Why did the chicken cross the road?
Discuss.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 3 Mar 2010, 14:57, 85 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

To roll in the mud and cross back again.
He was a dirty double-crosser.
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Wed 3 Mar 2010, 14:58, Reply)

Never heard that one.
Made me grin. Thanks.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:01, Reply)

You're welcome.
I pride myself on remembering nearly every joke I've ever been told.

I used to have a regular at the pub where I worked who would come in, give me a subject and I'd then have the time it took to pour his pint to think of a joke on that or a related subject. If I couldn't, he got a free pint.

He NEVER got a free pint.
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:03, Reply)

That is awesome
more pubs should do that.
( Jimbuktu See? Right here, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:07, Reply)

I was working in a pub
and this weird old guy came in one night telling me he'd give me a MILLION pounds if I answered a question for him. I agreed, so he asked 'What's the biggest organ in the human body?'
Clearly he'd asked this question to lots of people, and most hadn't got it right, so when I told him it was the skin, he just looked stunned and left. I never got my million pounds, but he did come back every night to ask more people the same £1,000,000 question, and I always gave them the answer when he wasn't looking. I don't think he ever really had a million pounds at all. Crazy Neil, you were a twat.
(Bret Mong Keys Eggs has wet his weapon, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:15, Reply)

I had a similar experience with greenpeace girl
asking me the biggest single cause of deforestation. Looked highly put out when I got it right.
( Jimbuktu See? Right here, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:19, Reply)

Stupid fucking hippie
I hope you gave it to her up the brown. Out of interest, what is the biggest cause of deforestation? Is it Yu-Gi-Oh?
(Bret Mong Keys Eggs has wet his weapon, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:21, Reply)

Nah
she hadn't washed. oh, see below.
( Jimbuktu See? Right here, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:24, Reply)

Am I being thick, but I thought the biggest cause was
cutting trees down.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:36, Reply)

Cattle ranching?
Or is it a trick question?
( Peej, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:22, Reply)

Soya
Hippies are destroying the world themselves!
( Jimbuktu See? Right here, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:23, Reply)

Very interesting and debated it seems
I can't wait to use that on the pussy veggie pricks
( Peej, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:27, Reply)

we should burn them all
sure they'd release noxious gases into the atmosphere, but at least it's a sustainable energy source
(Bret Mong Keys Eggs has wet his weapon, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:28, Reply)

Because you're a cunt

(Bret Mong Keys Eggs has wet his weapon, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 14:58, Reply)

I clicked this.
Thank you.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 3 Mar 2010, 14:59, Reply)

I accidentally replied to the post below first
but kept it there because I'm mad, me
(Bret Mong Keys Eggs has wet his weapon, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:01, Reply)

Strangely
It worked.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:02, Reply)

It's the answer to everything really.

( girlinthehole, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:03, Reply)

oooh, philosophy
I think, therefore I am... a cunt
(Bret Mong Keys Eggs has wet his weapon, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:04, Reply)

Exactly!

( girlinthehole, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:09, Reply)

Cos he was stuck on the perverts dick.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 3 Mar 2010, 14:59, Reply)

Why did the road allow itself to be trampled upon by the Imperialist Chicken?

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:07, Reply)

It was weak in it's solitude.
Chickens of the world unite, pelican crossings for all!
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:08, Reply)

A duck walks up to the side of the road
First he looks carefully left, then he looks to the right but just then a chicken rushes over to him and says
"Don't do it mate, you'll never hear the end of it"
(bill, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:08, Reply)

Cos he was safety-pinned to a punk.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:09, Reply)

but then why was the punk crossing the road?

(Bret Mong Keys Eggs has wet his weapon, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:16, Reply)

You and your philosophy
You can just fuck off.

But obviously the punk was a Vivienne Westwood fan and was going for a matching chicken bum-flap.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:17, Reply)

Oh, ok
I thought you were going to say 'because he was in a cross-over band', or something
(Bret Mong Keys Eggs has wet his weapon, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:18, Reply)

I would have.
If I was witty and clever.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:19, Reply)

*pats on the head*
there, there porkylips, there there
(Bret Mong Keys Eggs has wet his weapon, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:21, Reply)

*Glums*
But still trying : )
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:24, Reply)

No - she went of her own accord.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:16, Reply)

Fuck that shit
space
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/8547114.stm
(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:16, Reply)

WoW!
If you look really closely you can see the chicken.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:18, Reply)

My God it's pretty.
I shall miss it when it's gone.
( girlinthehole, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:20, Reply)

I have a million replies for this but seem to be functioning from an over active sensibility gland.
( Jimbuktu See? Right here, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:27, Reply)

I think it will miss you first.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:27, Reply)

Beautiful
You can just see in BGB's bedroom window.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:22, Reply)

Her monumental snatch
is one of the few things visible from space
(Bret Mong Keys Eggs has wet his weapon, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:24, Reply)

You've got me mixed up with TGB.

