New Year's Resolutions
I can't see the fucking point personally. If you need to deal with something why wait until the start of a year to do so? And surely trying to tackle a whole load of issues at once means the chances of failing miserably to do so are increased exponentially?

Tell me why I'm wrong, and give me your list of life changing resolutions that will make 2010 YOUR YEAR.

And have I correctly used 'exponentially'?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 9:23, 109 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

You've used it correctly in a non mathmatical sense.
I'm going to:
Stop midweek drinking
Move out
Start saving again
Get some training at work
Start an exercise regime.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 9:27, Reply)

These are admirable intentions, I must admit

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 9:39, Reply)

Stop admiring my intentions, homo.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 9:51, Reply)

Well wear looser trousers, then

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 10:01, Reply)

2010 means the same as every other fucking year
You're not wrong, your right, resolutions are for the mentally weak and the terminally stupid. The only thing 2010 is going to bring the vast majority of cunts is more misery, more fear and more cancer.

I resolve to get fucked up more often and not give two shits about the consequences as 2009 was a little too conservative for me.

More camping, when the weather permits, combine this with getting royally fucked up.

Avoid getting run over, and that's about it. If I can combine these all, then 2010 might not be so bad after all.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 9:33, Reply)

^ what we have here is 100% PUNK ROCK
I'm grinning all over my stupid Charles 1st face, reading this.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 9:38, Reply)

I must interrupt this broadcast
to say that we have a radio on in here and on comes the peoples rock star, David Bowie. Here we go, think I, but even before I form this thought, my boss shouts over, "You MUST like David Bowie", as we had been discussing our musical dislikes just moments before. I shook my head in silence....she got the message.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 9:44, Reply)

Oh I must, must I?
In that case you must like Napalm Death, you stupid bitch. And you MUST listen to them all day, every day for a year.

Personal taste - what's all that about?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 9:48, Reply)

Napalm Death, ha
That would go down a storm. Maybe I could loop their Guinnnes Book of Records opus 'You Suffer', and have it play it's 1.3 seconds over and over and over and over till she shits into her Tena Lady.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 9:54, Reply)

I just heard Jean Michel Jarre on the radio in our warehouse
and was instantly reminded of a live show if his that was televised once. I put it to you that the sight of him playing a tune on some light beams is without doubt the gayest thing ever to be shown on British television. It makes the video to 'Smalltown Boy' by Bronski Beat look like 'Dog The Bounty Hunter'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 10:07, Reply)

I agree, Jarre and his melodramatic synth work outs are pretty camp
but i also think that there is a great deal of homoerotocism with that Bounty Hunter fellow. I'm sure he has a big gay following (him about).
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 10:14, Reply)

NO WAY.
The Dog ain't no sissy, brah.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 10:16, Reply)

Wow, you're soo rock'n'roll, you're like some kind of elvis mother fucker.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 10:15, Reply)

"elvis mother fucker"
has got to be better than just a plain old mother fucker, or a cunt.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 10:19, Reply)

Unless the implication is that
you're a 25 stone Quaalude addict with a penchant for sequinned jumpsuits and deep fried peanut butter....
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 10:21, Reply)

SHIT!!
I thought my secret would never get out. Uh huh huh.

*thrusts hips*
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 10:23, Reply)

He never quite got over the death of his mother, that's why he still hangs around, but thankfully Odd Thomas sorted him out.
/Dean Koontz fan.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 10:24, Reply)

No resolutions
but its definately making a bit more effort on the fitness side, cut down on the smokes.
Need bits for the house and my car is slowly dying so I think it will be a year of frugal living, clear my credit card, get a hefty loan instead and find a car for £3-4,000 that isn't going to break down every 8 months
(Halfy By light alone, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 9:39, Reply)

I'm gonna shift this gut of mine.
Most of it, anyway. It's not a new year's resolution as such, more a certainty when the regular walking comes back to me in the spring. My diet seems alright now and I'm not putting on extra weight, so the increase in exercise should help me drop a few pounds.

That and all the wanking.

Edit: plus get my business started and charity properly established and publicised, but I decided all that months ago.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 9:45, Reply)

I cant think of anything that I want to acheive
perhaps get out more, but that's over rated
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 9:52, Reply)

I'd quite like to get in more.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 9:53, Reply)

fnarr?

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 9:54, Reply)

In 2008 I stopped smoking... In August
In 2009 I joined a gym... In October.

