So it turns out that Monty Boyce
is friends with a friend of Radio 1 "DJ" Sarah HB. He's such a name-dropping cock, don't you think?
(Bazongaloid, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:15, 140 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I once made Spanky Hanky delete a QOTW post.
It was a really, really gay story entirely based around 'I know JONATHAN ROSS, we're really good mates down the pub'.

I got the first reply in, which was simply:

'Excuse me, I think you dropped this:


'name'

He deleted the whole thing two minutes later. I'm here to help.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:20, Reply)

It wouldn't surprise me if he does know Woss...
There must be some sort of local therapy group for chronic onanists.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:12, Reply)

Where they cry and scream The Lord's Prayer?
Excuse me, "cwy" and "scweam" The Lord's "Pwayer"
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:37, Reply)

Hahaha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 11:27, Reply)

Mate
If you're gonna bitch and moan about me to flesh out the tedium of your day at least don't make shit up.

Twat.
( SpankyHanky, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 13:40, Reply)

my god yes
he never posts anything without mentioning some celebrity or other he's on first name basis with. It really grinds my gears
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:21, Reply)

Yes but even celebrities should have friends like Monty.
They deserve him.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:24, Reply)

I dunno who she is.
alright al!
( wanderlust, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:22, Reply)

Monty does
he knows her first name and everything.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:23, Reply)

LUSTY!
How are you?
(Bazongaloid, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:24, Reply)

Tip top old chap.
I'm reading the personals on craigslist and having a cup of tea.
Hows you then?
( wanderlust, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:26, Reply)

Bit tired and sweaty
I cycled into work today. But it's the weekend and me and mrs al have got nothing to do all weekend except eat, sleep, sit in the sunshine, and shag like bunnies.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:27, Reply)

I got a pair of bunny ears in Sainsbury's for 25p
because Easter is over, so apparently no one wants to wear bunny ears anymore.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:29, Reply)

You should have got two sets
and had one on each boob.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:31, Reply)

as per yesterday
I would need three sets.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:35, Reply)

Sounds like loves young dream.
Just make sure you have a shower after your cycle home. No one likes a sweaty bollock.
( wanderlust, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:31, Reply)

We're going out to an engagment party
so I do need to shower.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:33, Reply)

Yeah, and wash your bike too.
Filthy bike lover.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:36, Reply)

It didn't get dirty
but the roads round here are really crap, I was worried I was going to buckle a wheel.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:38, Reply)

b f le
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:40, Reply)

+chair occupant

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:45, Reply)

That's a bit unfair.
I wouldn't fuck them, I'd fuck the chair.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:48, Reply)

So is this you on the way home
from the sex shop?


Edit - bollux: link just won't work. But you get the picture - or probably don't! Time to do some work I think.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:54, Reply)

I was saying just that to John Humphries last night.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:24, Reply)

I used to like John Humphries
but he's turned into such an aggressive twat in every single interview that it renders the interview pointless.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:26, Reply)

I was just saying that last night to Peter Powell.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:29, Reply)

Who?

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:30, Reply)

(Bazongaloid, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:31, Reply)

he looks a bit like the catchphrase man.

( wanderlust, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:32, Reply)

Mr Chips?
No he fucking doesn't.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:33, Reply)

there is this one too

(Bazongaloid, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:33, Reply)

I honestly don't know who these people are, but they look familiar.
There are huuuge gaps in my cultural development, and memory. And social skills - but hey, that's why we're all here, right?
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:37, Reply)

Ahhh, they were simpler days
when children could play outside, and priests could diddle with impunity...
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:40, Reply)

My God, Lesley Jugs is looking hot.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:42, Reply)

I've just realised Peter Purvis looks a bit like my dad.

( girlinthehole, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:50, Reply)

I once made my mother cry
by telling her she looked like John Noakes. In fairness, she did.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:52, Reply)

Get down, Shep!