( girlinthehole, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:25, Reply)

Even your huge black cloud has shrunk to negligible proportions, eh?

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:26, Reply)

Isn't hers
that big red spot on Jupiter?
(Bret Mong Keys Eggs has wet his weapon, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:27, Reply)

That's her nipple
And Saturn is the other breast with the piercing.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:33, Reply)

Are you saving up for a 'Uranus' joke?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:35, Reply)

I wasn't initially, but now that you mentioned it...

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:36, Reply)

For some odd reason...
...I am singing 'Super Massive Black Hole'.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:39, Reply)

She probably has one of those too

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:40, Reply)

Christ alive
where and when do I get to meet this female Galactus?
(Bret Mong Keys Eggs has wet his weapon, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:35, Reply)

Just beyond the "Kuyper Belt"
*wink wink nudge nudge*
*doesn't really see where that innuendo's going either*
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:40, Reply)

I'd show her a 'Milky Way'!

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:42, Reply)

I'd just fuck her
and try to think of some witty, space-oriented pun afterwards
(Bret Mong Keys Eggs has wet his weapon, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:43, Reply)

I think this has gone beyond the realms of wittism on my behalf.

( girlinthehole, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:49, Reply)

What is this Earth thing called 'wittism'?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:53, Reply)

*high fives*
This wins. I honestly don't think I can top that.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:43, Reply)

You Oort to Know better

Edit "You Oort TNO Better"

*massive astronomy geek*
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:42, Reply)

Planck.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:46, Reply)

Space twat.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:47, Reply)

Did you get that from Oscar Wilde's book of witty responses Tuggers?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:49, Reply)

Nope.
That is one of mine as my attempt to find an innuendo from 'Hubble' failed miserably, yet I still felt the urge to join in.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:51, Reply)

I'll 'hubble' your 'telescope'

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:52, Reply)

*insert picture of Patrick Moore smoking a pipe*

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:55, Reply)

A million B3ta readers can't be wrong
You made the popular board.

I try too hard, Cunt.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:56, Reply)

Mad innit?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:16, Reply)

There is no justice in the world

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:18, Reply)

Give 'em what they want...
...cheap innuendos and a picture of Sid James is the 'bread and circuses' of B3ta.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:37, Reply)

Genuine office snort.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:50, Reply)

Shame I'm not there right now.

( girlinthehole, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:25, Reply)

Yes, yes it is.
But you will be later.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:26, Reply)

Joins Bart in thigh-rubbing.
Room for two on that ladder? Or we can hide in the bushes over the road.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:28, Reply)

We can go two up on the ladder.
But I don't want to feel any prodding from the back.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:31, Reply)

Prodding? Certainly not!
What do you think I am, some sort of pervert?
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:37, Reply)

I don't know.
What sort of pervert are you?
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:44, Reply)

A voyeur for a start.
Now get up that ladder.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:45, Reply)

I feel violated and I'm not even there yet.

( girlinthehole, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:48, Reply)

Well hurry home
Its bloody freezing up here.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:50, Reply)

To avoid your gay threads

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:28, Reply)

Apologies.
I'm bored so you can all suffer. I was hoping they'd be hi-jacked and become interesting.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:29, Reply)

I did, I put pictures of space.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:31, Reply)

Thank you.
It is indeed a lovely picture. Bert would have drawn it himself though. I miss Bert.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:33, Reply)

Will this one do you?
www.b3tards.com/u/be8021e379705db540e6/untitled.jpg
(Bret Mong Keys Eggs has wet his weapon, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:50, Reply)

Brilliant!
Thank you.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:52, Reply)

Mount it and frame it please

(Bret Mong Keys Eggs has wet his weapon, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:52, Reply)

It'll not be much use after it's been mounted. Fnar fnar.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:55, Reply)

Off home now kids. It's been a good day.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:56, Reply)

Because the road killed it's mother.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 19:34, Reply)