Fuck new years. I'll do something life-changing in March.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 9:56, Reply)

A few years ago, my brother told me he had a new years resolution.
bearing in mind my brother is a fat, lazy borderline alcoholic, I assumed it would be the usual lose weight/stop drinking/do some exercise. Nope, it was listen to more new music. My brother, consistently setting low standards since 2007.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 10:01, Reply)

In 2010 I plan to take over the world!
Since I'll give up by January 2nd anyway, you'll just have to put up with Gordon instead.
(daizi last tried to escape on, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 10:10, Reply)

*confused face*


???
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 10:12, Reply)

Arf
Forgot about him
(daizi last tried to escape on, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 10:14, Reply)

Resolutions are fine - one just needs to to make reasonable suggestions one will stick to.
Here are mine:
1. Eat more meat.
2. Carry on smoking.
3. Go to Tayyabs with Monty and Al.
4. [RESOLUTION REMOVED IN CASE POOR WOOKIEE IS READING THIS]
5. Call more fellow tube-travellers cunts.
6. Whine about writing essays.
( thealternativefact, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 10:13, Reply)

I don't think I would absolutly love to join you three at Tayyabs anyway.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 10:19, Reply)

Subway might be open today !
I might go in a bit to check it out.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 10:22, Reply)

Come to the Tayyab's expedition
and never eat at Subway again.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 10:24, Reply)

I don't like those terms and conditions.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 10:28, Reply)

Tough.
It'd be like living in a palace and holidaying in a caravan.
Subway is shittingly WRONG, Gonz.
( thealternativefact, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 10:30, Reply)

Damn straight, brah.
There ain't no ice, in paradise.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 10:35, Reply)

Listen, this is what's going to happen.
They're going to open, I'm going to be excited. I'm going to stand in the queue and it's slowly but surely going to get smaller and smaller, I'll be nearer the end but still undecided. You've seen me, I can't decide between two thai dishes and a couple of starters, how the hell am I supposed to pick my own bread, salad, [second salad thing, like olivers/jellopinos/sweetcorn], meat and sauce? Do I want it toasted? What if I make the wrong one, I'm almost at the front of the queue now, the pressure is building, I think I want a Chicken Teryakki with Sweet Onion, that's it, that's what I want. What do you mean nobody knows what it is? There is no default for it, you just pick what you like. Oh god, they're asking me what kind of bread I want, how am I supposed to know? Aside wholemeal and white, what's the differance?

And then I'll post on here how I ran out of the shop, had to pop a few diazipams, and then cried on the phone to my mum for 30 minutes.

BUT I STILL WANT TO GO THROUGH IT !
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 10:38, Reply)

Take 'em or leave 'em, brah...
I think I may post in the style of Dog The Bounty Hunter for the rest of the day,

In fact, 'be more like Dog' is my New Year's Resolution.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 10:32, Reply)

Get that mullet moving!!

(Cancer Joy was short lived, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 10:43, Reply)

I'm in love with Dog's missus. She is fucking STUPENDOUS

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 10:51, Reply)

Just how big IS that rack?

(Cancer Joy was short lived, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 10:58, Reply)

There aren't words.
She is ALL WOMAN.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 11:00, Reply)

She is MOSTLY BOOB

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 11:11, Reply)

She even out-boobs my sister.

( girlinthehole, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 11:18, Reply)

I believe the Hindenberg was modelled on her knockers
and if i ever got to grips with them there would definitely be some kind of disaster.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 11:20, Reply)

A spunky disaster?
Or a Bounty Hunter arriving home early disaster.

Or would he be watching from the wardrobe, grizzled cock in hand?
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 11:26, Reply)

Ideally a bit of both.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 11:39, Reply)

Ha, you fruity deviant!

(Cancer Joy was short lived, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 11:44, Reply)

MOAR FUN!
Less moaning, (not in the good way), and meet more B3tans.

Watch out people, I can find out where you live.

Oh and stop procrastinating and get another bloody tattoo.
( girlinthehole, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 10:13, Reply)

you're welcome dahn the East End any time, love.
*plays spoons*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 10:14, Reply)

As much as I hate London, I'll hold you up to that.
*sews buttons on clothes*
( girlinthehole, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 10:17, Reply)

Excellent
*practices Lambeth Walk*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 10:19, Reply)

*kicks Monty in the nuts*
There, that'll help.
( thealternativefact, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 10:30, Reply)

*does the Lambeth Collapse-to-the-floor-wheezing-and-crying*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 10:34, Reply)

The "Less moaning, (not in a good way)" bit is making more poor brain hurt.
I can't work out if that's a double negative thing.

