I've got an audition for The Weakest Link next week
The researcher asked me if I'd be able to handle being slagged off by Anne Robinson. I assured her that Anne wouldn't have any comments which I hadn't already heard from my friends a hundred times, and yes, I was aware that my Ballroom and Ballet habits are going to be highlighted on national TV.

My friends have supportively pointed out that I'm going to get called a bumder on national TV. The guy I DJ with has even offered to sample the moment she does it and mix it into some Pendulum to play at our night.

Has anyone got any INVENTIVE insults that Anne Robinson might come up with for me, so I can practice deflection?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:37, 79 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

more to the point
surely you need some ways you can reduce her to tears
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:38, Reply)

Surely thats not possible due to the amount of botox she's had.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:39, Reply)

I suspect that the tears would come squirting out in bursts
like a rubbish water pistol
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:41, Reply)

As I put on my application form
I plan to flirt with her until she succumbs to my dubious charms, or vomits in her mouth and moves on to someone else
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:41, Reply)

Woo! how very exciting.
I have no insults for you. I shall let the more experienced name callers berate you.
( girlinthehole, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:39, Reply)

Most kind
I'm surprised Chompy hasn't rocked up already
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:40, Reply)

He's building up to it.
I can feel it in my water.
( girlinthehole, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:41, Reply)

I doubt he can be arsed

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:42, Reply)

I doubt +'s cb d

totally not worth it
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:46, Reply)

Not what I heard.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:47, Reply)

Wow the weakest link
I love that show
(PsychoChomp, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:42, Reply)

I did not see that coming

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:43, Reply)

Good to see you're keeping this up

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:54, Reply)

I think he's probably going to do it do death

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:58, Reply)

Most people won't bother looking
And will forget about it before too long.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:03, Reply)

I was thinking
the same thing, they are tricky to spot
(Bazongaloid, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:11, Reply)

tut
you boys.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:14, Reply)

I think I'm going to give up now,
I can't think of anything funny anymore.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:15, Reply)

I can't remember if I told you that
or if you've been facestalking.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:18, Reply)

Didn't her daughter basiclly disown her at one point?
I can't remember the details, or even if I'm think of the right person.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:43, Reply)

Yep anne robinson was an alcoholic.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:45, Reply)

In that case, take a hip flask, and offer it round to the other contestants.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:49, Reply)

Allude to her near-terminal alcoholism.
If she asks an unpleasant question just say 'have you been drinking?', then do a parody of her 'Helen Daniels when she had a stroke' wink.

Then whip your cock out and start wanking whilst crying and screaming the Lord's Prayer.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:43, Reply)

can you please apply?
I would find a telly just to watch this
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:44, Reply)

I'm sorry, I'm way too pompous to go near it.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:45, Reply)

I have a feeling that bit wouldn't make the cut
but that shouldn't stop you doing it. Indulge your imagination away from B3ta, an' that
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:45, Reply)

i don't even own a apply

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:46, Reply)

that made me do a laugh like
chmmphhurhurhur
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:50, Reply)

Judging by your posts, I thought you were a girl like Chompy

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:50, Reply)

he's not far off
look at his profile
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:50, Reply)

Shurrup chinflange

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:55, Reply)

Judging by your posts I thought you had a peculiar predisposition against me which I'm not sure what I've done to earn

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:52, Reply)

Don't sweat it, she's like that with everyone.
It's endearing.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:56, Reply)

Aha
She fancies me

Yes I'm only saying this to get a rise out of her

No I'm not that arrogant

Yet
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:58, Reply)

I spent ages looking for the mouseover in that

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:07, Reply)

office lol

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:24, Reply)

No she's not, she's lovely
she just doesn't tolerate people who are ugly but are going out with people far too attractive for them.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:59, Reply)

why does she tolerate DiT then?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:00, Reply)

You have to tolerate
Anyone so obviously gay that has managed to marry a REAL LIFE GIRL.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:02, Reply)

Oh.
Funny.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:03, Reply)

Look in fairness
Your wife is super hot, and you, well, you know.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:09, Reply)

Pot, kettle, black.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:15, Reply)

So Al's jealous of you too DiT?
Maybe we should form a club
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:17, Reply)

DiT doesn't want to be in your club. He just gazzed me to say he thinks you're a cunt

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:25, Reply)

Now come on, I didn't say 'cunt'.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:27, Reply)

True, it's far too masculine a word
He said 'twat' instead.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:30, Reply)

Wait, why do I put up with you again?
DiT I can forgive, but you? Hmmm...I just don't know how.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:19, Reply)

Bacon treats

(Bazongaloid, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:32, Reply)

He's got you there, Becky. His bacon treats are rather good.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:50, Reply)

No, I just find him mildly irritating. Like thrush

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:14, Reply)

I doubt Anne Robinson can say "thrush" before the watershed
Try again
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:18, Reply)

unless she means birds
cunt birds
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:20, Reply)

Thrush, the cuntiest of all the birds
Alright then, how about fuck off you massive attention seeking spastic with undiagnosed aspergers?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:21, Reply)

Ah, I see
You're just a cow

Fair enough
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:36, Reply)

I'm not good at insults.
Perhaps hold up your hands and say "force field" then ignore everyone
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:50, Reply)

Oh please do this

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:59, Reply)

POTD

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:06, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post684973
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:52, Reply)

All right, here are the criteria
The insult must be

1. Inventive
2. ORIGINAL, Noel, pearoasts will not suffice
3. Something Anne Robinson could feasibly say and have broadcast on the BBC
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:55, Reply)

the last one's the tricksy one
we're used to proper tasty language on here
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:56, Reply)

Hence the challenge :-)
Might suggest it as a QOTW
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:58, Reply)

It's not hugely original
but you could call her a cranberry. She'll think you're using harmless slang and a small amount of the population will know you're calling her a cunt.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:00, Reply)

THIS!
in-jokes on TV FTW
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:01, Reply)

ask her if she's ever been to Dunstable

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:04, Reply)

hahahahaha

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:10, Reply)

This is the best answer here.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:12, Reply)

One out of three ain't bad.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:57, Reply)

So...
I wouldn't even harvest your tears to use as lube whilst my husband desperatly attemps to get hard whilst gazing into my stoney dead eyes and horrific triffle hair whilst I make small talk about how the gardener isn't trimming my bush properly

is probably voided by point 3?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:03, Reply)

Yes
But thank you for typing it
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:24, Reply)

You're the gayest 'man' north or south of the Thames
It may as well be embossed on your massive forehead.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:55, Reply)

Hang about
Have I got a massive forehead?

Yes, THAT's what I choose to be insulted by. I've heard the gay thing, l, a thousand times. This is what we're looking for, people!
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:57, Reply)

Just mention you liked her as Baldrick in Blackadder
Then refuse to believe she wasn't in it.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:11, Reply)

haha
that made me officesnicker
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:17, Reply)

good stuff

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:17, Reply)

it's a shame you can't do
roll over text with real speech
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:18, Reply)

He could carry pre-printed thought bubbles
"you're a twat"
"that outfit is soooo last season"
"how did you ever find shoes to cover your hobbit feet?"
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:23, Reply)

hahaha

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:31, Reply)

Just ask Anne how many times the letter T is used in the word
Thousand.

Because Anne, the word is Thousand, not ThousanT
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 15:33, Reply)

I've no real grudge against her...
... but, still, if I were on TWL and got voted off, I'd make a point of doing the walk of shame via her podium, and leaving a miniature bottle of gin there.


Actually, that'd be the best way to deal with her insults. Just shoot back with "Oh, shut up, you sour-faced alcoholic".
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 18:19, Reply)