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:57, Reply)

Didn't stop me last night though.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:00, Reply)

Nor me.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:03, Reply)

Purve.
And thank you - now I know who these peeps are and why they looked familiar.
My family got rid of the television when the working classes started to have them. I've never had a telly.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:04, Reply)

Mine too.
Instead we had a troupe of actors perform nightly, and a string quartet.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:16, Reply)

How charming!
You must have met such interesting people.
Anyone you'd like to name?
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:19, Reply)

I don't like to name-drop, sorry.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 11:28, Reply)

Haha!
No wonder she's now a lesbian.
( girlinthehole, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:05, Reply)

PRECISELY.
The 'Noakesy' haircut was simply a warning of the rapacious rug-muching to come.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:09, Reply)

That's Peter Pervert
Not Powell.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:33, Reply)

I know
I'm being silly.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:34, Reply)

The designer of stunt kites?
I met him, he was a nice bloke.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:33, Reply)

No, the 80s Radio 1 DJ

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:36, Reply)

But he provides such a different view on things
from up his own arse.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:30, Reply)

She sounds like a pencil.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:25, Reply)

Well my girlfriends cousin is a bummer
and he was/is apparently bumming some bender off Radio 1.
(The Boy Monders I have ginger bits in my beard., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:29, Reply)

Homophobe!
They are called shirters.
( girlinthehole, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:36, Reply)

OMFG!
You're right! I'd forgotten completely about 'shirter'

I'm sorry folks I've really let yous down.
(The Boy Monders I have ginger bits in my beard., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:41, Reply)

For shame, Monders, for shame.
My mate 'ooh' Gary Davies would kill you if he found out.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 9:42, Reply)

Hasn't Tugnut introduced you to Marc "Tuggers' Bumchum" Almond yet?

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:09, Reply)

He tried to, but I was busy that night
with some of my celebrity mates: funnily enough I was only talking about this the other day with Dave Lee Travis.

I got the Tele by the way, it's fucking brilliant. My neighbours complained.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:15, Reply)

You bought a telecaster?

(Bazongaloid, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:17, Reply)

I did. It's GRATE.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:19, Reply)

I like them the bestest

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:20, Reply)

I'd have preferred a Jazzmaster
but the Tele was a mere £200 so I jumped right in. It's been set up beautifully and apart from a tiny nick in the body looks brand new. It's 'candy apple red'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:22, Reply)

Did it belong to anyone famous?

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:23, Reply)

Lenny Henry.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:25, Reply)

Thud.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:28, Reply)

You should join Status Quo
I don't really like Telecasters that much to be honest, I think they look a bit boring.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:21, Reply)

I can't afford a Telecaster
So I have a Tanglewood Quomaster
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:24, Reply)

Haha! Is it actually called a Quomaster?

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:24, Reply)

Oh my god totally
It's green stained like Francis Rossi's!

faded.havocaos.com/pildikraam/tele/tele4.jpg
^ Not my actual guitar or vile sateen sheets, just got it from tinternet.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:25, Reply)

My flatmate - for some inexplicable reason - loves Teh Quo
He will be delighted if I tell him this. Plus, if I can manipulate it cleverly, since he can't play, it might encourage him to buy one for me in the hope that I will play him a couple of Quo riffs*.

*_{Highly unlikely}
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:29, Reply)

It wasn't pricey
I was 17/18 when I bought mine.
I mostly tried to play Belly songs on it.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:31, Reply)

I have a copy of Star
I quite like it.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:39, Reply)

I still have it on cassette
*sighs*
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:39, Reply)

I'm beginning to suspect increasingly
that by "Belly" you didn't mean Lead Belly...
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:45, Reply)

Nopes
But he's a good'un and all
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:52, Reply)

I'll bet you do, you great bumlord
www.youtube.com/watch?v=iKVas1Qozo4
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:43, Reply)

I love "Don't go breaking my heart"

(Bazongaloid, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:45, Reply)

u r bent

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:53, Reply)