I didn't sleep a wink last night =(
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 10:16, Reply)

I've never made anyone's brain hurt before.
That's a first for me.
( girlinthehole, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 10:20, Reply)

It's OK, I'm very, very, _very_, retarded.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 10:28, Reply)

I think
also not playing golf the morning after a wedding / stag do / all day bender is also a good plan, as I am not as rock and roll as I was 5 years ago, and currently am at work feeling absolutely wrecked!
(Halfy By light alone, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 10:24, Reply)

Hmmm...
Get a dog
Go abroad at least three times
Eat a bacon explosion
Send out wedding gift thank you cards
Have many BBQs
Go to Latitude
Use the rowing machine
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 30 Dec 2009, 10:27, Reply)

A whole bacon explosion?
I'm not sure that's entirely wise.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 10:35, Reply)

Well maybe not a whole one
I don't really want to internally bleed bacon... I would like to try it though, it contains good stuff!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 30 Dec 2009, 10:40, Reply)

I'm gonna use my exercise bike
Right now it's just modern art in my living room.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 11:17, Reply)

Same here
except its in the spare room and covered in sections of sofa... ho-hum!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 30 Dec 2009, 11:20, Reply)

I have to dust mine
The seat gets dusty.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 11:23, Reply)

Hehe
I'm not even sure if mine is dusty... I shall assume it is.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 30 Dec 2009, 11:25, Reply)

To do and keep my 365 project.
Get myself a full time job that I enjoy, and keep on doing web things part time... maybe become a cook or something.
Might go to collage for something, donno, some sort of cooking.
Get my social life back on track.
Make some lovely lady very lucky.
Maybe get a pet of somesort.
Grow my own veg and herbs.
Volenter somewhere or something like that.
Keep myself busy.
Cut down, but not quit, the fags.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 10:32, Reply)

How dreary
and unoriginal. But my new year resolution for 2010 will be a continuation/improvement of what's been happening in the latter half of 2009 - that is - eat more healthily, do more exercise, avoid booze and hence save money. Oh and get a new motherfucking job.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 10:52, Reply)

and change your name to a character
from Celtic mythology? He was Finn Mac Cool in my books as a boy, though.

Good Xmas?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 10:55, Reply)

I changed my name to some Christmassy bullshit
that didn't really work. Then I could never really remember it and got pissed off. So alas, my name is actually taken from a lead character from a book written by a legendary local man, Neil Gunn. No relation to me despite the name.

Christmas was fantastic - 3 christmas dinners (one beef, one goose, one turkey) not on the same night of course, and I've broken all the rules in my book by drinking a shitload. No chemicals though which is good. I also didn't make a complete cunt of myself and met up with loads of mates who now live elsewhere.

Was Santa good to you?
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 11:05, Reply)

He was a fucking cunt.
That's not actually true. My sister took a photo of my daughter and had it put onto wood-mounted canvas which is very, very nice indeed. I had a beef Xmas dinner on the actual day, round my sister's, then a regular Turkey number on Boxing Day.

All in all it was pretty darn good thanks.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 11:18, Reply)

Sounds smashing
have a good new year, don't abuse too much substances!
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 11:36, Reply)

At the moment I think I'll be babysitting
so I shall be spending my time with The Gruffalo, rather wrestling my demons...
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 11:54, Reply)

Who are/were you before you were Finn?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 11:24, Reply)

Started off as
The Dirty Weeker
Abbreviated to TDW
then the awful: The Dirty Christmas Treeker
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 11:35, Reply)

Oh I knows you now
Alright
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 11:36, Reply)

I'm glad to be recognised!
Now caress my ego!
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 11:38, Reply)

I just caressed it
Nothing happened.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 11:42, Reply)

I have an appointment with the Doctor for that

( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 11:46, Reply)

"I'm sorry. This has never happened before"
"It's me, not you"


*cries, flaccid ego in hand*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 11:59, Reply)

*realises there's no point attempting to massage ego any further*
Arranges a 'girls night out'...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 12:02, Reply)

Declined, because I do not believe in the new year any more.
Well, maybe:

1. Lose 2 dress sizes
2. Take my medication regularly
3. Stop being an idiot in social situations
4. Hopefully meet a nice boy
5. Be nicer to people I dislike.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 11:10, Reply)

Why be nice to people you dislike?
Surely you should be nicer to people you do like.
( girlinthehole, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 11:12, Reply)

