I'm sorry ok, but I'm stuck and need help and no-one here is capable

Motherfucking Mail merges, I've followed every step to the letter, but nothing comes up in the address block and the greeting line just says Dear Sir Madam, I've been to Microsoft's webpage etc and I'm at my wit's end, so any top tips appreciated.

Alternatively what's the worst thing that's been in your mouth
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 14:33, 71 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Gaz me, I'm VERY clever.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 14:38, Reply)

This sounds like a trap, but ok...

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 14:41, Reply)

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 14:51, Reply)

"Your tastebuds cannot repell flavour of this magnitude!"

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 14:57, Reply)

Ym
\ac
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 14:39, Reply)

'Ere she is!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 14:40, Reply)

Ello love
I just helped chop off a hamsters leg. Fun times!
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 14:55, Reply)

Rodent maimer!

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 12 Mar 2010, 14:55, Reply)

It was already buggered
His cagemate ate most of his foot
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 14:59, Reply)

Was it a normal hamster?
Or a Russian dwarf hamster? Shouldn't keep normal hamsters in pairs as they do have a tendency to eat one another.

I would report the owner and make sure the Daily Mail knows about it for good measure.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 12 Mar 2010, 15:19, Reply)

in my experience
dwarf hamsters don't get on all that well together either
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 15:25, Reply)

My sister had Chinese hamsters
They didn't get on well either. In conclusion, all hamsters are obviously douchebags.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 15:28, Reply)

only to each other
you say mean things about my hamster and there will be trouble!
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 15:33, Reply)

Oh my goodness
Why did it have to be chopped off?
I'm glad you chopped off its leg and didn't put it to sleep though.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 14:56, Reply)

was it OK?
my robrovski, neutrino, had it done, but he didn't survive the anaesthetic
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 14:59, Reply)

Yeah he's fine, likes sundried tomatoes

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 15:00, Reply)

Aw, hooray for him

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 15:01, Reply)

awww :)
i didn't know they could have sundried tomatoes! May feed some to Jack
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 15:02, Reply)

These are sainsburys taste the difference ones so I think he likes the oregano infusion
Poncy roborovski
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 15:05, Reply)

I nearly came home with a robrovski
the other day. He was a rescue hamster, very tiny with mad hair and, best of all called TITAN!

I hope he found a good home
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 15:23, Reply)

Wotcha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 14:42, Reply)

Awight?

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 14:56, Reply)

Neigh bad, neigh bad
You?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 15:05, Reply)

Hehe
You beat me to it!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 12 Mar 2010, 14:42, Reply)

Hiya you
Any more from B3ta man?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 14:42, Reply)

pretend his name is Max

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 14:44, Reply)

I thought that as I typed it

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 14:44, Reply)

I am officially calling it B3tan Watch. :)
Today I have discovered that he wears glasses… that is all I have discovered… as I have been getting on with my work like a good girl!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 12 Mar 2010, 14:45, Reply)

You have to find out one more thing today

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 14:45, Reply)

Will do chicky!
He’s wearing a white shirt today, he’s clearly mixing it up a bit! :)
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 12 Mar 2010, 14:49, Reply)

Woah
So it was casual on thursday but smart on Friday?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 14:49, Reply)

I’m not sure,
do you think blue shirts count as casual? Hehe
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 12 Mar 2010, 14:52, Reply)

Oh,
I thought it was a blue t-shirt!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 14:54, Reply)

Ah noooooo,
it was a shirt, shirt! :D
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 12 Mar 2010, 14:54, Reply)

I'm dying for you to know where he looks so that you can put
LOOK BEHIND YOU as a messgae.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 14:57, Reply)

Hehe I can’t seem to work out where he looks on B3ta.
His screen is quite small from where I am, I noticed the front page yesterday because I was on it at the same time… the other screens just look grey so he could be on anything really!?! Spooky!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 12 Mar 2010, 15:11, Reply)

Daym

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 15:12, Reply)

Gaz EVERYONE

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 15:12, Reply)

I have a white shirt on today...

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 14:59, Reply)

ohmigod
Is it you???
Did you have on a blue one yesterday?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 15:01, Reply)

Maybe...

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 15:02, Reply)

Look behind you
Can you see Flim-Flam?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 15:03, Reply)

There is some mad bird dress as a bee with a giraffe in her mouth

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 15:06, Reply)

That's her!
EDIT That giraffe pic is fit
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 15:06, Reply)

I fear I have got all of your hopes up, there are no giraffe devouring girls anywhere in my vicinity
the search for the mystery B3tan continues!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 15:10, Reply)

Boooooo! :(

(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 12 Mar 2010, 15:11, Reply)

You fucking little fucker

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 15:11, Reply)

The shirts were correct so it was all based on truth

but my office is open plan so I would have known by now if Flimmy was here!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 15:13, Reply)

Also your office has to be next to my office…
I take it you don’t work near St Pauls?
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 12 Mar 2010, 15:14, Reply)

he's not in her building!!!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 15:15, Reply)

Hahaha nope,
his office is next to mine… though a window and into another building… probably 12ish meters away and a floor lower than mine! :D
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 12 Mar 2010, 15:19, Reply)

I think there's a fellow b3tan in my outer group of friends
he posted the Galaxy song on his Facebook suspiciously quickly after it was highlighted on here yesterday....coincidence?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 15:23, Reply)

A friendd of mine certainly reads the site, but i'm not sure if he has a login or not

I quiet like being alone in here!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 15:29, Reply)

yeah that was how I felt
a sense of "you can't come in here, this is my secret den!"
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 15:30, Reply)

My old flatmate reads the newsletter
which is how I heard about b3ta in the first place. She was most amused by my beans story.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 15:38, Reply)

Haha have you found an interloper?

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 14:58, Reply)

I have indeedy.
He’s a B3tan but I can only see the back of his head! Haha
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 12 Mar 2010, 15:13, Reply)

Ello future spouse
Smooshes
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 14:57, Reply)

Alright there my lovely!

(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 12 Mar 2010, 15:12, Reply)

my mate's finger
he's gross

we were outside my gaff, enjoying a spliff. I yawned. He yawn-raped me with his finger.

I closed my mouth, too slow, and yet too fast, and ended up closing my mouth on his finger as he pulled it out

we looked at each other with equal revulsion
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 14:44, Reply)

ha ha ha, I'm thinking Cadbury Flake

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 15:00, Reply)

it was close
that's why it was so disturbing

the worst part is, of all my mates, he is the most disgusting. if you had to suck one of their fingers, his would be last on the list in order of preference.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 15:03, Reply)

haha I didn't know anyone else yawn-raped people
I like to do that to my sister's ferrets, they get ever so confused.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 15:24, Reply)

i do it to my cats
one bites, the other tries not to choke
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 15:27, Reply)

What version of Office are you using?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 14:44, Reply)

2003, yep we are pretty old skool around here!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 14:56, Reply)

Make sure
Your address list is formatted properly. One little mistake............
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 12 Mar 2010, 15:01, Reply)

Well it's in excel, one word per cell
ie Mr John Holmes
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 15:03, Reply)

2003 is the best for it I find
Didn't like 2007. Have you definitely inserted your merge fields?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 15:02, Reply)

When I was a kid
(no, it's not a paedophilia story) I put my thumb in my mouth as I was often wont to do at the time, but this time there was a dead bluebottle all wrapped up in cobwebs stuck to it because I was in the loft.

I stopped sucking my thumb after that.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 15:28, Reply)

OH MY GOD
Did you need therapy?
That is vile.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 15:46, Reply)