I love the Quo up to about '73.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:32, Reply)

Why on earth is that not your screen name?
I'd 100% be Tanglewood Quomaster like a shot.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:25, Reply)

Know what, Mont?
I just might.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:26, Reply)

Good work, Quomistress.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:33, Reply)

Aw man!
I'm quizmistress and Quomistress!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:33, Reply)

For a second a thought you meant
one of these!
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:27, Reply)

NOOOOO!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:29, Reply)

They are fucking hideous
I know, I know, the sound is more important than the appearance. But if that is the case, then those guitars really do have "a face for radio."
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:31, Reply)

I've played one - truely,deeply, shite.
The guitar too. The neck weighs three times the body, so it drops like a broken clock hand.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:32, Reply)

My SG does that.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:34, Reply)

Yeah, they do - but sound a tad better.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:36, Reply)

I would love an SG

(Bazongaloid, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:42, Reply)

Mine’s only an Epiphone job
but it’s a special edition one in Antique Ivory with 3 gold pickups – it looks the fucking business if you ask me.

www.guitarguitar.co.uk/electric_guitars_detail.asp?stock=04041518452418
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:47, Reply)

Sorry, *wipes mouth* excess saliva...
This is why I shouldn't be allowed to wander around guitar shops. I only went in to get some strings yesterday.
"It won't hurt to have a quick look 'round the bass section," I thought. Fuck me, I had no idea Epiphone Thunderbirds were so affordable. Now a significant chunk of my brain's runtime is taken up by the possibility of flogging my Aria and getting a Thunderbird in its place.

(Not least of all because it's the bass equivalent of a Firebird, which would make Vipros insanely jealous.)
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 11:23, Reply)

Yes, do this.
Thunderbirds for Aria!
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 11:53, Reply)

It's awfully tempting
Though I don't know how much money I'd get back for the Aria. But worse stil, I'll get dreadfully sentimental about it - it was my first full-size bass, you see.

But it probably doesn't sound as good as a Thunderbird...
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 12:18, Reply)

The solution is obvious, my man.
Keep them both.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 12:24, Reply)

I don't really have the space
And if I owned 3 basses then the Aria really would see no use at all and I'd end up flogging it anyway.

I probably shouldn't get so worked up about this. But I might go back to the shop and ask if I can have a play on it to "assist my decision."
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 12:26, Reply)

Just one little waffer thin bass?

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 12:39, Reply)

I don't remember if it was a telecaster or a stratocaster, but I do remember that it had a heart of chrome and a voice like a horny angel.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:32, Reply)

I wish you wouldn't talk about your missus that way

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:32, Reply)

So ... I ... Took My Guit-Tar
and I smashed it against the floor, I smashed it against the wall, I smashed it against the hood of a car, smashed it against the body of a varsity cheerleader, smashed it against a 1981 Harley Davidson, The Harley howled in pain, the guitar howled in hate!
(Bazongaloid, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:41, Reply)

Bet you regret doing that now.
Silly Al.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:42, Reply)

I ran up the stairs to my parents bedroom
mummy and daddy were sleeping in the moonlight, I raised the guitar high above my head, and just as I was about to bring the guitar crashing down upon middle of the bed ....
(Bazongaloid, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:44, Reply)

My father awoke screaming:
STOP! WAIT A MINUTE! STOP IT BOY! What do you think you're doing? That's no way to treat and expensive musical instrument!

And I said:
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:46, Reply)

Daddy, you know I love you
but you got a hell of a lot to learn about rock and roll
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:54, Reply)

And Daddy, you know he said to me
"Oh grow up, you odious little turd."
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 11:05, Reply)

And Daddy, you know he said to me
'I really regret adopting you, you nauseating little queer'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 11:10, Reply)

Does it sound as good as the Tele my old friend Mckinley Morganfield used to play?
Awesome, I'm glad it turned out to be the bargain it sounded like. £200 sounded almost to good to be true.