Too much time on talk has fucked up my button use :(
I'm very bitchy. It will only mean bad stuff for me if/when they find out.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 11:13, Reply)

TWO SIZES
Fuck off you mentalist.
I couldn't possibly be any nicer to people. Apart from the one who don't say thank you when I hold doors. And boys who walk around with their hands in their pants. And people who put the money on the bar in a pool of beer and expext me to PUT IT IN MY HAND MOFO!!!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 11:14, Reply)

That's to a size 10
It's not that skinny.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 11:17, Reply)

It might be. Depends on your build.
And you look like Betty Boop(oop-a-doop) right now.
You might not look like her anymore if you get a Dot Cotton face...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 11:20, Reply)

Aww :)
No, my mum says my head looks too small for my body. And I used to be a size 10 without looking skeletal, and still having curves. When I was a size 12 I had 30F boobs. I have no idea what they are now, it's no longer 30 whatever it is...
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 11:50, Reply)

You aren't married to Dog The Bounty Hunter, are you?
*leers*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 11:57, Reply)

No.
I am a chubby student who currently feels like there's a game of pinball in her head.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 12:02, Reply)

Result!
I was once a 30E.
I'll never be a 30 again!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 12:00, Reply)

Throw caution to the wind!
But not too much
Meet more BGBs
Keep eating lots but do a bit of exercise to hold it all in place
Do something creative, like sing more or get better at guitar, or win a Best Actress BAFTA
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 11:12, Reply)

Gosh I don't think there's more like me.
We will meet up in the New Year, even if I have to get Biscuit and use her to track you down.
( girlinthehole, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 11:13, Reply)

Yay!
There's only one of me. I'm a Tigger.
We should do it before Biscuit gets all old and boring. Like you ;)
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 11:15, Reply)

Haha!
That's true. I'm getting older and more boring by the day.
( girlinthehole, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 11:17, Reply)

I could totally see you winning a Best Actress BAFTA
I'd go for that one first, sort out the rest when you're famous and have the BAFTA winning clout! :D
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 30 Dec 2009, 11:19, Reply)

But she won't want to meet me after she's famous.
Edit - I'm off oop north now.


Have fun everyone.
( girlinthehole, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 11:20, Reply)

How about you attend the awards ceremony with her?
That could work!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 30 Dec 2009, 11:21, Reply)

Course I will
You're not REALLY boring. Or old. Well...
I see myself as a Julie Walters or a Sue Johnston. You know, lots of wrinkles and plays bag lady types.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 11:22, Reply)

Ah I see
Yes, that could work you know! I could be your agent and get some power suits and big 80's shoulder pads (seeing as every fucker seems to be doing that these days)!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 30 Dec 2009, 11:24, Reply)

That would rule!
Yes, be my agent. You should put DiT on your books too, so he's not offended.
And that way you can have TWO pictures on your office wall. Behind the Yukka plant. Next to the rowing machine.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 11:28, Reply)

Super!
I shall get cracking on the BAFTAs then... oh and your beautiful gown that you will be wearing on the night! :D
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 30 Dec 2009, 11:31, Reply)

My landlady knows a BAFTA judge.
Think it would look suspicious if a woman who's not actually appeared in anything suddenly wins a BAFTA based upon her impersonations of library customers and Alison Steadman?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 11:35, Reply)

Pish
You just need to turn up and do some interpretive dance on the red carpet and everyone will be so amazed that when you win the award they won't mind that you actually haven't been in any films!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 30 Dec 2009, 11:39, Reply)

You are the best agent I ever had!
I think I'll dance to Maniac by Michael Sembello
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 11:43, Reply)

My resolution has been the same for several years
Continue to be at least as awesome as I was the previous year. I've not failed yet.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 12:08, Reply)

well I for one am glad you didn't drown yesterday.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 12:33, Reply)

Maybe I'll pull my finger out and finally give the acting a go.
But probably: cycle to work more often, swear less.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 12:13, Reply)

Fuckoffright
Just because your wife has vowed to get me a BAFTA, you have to come along with you fancypants degree.
Well I'm going to go and get drama lessons and get a BAFTA for interpretive dance, so fuckoffright.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 12:21, Reply)

*sadface*
I don't want a stupid BAFTA anyway.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 12:29, Reply)

Ooh you're a good actor, man
I just felt guilty!
Damn your skillz.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 12:31, Reply)

*obtains visa*

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 13:05, Reply)