What have I missed?
I went to the theatre last night and saw a shit farce. It made me and my friend decide to write stuff instead of just making it up in pubs, laughing, then forgetting it.

We got a bottle of wine between us, and DIDN'T FINISH IT!

I'm telling you people, I'm a changed woman.

So, who shot JR?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:01, 104 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Did you get 'shit-farced'?
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:03, Reply)

Totally

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:06, Reply)

Your mum.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:04, Reply)

tut

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:06, Reply)

*shakes head*

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:07, Reply)

yeah
if you're gonna ym me, at least make out she's a drunken slag, not a murderer.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:09, Reply)

Noted.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:13, Reply)

You shot JR
Whilst on a wine binge... I'm sure of it!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:04, Reply)

yeah but if you can't remember it
You didn't do it ;)
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:05, Reply)

Maybe it was all a dream
*wavy lines*
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:08, Reply)

*hides gun and onion bhajis*
Yes.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:09, Reply)

Didn't he just appear out of a shower or something!?!
I remember my mother being jolly well annoyed!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:15, Reply)

He did actually get out of the shower
and comment on his bizarre dream
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:17, Reply)

Hehe that was it
Madness!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:20, Reply)

That was Bobby.
Damn again my knowledge of this crap.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:28, Reply)

Hahahaha
You know too much!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:33, Reply)

I didn't get where I am today...
Etc.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:36, Reply)

Indeed, indeed

(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:39, Reply)

I knew it was Bobby
Patrick Wotsit.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:36, Reply)

Duffy
Again, I know too much about this.

*sigh*
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:40, Reply)

Hehe Patrick Duffy
He was in an episode of South Park! There's my useless fact for the day!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:56, Reply)

"It was I!" Said the Sparrow
"With my bow and arrow!"
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:05, Reply)

Alright dude!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:05, Reply)

Loads of people I know have started writing
they ask me to judge their stuff occasionally, it's almost always shit.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:07, Reply)

We won't be inflicting it on anyone
so shut up.
You're like a Monty with a sore head you.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:08, Reply)

He was horrible to me again Roota.
Admonish him.
( girlinthehole, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:09, Reply)

What did the bitter little weasel say to you?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:10, Reply)

He implied that all I ever do on here is moan and complain.
I admit I've been a little down lately but I'm usually happy go lucky.
( girlinthehole, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:14, Reply)

All he does is bark

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:14, Reply)

U BARK MORE BCOZ U R A DOG!

(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:15, Reply)

There he goes again
*earplugs*
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:16, Reply)

Stop mocking my ear infection, it's very painful.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:18, Reply)

Be nice and I'll do you some warm olive oil in a tight

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:19, Reply)

It was so painful last night I had to melt an icecube in my ear so I could go to sleep.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:21, Reply)

So what's the score?
You have antibiotics or an appointment or something?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:23, Reply)

Nope, it's been less than 24 hours, I'll see how it goes.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:29, Reply)

Ice cube doesn't sound right...
Try warm olive oil in a tight.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:38, Reply)

Suprisingly I don't own a tight.
and it worked so ner.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:40, Reply)

it might have worked
but what if it makes it worse in the long-run?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:42, Reply)

Is there a word missing here?

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:27, Reply)

No
Tights plural.
Tight singular.
Surely?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:37, Reply)

Does a pair of trousers become a trouser when you cut one leg off?

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:40, Reply)

i guess so.
I call that a keck though.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:44, Reply)

I think he was being rude.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:41, Reply)

Hell yes.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:43, Reply)

i thought it was a genuine question

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:43, Reply)

Hell yes.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:45, Reply)

*eyebrow face*

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:50, Reply)

I have some great ideas
Get this: A wizard school for metrosexual vampires who form a choir....awesome huh?
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:10, Reply)

I read a friends Noir Detective story which involved time travellers...

(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:13, Reply)

Are they blue?

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:17, Reply)

They are now

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:56, Reply)

*kills Drac before he has any more 'ideas'*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:31, Reply)

It was Maggie
JR stole her lollipop so she shot the cunt.

He deserved it.
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:11, Reply)

heyyy fatty bum bum

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:13, Reply)

My bum is not fat!
It's these pants, they don't do much for my figure.
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:13, Reply)

Sweeeet suga dumplinnn

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:15, Reply)

Stop it!
I'm a bit sad today and you're only making things worse with your nasty bullying.

I tell my mum if you don't!
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:17, Reply)

I'm not bullying you
I'm singing you a lovely sweet and playful song.
I'm ;) and pointing as I sing.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:19, Reply)

*sniff*
*wipes snotty noise*
*wipes away little tears*
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:25, Reply)

I love that tune

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:32, Reply)

Me toooo

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:38, Reply)

It was Sue Ellen's sister
Kristin.

