I'm so tired, So very tired.
Tell me something amazing to rouse me from my lethargy.
( girlinthehole, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 13:43, 124 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'M MASTURBATING IN YOUR GARDEN RIGHT NOW

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 13:51, Reply)

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzz

( girlinthehole, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 13:51, Reply)

Adrenaline?
That'd accelerate your heart rate.
(Medical_Male Say aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 13:51, Reply)

I'm an ex speed freak.
Last think I need is adrenaline.
( girlinthehole, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 13:59, Reply)

Agreed.
Apologies.
(Medical_Male Say aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:00, Reply)

Btw it was a very long time ago.
I'm an upstanding member of the community now.
( girlinthehole, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:01, Reply)

Ha!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:39, Reply)

Jesus loves you
and we all think you're a little bit ace
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 13:52, Reply)

ace retarded
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 13:53, Reply)

Why can't I be retarded and ace?

( girlinthehole, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:00, Reply)

You can be!

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:05, Reply)

Yay!

( girlinthehole, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:06, Reply)

okay so we don't think you're retarded
just a bit special...and we like that
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:07, Reply)

My mummy told me I was special so I believe you. : )

( girlinthehole, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:09, Reply)

I haven't had anything to drink in 6 days.
I'm about to dry up.
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 13:53, Reply)

TMI Krispina...

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 13:55, Reply)

shut up and touch me

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 13:58, Reply)

*steals*

( girlinthehole, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:03, Reply)

are you stealing my phrase or me?
this is all soooooo confusing
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:05, Reply)

Move your lazy pricess arse!!!
Love you :D
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 13:55, Reply)

Pricess?
Princess or priceless?
( girlinthehole, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:02, Reply)

I really can't type today
I meant 'princess'.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:04, Reply)

It's a commonly held belief
That the kookaburra has no depth perception. I'd love to watch one try to land.

Unfortunately, the internetz are not proving all that useful in either proving or disproving this fact.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 13:58, Reply)

what does cheese say when it looks in the mirror?
halloumi
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 13:58, Reply)

*SPANG*

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:01, Reply)

Did you say that dead camp?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:05, Reply)

yeah, why not

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:06, Reply)

Ooh!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:10, Reply)

I went to dead camp once.
Too many zombies. I preferred band camp.
There was this one time...
( thealternativefact, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:08, Reply)

*high fives*
*cleans hand*
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:11, Reply)

The moon
is increasing in distance from the earth by nearly 4cm per year.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:05, Reply)

Now THAT is amazing.
Is that a bad thing?
( girlinthehole, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:07, Reply)

Yes.
It is dreadful.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:08, Reply)

it's upset me quite a lot
I have separation anxiety
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:08, Reply)

spacelolz

( thealternativefact, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:09, Reply)

I suspect it may have a slight effect on the tide
but I wouldn't really know
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:09, Reply)

Hurrah! Fewer periods!

( thealternativefact, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:09, Reply)

I won't have any soon so won't it affect me.

( girlinthehole, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:11, Reply)

*jealouses*

( thealternativefact, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:14, Reply)

Also hot sweats, mood swings and a dry foo foo.
Jealous now?
( girlinthehole, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:17, Reply)

Oh dear.
No.
*runs away*
( thealternativefact, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:18, Reply)

I'd suggest that the tides will get smaller
and will happen further apart as the orbital period will be longer.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:10, Reply)

It's happening because of the conservation of angular momentum
between the earth and moon.

As the tides move lots of water around the earth's surface, the drag actually slows the rotation of the earth by a bit. Because of that, to conserve angular momentum, the distance between the orbiting bodies increases slightly.

It's the same effect (albeit in reverse) as seen when a skater does a pirouette and her rotational speed increases as she draws her arms in towards her.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:13, Reply)

I was aware of the slowing effect of moon on earth
but not the other bit. interesting stuff
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:15, Reply)

I liked it better when it was a mystery.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:15, Reply)

K2k6 ruins everything.

( thealternativefact, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:20, Reply)

Pah
You just can't cope with teh Science!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:24, Reply)

This is why we haven't gone back to the moon for so long
What with the rising cost of fuel, it's become uneconomical to put the extra diesel in the rockets to get there.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:13, Reply)

Yes
and once you've been there a while it's moved further away when you want to come home again.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:20, Reply)

What is called a "French kiss" in the English speaking world is known as an "English kiss" in France.
In 1386, a pig in France was executed by public hanging for the murder of a child.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:09, Reply)

I have a feeling there may be a song
or a piece of music with spoken word about that

there is definitely one about a pig being put on trial for something.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:11, Reply)

The Smiths - Panic.
"Hang the piggy, hang the piggy, hang the piggy....hang the piggy'

Is that it?
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:14, Reply)

very much not it

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:16, Reply)

Is it really known as an English Kiss?
Because I'd have assumed that would be standing two foot apart and touching moustaches
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:11, Reply)

This would only occur after being formally introduced to two members of each person's family followed by high tea.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:13, Reply)

And some grouse

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:16, Reply)

I reckon the pig was framed.

