Despondent
I'm sitting in the pub in a miserable market town on the outskirts of Manchester, looking out of the window at the relentless drizzle, wishing the bad weather would fuck off so I can get some leaflets out and jobs booked for this week.

What are you doing at the moment? How's your Monday going?
(hangableautobulb is an anagram of the best album ever, on, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 13:31, 95 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm in that annoying limbo stage
Where I'm sat at my desk getting periodic waves of man-flu sensation, and I can't decide whether I should man the fuck up and get back to work, or whether I should take the precautionary (read: lazy) step of going home to sleep it off in case it gets any worse.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 13:35, Reply)

Toss a coin to decide
If only more people adopted this approach to making important life decisions, the world would be a happier place...
(hangableautobulb is an anagram of the best album ever, on, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 13:38, Reply)

I am currently delaying the decision by drinking coffee
Hopefully that will bring me back to life a bit and I can work out what I need to do next, before I then decide that it can wait until tomorrow.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 13:50, Reply)

sitting here like a cock
waiting for my boss to get his arse in gear, and make his little speech so that i can fuck off.
i'm hoping he won't be much longer as i skipped lunch and i need to got to B&Q
( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 13:40, Reply)

like aholding my
gearplace
offhim
lunchany foreplay
to B&Qmy end away
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 13:46, Reply)

i can't even be arse to try and parse that
but i imagine you're implying he's going to bum me
( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 13:48, Reply)

Almost. You bumming him, to be precise.
But yes, I'm getting predictable in my old age.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 13:49, Reply)

i've just looked at your profile
and realised you're not 'the supreme cow'
( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 13:50, Reply)

You are not the first person who has made this mistake.
I'm sure at least 3 other people have chatted with me on various threads and eventually posted "Oh, it's 'crow,' not 'cow!"

Unless there is a Supreme Cow lurking around these pages as well?
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 13:54, Reply)

I'm a supreme cow

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 13:59, Reply)

Damn right you are
you never once gave me a reach around.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:01, Reply)

I can't multi-task

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:07, Reply)

nice work

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 13:52, Reply)

Also sitting at desk
Not quite sure if I am being made redundant or not.

Also I was planning a trip to Northumberland for the weekend, but in view of the weather forecast and the fact I was going to be wandering about on moors, I now have nothing at all to do. Offers?
(misspiggy In danger of having to get a job, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 13:43, Reply)

Take a guess.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 13:53, Reply)

Planning a sea invasion of Prussia

using 19th Man of War style ships and highly trianed elephants?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 13:57, Reply)

Close, I'm answering a MP's question.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 13:58, Reply)

Why?
They never answer any
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:01, Reply)

I'm paid to answer them basically.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:04, Reply)

Long ago and far away, in a different life
I used to do that too.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:10, Reply)

I'm watching Family Guy
and deciding what I should eat for lunch at the moment, such a rock and roll lifestyle this unemployment stuff is.
(bill, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:04, Reply)

When do you start your new job, William?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:09, Reply)

On the 13th
assuming my references and stuff check out.

*Excites*
(bill, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:12, Reply)

But when they find out about that thing you did...
No, no, ignore me. I'm sure it'll be fine.
*excites also*
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:14, Reply)

Well,
legally they aren't allowed to discriminate against me about that. But yes, better that they never hear about that night.
(bill, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:16, Reply)

And it's not going to come up on a CRB check
It's only if they get hold of that night watchman...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:18, Reply)

Indeed
that or someone sends them the redtube link from the security camera footage...
(bill, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:25, Reply)

Mate
You're fucked
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:28, Reply)

You've
seen it then?
(bill, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:30, Reply)

Oh you got a job?
Well done. What are you doing?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:32, Reply)

Cheers fella,
I'll be doing engineering support for a video on demand system, should be fun. :)
(bill, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:41, Reply)

doing engineering support poledancing video poledancing system customer
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:44, Reply)

