Morning all!
I'm in a very good mood this morning, for several reasons.
1. It's payday
2. I've got a night out tonight with several mates
3. I'm only working 2 days next week
4. The police called me last night, told me that the Scrote who stole off me has finally been taken into custody and charged. He's been given his court date, so things are finally happening! I'll be getting money back soon, and he's likely to be fined a rather large amount of money.
5. Liverpool won last night.

How about you lot, what's making you cheerful today?

EDIT: Whoops, sorry. Started making this thread a while back, didn't realise someone had posted since. Actually, it looks a rather boring thread, so I'll leave this here.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 8:41, 132 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

It looks like everyone died overnight
We are the only survivors.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 9:00, Reply)

A disaster
which from here on will be known as the b3tacaust.

Maybe.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 9:04, Reply)

I'm a b3tacaust denier

( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 9:23, Reply)

Have you seen a real human this morning?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 9:24, Reply)

Nobody here is real

( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 10:02, Reply)

I'm here.
I'm always here.
( girlinthehole, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 9:04, Reply)

Mornin' missus
How are you this sunny morn?
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 9:06, Reply)

Okeydokey.
Just got some work to do for a while but popping in and out.
( girlinthehole, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 9:07, Reply)

Advice please
I've just been handed a blank card to sign for one of our Polish worker's new baby.

I just can't think what to put.

apart from "congratulationski"
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 9:11, Reply)

"Don't eat it"

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 9:12, Reply)

I may not put this
unless I get desparate
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 9:14, Reply)

"Sprinkle some dill on it"
They love the dill.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 9:15, Reply)

Try this
Kiedy wasze dziecko obraca szesnaœcie, JA jestem udaj¹cy siê id¹cy; chodzenie do gwa³tu to.

It roughly translates as "When your baby turns 16, I'm going to rape it".

Sometimes I sicken even myself.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 9:15, Reply)

That licker on your page, for example.
No neeeeeed.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 9:16, Reply)

Licker?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 9:18, Reply)

as in 'window...'

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 9:19, Reply)

Shit.
Walked straight into that one, didn't I Auntie?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 9:24, Reply)

Looking good

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 9:18, Reply)

Try:
Fuck off back to Poland.

Ha ha haaaa!
(The Boy Monders I have ginger bits in my beard., Fri 26 Feb 2010, 10:50, Reply)

He's quite a nice guy.
If a bit of a fascist.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 11:03, Reply)

How about.
moje gratulacje
( girlinthehole, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 9:21, Reply)

I'll check the translation first
Sorry, but this is B3ta.

Edit: Shame on me for doubting BGB
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 9:25, Reply)

Pfft!
This is big-girl's-blouse, you can trust me.
( girlinthehole, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 9:29, Reply)

MORNING!
I'm on leave from work today :)

I have my mate's daughter coming to stay later so I wanted to chill and make the house all nice and make something nice for tea so she can come round after school.

Y'all WISH I was your aunty.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 9:14, Reply)

I'm afraid I beat anyone at being an aunty hands down.
I am the champion!
( girlinthehole, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 9:18, Reply)

Can it be a draw :(

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 9:20, Reply)

yes, because I think you're both ace.

(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 26 Feb 2010, 9:21, Reply)

Gimme yer sweets and get to bed you little brat!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 9:23, Reply)

shuddup.

(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 26 Feb 2010, 9:47, Reply)

I don't know.
I'm very fussy about my auntie skills and take great pride.
( girlinthehole, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 9:22, Reply)

Can you do awesome voices?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 9:23, Reply)

Awesome voices, funny faces, jokes etc
I am also in charge of cinema duties.
( girlinthehole, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 9:27, Reply)

Then it's a draw.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 9:28, Reply)

Ok.
*plans more awesome ways to be an auntie*
( girlinthehole, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 9:30, Reply)

Oh yeah!!!!
Do you look absolutely stunning when you take off your specs and let your hair down?
*Rubs thighs for Aunty*
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 26 Feb 2010, 9:18, Reply)

Trust you!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 9:20, Reply)

But Miss Jones! You're Beautiful!

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 26 Feb 2010, 10:42, Reply)

MISTER RIGSBY!!!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 10:44, Reply)

Nah, not really
My aunties speak English, not chew it up and spit it out.

Ugh, Scousers.

What?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 9:19, Reply)

You dirty little WOOL, how dare you!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 9:20, Reply)

Haha
I'm nor wooler back!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 9:24, Reply)

Meff

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 9:29, Reply)

Ming

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 9:30, Reply)

Mong

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 9:34, Reply)

Meff gone wrong

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 9:50, Reply)

IT'S PAYDAY!!!
Now I have to buy a new motherboard to replace my current faulty one.

The rest will most definitely, without any shadow of a doubt be left alone and kept as savings.