Cheers for those blues DVDs, by the way - I watched the Chicago/Electric Mud one last night and really enjoyed it. (Had no idea Koko Taylor was still alive. I must give her a call and see what she's been up to.)
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:22, Reply)

Ha!
I have a confession: one of those cases is empty as I found a disc in my DVD player last night, when I went to watch a film with my mate Zane Lowe.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:24, Reply)

Tut, tut
Andy Parsons warned me you were the forgetful sort, just before I made fun of his shiny head.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:27, Reply)

That's SO like Andy.
He's always coming out with that kind of thing down the pub.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:31, Reply)

Joking aside
Before you turned up the other night, there was a chap sat on the bench across from us who we suspect was one of the cast of The Office.

(Sad I know, but it's a slightly better brush with celebrity than my previous claim that I'd seen the woman who played Billie Piper's Mum in Dr Who outside the Albert Hall...)
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 11:03, Reply)

NO WAY!!!!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 11:08, Reply)

WAY!!!!
TRUFAX AND ALL.

I should have pissed on his shoes, then I might have a tale comparable to yours. As it was, I just thought I recognised him as one of the locals from the pub I worked in years ago, before my friend pointed out that no, he was an ack-torr.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 11:13, Reply)

Well my friend got pregnant off a guy whose band didn't even get famous
despite being on top of the pops and everything
( Peej, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:19, Reply)

Toploader?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:20, Reply)

The Feeling?

(Bazongaloid, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:21, Reply)

I warned AA to take a condom to that Keane gig...

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:24, Reply)

Nah even less famous
www.nme.com/video/id/fef2Jx0Zv-M/search/Mo%20Solid%20Gold these guys. In fact one day I came home from school to find These Animal Men and Supergrass having a cup of tea in my living room with my mum and Lisa but Supergrass had only had one single then. Hows that for name dropping?
( Peej, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:29, Reply)

Magnificent.
I can't wait to tell Jeremy Spake off 'Airport', who I know really well.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:36, Reply)

Bob Holness once told me of for eating the last mince pie
trufax
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:38, Reply)

What did he tell you of?
I'm hoping he told you of the time he played the sax solo on Garry Rafferty's 'Baker Street'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:41, Reply)

he didn't though

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:43, Reply)

That wasn't you was it?

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:44, Reply)

I'm getting there*




*I'm not
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:49, Reply)

I know that, Cato, you fool.
Apparently, when asked, he occasionally says he did, for a laugh, like.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:45, Reply)

Thank God you know that
I'd have been let down otherwise
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:52, Reply)

lies!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:48, Reply)

I once told Ken Dodd to eat his dessert or I'd do it for him

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:42, Reply)

Why do I suspect that is true?

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:43, Reply)

It really is

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:44, Reply)

was he tickled?

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:45, Reply)

tickled in the pink

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:48, Reply)

Bruce Forsythe stayed in the same hotel as me last year
We're good friends now.

I also went to the same resort in Egypt as Steven Segal a few years ago.

We're good friends now.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 11:17, Reply)

Stan Boardman fancied my mum.

( girlinthehole, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:46, Reply)

My mum saw him use a football to kick a cuckoo clock off a wall at a charity function
And I saw him at a Darkness gig wearing a binman jacket
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:50, Reply)

fancied ritually sodomised
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:50, Reply)

Isn't she Gairman?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:52, Reply)

It wasn't the war that caused his hatred
It was the rejection from BGB's mam
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:54, Reply)

He used to do the rounds of pubs before he was really famous.
And as we used to live in a pub and my mum was German he used to make fun of it thus putting it into his routine.

Truefact!
( girlinthehole, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:57, Reply)

I once met someone whose claim to fame was
Thatcher told her she didn't look old enough to have three kids.
She bloody did.
( Peej, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 10:58, Reply)

a girl I work with was called "damn fine"
by Will Smith. I'm well jealous.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 11:18, Reply)