I own two griddle pans
but have never listened to HMHB. I intend to rectify this. What's your favourite HMHB album, all you HMHB fans?
( Peej, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:27, 84 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

The one where they kick a dog until it sicks a rainbow.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:30, Reply)

Cammell Laird Social Club
Actually it's just my favourite album cover...

Voyage to the Bottom of the Road.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:30, Reply)

I shall check those both out :)

( Peej, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:34, Reply)

If I pressed you on the nose with one of my many, many fingers, would you honk like a goose or would a 2 litre plastic bottle of white lightning get dispensed from your fanny?
?
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:34, Reply)

Both

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:45, Reply)

Cor!
I'm going film myself doing this made up dance that I do. it's really cool. loads of knee wobbling. I'll send it to you.

You can send one back of you trying to pull your own haircut off whilst eating a banana violently.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:48, Reply)

i am eating a banana right now
But I'm quite calm.
I made up a boss dance last Saturday but I've forgotten it.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:50, Reply)

I want to poke at your chest with a pair of tit spoons and then pull my disgusted face.

I'd probably be wearing a collarless shirt.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:53, Reply)

Linen?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:10, Reply)

Dead Pandas Bumhole Bum Aids

( broadsword, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:32, Reply)

I like them.

(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:55, Reply)

They're shit.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:34, Reply)

You effete, spaniel-haired, drug-addled, cum-junky.
How dare you. Are you really looking for a sharp punch in the penis?
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:39, Reply)

Officelols.
As much as I love Monty, that about sums him up.
( girlinthehole, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:41, Reply)

I am NOT a cum-junky, you bounders.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:52, Reply)

Indeed
It was already established by the very authoratitive DJTees that you're only shirter.
( djtrialprice, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:57, Reply)

Yeah! that I wasn't too sure about.

( girlinthehole, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:59, Reply)

Is B3ta going like sci-fi....
...in that it all has to be true? If yes QOTW is fucked.

In that case I retract 'cum-junky' and replace with 'gay-blade'.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:14, Reply)

I dare very easily indeed.
So-called 'comedy bands', particularly those with (let's face it) a really, REALLY shit name, are shit.

Tell me 'Half Man Half Biscuit' is a good name for a band. Come on, look me in the eye and tell me. The only thing that's good about it is that it gives you fair warning of the kind of wankers you're dealing with.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:42, Reply)

I was about to retort with most bands names being shit
but then I realised that I actually do think most bands are shit.

Except Pink Floyd, who have a very silly name.
( Peej, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:44, Reply)

and are shit.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:46, Reply)

Very.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:54, Reply)

No
Pink Floyd are not shit and I am willing to prove my point by drumming my heals in to the floors whilst screaming loudly.
( Peej, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:33, Reply)

Well that changes everything for me.
'Dark Side' is not drivel, the talent did not go with Syd's sanity, Waters is not a self indulgent cunt and The Wall is a classic album.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:36, Reply)

Waters is a self-indulgent cunt
but you cannot deny that Dave Gilmour is a fucking stupendous guitar player.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:37, Reply)

..Dave Gilmour is a fucking stupendous guitar player helmet.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:41, Reply)

I think I may have to destroy you
even Monty can admit that Gilmour is awesome on the axe
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:42, Reply)

Well.
Why don't you BUM Monty then.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:46, Reply)

because I'm not a die-cast bender like him
or you
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:47, Reply)

But if Gilmour asked you to touch your toes....
...you would.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:56, Reply)

naa, he's an ugly fucker
maybe back in the 70s...

I mean....ahem...BREASTS!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:00, Reply)

Waters is the perpetual dictator of Helmand Province.
He looks like Neanderthal Man and comes across as an unbelievable cunt.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:25, Reply)

this is true

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:30, Reply)

So is Pre Insane Syd
Pink Floyd OK?

Because The Piper at the Gates of Dawn and A Saucerful of Secrets are my favourite.s Not a big fan of The Wall though, I disagree about DSOTM being Drivel. Of the later stuff Animals and Wish you were here are great.

I'm glad my pretend strop managed to change every opinion that you had about Floyd though. And people say sarcasm doesn't work on the Internet.

*Edit* p.s. most musicians are self indulgent cunts.
( Peej, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:15, Reply)

Entirely
Piper is one of the most glorious, quintessentially English psychedelic records ever made, and Arnold Layne one of the finest pop/psych singles ever. They started off mind-blowingly excellent - which made the descent to drivel like 'The Final Cut' so marked.

I presonally adore Barrett's post-insanity work almost as much. He really was a unique songwriter and I love his middle-class vocals. He's also a hugely underrated guitarist who was genuinely groundbreaking in his day.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:23, Reply)

here's something that might shock you Monty
I didn't like Arnold Layne until I heard a version of Gilmour doing it recently with Bowie on vocals.

It was completely superb
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:29, Reply)

*goes round Vipros' gaff with some earbuds,
and a hammer in case they don't work*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:30, Reply)

there are just some areas where we will always disagree
I fucking love Floyd, from the very first stuff, through to Division Bell etc.

My favourite is Echoes though, that's got to stand me in good stead.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:32, Reply)

Come now, even Pink Floyd think The Final Cut is shit....

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:37, Reply)

I'll concede that.
there are a couple of tracks that almost pass muster though
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:39, Reply)

Oh God no.
Pre-insane Syd were utter arse too - it's just they were a hell of a lot more interesting with an unhinged space-head directing things rather than the technical dullards. If my testicles were nailed to a table and I was forced to listen to 'The Floyd' I am picking the first two easy-peasy, lemon-squeezy.