( girlinthehole, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:12, Reply)

It got the chop.
*spangs self*
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:14, Reply)

You really made a pig's ear of that.
Now off you trot(ter).


*self-spangs to death*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:19, Reply)

*Joins in*

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:26, Reply)

*jambons (jumps on) the bandwagon*

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:35, Reply)

jamon, stop this nonsense

(Fancy a weekend on my Raymondo Luxury Yacht?, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:40, Reply)

hey there's
snout wrong with it
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:41, Reply)

it seems to be going bacon forth...

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:42, Reply)

pork off

(Fancy a weekend on my Raymondo Luxury Yacht?, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:42, Reply)

If a pig invaded the pitch at Twickenham
Would it get arrested for streaking?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:43, Reply)

I wouldn't swine about it...

( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:46, Reply)

this is just going
rind and rind in circles
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:46, Reply)

We seem to have hit a trough

( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:49, Reply)

Swill get there in the end.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:49, Reply)

things like this
sometimes swill
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:50, Reply)

Jinx!

( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:51, Reply)

...

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:52, Reply)

I love these punathons
They are crackling.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:34, Reply)

Your words
are so sage...
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:38, Reply)

a b(e)acon
of intelligence
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:41, Reply)

No snout about it
...Oh you done that one..
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:43, Reply)

some of them are
pork-wality
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:45, Reply)

Jesus...

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:46, Reply)

oh yeah!

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:47, Reply)

It's a well know fact that pigs handwriting is totally illegible.
On account of being unable to hold pens properly. They're ham-fisted, see?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:49, Reply)

not much good at playwriting either
I saw the first half of one, it was a porcine
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:51, Reply)

that was excellent

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:49, Reply)

Hogwash!

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 15 Jan 2010, 15:03, Reply)

I've never herd
so much pig-ignorance

(I think my computer crashed from punnage)
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 15:13, Reply)

gammon, now you're just
hamming it up
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:39, Reply)

Sow what if we are?
Didn't mean to boar anyone.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:42, Reply)

don't
hog all the good ones!
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:44, Reply)

I'm such a ham.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:45, Reply)

My testicles...
...manufacture 10 million new sperm cells each day – enough to repopulate the entire planet in only 6 months.

So - nice orderly line please; and would someone go get me a case of Red Bull.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:13, Reply)

ha! foiled! Too late!
I am overpopulating this planet, one human at a time.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:14, Reply)

Human?
Er, have you forgotten with whom you have chosen to create?
( thealternativefact, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:16, Reply)

I am overpopulating this planet, one catfaced midget retarbed half-human at a time.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:16, Reply)

That's my girl :)

( thealternativefact, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:19, Reply)

My sperm...
...can also survive long journeys down the River Severn, hitch hike across land and find the sweet haven of a fertile young lady without her even being aware.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:17, Reply)

and I thought they had to swim upstream. Who knew?

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:18, Reply)

They are like homing pigeons.
Also - since the moon moved back 4cm last year they are not effected by the tides.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:21, Reply)

Actually
I think I saw one on an M4 slip road last week with its thumb out and a cardboard sign with "Stevenage" written on it.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:18, Reply)

That was young Barry.
He's a good lad.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:30, Reply)

You assume.
You might be firing blanks.
( girlinthehole, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:15, Reply)

But are they all viable sperm?
Or are you firing blanks?

Edit - as BGB also says above!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:16, Reply)

Two confirmed 'hits' so far...

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:18, Reply)

that's not quite
6 billion really is it?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:20, Reply)

Right...
...as if I needed an excuse to wank more often.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:22, Reply)

Well she may say they're yours. *shrugs*

( girlinthehole, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:21, Reply)

So it could all be a lie?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:24, Reply)

I'm not saying yes and I'm not saying no.

( girlinthehole, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:26, Reply)

I bought 35 bananas for a quid yesterday.
35! There's a banana surplus on. It's like anti-rationing.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:19, Reply)

If that banana disease gets going though
it'll be a different story then.

Banana coupons and everything.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:19, Reply)

I'll freeze some of mine just in case.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:20, Reply)

I seriously hope this happens
I loathe bananas
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:22, Reply)

Sell them at an inflated price
Become a banana magnate
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:21, Reply)

I'm going to freeze lots of them
I'm buying up lots of refrigerators. I'll become a fridge magnate.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:23, Reply)

I'm going to destroy you for that

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:24, Reply)

Sweet baby jesus

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:27, Reply)

oh boy, I hope you didn't buy the wrong bananas

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:21, Reply)

oh crap, did I get a dodgy lot that are cut with rat poison?

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:22, Reply)

I keep finding bananas that aren't bent.
That's some fucked up shit right there.

Bloody Brussels.
( girlinthehole, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:24, Reply)

those are sprouts

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:25, Reply)

Heterosexual bananas?

( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:25, Reply)

bananas are incapable of being heterosexual
They are about as straight as a rubber ducky
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:28, Reply)

Apart from this one
farm1.static.flickr.com/220/500935603_4fdefef762.jpg?v=0
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:31, Reply)

He's in the Village People, Spike

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 14:43, Reply)

I can't think of a witty reply

( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 15:10, Reply)