i've had the raging shits for five days?
Quacks see this as trivial nonsense so i've tried 2 days of starvation and i'm still shitting, what the fuck am i shitting?
(CaptainCuntyBollocks the man who can with a frying pan full of lamb, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 12:17, 33 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

because you're ill.
Starvation is not going to help.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 12:18, Reply)

I imagine the answer
is in the bowl of the toilet.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 12:25, Reply)

I thought it was blowing in the wind?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 12:43, Reply)

Hahah! good one

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 13:06, Reply)

Get some opiates inside you.
That'll stop your shitting.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 8 Mar 2010, 12:25, Reply)

A large amount of the content of shit is dead blood and waste from the organs.
People continue shitting almost to very end of a hunger strike.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 12:29, Reply)

Thanks for that illuminating piece of information.
Perfect thing for a Monday morning. I've always wanted to know that.
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 12:34, Reply)

This is interesting and disgusting

( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 12:35, Reply)

i'm actually a bit frightened.
Could this be food poisoning? i was throwing up until i didn't have anything left in me.
(CaptainCuntyBollocks the man who can with a frying pan full of lamb, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 13:44, Reply)

Dear Doctor.
Why do I always get constipated on holiday?
( girlinthehole, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 12:37, Reply)

all the bumming

(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 12:41, Reply)

Got that!
No bumming on holiday.
( girlinthehole, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 12:43, Reply)

If she would take the cock out, it would help.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 12:44, Reply)

Dehydration my dear girl.
Drink lots of water before and during flying, don't get hammered first night and don't over-do the sun.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 12:41, Reply)

Thanks Doc!
But I don't usually go on Club 18 - 30 holidays you know.
( girlinthehole, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 12:42, Reply)

The other cause...
...can be as simple as a change in diet which disrupts the healthy bacteria in your stomach.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 12:45, Reply)

That might be more like it.

( girlinthehole, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 12:49, Reply)

The change in diet
is a massive increase in your consumption of jizz.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 12:53, Reply)

I don't swallow.
I spit it back in their eye.
( girlinthehole, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 12:56, Reply)

You could be my perfect woman

(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 12:56, Reply)

You'd be my perfect guy if you were funny.
And had a large penis of course.
( girlinthehole, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 12:58, Reply)

Well
I'd better learn some jokes then.

And attach some weights to my penis.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 13:03, Reply)

I'll be waiting for you.

( girlinthehole, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 13:05, Reply)

Oh boy
I can't weight.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 13:11, Reply)

It shouldn't disrupt the bowels...
...but it might cause 'Irritable Gowl Syndrome'.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 12:56, Reply)

Jizz?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 12:38, Reply)

Try 3 of sand and 1 of cement.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 8 Mar 2010, 12:40, Reply)

Drink lots of a Gatorade type sports drink...
...and eat bananas. If not better in 48 hours see your GP.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 12:42, Reply)

Loperamide is good
So is lucozade sport, not the fizzy one. And dry biccies like Rich Tea.
(Mrs Ballunatic counting calories, not votes., Mon 8 Mar 2010, 13:13, Reply)

Like porkylips said, Opiates
When I was in hospital for 12 days getting my leg rebuilt I didn't shit once. Anything with Codine in should do the trick.
( Peej, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 13:34, Reply)

oh dear
I had the same for 4 days last week, with Flu at the same time. Vile. You have my every sympathy. Try full fat coke and bananas.Only thing that worked for me, even the day nurse liquid went straight through!And the can of soup............
(Purpledoris I've got afeckin' job, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 13:40, Reply)

tried it and puked it.
Well, i drank some coke and burps were beyond satan's capabilities i'm sure. It felt like battery acid. I threw a banana on top of that and fuck me, it sink bowel time again
(CaptainCuntyBollocks the man who can with a frying pan full of lamb, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 13:47, Reply)

Well
I won't say it worked...did I say you had to EAT the banana?? you could use it as a cork.........
(Purpledoris I've got afeckin' job, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 13:54, Reply)