Well, last night was fun. Or, WANKING GRANNIES!
On a rare night out, we went to see a local band that we try and see on a regular basis (although it's about ten months since we last saw them). The venue was a new one for them, a small pub in the country, but only a twenty minute drive from us. This band does mostly pop/rock covers (but a good mix - stuff from Erasure to Buzzcocks to Black Sabbath), but with a twist - on a lot of their set list, the lead guitar gets put to one side in favour of a cello. Believe me, Sabbath's 'Paranoid' done with a cello works - it shouldn't, but it does.

(For a couple of samples of stuff done on the cello, here's Eleanor Rigby and Paint it Black: www.gladstonemusic.com/music.htm)

So, the crowd is appreciative of the band, for most of them it's the first time they've seen them, and they went down a storm. Unfortunately, this was a country pub and the locals were, shall we say, a bit 'colourful'.

The missus was talking to Arty, the cellist, after the gig and he was somewhat perturbed by the fact that, right at the front, was a woman (a mightily pissed woman) with her boyfriend. Nothing unusual in that, you might think. Except, he was almost put off his cello playing by the fact that when he looked up briefly he saw her "having a good old dig at herself". Apparently it nearly put him off his stroke... We later gleaned that this woman was thirty five years old, and a grandmother.

Click "I like this" if the thought of thirty five year old grandmothers having a wank in public appeals to you.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Sun 28 Mar 2010, 19:25, 40 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwww!
That bint sure did put the "ming" into "minge" :o( In fact, I'll bet she had "Disco Minge" (copyright wellgroomedwookiee 2009) after all her pseudo-erotic "dancing". She even made me look like Ginger Rogers by comparison.
Otherwise, cracking gig. They sound much better live than on the sample songs from their CD, so I'd highly recommend any northern b3tans checking out their gig list.

*pimps*

*farts*
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Sun 28 Mar 2010, 19:37, Reply)

That sounds pretty good.
The music - not the granny.
I'm 35, and two of the "girls" I went to school with are now grandparents. It's kinda scary.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Sun 28 Mar 2010, 19:39, Reply)

They are a hell of a lot better live than those samples give them credit for (that may be our shit speakers, though).
Ruth, the singer, is an awesome frontwoman for the band - she never stays still, even when she's doing the odd bit on the keyboard.

Lovely people to boot.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Sun 28 Mar 2010, 19:47, Reply)

35!
blimey, that's only 2 years older than me!

and I refuse to do it in public
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 28 Mar 2010, 19:55, Reply)

Good girl!
And thats 4 years younger than me and i havent wanked in public either.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Sun 28 Mar 2010, 20:08, Reply)

there's still time

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 28 Mar 2010, 20:14, Reply)

At first I thought
"Wanking Grannies" was the name of the band.

And I still think it should be.
( Wanderer, Sun 28 Mar 2010, 20:50, Reply)

my friend just this minute
linked to a band called spermswamp. It's bad.
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 28 Mar 2010, 20:58, Reply)

I'm glad to know it's not just a catchy name.

( Wanderer, Sun 28 Mar 2010, 20:59, Reply)

the other option
is that she was scratching her flea infested beef curtains for a bit of relief from the itching of flangerot.

which is worse, i wonder.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 28 Mar 2010, 21:05, Reply)

wanking is not catching

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 28 Mar 2010, 21:08, Reply)

hmmm yes
very true
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 28 Mar 2010, 21:15, Reply)

I do wish my Mum would control herself when she's out.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Sun 28 Mar 2010, 21:13, Reply)

Me too.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Sun 28 Mar 2010, 22:05, Reply)

I wish she wouldn't. DiT's mum's a hottie. Trufact.

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Sun 28 Mar 2010, 22:06, Reply)

Did you cop off with her
At the wedding?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Sun 28 Mar 2010, 22:08, Reply)

Yes.
But then, who didn't?

Me and the wife
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Sun 28 Mar 2010, 22:20, Reply)

and the wife
(Bazongaloid, Sun 28 Mar 2010, 22:23, Reply)

You have me there, sir.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Sun 28 Mar 2010, 22:24, Reply)

I do like having you

(Bazongaloid, Sun 28 Mar 2010, 22:26, Reply)

*trigger fingers*

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Sun 28 Mar 2010, 22:28, Reply)

I think you and Al should go on Chatroulette and Newton's cradle for youtube fame

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Sun 28 Mar 2010, 22:41, Reply)

Will there be profit in it?
I mean, there can't be much career potential in two men thwacking their testes together.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Sun 28 Mar 2010, 22:41, Reply)

I'm sure we could do new routines

(Bazongaloid, Sun 28 Mar 2010, 22:51, Reply)

Yeah, new numbers with new music would be the best thing I think

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Sun 28 Mar 2010, 23:02, Reply)

I bet you did
And I bet you loved it.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Sun 28 Mar 2010, 22:27, Reply)

You are a sick, sick little puppy.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Sun 28 Mar 2010, 22:28, Reply)

Quite
how could anyone enjoy having your mum, it's just a necessary evil to me.
(Bazongaloid, Sun 28 Mar 2010, 22:29, Reply)

What, it was stated as a requirement of attendance on the invitation?
Shocking.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Sun 28 Mar 2010, 22:30, Reply)

Funnily enough, now you mention it, it wasn't actually on the invitation
but she did tell me that it was a requirement, and why would she lie?
(Bazongaloid, Sun 28 Mar 2010, 22:32, Reply)

She was lonely al
Lonely, and old.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Sun 28 Mar 2010, 22:34, Reply)

Not bad for a granny, apparantly.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Sun 28 Mar 2010, 22:09, Reply)

Now see here!
Dorothy Mantooth is a saint!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Sun 28 Mar 2010, 22:19, Reply)

Now then, for a completely different tangent.....
did any of you guys read teh newsletter this week?
If not, you really need to read the section near the BOTTOM about snail facts.
F'rinstance, did you know that snails are totally deaf?
Yeah, apparently you can call them a "spazzy one-footed cunt minge" and they'll be none the wiser.
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Sun 28 Mar 2010, 23:00, Reply)

ahahahahhahaha. I'm going to call a snail a spazzy one footed cunt minge next time I see one.

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Sun 28 Mar 2010, 23:03, Reply)

Oh totally me too!
All weekend I've been searching for snails to test out This Thing! I think they prefer damp territory nudge wink oof etc.

*smooshes*
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Sun 28 Mar 2010, 23:09, Reply)

Set the sprinklers on them. That'll make em nice and moist
*smooshes with abandon*
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Sun 28 Mar 2010, 23:10, Reply)

PHWOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!
You said MOIST and NICE in one sentence :o)

*melts in teh sprinkles*
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Sun 28 Mar 2010, 23:14, Reply)

Just had a listen and they're very good
I'll keep my thoughts on granny masturbation to myself though.
(bill, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 3:10, Reply)

Hot Damn!
They're brave enough to play Sunderland!
Bit of a waste though bringing all that culture to this hellhole.
We've got enough cultures.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 29 Mar 2010, 12:27, Reply)