I apologise for the sarcasm. It is a very unflattering trait which I do tend to over use. Of course, 'each to their own' and all that tummy-rubbish.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:26, Reply)

No they weren't.
Bollocks to 'each to their own' too, you cowardly chutney ferret. Stick to your misguided guns, maybe sling on some of the hilarious 'Half Man, Half Biscuit' instead.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:29, Reply)

Was Chutney Ferret a Syd song?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:33, Reply)

lulz!

( Peej, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:35, Reply)

You can't spell 'heels'
and therefore everything you say must be bollocks.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:14, Reply)

But I can spell Heals
I just should have used the word heels instead.

However you may be right about about everything I say being bollocks.
( Peej, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:16, Reply)

you are both idiots
also, the law of band names, as laid down by Homer Simpson, is that they should be funny the first time, and less so each subsequent time.

I think Half man, half biscuit isn't too bad.

but then, my bands are called Dumber Than The Average Bear and The Red Squirrel / Grey Squirrel Scenario
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:34, Reply)

Did we have a worst band name thread?
*shuts eyes and thinks*
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:39, Reply)

We should, and if we have, another is due
But not for a couple of days please: I'm too busy and tired to concentrate. Can I just say 'Hootie and the Blowfish' for now. What a fucking SHIT name.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:20, Reply)

Is Friday good for you?
Oh - and I see your Hootie and raise you a 'Style Council'.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:30, Reply)

I'll re-raise with Scouting for Girls
not only a bad name, but an incredibly bad band.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:33, Reply)

OK Let's save this for Friday.
(4 Non Blondes.)
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:35, Reply)

*consults diary*
Friday's good for me. Just in case I'm taken ill or something, can I quickly put 'They Might Be Giants' into the arena. They might be - technically this is the case, however 'They Are Extremely Likely to be Shirters' might be a touch more honest...
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:36, Reply)

Vipros - Friday?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:51, Reply)

if it's friday lunchtime, say 12-1
I can't devote much time to this place these days
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:55, Reply)

Same here
I really cannot justify cocking around on B3ta like I used to.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 16:00, Reply)

nor me
shame really, but I think it will do me some good.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 16:05, Reply)

Couldn't agree more
Friday noonish it is.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 16:09, Reply)

'Back in the DHSS' is a great starter...
...but I love 'Trouble Over Bridgewater' especially for the track 'Used to be in Evil Gazebo'.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:35, Reply)

What was wrong with that last thread about the exact same thing?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:46, Reply)

You put backstreet boys in my head!

EDIT: which on reflection is better than having them in my arse.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:52, Reply)

Al likes them A LOT.
Apparently 'loads of adults are into them, they've actually got really good voices and they're really good at dancing and they do a really good live show'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:59, Reply)

That man worries me
I can just tell at Download this year I'm going to have to say to him and his friends, "I knew y'all were a bunch of faggots. You ain't jacuzzing nobody!"
( djtrialprice, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:02, Reply)

What's the one that's got the song about Chatteris?

( djtrialprice, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:52, Reply)

For What Is Chatteris
EDIT: At the other end of the scale we have "truth be told, now that Thelma's gone... it makes the room look bigger"
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:53, Reply)

I meant the album it was from
(but yes, I didn't know the song name either)
( djtrialprice, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:55, Reply)

Oh. I dunno

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:58, Reply)

Useless
What good are you? Justify yourself!
( djtrialprice, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:00, Reply)

She can pee in her shoes.

( girlinthehole, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:08, Reply)

Thanks sister, I forgot that one.
I also have a very high pain threshold.Thxplz.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:09, Reply)

I'm absolutely boss, me :(
I can: whistle, make panna cotta, make cushions, sing, do impersonations, read tarot cards, make Latvians laugh, touch men's hair at gigs without them noticing, get stains out, magic money out of nowhere, and do that dance where you grab one leg behind you and thrusty hop.

I could go on.

What good are you?? Eh??
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:08, Reply)

I wish I'd known you when I had long hair
I can write computer programs, write songs, play the guitar, play football, dance to Erasure with no shame and Single Ladies by Beyonce now too :(, shout very loudly, get indignant at people questioning my nationality, drive very fast, magic money from my wallet *into* nowhere, get stains in, remember every line of comedy dialogue I've ever heard, hug strangers. And I'm the absolute best online seducer in the world one cock gaz coming right up
( djtrialprice, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:18, Reply)

Maybe you did and maybe I touched your hair but you didn't notice.
Single Ladies??
I once walked along the street making a sandwich, gave it to a passing stranger and told him to have a word with himself when he moaned at the lack of butter.
I only hug strangers if they're dressed as Pudsey or Spot or whatnot.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:23, Reply)

She's got a cracking arse too
especially when you've crumbled frazzles over it.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:31, Reply)

Thanks, Al
Keep on and I might be in here...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:33, Reply)

Oh you are anyway
he's a massive slag
(Bazongaloid, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:39, Reply)

Oh sod that then
I can't be doing with slags.
I want a nice girl I can take home to Papa.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:40, Reply)

well you can take home that bloke you were asking out
the other day :P
( djtrialprice, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:42, Reply)

I will
He's no slag.
My dad wouldn't even NEED his shotgun.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:44, Reply)

I find it hard
to argue against this :(
( djtrialprice, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:41, Reply)

There there
I'll console you properly at Donnington
(Bazongaloid, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:46, Reply)

cheers dude
you'll wipe my salty tears away
( djtrialprice, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:49, Reply)

Actually
I'm thinking we should just be friends. Would you like to go see the opera instead of receiving an ilicit gaz?
( djtrialprice, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:40, Reply)

Fine, sod off you slag
*take opera tickets and takes Nana instead*
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:41, Reply)