Damn my brain for storing this shite.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:26, Reply)

Damn it, indeed.
How goes it, dear fellow?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:32, Reply)

Shite, thanks.
A pile of crap projects to wade through, with sub-standard applications, basic financial errors, lack of supporting information that should have been provided at the time of submission, idiots not understanding the programme and championing investments that aren't even eligible... I could go on.

Other than that, life is peachy.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:35, Reply)

Fucking hell mate
I didn't want a real answer.


Jesting aside, that sounds extraordinarily dull, old boy. Unlucky.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:37, Reply)

It's not dull as such
I enjoy what I do, I just don't enjoy having to spend 50% of my working time doing somebody else's job for them, despite them having been in post for over a year, because they are still making the same basic mistakes. If I don't pick up the pieces in order to get projects approved, the budget doesn't get spent, and I get bollocked at my performance review for not meeting my job objectives. Which is why I'm not around much lately.

My nervous breakdown is scheduled for July.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:46, Reply)

Other people's shitness, and one's obligation to sort it out,
is most definitely dull.

July, you say?

*checks diary*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 12:00, Reply)

I thought it was the little lad
By accident?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:39, Reply)

What was the farce?
Enquiring minds are enquiring.
(ThomsonsPier consumes, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:39, Reply)

It was called Funny Money
Originally it was about a London man who finds a briefcase of money on the tube.
Somebody-or-other has adapted it for the Liverpool stage.

We didn't know it was going to be a farce. I find them wearing.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:41, Reply)

They can be entertaining.
But they're incredibly hard to do well.
(ThomsonsPier consumes, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:42, Reply)

the only farce I am interested in is Atellan farce.
*Lord Snooty pic*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:43, Reply)

TA DA!

( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:55, Reply)

Me, earlier.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:58, Reply)

I think......
He's the oldest existing cartoon character still in print.
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 12:12, Reply)

They really did their best and I'm not knocking them
But it was like a scouse version of those Country Manor adverts...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:49, Reply)

It was...
...Leland Palmer whilst under the evil influence of 'Trapper Bob'.

Oh - and good morning y'all.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:51, Reply)

Moomin

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:52, Reply)

Did I miss 'owt?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:53, Reply)

I saw a shit play
Chomp's got earache, DG's bored.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:55, Reply)

...and I'm HEALTHY!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 11:58, Reply)

Oh yeah
Monty's healthy
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 12:00, Reply)

That IS news

i am also bored and in need of curry
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 12:02, Reply)

At 12:05
you may only eat cold curry
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 12:05, Reply)

Ooh a curry sounds yummy.
Hard to justify at lunchtime.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 12:28, Reply)

Not if it's cold

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 12:29, Reply)

Are you skint and out of drugs?
In that case, send your gold to me and I will turn it into cash!
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 12:28, Reply)

Not so much bored
as pissed off at the levels of incompetence that surround me.

Normal service will be resumed shortly.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 3 Feb 2010, 12:06, Reply)

Surely this is a very normal way to think about your colleages

Everyone is rubbish, but me*

*may contain traces of lies
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 12:08, Reply)

Nah.
When I have to repeatedly say to my project coordinators (two people) things like "the applicant hasn't supplied three quotes for the work, in line with the rules" or, "they've got their finances in the wrong year and they don't add up" every time an application is submitted, then I'm afraid I'm surrounded by incompetence.

The odd mistake I can handle - human nature and all that. But every fucking time?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 3 Feb 2010, 12:16, Reply)

I completely admit that I am totally incompetent
and show a staggering lack of interest in my profession.

But I turn up on time every day, which is more than some of my more competent colleagues do, so I get away with it (for now).
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 12:16, Reply)

I turn up late and arse about
But sometimes I really get a shift on
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 12:21, Reply)

Yeah, but women get away with murder in the workplace
*prepares to receive kicking for sexist comment*
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 12:25, Reply)

Everyone gets away with murder here

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 12:26, Reply)

But then again
you are all professional assassins
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 12:27, Reply)

Shush dude!!!!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 12:29, Reply)

Whoops, my bad
please dont kill me *looks down at laser dot on chest*
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 12:30, Reply)

If I put the laser dot on your chest
My cat would have ripped out your heart before I realised the error
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 12:32, Reply)

Nah, my chicken would see him off
she's chased off my neighbours cat who kills adult rabbits for shits'n'giggles.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 12:34, Reply)

She would not
He's become schizophrenic like Ronnie, and it has given him superstrength.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 12:43, Reply)

Speaking of which (sort of)
..the chap who plays Dexter has cancer.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 12:29, Reply)

Oh man, first he's born ginger
and now this
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 12:32, Reply)

You'd have to think he is a tad more upset about the cancer though....
Chemo is much more painful than applying Clairol.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 3 Feb 2010, 12:36, Reply)