I just found 23p down the back of the sofa.
Hands down cushions, and 'fess up your totals. What can the collective might of B3ta buy today?

and some crumbs and a pea, but bartering ability is low with them
( Jimbuktu See? Right here, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:38, 105 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

At 15:39 on a wednesday.
yeah I'll get right on that.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:39, Reply)

Good point.
I forget others might be working.
( Jimbuktu See? Right here, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:41, Reply)

I raided the sofa earlier
and found £1.21 but only 15p can go into the pot because I've already spent the rest on a bag of pasta from the supermarket.
(bill, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:40, Reply)

£2.15
In my work fleecy
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:41, Reply)

£10 in my purse.
Just spent £20 at lunchtime on new beds for the cats.
( girlinthehole, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:43, Reply)

£2.70 in my pocket
I'm going to buy a cake after work and have it with a nice cup of tea
(Bret Mong Keys Eggs has wet his weapon, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:44, Reply)

Rock and roll.

( girlinthehole, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:45, Reply)

I'm bloody crazy, I am

(Bret Mong Keys Eggs has wet his weapon, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:50, Reply)

Used to do this with the leather sofas in the pub.
We once found almost £15 in change after a particularly busy night. Don't do it any more though, someone found a used needle.

However I will check my own sofa when I get home.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:44, Reply)

I had exactly that too.
Was it The Croft in Bristol?
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:49, Reply)

hahaha!
To be expected..
( Jimbuktu See? Right here, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:51, Reply)

Did you know they're bricking up the front bar
to make a smaller gig venue at the front?

It's going to fucking ruin it. I know the owner and he asked if I'd plaster it for him. Couldn't bring myself to say yes.
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:54, Reply)

No?
But then, I rarely venture over to Bristol, trains back are shite and taxi costs a fortune. :(
( Jimbuktu See? Right here, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:02, Reply)

Oh,
I thought you might have lived here.

Where are you then?
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:03, Reply)

Bath
Just along the road. Spent many times in my youth in Bristol, will be over there again soon enough I expect.
( Jimbuktu See? Right here, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:11, Reply)

And likewise...
I live on the cycle path so pop over fairly regularly. I also tend to gig quite a bit a the Green Park Tavern. They have the best pickled eggs I've ever had in my life.
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:53, Reply)

am ill
so did it with bed not couch.

Found £2.20. Nice
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:53, Reply)

Boo for illness
but yay for the rest! Yours is the highest genuine sofa present yet! :)

Edit: wait, no. Bed? You have money in your bed??
( Jimbuktu See? Right here, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:57, Reply)

yes
I assume that coins roll out of pockets etc when I sit on it and fall down the sides.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:01, Reply)

What is this science
you try and baffle with?

They really fell out your belly button, right?
( Jimbuktu See? Right here, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:09, Reply)

*hunted look*
don't tell anyone! I'm actually the golden goose
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:32, Reply)

I have
£23.47 in my wallet at the moment and some empty plastic bits from the ciggies filters in my pocket. Also, filters, phone, baccy, keys & lighter.

That's all I can offer.
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:53, Reply)

This is good.
I will add up and start finding some bargains...

EDIT 38.20 Get shopping people! No change allowed. :)
( Jimbuktu See? Right here, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:58, Reply)

I can let you have these five magic beans,
For exactly £38.20.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:05, Reply)

How magic?
Paul Daniels or the Great Stupendo?
( Jimbuktu See? Right here, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:07, Reply)

More Ali Bongo really
Deal?
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:09, Reply)

Sorry
I don't do forrins.

;)
( Jimbuktu See? Right here, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:12, Reply)

He was British
and very good
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:14, Reply)

but nowhere near as popular as his brother, Um

(Bret Mong Keys Eggs has wet his weapon, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:16, Reply)

he was a little more
fruity
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:19, Reply)

Really?
Beats The Great Stupendo then, I think he was Cypriot or something. In that case, a deal has bean struck.
See what I did there??!
( Jimbuktu See? Right here, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:17, Reply)

Some punnage

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:20, Reply)

No he fucking wasn't
His name is Geoffrey Durham and he was married to Victoria Wood until a few years ago. They lived together on Highgate West Hill in that there London. I am not at liberty to discuss how I know this information as I am a super-spy.

He is a fat shirter and incredibly annoying.