Aye right. Tonight I look forward to watching Dortmund play Schalke, drinking tea, maybe a bit of Empire: Total War, and a nice early night/long lie.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 9:25, Reply)

HAVE YOU SEEN QOTW
Someone's posted a pic of a bird in a dirty vest posing seductively on a laundry bin!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 9:27, Reply)

Hmm
I'd definitely give her one.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 9:30, Reply)

She smells of smokey bacon crisps
LOOK AT THE COLUR OF HER VEST
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 9:34, Reply)

/talk will be on it soon like a rash.
*waits*
( girlinthehole, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 9:31, Reply)

I feel like making her go topless just to wash that vest

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 9:33, Reply)

Maybe she was topless and had to get a vest out of the laundry bin for the photo.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 9:38, Reply)

I thought it was just a grey vest top

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 9:50, Reply)

Me too
Also, it looks pretty chilly. She should just get them out so I can get on with my day.
(The Boy Monders I have ginger bits in my beard., Fri 26 Feb 2010, 9:55, Reply)

I like breasts

(PsychoChomp, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 9:36, Reply)

I like vests
(if they're not manky)
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 9:37, Reply)

aw man, it would have been much funnier if I'd posted "I like vests" in the replies.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 9:39, Reply)

I wish I had now

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 9:41, Reply)

You can do it if you want,
I'll delete my reply to make you look original.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 9:43, Reply)

It's ok, it's a mess over there already

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 9:48, Reply)

especially after she went for the "I'm bored" angle
rather than just admitting that she is a dirty ginger attention seeker
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 10:30, Reply)

She needs to look at the last 'girl in underwear' incident
There's quite a high bar been set...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 10:32, Reply)

tis true
and at least becky was wearing nice undies
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 10:33, Reply)

Eggzackly.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 10:35, Reply)

and is not an american
which that ginger may be
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 10:37, Reply)

I got that vibe too
But the tiles look British
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 10:39, Reply)

couldn't look too close
as I'm at work
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 10:39, Reply)

I'm not fussy on her boobz mate
You're missing nowt.
Her face is nice. And her hair.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 10:41, Reply)

I don't like the bathroom
she needs that 60 minute makeover or summat.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 10:44, Reply)

You don't like bathrooms at all this morning, son

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 10:44, Reply)

Nope
I just glared at my shower again.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 10:48, Reply)

I had a glance
reminds me of a girl I was seeing once
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 10:44, Reply)

You've done the bleedin rounds you have

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 10:45, Reply)

couldn't be much further from the truth
:-P
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 10:48, Reply)

I like jests.
Poor, I know.
( girlinthehole, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 9:41, Reply)

Nothing in particular has happened to put me in a good mood today.
I stayed on the sofa last night, my neck has a pain in it now and my almost brand new shoes have started leaking from the sole, even though they aren't in the slightest bit worn yet.

Despite this, I'm remaining chipper and am generally in a good mood.
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Fri 26 Feb 2010, 10:16, Reply)

It won't last...
Siiiiiiiiiigh
(The Boy Monders I have ginger bits in my beard., Fri 26 Feb 2010, 10:22, Reply)

Oi, be full of cheer, jebends!!!!
*cartwheel*
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 10:25, Reply)

Jebends!
Ha ha well done missus, you've well made laugh! Not heard/read/said that for ages. I'm gonna watch a load of Devvo at lunch, now.
(The Boy Monders I have ginger bits in my beard., Fri 26 Feb 2010, 10:38, Reply)

Have yooon got twenteh peee???
Is thatt ma laaager??
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 10:39, Reply)

I'd like some lager now.
Or a Guinness.

Yeah, a breakfast Guinness please!
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Fri 26 Feb 2010, 10:45, Reply)

I've got wine and spirits?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 10:45, Reply)

Yeah, that'll do...
I can put some brandy in my porridge and make a fresh fruit smoothie with wine instead of fruit juice.

Lunchtime is gonna be FUN!
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Fri 26 Feb 2010, 10:49, Reply)

Class.
I was well surprised when I found out he was a character, because I know a few folk like that. Well I *am* from Stockport...
(The Boy Monders I have ginger bits in my beard., Fri 26 Feb 2010, 10:53, Reply)

I was upest when I found it out

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 10:57, Reply)

God, Stockport...
I've been there. My mate's Dad lives just outside Woodley which is quite nice though.
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Fri 26 Feb 2010, 10:58, Reply)

It's Mos Eisley on benefits.

(The Boy Monders I have ginger bits in my beard., Fri 26 Feb 2010, 11:24, Reply)

When are you going to publish the Roota/English Dictionary?
I'd buy one.

Edit: buy nick
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 10:42, Reply)

It's easy to figure out yourself after a while

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 10:43, Reply)

I'm sorrry, but Jebends has me flumaxed.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 10:45, Reply)

Bellend

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 10:46, Reply)

No need for names

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 10:48, Reply)

Hehe
Bellend
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 10:49, Reply)

Fuckin' hell! It's you!
Hello mate! How's things up in that northern place?
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Fri 26 Feb 2010, 10:50, Reply)

How do matey!
Yeah, all fine and dandy here apart from maiming myself in the shower this morning. Off up Morpeth way later for bashage.