That's
the off shift days
(bill, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:44, Reply)

Cool, sounds like a proper job
I was concerned you had been forced to take some shitty stopgap measure doing something awful and soul destroying.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:44, Reply)

It is
I was about a week away from taking a bar job or just leaving the country so it arrived just in time.
(bill, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:45, Reply)

yeah

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:42, Reply)

Recovered
from the mental scarring yet or are you still in therapy?
(bill, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:44, Reply)

ECT is the only way for me now

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:45, Reply)

Need any help with that?
*Fetches transformer and crocodile clips*
(bill, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:52, Reply)

Aren't you even going to buy me a drink first?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:54, Reply)

Shouldn't you be buying the drinks?
You're the one getting all the sparky fun after all!
(bill, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:57, Reply)

Oh you're a gem you are

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:58, Reply)

Nice to look at but otherwise useless?
Sounds about right.
(bill, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 15:05, Reply)

Don't sell yourself short
I'm sure you're far less pretty and far more useful than you're giving yourself credit.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 15:10, Reply)

Awww
Thanks!
(bill, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 15:13, Reply)

I'm doing a client estimate atm
monday is going....and I wish it were going a bit faster
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:08, Reply)

After work I shall be nipping to my mothers with two new squeaky rubber balls for two exitable dogs.
They're like prozac on legs.
( girlinthehole, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:22, Reply)

I'm sat at a desk wondering if I should complete all the work I have today
because if I finish it i'll only be given more work
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:25, Reply)

I'm slumped at my desk...
waiting for work to fuck off so I can go out with Al.
I'm hoping he'll get hiccups again.
( thealternativefact, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:28, Reply)

I'm really hoping I don't

(Bazongaloid, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:32, Reply)

I did terrible things at the weekend. TERRIBLE.

( thealternativefact, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:36, Reply)

Me too. I went to the Winchester in Islington.
It's like Satan himself shat out a nightclub and then hand picked a massive shower of cunts to populate it. I got quite grumpy.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:39, Reply)

:(

( thealternativefact, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:40, Reply)

I had a good time in the pub before hand though
I don't know why but my recent birthdays always seem to be a bit of a let down. Last year was one of the best, and even that didn't end brilliantly.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:42, Reply)

Going to the second place often makes things turn to crap.
Not always. But often.
( thealternativefact, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:43, Reply)

This is quite a true statement.
Tonight we shall go to one place, and one place only. Then it will be AWESOME!
(Bazongaloid, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:45, Reply)

So excited!

( thealternativefact, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:47, Reply)

Terrible in a good way or terrible in a bad way?

( girlinthehole, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:39, Reply)

Good way :)

( thealternativefact, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:40, Reply)

I wish I could get drunk and make some bad decisions

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:42, Reply)

Get drunk and buy a plane ticket to England and come and see us all

(Bazongaloid, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:44, Reply)

the idea of meeting you all scares the piss out of me

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:47, Reply)

WE'RE FUCKING LOVELY

( thealternativefact, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:47, Reply)

^this with knobs on.

( girlinthehole, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:48, Reply)

you ain't got to shout

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:53, Reply)

I'm seeing Therapy? tonight
so I expect to be shouting a lot for the next 24 hours.
( thealternativefact, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:57, Reply)

well okay then

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:58, Reply)

Me too!
Even when I'm drunk, I'm far too sensible.
( girlinthehole, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:50, Reply)

this is a problem

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 15:04, Reply)

I've had a shower
And shaved and brushed my teeth, and am now waiting on my back for the swelling in my ankle to go down enough to finish dressing so I can crawl downstairs and make coffee.

Just taking a shower requires acrobatics. I hold onto the grab bar in the shower with my left hand and put my right hand on the counter, put most of my weight on the counter, hop my left foot in, then push off of the counter to stand upright. Getting out requires much the same sort of gymnastics. So just getting clean in the mornings is a workout.