......MESSAGE ENDS......
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:20, Reply)

I know nothing
:(

Edit, who the fuck am I thinking of then? Not this guy..
www.geoffreydurham.com/video.htm
( Jimbuktu See? Right here, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:23, Reply)

Don't worry about it.
We can't all be super-spys, or experts in the field of 'creepy magicians who were on Crackerjack in the 1980s'.

Related fact: my father once called Stu Francis a 'simpering berk'. History proves him right.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:25, Reply)

oooo
I could crush a grape!
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:27, Reply)

Ali Bongo gets a mention by Half Man Half Biscuit.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ali_Bongo
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:27, Reply)

Cunt in 'mentioned by cunts' shocker

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:31, Reply)

Now now.
Let's not...
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:40, Reply)

Nearly a year since his death..

( Jimbuktu See? Right here, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:34, Reply)

That's him.
He used to be The Great Suprendo, with a wig, a false 'tache and a poorly-executed 'foreign' accent...
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:41, Reply)

Victoria Wood can go rim my granddad
that woman wouldn't know funny if it shat in her eyes and repeatedly beat her with a placard saying 'I am Funny'
(Bret Mong Keys Eggs has wet his weapon, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:24, Reply)

I hate her almost to Bowie Level, the highest there is.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:26, Reply)

I think you might need a new hobby

(Bret Mong Keys Eggs has wet his weapon, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:26, Reply)

I hate Sandi Toksvig more

( Jimbuktu See? Right here, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:28, Reply)

I HATE intolerance
(Bret Mong Keys Eggs has wet his weapon, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:29, Reply)

Intolerance?
Is she a burlesque dancer?
( Jimbuktu See? Right here, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:31, Reply)

What sort of a man would hate a burlesque dancer?
Mind you, I'd kick that Dita Von Teese in the tits if she so much as even looked at me. She's faux-attractive
(Bret Mong Keys Eggs has wet his weapon, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:33, Reply)

Speech impediment?
But yes. Burlesque should never be hated.
( Jimbuktu See? Right here, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:36, Reply)

Nope, I said kick
mostly because she once dated that mong Marilyn Manson
(Bret Mong Keys Eggs has wet his weapon, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:37, Reply)

I meant faux.
Yeah, all lipstick and powder puff wrapped cover artist. Meh.
( Jimbuktu See? Right here, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:39, Reply)

She is easy to overlook

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:29, Reply)

Careful Monty,
or the "picture" gets put back on.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:29, Reply)

I've found a tyre.
not sure one will do much good though.
www.roadtyres.com/235-75-15-S.asp
( Jimbuktu See? Right here, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:07, Reply)

perfect for a swing

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:19, Reply)

Down the back of my office chair there is fluff, fluff and more fluff.
On the back of my chair is a laminated card which reads ‘Quiet Time’… its Fun O’clock here!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:03, Reply)

Seriously?
Do you work in a fucking library or what?
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:04, Reply)

Nope, Law Firm,
and we are very specific about the times that you can bother people during the day, apparently!?
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:10, Reply)

ffs
can I come there and kick some peoples asses for you?
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:11, Reply)

Well you could…
but you wouldn’t get past security without an appointment… I’m not sure ‘appointment for dishing out an arse kicking’ counts!? Thanks though!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:12, Reply)

I'll distract security
with my sexy window cleaner routine.
( Jimbuktu See? Right here, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:14, Reply)

Baddahdahdahdahdahhh
Diet Coke Break
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:17, Reply)

God...
I'm sick of the stuff...
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:24, Reply)

What,
My cornucopia of capricious dances?
( Jimbuktu See? Right here, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:29, Reply)

Quiet time?
Do you have your office in an old peoples home?!
( Jimbuktu See? Right here, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:05, Reply)

Nope but that would be cool.
Then I could swipe me a Red Devil and cruise around knocking down commuters.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:11, Reply)

If I had one of those things
I'd totally pimp it out a massive spoiler
(Bret Mong Keys Eggs has wet his weapon, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:14, Reply)

No doubt.
Don’t forget the decals, chicks dig decals.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:18, Reply)

I'll get 'Chicks Dig Decals' written across the side
in FIRE writing
(Bret Mong Keys Eggs has wet his weapon, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:34, Reply)

Don't forget your fiddy-inch-flip-dowwwn-monitarrrr
You be fighting off the lady gardens with a cricket bat my friend.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:37, Reply)

I could lend you a Dirt Devil
but I don't think they move quite so fast with the weight of an adult human on top of them...
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:39, Reply)

Sounds like a euphemism for 'bender'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:42, Reply)

That would be a Shirt Devil

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:45, Reply)

Sounds like eh?
If only we had some sort of walking Bendipedia we could consult with to confirm this. Alas we shall have to muddle through on our own.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:47, Reply)

Fo' shizzle
I could pimp that ride!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:43, Reply)

I've got about $11 in my wallet and a shit ton of change on my tv stand at home, not sure how much, probably around $20

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:07, Reply)

so that's around 11p, right?