How's tricks in Bristol? Hear the band's doing well?
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 10:52, Reply)

Oh, is THAT why people have been talking about that shit hole?
Someone organised a bash there?! *facepalms*

Yeah, all good down here ta. Trying to book a European tour for later in the year with only a small amount of luck. I've also been busy sending off applications to play at TWO HUNDRED festivals this year.
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Fri 26 Feb 2010, 10:57, Reply)

It is indeed.
It's quite pretty is Morpeth.

Wow, sounds like things are rolling nicely. Any planned gigs in Leeds at all?
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 10:59, Reply)

If we can get a few dates in a row,
say; Leeds, Manchester, Liverpool, then yeah I'd love to!

It's not financially viable if we can't string a few together though...
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Fri 26 Feb 2010, 11:20, Reply)

WOO COME TO THE 'POOL
and get mugged again :(
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 11:27, Reply)

Hello all!
I’m having a good day so far. Looking forward to a big juicy burger at lunch and I’m also looking forward to a weekend of uninterrupted gaming as DiT faces the monsters in Nottingham. Booh-yah!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 26 Feb 2010, 11:07, Reply)

where are you going for a burger?
one of the things I like best about that London is the quality or burger joint.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 11:08, Reply)

Ossies
Near St Pauls - Its bloody tops there! The burgers are the size of my head and are £5 – you can’t argue with that… well you could argue with that but they would probably kill you by pelting the GIANT burgers at you!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 26 Feb 2010, 11:14, Reply)

do they do a good milkshake?
can't beat a nice burger and a top milkshake
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 11:29, Reply)

Sadly they don’t do milkshakes,
my favourite place for milkshakes is a good ol’ TGI Fridays. The one in Piccadilly Circus does a mean chocolate milkshake, plus you can get Oreo milkshakes there too and they are droolariffic! :D
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 26 Feb 2010, 11:38, Reply)

You guys need to visit Rocotillo's
if you're ever in Bristol.

Awesome 50's diner where they do the best steaks, burgers and milkshakes I've ever had. They have a chocolate bar counter - you just pick some chocolate and they turn it into a milkshake! Creme egg milkshake anyone?!

www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2007/mar/25/foodanddrink.features21
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Fri 26 Feb 2010, 11:49, Reply)

Awwww man!
I need to get to Brizzol, I’ve only been there once and it scared me. :(
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 26 Feb 2010, 11:57, Reply)

burger cock
gaming fudding myself silly
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 11:10, Reply)

You know it!
:D
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 26 Feb 2010, 11:14, Reply)

MORNINNNNNG NEMESIS!
Let's just love each other today cos the birds are singing and spring is a-ringing.
And I'm answering the phone and saying "Yo, Spring, word to ya momz."
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 11:12, Reply)

Alright fellow nem!
Sounds good to me, I'm full of love today! :D

Woo, spring iz da bomb!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 26 Feb 2010, 11:15, Reply)

I'm full of love and fluff and toast
But only with cottage cheese. I promise.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 11:21, Reply)

I can supply plenty of cottage cheese if necessary...
In other news I;ve just got a sausage and egg sandwich from the fat snack van.

Nom.
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Fri 26 Feb 2010, 11:26, Reply)

Shush
I'm not allowed any naughty eats until tonight
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 11:27, Reply)

What happens tonight?

(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Fri 26 Feb 2010, 11:28, Reply)

I'm babysitting
So it's rude not to eat popcorn and crisps, and get sozzled on wine and fall asleep in the floor, with your head on a labrador, only for the kid to wake you and say "Er, can we watch the Simpsons Movie now? Cos Harry Potter's finished..."
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 11:43, Reply)

Sounds fantabulous!
I'm up for that. How much are they paying us?
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Fri 26 Feb 2010, 11:45, Reply)

We're doing it out of the goodness of our hearts

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 11:49, Reply)

And wine?
Tell me they're providing the wine...
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Fri 26 Feb 2010, 11:50, Reply)

No but I am.
Actually they might send the kid up with some wine as a gesture. They've done that before.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 11:50, Reply)

What time do we start?

(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Fri 26 Feb 2010, 11:51, Reply)

Well she's coming after school (the other two are at their nan's)
And I'm doing a nice pasta, but you can come after tea if you like?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 11:54, Reply)

It's a date.

(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Fri 26 Feb 2010, 11:54, Reply)

'Ere, there'll be none of that

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 11:55, Reply)

Not like that, thilly.

(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Fri 26 Feb 2010, 11:56, Reply)

Good.
You sit on the big couch on your own, just in case.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 11:56, Reply)

Where's the fun in that?

I'm out.
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Fri 26 Feb 2010, 11:57, Reply)

You've left your Capri Sun

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 11:58, Reply)

You've left YOUR capri sun.
:p
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Fri 26 Feb 2010, 12:00, Reply)

Your mum's left HER Capri Sun

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 12:01, Reply)

You just had to take it too far
DIDN'T YOU? Huh?
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Fri 26 Feb 2010, 12:08, Reply)

Hurrah for cottage cheese!

(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 26 Feb 2010, 11:28, Reply)

Spoonfuls of it!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 26 Feb 2010, 11:43, Reply)