everything seems to be about kids
50% of the cunts on my facebook are banging on about theirs, or their impending arrival. I don't give a shit.

My brother is down from London with my niece at the weekend. She's very new and I haven't met her before. I'm finding it hard to give a shit about that too.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:41, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

I delete people who only talk about their kids
I'm your friend, not your kid's fucking friend
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:43, Reply)

I hate people who make their profile picture a picture of their kid
I HATE THEM
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:44, Reply)

I have someone on mine
That is putting up pictures of their niece and nephew. THEY AREN'T EVEN YOUR KIDS!
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:45, Reply)

That is so annoying.
Just tell them that paedophiles can see those photos WITH THEIR ABUSIVE EYES and that paedophiles have been known to take photos of your children and cut and paste their heads onto naked children. (I have actually seen this given as a reason as to why other people shouldn't be allowed to photograph your children.)
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:50, Reply)

hahaha
Paedophilia is like their kryptonite.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:52, Reply)

I'm almost tempted to call their bluff
and post pictures of my hypothetical children ALREADY NAKED, then marvel at their confusion as they...hold on...
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:13, Reply)

aaah, refreshing hatred
I think it's time for a facebook cull. I certainly do not need a girl who I had a brief thing with many years ago who is just about to drop her first child as a friend.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:46, Reply)

there are people on my facebook who it would cause hassle if I unfriended them
so I just hide them.

Like potential pole students, they ask me about pole classes and then befriend me. I don't want to sack them off in case they get offended and don't join my classes, but one of them has the most annoying status updates I've ever experienced. I'll go and find one so I can share the pain

EDIT: here's yesterday's little gem:
"Is happy wi my life atm,got a lovely man,gorg daughter amazin family an loyal friends who neva eva give up,an got rid of ppl nt wrth dog shit!x"
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:51, Reply)

how about this one?
"Is guna c if i can live wiowt fb for 2 wk....... Hmm im not likin my chances!"

Wiowt? WIOWT?!
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:52, Reply)

fucking hell
that's a new low.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:54, Reply)

WIOWT! I can hear it!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:55, Reply)

You're from Liverpool though

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:57, Reply)

me too!
that's what drives me crazy, I can't help but read it in their chavish accent and then I hate myself
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:57, Reply)

See, I can understand the use of text speak
When texting. It kind of makes sense. It's generally easier and saves characters. But when conversing on line using a proper keyboard? FUCK OFF!!!!
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:59, Reply)

Text speak drives me crazy
unless it's absolutely necessary. I don't use c, u and r as words, but sometimes I'll put pls or ppl to save characters if I can't fit everything I need to say in one text. I hate when people text back with "kk" as a reply.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:01, Reply)

Lots of people use Facebook on their mobile though
so it's a natural extension. Not that I condone it - daughter knows I won't reply if she writes in spk.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:06, Reply)

I'm going to keep going so you can all be as angry as me
"Were my taxi.rangt it ages ago,rang bk n got 2 min! Obv nd a dam watch!"
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:58, Reply)

I don't know what this means

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:01, Reply)

It took me a little while
but I think it means "Where is my taxi? I ordered it ages ago, but when I called back they said it was 2 minutes away. They obviously needs a darn watch!"
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:02, Reply)

Where is my taxi, I rang it ages ago, rang back and got told it would be two minutes.
They obviously need a watch.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:03, Reply)

what?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:02, Reply)

"Obv nd a dam watch"
What? Can anyone translate this?
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:02, Reply)

I think someone's sig is
'chav translator extraordinaire' but I can't remember who
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:14, Reply)

It was applebite,
she has failed.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:17, Reply)

It was mine.
But it isn't anymore so technically I haven't failed.
I was reading the 'nd' as 'and' rather than 'need'
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:25, Reply)

I did that initially
stupid chavs, making me doubt myself
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:42, Reply)

"How do u block mental physcos frm mobile fb,also how do u block ppl ringin n txtin on a cukie?"
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:59, Reply)

ringing and texting on a cucumber?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:02, Reply)

I thought it was cookie
but I don't really get the context. How do people ring you on a cookie? Or is that the name of the new LG phone?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:07, Reply)

Is gorg short for gorgeous
or Gorgon?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:54, Reply)

I'm going to pretend it's engorged

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:55, Reply)

I did a facebook cull
deleted about 400 people, then felt ashamed that I had added over 400 people. I haven't had a farmville invite in weeks. Its bliss. I'd delete my whole account but I've got too many pictures there.
( Peej, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:51, Reply)