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:07, Reply)

Less

(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:10, Reply)

HOORAH
I reckon we should sing some Beyonce to celebrate
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:15, Reply)

all the single ladies, all the single ladies

(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:25, Reply)

uh put ya hands up
*shimmies*
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:28, Reply)

Is this
some kind of robbery?
( Jimbuktu See? Right here, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:36, Reply)

the sexy kind with backup dancers

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:49, Reply)

Yes!
Best type of robbery EVER.
( Jimbuktu See? Right here, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:55, Reply)

my sofa's a sofa bed
it's too dangerous to put my hands down there for all the metal bits. I know there's a mustard lid down their somewhere
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:16, Reply)

I just looked around my desk and found
4 1p coins and a 2p coin so stick 6p on the total
( Peej, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:27, Reply)

38.37...
Enough for a night out at the flics and then on for a drink methinks!
( Jimbuktu See? Right here, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:32, Reply)

might even have enough for peanuts

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:34, Reply)

But why would I want to buy them?!
Peanuts are satans chugnuts.
( Jimbuktu See? Right here, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:37, Reply)

I cannot play this game
For, you see, I am sat on a Swopper Chair:

www.back2.co.uk/Ergonomic-Chairs/Stools/Swopper-Classic-p204.html
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:38, Reply)

?
Is your job being the ball in a pinball machine?
( Jimbuktu See? Right here, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:40, Reply)

No
I'm an emergency stop button in Old Street tube station. It's a fucking doss job - I just sit there most of the time, waiting.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:43, Reply)

I have yet to see an emergency start button
in case you wanted to branch out..
( Jimbuktu See? Right here, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:46, Reply)

You want to get yourself down the old Dragons' Den with that one.
In case you missed my reply above, that clip is indeed the very same fat bender who used to be The Great Suprendo. 200% definite.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:49, Reply)

Yeah
I totally remember him now, just can't remember who it was I thought was him.
( Jimbuktu See? Right here, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:56, Reply)

I pressed an amergency stop button once at Warren St tube because an old girl had fallen over.
It was dead exciting, and I shouted 'Hold Tight' really loud to everyone else on the escalator first.
Nothing very exciting happened after that. Or since, really.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:51, Reply)

Cool.
and also, oh.
( Jimbuktu See? Right here, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:56, Reply)

That's the bit they don't tell you
The Emergency Stop isn't just for the escalator. It results in the complete cessation of all excitement, ever, for the rest of your life.

Showed you, didn't it?
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 17:05, Reply)

the emergency stop button
is cinema security's best friend.


the number of idiots you can catch by pressing that button and watching them fall on their faces is great - and amusing at the same time
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 17:21, Reply)

If only someone had warned me.
I would have taken steps to avoid it.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Wed 3 Mar 2010, 20:28, Reply)

i wish
i could find a pair of reading glasses on my office chair.

this morning i sent out tasks to translators with a deadline of 11PM tonight, thinking I had to send the files to the US for 6pm EST.

turns out it was actually 6pm EST on FRIDAY, so i had everyone rushing around for nothing
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:42, Reply)

hahahha!
Work 'em! work 'em more!
( Jimbuktu See? Right here, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 16:45, Reply)

I inherited a sofa
from a mate who sold his house, gave me his shitty old sofa on the condition he could sleep on it occasionally and when he finally left a year later he left the sofa behind. I moved here and there and eventually it ended up in storage in my parent's sheds about six years ago.

When they had a big clear-out I gave them permission to bin the sofa and didn't think any more about it. I was recently given a box of stuff by my mum and in it was a money bag with almost six quid in shrapnel and a quarter-block of hash, both of which were in the sofa body when my mum took a big fuck-off saw to the bloody thing.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 18:17, Reply)

woo
treasure!
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 19:02, Reply)

75p
might get a dr pepper tomorrow when I'm in london
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 19:02, Reply)