FIGHT!
I just remembered being 18, hanging with a couple of friends, driving around in my mom's car.
We pull up to a stop light and they start yelling at some redneck dude calling him hot, sexy, etc. I'm telling them to shut up, they continue until they see two redneck chicks running full speed at us.
They don't say anything other than "SHIT, Roll up the windows!!" and their little arms start scurrying and clawing to get them up. This is when I look up and see these tight jeans and crop top wearing, white rain teased haired girls launching at my mom's car.
As luck would have it the light turned green and I floored it.

Ever been in or close to a fight? 0 points for WoW stories.
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 18:32, 61 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

while ambling back from the city centre one cold night
after consuming a number of beverages, my companions and I heard the shouting of some angry fellows approaching from the rear.

Naturally we thought nothing of this, as we had done nothing to aggravate anyone, however when one of my colleagues went off course for a moment to put a bottle down the shouting became more targeted. It seemed that we were being accused of something and my friend accused of picking up a weapon.

Expecting a fight, we all turned simultaneously to see 2 short, wide, hard-looking chaps with claret pissing all down them from head wounds.

Then they said "oh, sorry boys, some cunts attacked us with bottles and fucked off, and we thought you were them"
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 18:36, Reply)

Are you saying what I think you're saying?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 18:41, Reply)

it depends on what you think I'm saying

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 18:41, Reply)

I'm not saying anything until I've seen a solicitor

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 18:42, Reply)

you're weird

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 18:42, Reply)

Says you!
Seriously. That story is either saying one thing, or it's just weird.
But compelling. Like yourself, you weirdo.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 18:44, Reply)

isn't it obvious?
walking home from town
hear shouting behind us
figure out it is directed at us
turn round ready for fight
get apologised to for mistaken identity.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 18:46, Reply)

OH!
That's really what you were saying?
No, you're winding me up. You're saying that you did it but they were so pissed that they thought it wasn't you lot so apologised.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 18:47, Reply)

do I seem like the type who would smack someone round the head with a bottle?
I was amazed they weren't so pissed that they still thought it was us after we'd turned round
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 18:48, Reply)

No but I thought maybe there were extenuatiing circumstances
Or it was just your colleague
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 18:49, Reply)

when I said colleague
I meant mate, and frankly I can't think of any circumstances that would lead any of us to bottle someone
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 18:50, Reply)

Well if someone was going to batter me and he was bigger than me
and I had hold of a bottle, I'd like to think I could bash it over his head and then run
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 18:51, Reply)

bottles are for fucking cowards
not that I've been in a fight, but if I was, I'd only do something like that if they were going for me with a knife or something
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 18:53, Reply)

I am a coward
If somebody was going to bash me up, I would first run.
But if I couldn't run, I would BASH them over the head and then run.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 18:55, Reply)

bottles are very hard to break
I once saw a fight where some guy bashed another guys face into a tree

gotta love those redneck boys
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 18:54, Reply)

that's far more acceptable than hitting someone with a bottle if you ask me
like using the ropes and the turnbuckles in wrestling
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 18:55, Reply)

I agree

( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 18:58, Reply)

It was quite nice of them to apologise.

( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 18:47, Reply)

OH!
So you're saying they know it was them but didn't fancy their chances so pretended that it was mistaken identity?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 18:48, Reply)

Maybe!
They were intimidated by the sheer manliness of the displayed beardage.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 18:50, Reply)

If a catherdral with a beard looked sideways at me
I'd give it toes.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 18:50, Reply)

don't think I had it at the time

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 18:50, Reply)

Then they were definitely nice polite young thugs.

( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 18:51, Reply)

it was
they were fucking hard looking, and plastered in blood. not a happy combination, and they were actually quite polite after realising it wasn't us
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 18:49, Reply)

Fucking hell I'm a shady fucker
You're telling the truth
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 18:49, Reply)

you'd be amazed at how non-violent it is down here
I've never been in a fight
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 18:51, Reply)

Wow!
Even I'm in double figures and I'm wee!
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 18:52, Reply)

people have tried because I'm a big fucker
but not that many really
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 18:53, Reply)

I was just a mouthy little shit
Not often on the end of a monster kicking though.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 18:56, Reply)

fair enough
I'm a great big coward, so kept out of the way.

I'm actually almost offended by Roota thinking we'd bottled those chaps.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 19:01, Reply)

I didn' think you did it for a laugh!
I thought they were big bastards who were going to smash you up.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 19:03, Reply)

fair enough ;-)
right, I'm off

have a good one
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 19:05, Reply)

Laters Vip!

( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 19:06, Reply)

Very wise!

( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 19:03, Reply)

Me neither
But the very centre of town is starting to look well narky.
My part of town's sweet.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 18:54, Reply)

Haven't had any trouble in Leeds
Just back home in Hawick and fairly routinely assaulted by randoms in Middlesbrough.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 18:57, Reply)

I'm a shithouse
The slightest menacing stare looks like a fight to me.
But I'm getting braver.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 18:58, Reply)

Yeah, I'd rather try and talk my way out of it.
I accidentally put some guy in hospital with a concusion at uni. I was running down some stairs and getting ready to throw a punch at the same time to stop him beating the shit out of a mate. I tripped over the last three steps, my bodyweight shot forward and I cracked him square in the temple, probably at least twice as hard as I would have hit him. That freaked me out a bit as he just dropped, didn't even sway.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 19:01, Reply)

that's got to shit you up somewhat

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 19:04, Reply)

Very!
I only wanted him to stop hitting my friend, who really couldn't fight his way out of a paper bag.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 19:08, Reply)

I was at the strip club and was thoroughly sauced up. It was fucking packed and I was trying to get back to my seat.
I see a clear pathway to my table but it's immediately blocked by some meat head who reached out and angrily grabbed some girl by her arm and was shaking her. I grab his arm and shove him out of the way.
He shouts at me "Get your hands off me" and I shout "Don't put your hands on a woman" he shouts back "THAT'S MY WIFE" I said "I don't give a fuck, don't put your fucking hands on a woman" and went on to my seat.
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 19:01, Reply)

In the 90s, I was in the only ever fight Cockfosters has ever whitnessed.
I was about 11 and walking up the road with two mates (Anish and Rich) of the same age. We see our mate Mark across the road and down a bit, so we yell out to him, "Hello Mark ! Oi, Mark ! Mark !", until we realise that it was 4 skinheads. They come up to Anish and start saying "What did you say?" and "You trying to be me?".

One goes to throw a few punches at Anish, and I'm standing there, I'm thinking I can push the big one in a bush and peg it, but by the time I finish thinking, one of them decks me, gave me a huge black eye, and as my vision returns from squwiffy on the ground, Anish and Rich are half way up the road running.

The kids walk off, and we go into a shop (all the shop keepers knew us), they call the police, and two meat-wagons come and takes statements and stuff.

We then, in our mum's cars, prowl the streets for an hour looking for them, but didn't find them.

And that is the story of the only fight cockfosters ever saw in the whole decade of the 90s.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 19:05, Reply)

nearly joined in a fight
despite being weak and pathetic and a girl, because I'd just got back from a LARP event where I was really tough

reality fail
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 19:05, Reply)

office lol
I sort of get like that after watching certain movies and listening to certain music, like woah I'm tough I'll totally kick your arse
but I won't, I'm a pussy, only once have I confonted someone and then later that night went after someone else, throwing my hair into a ponytail and taking out my earrings all "Where dat bitch at" cause I was drunk and stupid
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 19:11, Reply)

I watched Braveheart at a Scottish cinema in the mid 90's
Then witnessed 200 mad Jocks legging it from the theatre at the end ready to slot the next Englishman they came across.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 19:14, Reply)

My parents and I saw 3 Ninjas in the cinema when I was a kid and I came out jumping and kicking and generally being annoying
until my dad yelled at me and the girl at the ticket counter said "don't worry all the kids have done it LOL" and I think that was the first I ever remember being publicly embarrassed.
I certainly wish it were the last :/
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 19:31, Reply)

I saw some fucking hilarious old 70s TV footage once
of a bunch of spotty herberts who'd just been to see 'Enter the Dragon', all of whom seemed to fervently believe they'd somehow becomed imbued with Bruce's so-called legendary martial arts prowess.

I don't suppose you also saw it, so this is perhaps one of my less entertaining posts, from a choice of thousands. Sorry.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 20:13, Reply)

No, I can imagine loads of white men "HAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWW" ing and karate chopping each other in bell bottoms
it's quite sad that I can imagine that :/
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 20:19, Reply)

spotty ginger men, no less

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 20:29, Reply)

I've posted this before
but some of my brother's old squatter mates in Manchester once beheaded a pistol-brandishing pimp with a samurai sword.

How's THAT for Honda-ing?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 20:05, Reply)

is this a veiled reference to a movie I've never seen?

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 20:20, Reply)

I'm afraid it is actually completely true.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 20:29, Reply)

thats a bit creepy

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 20:55, Reply)

Just a little bit.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 21:30, Reply)

I've been in a couple of scuffettes.

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Thu 18 Mar 2010, 20:43, Reply)

Do tell

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 20:52, Reply)

cu mur
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 20:55, Reply)

Avatar meets the Smurfs
I'd pay money to see that. Worth a couple of Oscars in the blue movie catagories.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 21:08, Reply)

I'm quite turned on by this little anecdote...

(The Boy Monders I have ginger bits in my beard., Thu 18 Mar 2010, 21:42, Reply)

having been a doorstaff
or bouncer back when you could call them that, I've been in a couple of scuffles. The most interesting one was when 9 of the town's university rugby reserves team realised they were in a gay bar and kicked off in an almighty way. I got spanged round the head with a metal sign.

Then there was the homeless guy who wandered up to me and swung a length of chain at my head. Fortunately I caught it round my arm, did some sort of crazy jitsu shit and quite literally booted him out the door. I saw him a few days later selling the Big Issue on the high st.

Length? About 2 foot of solid metal. Good times were had :-)
(Biscuit Burlesque wants to be Dita von Teas, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 22:17, Reply)

kicked wanked each other
spanged taken head 'Spice Islands' with a metal sign by the future Archbishop of Canterbury

EDIT: Are you implying that your dazzling display of what you refer to as your 'crazy jitsu shit' and the fact that this vagrant was subsequently seen selling the Big Issue are in some way connected? Had you in some inspirational way set him on the path back to what our American cousins describe so charmingly as 'normalcy'?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 19 Mar 2010, 0:30, Reply)