Tomorrow I get to find out when they're going to operate on it.
( Wanderer, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:29, Reply)

You shave your teeth?
That must be good coffee you drink.

Edit: Really though, that does not sound like fun. Can't you put a wee stool in the shower?
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:31, Reply)

Wee stool?
Is that like when you go for a pee and discover you need a poo too?
Should you be putting that in the shower?
( thealternativefact, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:37, Reply)

It's ok.
You can poke it down the drain with your toes before you finish showering.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:41, Reply)

Depends how much you needed a poo.

( thealternativefact, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:48, Reply)

the shower is not big enough.
I do have a plastic box to rest my foot on, though. And a detachable shower head.
( Wanderer, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:44, Reply)

Just have a wash down with a facecloth in the sink.
Unless it's the middle of summer and your sweating like a navvy then you shouldn't need a shower every day.
( girlinthehole, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:32, Reply)

it's nice to have a shower every day
I'd never wake up if I didn't
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:39, Reply)

it's mainly for morale.
basically I do this every morning because I need to have at least a little accomplishment in a day. I want to have at least a little normalcy in my life, as I'm unable to cook for myself or do laundry or drive anywhere. I'm reduced to watching hulu and surfing the web. I'm little more than a talking turnip in my own house

Getting a daily shower makes me feel like I can at least do something.
( Wanderer, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:40, Reply)

MTFU
And wallow in your helplessness. It'll give the family a feeling of self worth and superiority they would seldom achieve otherwise. Think of it as a gift to them.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:43, Reply)

I think my daughter likes this.
she's taken to bringing me food quite happily. My son, on the other hand, is missing my cooking.

They had best get used to it as I'm down until July.
( Wanderer, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:48, Reply)

What's wrong, broken ankle?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:49, Reply)

Yup. Broke it badly enough to require a metal plate.
I did it about a week ago, and have been gradually adjusting to my new life ever since.

The bright side, such as it is, will be that I can sue my ex wife for medical bills and liability and it will be covered by her homeowner's insurance. I can get some money for this without causing anyone too much grief. I've spoken to an insurance agent and described exactly what happened, and he says it's pretty much open and shut. I should get a nice bit of cash out of this.
( Wanderer, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 15:02, Reply)

Ow! Just fucking ow.
I remember when I did my wrists in. Wiping was fun. As was showering.

Then again yes, showering was fun. The wife had to soap me up and scrub.
Then again she did have a rather idiosyncratic method for willy drying.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:50, Reply)

Did you get a blow-dry-job?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:52, Reply)

No.
She used to wrap him in a towel then roll vigorously between her palms.
You know, like you do when warming a biro. She saw nothing wrong in it.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:54, Reply)

Hahahaha

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:54, Reply)

: (

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:55, Reply)

Sorry
It is funny though
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:56, Reply)

She now offers to dry me off when I come out of the shower.
Then laughs like a maniac. I love her.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 29 Mar 2010, 15:03, Reply)

Hahahah
She sounds ace
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 15:03, Reply)

I was initially fearful
that I would require assistance in the shower, which would have been humiliating. By all rights I should be helped in the shower, I suppose, but I'm a stubborn bastard who refuses to accept this.

But I am willing to accept having others cook and do the cleaning.
( Wanderer, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 15:04, Reply)

Stockport?

(The Boy Monders I have ginger bits in my beard., Mon 29 Mar 2010, 14:37, Reply)

I've just walked from Chorlton to the city centre
all through the drizzle, it was miserable. And boring. And buses kept splashing me.

But it's now 3pm so only 2 hours to go before I can clock off. I'm working on some PVC prototypes for a friend's photoshoot tonight so that should be slightly more entertaining than processing invoices.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 15:07, Reply)

Did you meet any dragons
Or Welsh witches?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 15:10, Reply)

no
but I did have a battle with an errant bin bag, that was quite tense.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 15:51, Reply)