everything on this site, it would be filled with boys kissing other boys on the bumhole.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:13, Reply)

This is so true

(Bazongaloid, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:15, Reply)

It's almost as if you've
both met me or something
( djtrialprice, Fri 18 Dec 2009, 14:16, Reply)